Beautifully Broken (15 page)

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The Forgotten

The curse of wonderland

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The Experiment

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Out of Time: Shayne Donovan

Prologue

The shot rings out, violently ripping through the afternoon air. The bullet slices through the open space like a butter knife and hits center mass of my target with ease. I smile. Zach taught me well. He taught me everything I know. The butt of the gun leaves the pocket of my shoulder tingling but my stance was right, my body angled correctly and my breath even. “You’re doing great!” Zach yells. I smile, he looks funny with the large ear muffs on. He is tall and firm. A good foot taller than me at least. The dark green shirt stretches over his newly developed muscles. Muscles that just a year and a half before he didn’t have.

Zach was two years older than me and just came home on leave to celebrate his twenty-first birthday. He claps a hand on my shoulder hard and I jerk forward. “Now I won’t have to worry as much about my baby sister while I’m off to war. A gun is ten times more effective than mace.” He jokes as he takes the rifle from my arms. I ignore his comment about war. I don’t want to think about that. Not yet. Right now I want to make our time count.

I was due to leave for college this fall, three months after he leaves for his first tour in Afghanistan. Our mother smiles as she steps out onto the porch, folding him in a hug as we come next to her. She’s been doing it a lot as of recently though I understand why. I too have been making sure I have as much time with him as possible. Time is important and too fleeting it seems. Everyone around us is in a rush to speed up time. I use to be guilty of it. At first I wanted to grow up. I wanted to be sixteen so I could drive, stay out later, have a cell phone. Then it was eighteen. I wanted to graduate, move out, and go to college. Now I want nothing more than for time to stop. Time to just slow down so that I can have a few more jokes, playful punches and arguments with my brother before he leaves. He will only be gone a year but my family doesn’t pretend that where he is going is safe. We are realists and we know there is a chance he may not return so instead we embrace him. We laugh with him. We love him.

Tonight is no exception. My mother made his favorite dinner. I baked his favorite dessert. His girlfriend Molly showed up as did his best friend Preston. Preston was leaving for Afghanistan the same time. He had been around as long as I could remember. I watched him grow up with us. I remember teasing him unmercifully when he hit puberty. So tonight, although he wasn’t blood, was about the both of them. It was about holding them both as tightly as we could for the little time that we had with them. We had to make the time count. 

I clearly remember the day Zach signed up for the marines. I came home and there he was sitting at our dining room table as my parents paced nervously. My mother was crying. My father had a mixture of uncertainty and pride written all over his face. I cried. I was angry. I felt he was being selfish and mean wanting to leave us. I dropped everything and ran as far as I could. My legs burned and my lungs protested but it didn’t matter. I didn’t stop until I made my way to the small river about two miles from our house. I fell in the dirt sobbing and banging my fists against the ground until they bruised. I remembered Kelly Martin. She had been in my fifth grade class when her father had been killed in Iraq. I went to the funeral out of respect. I was terrified for my brother.

Zach and I weren’t like normal siblings. We were friends. Whereas any normal older brother would get upset when his little sister was around, Zach let me go everywhere with him. Afghanistan was someplace that I couldn’t go, didn’t want to go and he wouldn’t let me go. I sat in the dirt sobbing until it was dark. Headlights lit up the tall rock wall on the opposite side of the
river after a while and I could hear the old truck idling behind me. I knew it wouldn’t be my parents and I would have bet that it wasn’t my brother. None of them knew how to console me at this moment. They understood I needed to work through my grief.

Preston came up beside me and sat down. He said nothing just picked up my hand and threaded his fingers through mine. We sat there like that for a while before I spoke. “I can’t go…” It was all I needed to say for Preston to understand what I meant. It was somewhere that I couldn’t keep him safe. “Then I will.” He said firmly with a gentle squeeze of my hand. “I’ll go and I’ll keep him safe.” The next day Preston signed up for the marines and the both of them left a month later for boot camp.

