Beautiful Misery (The Beautiful Series) (13 page)

Carrie choked back her tears and said, “I’m going with you. I will have Cobie’s aunt watch Londyn. I’ll call Kelli on my drive over. She should get to your house a few minutes after me.”

“Ok. I’m going to throw some things in a bag for Cobie and me so we are ready when you get here.”

“Gage, calm down. I’m sure it’s just all the pain medication they have her on. Dr. Emmons said this could happen.”

Shutting my eyes I rubbed my thumbs hard against them. “I know, Carrie. I’m just scared. I thought I was prepared for all of this to start happening but now that it is, I’m not ready.”

Carrie was silent, I heard her car radio through the speaker. “Honey, at least we had a warning with Co. I had nothing with her father. We have had months to spend time with her and make wonderful memories. Treasure that.
I’m almost to your house, let me call Kelli.” She didn’t wait for my response before she hung up.

She was right. We were lucky enough to be given time with her. So many were robbed of that. The last year had been the best o
f my life. I opened my own club, was blessed with a beautiful, healthy babygirl, and married my best friend.

As soon as Carrie and Kelli got to our house we left. Cobie was worse than she had been earlier.

She was shutting down. I could see her eyes go in and out of focus. She was lost. I was losing her right in front of my own eyes. The thirty minute drive from our house to the hospital seemed to take days. On the way Carrie called Larkin and Jenna to let them know what was going on and promised to keep them updated.

Once we made it to the hospital Cobie was instantly admitted and hooked up to oxygen, IV’s, and monitors. The nurse took tube after tube of blood with no promise of when they would have the results.

Carrie and I sat holding Cobie’s hands. She didn’t talk. She didn’t respond. She was gone. Physically she was still here, but mentally she was gone.

“I think you should call Larkin.” I spoke to Carrie but looked at Cobie.

“Let’s just wait until we talk to the doctor. I think it’s all her medication counter reacting with each other.” Carrie said, trying to sound sincere.

“Carrie, I really think you should call Larkin. He needs to be here.”

Carrie called Larkin and I called my parents. Once again, everyone was flying in.

The doctor came in a few minutes later to talk to us. Holding his hand out to me first I shook his. “Mr. Tucker, I’m Dr. Chang. After reviewing your wives tests it appears s
he has sepsis and her cancer has more or less taken over her entire body. Dr. Emmons sent me an email explaining Cobie didn’t want any more scans after her initial diagnoses and this is exactly what we feared would happen.”

My
eyes were burning. My throat was constricting. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Everything was moving but nothing was making noise. “Wh-what does that mean?”

“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry but if you have any family out of town, I think now would be a good time to have them come in.
It is irreversible. There is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable.”

Carrie wrapped her arm around me. “We already called and they will be here tonight.”

Dr. Chang looked Cobie over then turned to his nurse and asked, “Susie, is Mrs. Tucker a DNR?”

DNR? What? No! No! No!

Before Susie could answer I blurted out, “Hell no. She is a full code.”

Dr. Chang ignored my outburst and calmly said, “Thank you, Mr. Tucker.”

Carrie laid her head on my shoulder, her tears wetting my shirt. “Dr. Chang could you please explain why this was so sudden? She went from zero to sixty overnight.”

Dr. Chang crossed his arms before saying, “Sometimes this is just how it happens. But, if I had to guess it has slowly been progressing but it wasn’t so noticeable until this point.”

No sooner than the words left Dr. Chang’s mouth, Cobie’s monitors started going off. The room filled with multiple doctors and nurses.

Dr. Chang barked out orders and
had a nurse usher Carrie and I out of the room. I knew I needed to get out of the way so the doctors could work but I want to be with my wife. She needed me now. I needed her.

It felt like we were in the hall for days before Dr. Chang slipped out the door.

“Mr. Tucker.”

I cut the doctor off and rushed up to him. “Please tell me she is still alive.”

Dr. Chang placed his hand on my shoulder. “Your wife is still alive but she is being supported my machines. We had to put her in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator. It’s not good. I’m so sorry, Mr. Tucker.”

I fell to the ground. In the middle of the fucking hospital
, I lost it. I begged. I pleaded.

God, if you’re listening please don’t take her. Not yet. I’m not ready. I can’t do this. She needs to be by my side and watch our daughter grow up. We still have so much to do, so much to accomplish. I
f you just give me this one thing I swear I will never question you again. Dammit, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to my daughter. For fucks sake she’s only twenty years old. Her birthday is only a few weeks away. Why would you do this? Why would you put my family through this?

Carrie was on her knees, her arms wrapping around me. “Gage, Dr. Chang said we can go back in the room now. Come on, you need to be with your wife right now.”

Sniffing, I brought my eyes to meet Carrie’s. “I don’t know if I can do it. I can’t see her like that.”

“She needs you right now, more than you need her. She needs to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m not okay. This is too fuckin’ soon.”

“Gage Tucker. You are not weak
. We are going in that room. We are going to sit with the girl we love and let her know it is okay for her to stop fighting. She’s hurting, Gage. She has fought for months and she’s tired. Be fair to her.”

Carrie helped me from the ground and into Cobie’s room. She was covered in wires and a tube was going down her throat. Constant beeping and a low hum of the ventilator were filling the silence.

I took a seat next to Cobie, wrapping her hand up in mine. “I’m here, baby. It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

I laid my head down next to her shoulder and cried myself to sleep.

“Gage.” A familiar voice pulled me from my nightmare, thank God.

Blinking a few times, I raised my head and saw Larkin and Jenna standing across from me.
They both had red, puffy eyes. It wasn’t a nightmare. I looked down and saw a very lifeless Cobie.

Without letting go of Cobie’s hand I reached across and grabbed Larkin’s. “I’m so sorry.”

