Beautifully Awake (13 page)

“Very nice to meet you, you have a very lovely home.”

Constance’s eyes penetrated me while bouncing from my shoes, to my dress, to my hair. Was I good enough for her son?

“Lili, dear. The pleasure is mine, any friend of my son’s is welcome in our home.” She hooked her arm through my elbow and directed me into the gallery. “Now Lili, what do you do for a living? I presume a single woman your age works and has not made a career out of seeking out rich, eligible bachelors.”

My eyes widened and I tasted the bitter bile at the back of my throat. The reason for Chase’s dislike was becoming evident.

“I am a case manager at the hospital Chase works at, actually.” I stressed the
actually
part. Was she for real?

She placed her index finger under her chin as if she was pondering what I said. “A case manager?” Her condescending tone was beyond irritating.

“Yes, Mother. A case manager, also known as a social worker. I’m sure that profession rings a bell, or do you need a reminder?” Chase sounded pissed, but Constance dismissively rolled her eyes, ignoring her son’s obvious warning.

The last thing I wanted was to be the source of more drama between Chase and his parents. “Chase, it’s fine. I’m sure your mother was just curious,” I lied.

Constance looked me up and down once more before she turned back to Chase. “Yes, darling, curious. How could I not be curious about the woman vying for my son’s attention? And from the looks of it, vying for your extended line of credit. To my knowledge, albeit limited in the area, social workers can’t usually afford ... couture.”

I was stunned, floored actually. Totally freaking flabbergasted. What a bi-atch. Shit. This was his mother.

“
E-nough
, Mother.” Chase articulated the words so slowly. It looked like fire should have been simultaneously spraying out of his mouth.

If her son’s blatant contempt affected her in any way, she definitely didn’t show it. She curled her Juvederm enhanced lips into a fake smile. “Greg darling, let’s give Lili the tour. Chase go say hello to our guests, they’re in the formal living room.”

“You go be with
your
guests, and I’ll show Lili around. We’ll come and say hello in a couple of minutes.” Chase possessively pulled me from his mother’s grasp.

Her eyes pinballed from her husband back to Chase.

“Constance, come, let’s mingle with our guests, give the kids a chance to settle in.” Chase’s father gripped her hand.

“Lili, I look forward to spending time with you,” she said on her exit.

“You as well,” I managed to squeak out before she disappeared down a long hall. I let the breath out that I hadn’t even realized I was holding.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I knew I should have never brought you here. She’s wicked. Please don’t let her scare you off.” His eyes were sad and pleading.

“She’s um … okay.” What could I say? She was his mother. “Don’t worry, she won’t scare me off. I promise.”

He laughed out loud and squeezed me tight.

“What’s so funny, lovebirds?” Asher strode up to us. “Glad you’re here. Between my parents and yours, I might put a bullet in my head.”

“Wow, that bad, huh?” I grinned.

“She just got a taste of my mother.”

Asher cringed and patted my back. “I’m sure Chase apologized. That’s all you can do with that woman, pick up after the tornado that swirls behind her ... anyway, I want to hear about the rest of your evening.”

“What are you, a fucking girl pining for gossip?”

“No, asshole, I just want to hear how your dinner was.”

“It was great, Asher, everything was delicious.” I got the feeling Chase had no intention of detailing our night’s highlights. “Chase was just about to show me around.”

Asher directed his attention back on Chase. “I can show her around. You better get your ass in there to say hello to everyone before your parents stroke out.”

“Fine. Lil, I’ll be right back and then we’ll get something to eat.” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before stalking down the hall.

“Come, Lili, this way. I’ve got to show you the library, it really is impressive.”

I followed Asher through an arched doorway at the end of the gallery into a stunning dark wood paneled room with gorgeous inlaid hardwood floors. There were floor-to-ceiling books lining two of the walls and an outside wall of windows that overlooked Central Park. The view was amazing. But what caught my attention was a fourth wall that showcased a stunning brick wood burning fireplace and a beautiful deep stone mantel that housed a collection of what appeared to be family portraits. My eyes were drawn to a photo of a young teenage Chase with his arm casually draped around a stunning girl about the same age. Long blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders. Her head was tipped up, slightly peering directly into Chase’s bright eyes as she laughed. My heart raced at how alive he looked, how innocent and carefree. Their feet were buried in the sand, the ocean at their backs, as their sun kissed glow radiated happiness. The surrounding photos gave me a similar warmth. Some with his parents, but most were gorgeous beach action shots of the two as toddlers and young children; one unmistakably Chase and the other the unidentified blonde.

“They used to love it there.” Asher startled me as he spoke to my back. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I sensed I was supposed to know more than I did. “See that smile, Lili? He was happy then, and in a blink of an eye, it was gone.” I felt the heat from his body as he took a small step closer to me. “You brought it back. I saw it the other night when he smiled at you.” He turned me to face him. “I never thought I could see Chase happy again.”

His emotional words were penetrating. My mind spun with a million questions. Chase was hiding something. Was it the heaviness that occasionally filled his eyes?

