Beautiful Misery (The Beautiful Series) (12 page)

“Ok, well if you need me just use the call button. If not I will be back in an hour or so to check in.”

“Thank you,” I said as she shut the door.

Larkin bent over and kissed the top of my head. “Not how I expected to see my baby sister but
shit she’s cute. If you’re up to it the waiting room has been taken over by the Tucker and Nayler posse who all are waiting to meet Miss Princess.”

Looking around the room everyone looked tired but I didn’t want to turn people away from meeting my pride and joy. “Of course not. Tell them Londyn is happy to meet everybody.”

Larkin left to gather everyone from the waiting room. Gage was still off to the side talking to Jenna, who had a huge smile on her face. If I didn’t know any better I would think they were a gorgeous couple. Jenna was looking at Gage and listening closely to what he was saying.

“Knock knock baby mama,” Sadie said as she came through the door. “Let me see that baby.”

“Shit, hide the baby. This crazy lady doesn’t need anymore.” Jinx joked as he walked in behind Sadie.

Sadie stuck her tongue out at Jinx as she came up beside my bed. “Little late for that,” Sadie said nonchalantly.

“Huh?” Jenna and I asked at the same time.

Tyler laughed. “Yep, baby Hampton number four
is on its way due in September.”

“Damn you two. Do you ever not have sex?” Jinx asked, faking disgust.

“So how many kids do y’all need before you get married?” Larkin asked.

Sadie shrugged. “I don’t want to
be fat when we get married. We kept saying after each baby that we would get married but super sperm over here keeps knocking me up. I put my foot down this time. After I threw that damn stick with the two pink lines in his face I told him no more. Four kids was enough. Hell Frannie isn’t even three yet. We will have four kids under four. It’s time he wraps before he taps.”

The entire room busted into laughter. It must have startled Londyn because she started squirming and whimpering.

“Shh. It’s ok baby. Mommy’s got you. Are you getting hungry?” I cooed at my daughter.

Gage jumped from the rocking chair and was at my side. “Is she ok? Do I need to get the nurse?”

Laughing lightly I said, “Everything is ok. I think she’s just hungry. I’m going to try to feed her and maybe we can attempt sleep?”

“Well, I can’t help with the feeding. God didn’t give me boobies. Do you want me to ask everyone to leave? I can tell them they are welcome to come back this afternoon.”

“I think that sounds good. I just don’t want to upset anyone.”

“Co, they will understand. Don’t worry. Just feed our baby and I will take care of everything else.”

After everyone left Gage pulled the rocking chair up to the side of my bed. He sat there watching Londyn and I as she ate. I could tell something was bothering him and he was too afraid to say anything.

“Just say it.” I blurted out.

Gage’s eyes widened slightly. He scrubbed his face with both hands and let out the breath he had been holding. “I don’t want to talk about the future but at some point we are going to have to.”

Sighing I said, “I know. I was looking forward to this day but deep down I was dreading it. I knew once she was here it would be the beginning of the end. Neither of us want to or are prepared to deal with this but this is our life. We have to, not for us but for Londyn.”

Gage bounced his eyes from Londyn to me. “This isn’t fair. I thought I was ok with what our future held but now that it’s happening I’m realizing I’m not. I want Londyn to have her mom and I want you to be by my side helping me raise our daughter. I love you, Cobie. I want us to be a family. I want to give you your dream wedding. I don’t have a ring,” he paused and got down on one knee. My tears stinging my eyes. “But, this is me asking you to marry me.”

“I won’t let you do that. You have sacrificed so much already. When you get married Gage, I want it to be to the girl who stole your heart and be the girl you are so in love with all you see is her. She is out there, waiting. She will accept your past and see all the amazing qualities you have.”
I spoke through my tears, forcing myself to agree with what I just said.

“Cobie, you stole my heart. The moment you told me you were having my baby I was yours. I would do anything to make all your dreams come true. You accepted who I was and you opened your heart and life to me. You could have lied or hid from the fact that I am Londyn’s daddy but you trusted me despite the way I acted. I want to marry you Cobie.” Gage raised himself back into the chair. His voice was soft, his eye pleading.

I blinked back my tears and moved my eyes from Gage’s handsome face to our daughters beautiful face. Looking at her for a long time I didn’t say anything.

