Beautifully Irresistible (31 page)

Eventually Zack and John were separated. They both looked exhausted. John stared at me sadly before he headed off down the road towards his farm. Blood ran down his shirt.

I was worried for him but I was more worried about Zack. He scowled at me through a mask of blood that was dripping off his face.

He walked calmly towards the house. I stood there not having a clue what to do. I decided to give him some space.

About ten minutes later, he came back out of the house with his luggage and a taxi pulled up. He had cleaned his face up and he looked over at me with distaste. The taxi turned around and sped off down the road.

“Where is he going?” Jack asked bemused at the alcohol fuelled fight.

“He has probably gone to the pub. I have to go and talk to him!”

“Look, Jenny, if I was you, I would leave him until the morning. Give him time to cool off.”

“You are right, Jack.”

Tears streamed down my face.

“What happened anyway?”

“For some reason John and I started kissing and Zack saw us.”

“Why the hell would you kiss John?”

“Just drunk, I guess. What a mess!”

As I sat on the fence moping, I spotted Jasper down the side of the barn. He was kissing the blonde girl passionately. I could see his hand up her top, the randy little git.

After a few minutes, he wandered over to me. The little blonde was standing a bit further up the lane.

“What’s up, Jennifer? Where’s Dad?” he asked, seeing my tear streaked face.

“We had a huge fight. He has gone to the pub, I think.”

“Oh, I see. Well, goodnight and I hope you sort it out with him.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her beckoning Jasper down the lane. Jasper gave me a quick smile before he ran after her taking her hand.

I debated telling him that he should be in bed by himself but I didn’t have the energy to chase after him.

I got into the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I sat on the toilet as tears of guilt and shame ran down my face.

How could I hurt him like that? I loved him so much. What a complete idiot.

What the hell was I going to do? He might never forgive me for kissing another man. I know I would have been as furious if he had kissed another woman.

I also had my assignment to think about. How the hell would I explain to Ross what had happened when Zack sacked me.

As I climbed into my cold bed, I heard voices next door. The headboard started to bang loudly. The bed springs groaned underneath the enthusiastic activity.

Oh no, not again!

“Oh, Chloe, I love you so much,” Jack said sweetly.

“I love you too, Jack. I always have.”

The headboard banged loudly and Chloe let out a loud scream.

At least someone was getting some action tonight.

Chapter Thirty Eight

After very little sleep, I borrowed Mum’s car and headed out of the door. Just as I was getting into it, Jasper wandered up the lane looking a bit worse for wear. He had straw in his hair and his shirt was all crumpled.

“Jesus! Where did you sleep last night, Jasper?”

“Err, in the party barn. Me and Ellie made a comfy bed in there!” he muttered.

“Oh right. Well, I hope that you were careful Jasper.”

“I was, Mother! We used something!” he told me, looking down at the ground.

“Was it your, um, first time?”

“Yes and it was amazing. I know what all the fuss is about now,” he replied with a dreamy look on his handsome face.

How embarrassing!

“Okay, well, go and get a shower and some sleep. I am off to see your Dad,” I replied, starting the car up.

“I hope you sort it out with him. You are the best thing to happen to this family Jennifer.”

“Thanks, stud! See you later.”

Sitting outside in the car park, I dialled Zack’s number. It rang for quite a long time and then eventually he answered it.

“Yes.”

“Zack, I need to talk to you. Please can I come up and see you?” I asked him gently.

“Okay, if you must. I am in room 2,” he told me, abruptly hanging up.

I went into the pub after a quick hello to the barmaid. Climbing the stairs to room 2, I didn’t know how to get past what I had done. He was obviously very upset and hurt and I just prayed that he could forgive me. I knocked quietly at the door.

“Come in.”

I cautiously entered the room and Zack was sitting on a worn armchair that looked out over the beer garden at the rear of the pub.

He didn’t turn around to look at me.

“How are you feeling, Zack?”

“I’m pissed at you!” he snapped.

“I feel awful about what happened. It was just a really stupid drunken mistake and I’m so sorry, Zack!” I told him quietly.

“It looked like you were enjoying it from where I was standing. He was touching you and you loved it, Jennifer!” he shouted, standing up and turning around.

His face was a swollen mess of bruises and cuts. John certainly gave him as good as he got.

Zack’s chest puffed up as he tried to rein in his anger. I took a deep breath as I looked at him.

Why the hell had I kissed John?

“I don’t know what else to say, Zack. Please forgive me. I was drunk and I realised I had made a mistake before you came over to us,” I told him, wringing my hands nervously.

I could have really blown it here. Oh shit!

“Well, I am fucking furious with you, Jennifer. How could you kiss someone else and let them touch you? I know that you used to love him but he still loves you deeply and it’s not fair to lead him on like that!” he crossly told me, sticking up for John.

His blue eyes blazed at me.

“He would hate me if he knew the truth!” I blurted out.

“What truth?”

I took a deep breath before the words tumbled out.

“I fell pregnant. I had just turned 24, we were engaged but I realised I didn’t want to be a farmer’s wife and churn out kid after kid. I wanted a career. I wanted to see the world.”

Zack sat back down on the bed.

“So what happened?” Zack asked softly.

His face looked concerned.

“I had an abortion but I lied to him and said I had had a miscarriage,” I told him as huge guilty sobs racked my tired body.