Larkin’s chin quivered as his tears clouded his eyes. Jenna and Carrie put their arms around his back. Both women crying.

I looked down at Cobie and said, “When we got married Cobie changed everything to my name. I’m the one that makes all the decisions
. But guys, I can’t make this one alone.”

Carrie, Larkin, and Jenna walked around Cobie’s bed and surrounded me. Jenna kissed my cheek and asked, “Did you guys ever talk about what she wanted if this happened?”

Taking a deep breath, I said, “Not really. We never thought this would happen.”

“We all know Cobie. We know she wouldn’t want to live like this. She’s not here to tell us but we know.”

We all nodded and Larkin added, “This is my baby sister and I don’t want to tell her goodbye but sometimes- Larkin swallowed back his tears- sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to. I don’t want her suffering, Gage. It’s not fair to her.”

“Before we do this I want Londyn to say goodbye. She needs to lay with her mom one last time, guys. My daughter is losing her mom and she doesn’t even know her yet. How fuckin’ fair is that?”

Carrie leaned down so she was level with me. “But, she has you. She has you, honey. You will make sure Cobie’s love lives on for Londyn.”

Jenna took a step away and dug through her purse, pulling her phone out. “I will call Kelli and see if Chad can bring Londyn down.”

Taking a few deep breaths I shook my head. “No, my parents should be here soon. Do you mind calling and seeing if they can pick Londyn up on their way?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

Carrie stood and walked to Jenna, “I’ll go with you. Get everyone coffee.”

Once Jenna and Carrie were out the door
Larkin pulled a chair up next to me. “I never said this but, thank you. My sister was happy with you. I wasn’t happy with how things started but you made her happy. The last year of her life could have been pure hell but with you and Londyn in her life she enjoyed it. Thank you for putting her first.”

“I love your sister. She made me happy when I hated life. I don’t want to think about what my life would be like if your sister hadn’t come into it.
I’m serious Larkin, she saved me.”

Larkin watched me closely when he spoke again, “I know you think I stole Jenna from you, but look what you would have missed if Jenna would have stayed with you. I know you love Jenna. I know you love Co. After you got with my sister though, something changed. You didn’t look at Jenna like you used to. You might not even know it yet but you are more in love with my sister than even she knew.”

Running my hand up and down Cobie’s arm I said, “You’re right. Your sister made me forget about Jenna. Your sister was my saving grace. And, now I’m losing the one thing that made my life not so shitty.”

Larkin shook his head. “No you’re not. She will always be with us. And, you still have Londyn. She looks so much like her mom and if you’re lucky she will be just like her.”

Hearing my daughter’s name made me smile. I looked at Cobie and joked, “If you have anything to do with it, you will make sure she is just like you, huh?”

“Let’s hope,” Larkin laughed.

My parents arrived about an hour later, Londyn in tow. I unfastened her from her car seat and placed her between Cobie’s chest and arm. Londyn immediately snuggled into her mom. She knew who mommy was.

“Gage, you should take pictures. Londyn would want them when she’s older,” Jenna suggested.

Sliding my phone out, I unlocked it and hit the camera button. I snapped a few pictures and held my tears back.

This is it. After I take Londyn from Cobie I will be telling the doctor to ‘unplug’ my wife. I left Londyn snuggled with her mom for as long as she would allow, which ended up being about an hour, before I leaned over to pick her up.

“Give mommy one last kiss, princess.” I placed Londyn next to Cobie’s face for a second before letting my mom take her to feed her.

“I will go get Dr. Chang,” Carrie said, standing by the door.

I took a few short deep breaths. This was the best for Cobie, she would be waiting for me, and she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. I kept telling myself over and over again.

“Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Nayler said you needed to speak with me.”

I didn’t take my eyes off of Cobie, I just nodded. Larkin nudged me. “You need to tell Dr. Chang.”

Shutting my eyes I slowly mumbled, “Take her off life support.”

“Ok, Mr. Tucker. We will make sure she is comfortable. She won’t feel any pain. Before we turn the machine off we will give her a high dose of Propofol, then we will give her more pain medication as needed. It may look like she is struggling to breath at some point, but she won’t be. That will be her brain still telling her lungs they need air, but she won’t be in any discomfort.”

I let my head fall onto her
chest. I took a few seconds to collect myself before turning to look at Dr. Chang. “Ok. I’m ready. How long will it take?”

“That is between God and your wife.”

I slowly nodded and turned my attention back to Cobie. A nurse came through the door carrying three syringes and inserted them into Cobie’s IV’s. Dr. Chang waited a few minutes before speaking in some sort of code to the nurse who in turn turned the monitor screen off then turned the ventilator off. The nurse stepped back beside Dr. Chang as we all surrounded the bed.

She couldn’t be dying. This is how she looked when she was sleeping.
She looked so peaceful.

Larkin pulled out his phone and played on it for a moment before Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer filled the room. Cobie’s favorite song. He
laid it on her chest and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis. Watch over my babies and keep them safe. Tell dad I said hey.”

Jenna then took her tu
rn. Leaning down she kissed her cheek. “Thank you for helping me see that I really was in love with your brother. You saw how much I loved him before I did. I will make sure Evie and the boys know how much their Aunt Co loved them. Raise some hell up there and make sure you get some kick ass angel wings.”

Carrie hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead a few times before pulling back to grab her hands. “Cobie, my sweet little girl. I can still remember when you would play dress up and demand everyone call you Princess Cobie, you even got Larkin to
call you that a few times. It seems like you were just learning to walk and talk then before I knew it you were driving and graduating high school then along came Londyn and I watching you walk down the aisle. I love you, angel. Thank you for blessing me with almost twenty-one years of bliss.”