“Ok.” I said simply. Then trying to get the mood shifted to something lighter I joked, “You’re the one telling Larkin.”

Gage hopped from the rocking chair and kissed my temple. “Deal.”

12

Gage

“
L
arkin, where you at?”

I walked into his moms house. Cobie was home and resting with Londyn. Now was my chance to talk to Larkin and hopefully he wouldn’t knock my head off.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your house helping my sister?” Larkin came walking down the hallway, hands on his hips.

“They’re sleeping. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Let’s go downstairs. Jenna just got the twins asleep. She would kills us both if we wake them up.”

I followed Larkin down to the finished basement and sat on the couch. He sat across from me in the chair.

“Ok, so what is going on?”

I looked Larkin in the eyes and I said, “Cobie and I have decided to get married.”

I watched as Larkin turned to stone. “Why? Why would you want to do that?”

“I love her.”

“You love her?”

I nodded. “I do. I want her to have her dream wedding. She has told me every detail she has had planned since she was little. I can give her that. We would be a true family.”

“You’re marrying my baby sister to make her dream come true?”

“No, Larkin. I’m marrying her because I love her. Her dream coming true is just an added bonus.”

I could see the wheels in his head turning. “I never pictured you marrying my baby sister but if it makes her happy, then I’m happy. I approve.”

“I wasn’t looking for approval, Larkin but thank you.
She never dreamed of having some huge wedding, just close friends and family so I was hoping we could have the wedding in a few weeks. I’m going to need your help.”

Larkin smiled. “Anything for my sister.”

O
n February fourteenth, I married the woman I loved, the mother of my child, the girl that had became my best friend.

Cobie wore her mothers wedding dress like she has always dreamed. I had never seen her look more beautiful. She didn’t want a bouquet, she instead carried our daughter in her arms
down the aisle. Larkin gave her away, smiling the entire time.

W
e laughed. We cried. We danced.

She smashed cake is face and you better believe I smashed cake in hers. Larkin wanted his sisters wedding to be special. He wanted to dance with Cobie in place of their dad. He picked the song, There You’ll Be by Faith Hill, and surprised a tearful Cobie. Our song held so much meaning. It was the song that was playing the day we found out Londyn was a girl, the day we found out Cobie had cancer and the song that was playing when we brought Londyn home from the hospital, as a family.
Cowboys and Angels. She was my Angel.

I was happy. For one day
, I didn’t worry about how much time we had left together. I didn’t let cancer invade my thoughts. With just family and close friends around us everything felt intimate. It felt special. It felt right.

Cobie

H
olding Londyn in my arms I couldn’t help the thoughts that were clouding my head. I was getting tired. A week after I became Mrs. Tucker things changed. I woke up one morning and couldn’t move my legs. Gage took me to the hospital and after numerous scans and tests we were told the cancer had taken my ability to walk. I was in a wheel chair. I knew my time was with my family was ending. I’m not stupid. I could feel it.

It was late and Gage was asleep on the couch. Londyn had just finished taking her bottle and was fading into sleep. I rocked her in my arms a few minutes before laying her in her bassinet.

I wanted Londyn to know how much I loved her and that I would always be with her. Gage had promised me that he would always tell her but I wanted her to have something from me that she could confirm for herself. Rolling down the hall to Gage’s office I shut the door and flipped the light on.

Grabbing a notebook from the bookshelf I started writing. I wrote letter after letter, stacking them up in a pile beside me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write but once the pen hit the paper it just flowed. I wrote a letter for everything I could think of. The first letter I wrote was just me telling her how my I loved her. There was one for every birthday until she was eighteen, one for each of her first days of school, one for her first crush, one for her first boyfriend, one for her first kiss, one for her senior prom, one for graduation, one for her first day of college, one for her wedding, and one for the birth of her first child.

As I was putting the letters into envelopes I heard Londyn starting to cry. Setting everything down, I wheeled myself back to the living room. Gage was standing in front of the picture window patting her little back and hushing her.

“Shh babygirl. Let mommy sleep. Daddy’s here.”

This is what I would miss. This is what hurts the most. I wouldn’t be here to comfort my daughter or wipe away her tears. I felt guilty leaving all this on Gage. He didn’t sign up for this. He had experienced so much hurt already and here I was, causing more.