“That must have been tough on him.”

I sunk into the worn bed beside him as I gathered my thoughts.

“He was devastated and we grew apart. I decided to move to Kent and I told him the night before I went. He pleaded with me to stay. He was so upset. It kills me that I hurt him so much. No one knows about the abortion. You are the first person I have told.”

I lie to you every day too, Zack.

“Look, you did what you thought was best at the time. The twins were born when I was 22. It was right for me. We were married and I was hopelessly in love with Phoebe. I thought we had everything we could ever want.”

“Please can we just go home and forget about this mess?” I pleaded with him, grabbing his hand.

He quickly pulled his hand away from me.

“I don’t know if I can trust you again, Jennifer. You do know what Phoebe put me through, don’t you? You are enough for me and you always will be. I will never want anyone but you, Jennifer, and I thought you felt the same way.”

“I am nothing like her, Zack. I made a big mistake in the heat of the moment. You are enough for me and I would want to die without you, Zack! Please I beg you to forgive me!”

I started to sob uncontrollably as I gave in to the misery of possibly losing him and my career.

“I just don’t know, Jennifer. I will have to think about it. I want to just go home,” he told me quietly.

He wouldn’t look at me.

“What about us, Zack?”

“You will have to give me time. I really need you for the twins but at the moment I don’t need you as much.”

“Zack, please don't say that. I love you!”

“I need some space from you. You have hurt me so much, Jennifer.”

“I will let you get your stuff. I’ll be in the car, Zack.”

I hurtled down the stairs, trying not to completely lose it. Getting into the car, the tears streamed down my face.

What an idiot!

I was crying that much when he opened the car door that he pulled me out and got in the driver’s seat. Getting back in the passenger seat, I watched as he adjusted the seat and started the engine. His face gave nothing away.

We travelled the short journey in silence. My stomach turned over and over as guilt washed through me.

After gathering our stuff together, we quickly said our goodbyes to my family.

“Scarlett, why don’t you sit in the front with your Dad?”

I got into the back with Jasper. He smiled at me and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

Closing my eyes, I blocked out the holy mess I was in and quickly fell asleep.

Chapter Thirty Nine

We arrived home around 7pm and we quickly unpacked the car. The twins had guessed that something was up between us but they said nothing. After I had found something in the freezer for Zack, Scarlett and Jasper, I headed upstairs locking my bedroom door.

I lay on the bed and sobbed and sobbed. The bedding was soaking with my tears.

Eventually I gave in to sleep.

I woke up with a start, still fully dressed on top of the bed. Grabbing my phone, I checked the time. It was 5am.

Quickly showering, I went downstairs. The house was eerily quiet other than Gatsby bouncing around me wagging his tail.

I grabbed Gatsby’s lead and he followed me outside.

The sun broke through and it looked so beautiful. We walked quite deeply into the peaceful woods and I felt my head clearing.

Breathing in the crisp morning air, I decided I had to formulate a plan. I had to figure a way out of this disaster.

I had to make Zack see how sorry I was.

I had to get him back.

I had completely no idea how.

I prepared breakfast for Scarlett and Jasper. There was no sign of Zack and I realised that he had already left.

His car was gone. I felt so alone and empty.

“Are you okay, Jennifer?” Scarlett asked me, hugging me.

“I’m fine, thanks, just a bit tired, sweetheart.”

After dropping the twins in town to meet their friends, I cried off a meeting with Ross telling him that I was ill. I couldn’t face him.

I could hardly face anyone.

The day dragged on as I fell further and further into a miserable, wretched, pathetic stupor.

After collecting the twins, I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door bang. I tensed up as his footsteps came closer and closer. Hurt and anger radiated off him in waves.

“Hi, Scarlett, good day?” he asked her, kissing her upturned cheek.

“Good, thanks Dad. You?”

“Yes, very productive. Where’s Jasper?”

“He has gone to Amy’s.”

“Dinner won’t be long. I will keep Jasper some,” I said, turning around to look at him.

He didn’t answer me or look at me, he just headed off upstairs. Tears bubbled up and rushed down my face.

I tensed up again as he came back down after his shower. Our eyes made contact and he quickly looked away.

I wanted to go and melt into his warm safe embrace but I couldn’t.

Why wouldn’t he even look at me?

I served the meal out for them, all the time holding in unshed tears.

“Are you joining us, Jennifer?” Scarlett asked, smiling at me.

“I’m not very hungry, thanks, Scarlett,” I whispered before I slipped out of the kitchen and disappeared to my room, locking the door.

Crawling into bed, I cried more tears that I didn’t think I had left.

I didn’t remember ever feeling this sad, lonely, guilty and stupid.

Chapter Forty

The next few days turned slowly into a week as I started to get used to Zack ignoring me. I went about my daily tasks professionally and he stayed longer than usual at his office.

We really needed to talk but I didn’t know where to start.

After struggling to fall asleep yet again, I padded downstairs to make myself some hot chocolate.

Rubbing my hands across my face, I tried to gather positive thoughts. Zack was working in his study as he did most nights to avoid me.

Staring out of the French doors, I jumped when my phone started ringing loudly into the silence. I grabbed it out of my dressing gown pocket and frowned when I saw it was my Dad calling.