Every day after that I have felt the slightest pang of regret. Like I forced Preston into a death sentence.  I watch as he climbs the porch stairs to greet us and smile like I don’t feel guilty. Of course I do, but I won’t admit it. He pulls me into a tight embrace, his arms linger longer than usual. “Eh hem….are you going to maul my sister right here on the porch for everyone to see? I’ll have you know I have made it a priority to be an expert shot as well as teach my mother, father and sister to be the same way. Don’t think your best friend status changes that.” Zach jokes and my cheeks go pink and instantly I back away from Preston. It had been a running joke between our families since I turned fifteen and grew into myself. My blonde hair reached down and tickled the small of my back, my nose that I once felt was too big for my face somehow seemed to fit and my eyes that always looked doe like now looked pretty and apparently Preston took notice.

I won’t pretend that I didn’t take notice of Preston either. I had always found him smart, handsome and funny, even when he was younger and a little on the pudgy side. However the marines were good to him. He was now muscular, only a tad more so than my brother. His face was more angular and defined, his green eyes more piercing and his body harder. I definitely noticed. I would have had to be deaf, dumb and blind not to.

We make our way into the house and I breathe deeply. It is filled with the scent of pot roast, potatoes, green beans and fresh baked bread, all of Zach’s favorites. I feel like the night is playing out too fast. The boys leave in the morning for Afghanistan and whereas they may be ready, I am not. I look at Preston and the words linger on my lips. There is so much to say to both of them. I want to beg him to keep Zach safe but I can’t help but wonder if it would be like asking him to sacrifice his own life. The thought keeps me silent and we all sit down to eat.

Zach and Molly sit across from me. They haven’t been dating long but they seem happy. Molly is small and petite with wavy red hair cut short to her chin. She has an easy smile and pretty brown eyes and her nose is pierced with a hoop through one nostril. I never thought I would like things like that but on her it looks good. I watch as they smile and laugh. Zach really likes her and I find myself hoping they stay together. She seems good for him.

Preston takes my hand under the table and gives it a gentle squeeze. I focus on his hand. It’s warm and I can feel the leathery feel of his skin under my fingertips. He holds my brother’s life in those hands and I pray they are strong enough. After dinner I pull out the red velvet cake and homemade vanilla ice cream for dessert. They are Zach’s favorites. I have to fight back the familiar sting of tears as I doled out cake and ice cream. Everyone is laughing and joking and all I can focus on is how fast my time is going. Tick tock, tick tock, the minutes are flying by faster than the seconds.

Morning comes and fills the sky with an array of pinks and oranges and a rhyme comes to mind. ‘Pink sky at night, sailors delight. Pink sky in the morning, sailors take warning.’ I wondered if it served true for Marines too. Preston and Zach are dressed in their uniforms with their heavy packs on their backs. Molly is here to say goodbye and tears are steadily streaming down her face. I don’t cry even though everyone else is. Zach once told me to at least look brave even if I don’t feel it. So that’s what I do even though I’d rather be crying.

My mother hugs them both tightly and my father does that weird man handshake with a clap on the shoulder thing. It’s almost time and all I can think of is how badly I want time to just stop. Just a few more seconds. Zach approaches me with his easy smile. “So I’ll see you in a couple months for R and R.” I nod and smile, not trusting my voice right now. “Hey it’ll be okay. Promise. Press and I will write to you every day. None of those provocative lady pictures though. I don’t need my sister being the pin up girl for the barracks.” He teases and I slug him in the arm. Preston is next, he folds me in his arms and his lips touch my ear sending shivers down my spine. “I just want a little more time.” I whisper to him with a shaky breath. He sighs and squeezes me tighter. “I’ll keep him safe.” And with that they step away and climb into the waiting car. The warmth of their hugs fade and I’m cold again. Shivering as I stand and watch them leave.

I watch the car until the tail lights are far away and I realize, I’m out of time.