Gage turned around just as I swiped my tears away. He kissed Londyn’s head then said, “Look baby, mommy is here. Maybe you two could lay down together. Daddy has a few things he needs to get done.”

“Gage it is four in morning. What could you possibly need to do right now?”

“There is a few emails I have been pushing back but I really need to answer them. Besides, someone let me nap and now I am wide awake.”

Bowing my head I said, “Sorry. You just looked so comfortable. I couldn’t wake you.”

“Well now I’m sending you and our daughter to bed so I can get a little work done and maybe workout for an hour or so. Come on, let’s get you two tucked in.”

Gage left his spot by the window and handed me Londyn. She was already back asleep. Once Gage got Londyn and me in our bed he turned the T.V. on and kissed me.

“I love you Cobie, so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Sleep good baby. I will come check on things in a little bit.”

Gage kissed me one last time then walked out the door, closing it halfway. I snuggled Londyn into my side. I covered her head in kisses before shutting my eyes. I whispered, “I love you,” to Londyn before finding sleep.

Gage

W
hat was this? I picked up the stack of sealed envelopes and thumbed through them. Letters. They were letters to Londyn from Cobie. There was one for everything. Sitting down I contemplated opening and reading them. But, that felt like some sort of evasion on privacy. Setting the stack back on my desk I saw there was one letter that hadn’t found its way into an envelope. I couldn’t help myself. I picked it up and read it.

Londyn Hope,

Hi. It’s your mommy. Right now you are fast asleep in your bassinet. I don’t know how many more nights I will get to watch you sleep.
You look so beautiful and peaceful. You have no worries or fears. Everything for you is perfect. You don’t know about this scary world.

I want you to know how much I love you. Mommy never dreamed in a million years that you would be as perfect as you are. You have changed so much in my life and opened my eyes to a whole new world. I thought I had my life all planned out until I found out I was going to be a mommy. What I thought were my dreams didn’t even come close
to becoming a mother. Marrying your daddy and becoming a family, that is my one dream come true. You are my dream come true.

There
won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t be by your side. When things get hard, I will always be there to listen.  The rustle in the leaves, the sun kissing your cheeks, the stars shining at night…that will be me watching over you. Even if I can’t be here I will always protect you. You are my everything, Londyn. When given the choice, I would choose you over and over, every time.  Choosing you was the easiest choice I ever made. I knew I wanted to be your mommy more than anything.

I know how it feels to grow up with just one parent. It hurts. But, you got lucky just like mommy. Your daddy is the best. Just watching him with you and the way he looks at you. You are the center of his universe. I hope one day he finds someone who fills the void and makes him happy. Someone who loves you as much as I do. You and your daddy deserve happiness and love. And, I know that somewhere out there the perfect woman is waiting.

You, my beautiful babygirl are the closest I will ever come to magic. My greatest wish for you is that you always know how much I love you. And, for the rest of your life you know how great my love for you was. I never knew what love was until I was holding you in my arms. Until I was counting your little fingers and tiny toes. All it took was your small, sweet hand grasping onto mine for you to totally consume me.

All my dreams came true the first time I heard your heartbeat. I didn’t look at everything I was walking away from, instead I looked at everything I was gaining. The minute they placed you in my arms, you slipped right into my heart.

I want you to grow up loving Disney. Disney taught me everything I want you to know.

1.
       
Hakuna Matata, it means no worries.

2.
       
Nothing’s impossible.

3.
       
Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

4.
      
Dreams can come true.

5.
       
Remember, always let your conscience be your guide.

I love you babygirl. Never give up faith and dream bigger than the sky.

                                                                                                  All my love xoxo

             
                                                                                            Mommy

I was standing there staring at the piece of paper in my hands, no clue what to do. Cobie was sick, I’ve known that for months. But, reading the le
tters she wrote to Londyn ripped my heart apart. Cobie knew she didn’t have much longer.

T
hree days later Cobie wasn’t acting like herself. She would stare off into space and when she would talk she wouldn’t make sense. I had had enough. I decided to call her mom and take her to the hospital.

Carrie
answered in the second ring. “Hey, sweetie.”

“Carrie, something is wrong. Cobie isn’t
acting like herself. I’m taking her to the hospital. Can you watch Londyn?”