My voice barely above a whisper, I asked, “Is that his sister?”

Asher’s shoulders visibly tightened. “Yes. He never mentioned her to you?” I subtly shook my head no. He abruptly turned on his heel, cursing under his breath. I shifted on my instantly wobbly legs. My stomach sunk. Asher paced back and forth in front of the glass-lined wall before finally stopping to stare out the window. “Damn him.” He ran a hand through his tawny hair before giving me the words I dreaded. “She’s dead.” I audibly gasped, wrapping my arms tightly around my waist. “He never told you he had a sister?” My eyes filled. “They were twins, inseparable.”

At those words I inhaled a sharp, painful breath. Flashing in front of my eyes were our conversations and the tension surrounding music. Small pieces of the puzzle were fitting together, but the photo of our patient Kelly’s twins was at the forefront. He shut down that day.

“When?” I needed to know. How long had he suffered?

“She was ... um ... twenty-one.” Asher turned around and met my gaze. His eyes softened at my obvious sorrow. I was saddened to learn that Chase had a twin sister who died, but what distressed me more was the fact he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me. Shit. Fifteen years.

“What happened?” I asked.

“There was a car accident.” A tear rolled down my cheek. Asher gripped my elbow and led me to the high wingback chair that faced the fireplace. “Sit.” I followed his command and eased myself down into the chair.

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

Asher shrugged and looked away.

“Why didn’t I tell you what?” A deep intense voice came from the doorway. “What’s going on?” His face was obscured from my view, but I heard the flaming intensity in his breath. Asher directed his eyes toward the mantel not speaking a word. Chase let out a small ragged sigh. His footsteps stopped directly behind my chair. “I’ve had enough. I’m done here. This was a mistake. We should have never come here.” He crouched in front of my chair and looked at me. “You’re crying, baby?” He swiped at the moisture that collected under my eye. “Damn it, Asher, what the fuck?” The glimpse of sadness in his eyes was replaced by anger. He looked up at Asher. “She’s crying. Fuck ... I’m getting you out of here.” He pulled me from the chair and led us directly through the front door. He slammed it closed before drawing me into a tight embrace.

B
y the time we approached the Ben Franklin Bridge it was ten thirty.
Home
. Up until today, the four-mile round trip trek across the majestic suspension bridge was my favorite run. However, it paled in comparison to the high I had from running in Central Park. After our brief appearance at the birthday brunch from hell, blowing off steam was imperative. Six miles of unexpected green mixed with concrete jewels encased by towering skyscrapers was a runner’s dream. With my sneakers and Pandora alone I could have been a pig in shit replaying the weekend’s highlights. Hell, other than the meeting the family fiasco, the whole weekend was a highlight. Quite possibly of my life.

I put music on the backburner though and resorted to running and talking. The loss of Chase’s twin sister was understandably heartbreaking. I hoped one day he would open up to me, but after witnessing his eyes when he walked in on Asher’s and my conversation, I steered clear of any topic family-related. I would have strapped an oxygen tank to my back to keep him from retreating into his head. So by mile two, with some mild coaxing, he finally engaged again. Dr. Playful was back. And in an attempt to keep the conversation light, I rehashed funny Sierra stories and told him all about my Cape Cod beach obsession. He talked about Asher and some of their crazy antics, pre-professional life.

It was a good eighty degrees out, despite being early evening, and Chase hadn’t even broken a sweat. Museum Mile marked the halfway point, and all but a thin sheen covered his arms and legs. I, on the other hand, was a puddle and needed to wring out my panties. He teased me mercilessly when I begged for a break. If he hadn’t been sex in sneakers I probably would have quit. Instead I pushed up the West Side and back down the East, before passing the beautiful Carousel and looping back west to finish at Tavern on the Green. Awesome.

Even in my short visit, it was obvious the two sides of the park seemed to have their own distinct personalities. Chase explained it like different specialties in medicine; city neighborhoods had their stereotypes as well. Terms like rich, old money, sophisticated, and class obsessed referred to his parents’ neighborhood—more like his God-awful mother who made
Main Line brat
sound like a compliment. Versus liberal, artsy, eccentric and wealthy, when he referenced his side of the park. I sensed that Chase’s address was nothing more than polar opposite from his parents. It was crystal clear he hated the idea of stereotypes. Period. It seemed as well as he fit his born and bred Upper East Side neurosurgeon stereotype, he defied it. After all, most surgeons wouldn’t even risk waving their hands between sensored elevator doors, never mind box.
Dr. Contradiction.

It was getting dark as we crossed over the bridge into Center City; the Philly skyline was in view. We were almost home and still hadn’t spoken about tomorrow. Reality was setting in. I shifted in my seat to shake off my nervous energy.

“What’s the matter, baby? Why so quiet?” Chase thumbed my cheek, stopping in front of my house. “Talk to me, Blue.” His brow furrowed with concern. He was incredibly sweet.

“Just thinking about this weekend, how amazing it was, how amazing you are. Just a little sad it has to end. And then there’s tomorrow-”

“Let’s get one thing straight. Nothing is ending, so get that thought out of your head. Now. This weekend was just the beginning. And as for tomorrow, my only concern is which bed
we’ll
be waking up in. Understand?” Feminists around the world would cringe at his tone, but damn, I found it sexy as hell. “I figured you would run in and grab a change of clothes, because we’ve already established,” he pointed to the backseat lined with shopping bags from our little city escapade, “
none
of that is work appropriate; that is, if you care about the wellbeing of my patients. Then we’ll head back and stay at my place. It’s closer to the hospital and since
one
of us needs to be up before sunrise, it seems like the best choice for tonight. We can figure out the rest later.”

Wait, one of us? The rest?
Not sure which to address first, my filter-less mouth took care of that.

“What do you mean,
one
of us?”

“Blue, who are you kidding? Not only did you almost kill yourself trying to keep up with me in the park, which by the way was pretty fucking hot if I forgot to tell you, but you’re not getting to sleep
anytime
soon, follow me? Baby, the way you sleep, you’ll be lucky if you make it in by nine tomorrow.”

Anger rose from my gut.

“Let me see if I get this ... so now that I’m
fucking
the boss, I’m suddenly eliminated from morning rounds. Oh that’s professional, not to mention insulting. Maybe in your world, the rules don’t apply, but the rest of us-”

Chase’s mouth covered mine before I got a chance to finish my tirade. The kiss was excruciating. Pulling away only inches his eyes nailed mine.

“First. The only thing insulting is you calling what we share
fucking
. Got it? Second, just so you know, I have
never
made a case manager round in the morning after the first day. Ever. Until you. I laid eyes on you—damn, I contemplated adding fucking
midnight
rounds just to spend more time with you. If you’re going to be pissed, be pissed about that. And while I’m at it, I personally don’t
give a shit
who knows about us. Understand? We’re both adults. And there’s not a person at that hospital who would question your professionalism. They all love you, and they should. You’re awesome at your job. But it’s your call. I’ll give you that. I’ll go along with whatever you want, for now ... but I can’t promise people won’t figure it out. Blue, I’m a lot of things, but actor is not one of them.”

Speechless. There were no words. None. Zero. Damn this man leveled me. My heart almost pounded out of my chest. I grabbed his face between my palms and kissed him like my life depended on it. His lips were my new heaven. Soft, possessive,
safe
. Hoping my tongue’s assault spoke the words that I knew I couldn’t.
I’m sorry.

“Beautiful, you ... fucking ... kill ... me,” he breathed, forehead to forehead. “Can you please go pack a fucking bag? I really need to get home and
make love
to
my
girl ... in
our
bed.”

Make love...

My girl...

Our bed…

Done. I was done. This beautiful man owned my broken heart.

I packed a bag—several days’ worth—and we went back to Chase’s apartment where he did as he promised.

He
made love
to me.

Soft and sweet.

Hands entwined above our heads, stomach to stomach, tongue cherishing tongue.

Every delicious push ... every kiss, spoke silent novels.

As broken as I was ... as tormented as his intense eyes said he was…

We were perfect. We fit.

No apologies. No explanations.

Just us. Perfection.

My head rose and fell with each of his breaths as I rested on his very naked chest. “Chase?” He softly kissed the tip of my nose. His room was dark and warm and smelled of us.

“Yeah, baby,” he whispered.

There was no fighting my tears. “I’m broken. I’m not what you think.”

“Baby, we’re all broken. You ... you are everything. And so much more.”

“Chase ... why?”

“I don’t give a shit why, Blue. The past twelve days have been the best damn days of my life. I keep asking myself, why
me?
I don’t
deserve
you ... not even close, period. None of you. Not your smile, not your laugh ... not that look in your eyes when you come and scream my name. None of it. You are pure sweet. I’m anything
but.
I tried to stay away. Damn, I tried.”

There was something familiar about those beautiful grey eyes that mirrored my own. He wasn’t just tormented; he was broken too.

“When you said the rules didn’t apply in my world—baby, you weren’t wrong. Fuck, you were more right than you’ll ever know. It’s fucking toxic. I’m toxic. You-”

I interrupted him because it wasn’t so long ago that his words could have been my own. “Chase, don’t-”

“Blue, baby. I couldn’t walk away now if I tried. You’re
mine
. Hear me?
Mine
... say it.” Even in the darkness of the bedroom his eyes were as passionate as his words.

“Yours.”

“Look at me.” I was, but I knew what he meant. Look past the outside; dive deeper. “I know I don’t deserve you. But I won’t share. I can’t. I’m not built that way. Not any of you. You’re mine, baby.” He needed reassurance as much as I did that this was real.

“Yours, baby ... yours.” Because as much as I was his, he was mine.

Then
Dr. Possessive
did what he does and made love to me again. And suddenly sleeping in seemed like the best idea.
Ever.