Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) (51 page)

As impossible as it
seems, I need to move on from Jax. I almost want to laugh at that
idea. I’ve told myself over and over that I need to move on.
Telling myself to do something isn’t as easy as following through.

When I look where Kohen
has taken us for lunch the next afternoon, I’m surprised that I
don’t have to force a smile. The last time I was at Cedar Hill was
with Jax. I haven’t been able to come back here since that day. I
thought the image of him leaving me would have tainted the love I
feel for this place. I was wrong. Nothing could change the way I feel
when I’m here. I feel free.

“I’m so glad I’m
here with you,” Kohen says.

“Why?” I step out
of his embrace to lay the blanket on the grass.

“Because it’s your
favorite place and I wanted to be with you here.”

The way Kohen says it’s
my favorite place makes me drop my smile for a few seconds before I
paint on my fake one. I don’t remember telling him this was my
favorite spot. I pretend fascination with everything going on around
us, but I’m replaying our time together, trying to remember when I
told him about Cedar Hill.

Nothing.

I know I didn’t tell
him. I wouldn’t have been able to because of how things ended with
Jax the last time I was here.
How
could he possibly know this is my favorite spot?
I come up
with a million different answers that are way out of the possibility
of reality. I’m overreacting.

This is Cedar Hill,
it’s everyone’s favorite spot. Yes, that’s it. He just assumed
this would be mine. I can’t even swallow that thought. I know that
isn’t it even though I want to believe it. Kohen isn’t one to
assume anything. Logan. Kohen wanted to spend the day together and
make it special so he asked my brother. Yes, that’s it. That makes
the most sense.

With that miniature
freak out averted, I grin at him for his thoughtfulness. Pushing past
my crazy ideas, I make the best of the day with the wonderful man
beside me. Kohen went all out, not that I’m surprised. Kohen
doesn’t know how to do anything half-assed.

He has lunch from my
favorite deli, cupcakes from the bakery, and wine in plastic solo
cups. It might be considered simple to some, but to me it’s perfect
because he took time out of his day to go across town to get my
favorite things, just to make me happy. You can’t beat that.

After I eat two and a
half cupcakes, I split the last one with him. I recline back and
enjoy the September sun while Kohen strokes my hair. I wish that I
brought my camera, even if I feel like that would be betraying Jax.
No matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn’t matter what
Jax thinks, I still can’t convince myself that next time I’m here
with Kohen, I’ll bring my camera.

The rest of the day
passes quickly. Time gets away when you’re enjoying yourself.
Hand-in-hand, Kohen and I walk to our apartment building. Kohen seems
agitated that he has to work in an hour and can’t go to dinner with
my brother and Connor. Which is why I squeeze his hand and rest my
head against his shoulder while we ride the elevator.

I’m glad that Kohen
decides to stay with me as long as possible before he has to leave.
He follows me to my room and sits on my bed while I change and
freshen up in the bathroom. As much as I want to text Connor and make
sure that it’s just him and my brother taking me to dinner, I know
I can’t. There isn’t a discreet way to ask if Jax is tagging
along. Plus, I don’t see Jax coming. I hope that my gut feeling is
right. There’s no way I’ll be able to eat dinner with that man
yet.

Kohen chats with me
while I wash my face and reapply mascara and lip gloss. Next, I
French braid my hair to the side. I ignore Kohen’s comment again
about not wanting to go into work tonight so that he can come with
me. Instead I wonder what I’m going to wear and pretend I don’t
hear him. I’ve heard him complain all day about it; him complaining
is the only downside of our wonderful day together. At first I
understood, thinking he was just tired from work, wanted a break, or
even something terrible like someone dying on him. Nope, none of
those are the reasons. He wants to ditch work and go to dinner with
me because he doesn’t like that Connor will be there. As in Connor,
my brother’s best friend, the same Connor I consider as another
brother.

I laughed at first when
he told me that. I thought he was kidding. I even tried putting
myself in his shoes, wondering, but came up blank. Yes, Connor is a
huge flirt, and hot, but gross, he’s Connor. I could never, and I
mean never, look at Connor as anything but an annoying brother. Just
thinking about it makes me want to laugh. Too bad I’m still annoyed
that Kohen even thinks that. And every time he complains about going
to work, it pisses me off all over again.

“How about you have
dinner with me at work then come back here and go to bed early since
you’re tired?” Kohen asks.

“Hospital food?” I
ask, while rolling my eyes.

It’s amazing that he
can tell I’m tired. It must be a super power of his that I wasn’t
aware he had. Kind of like how I was under the impression that I’m
awake and excited to go out to dinner with my brother and Connor. I
haven’t seen them as much as usual because I’m always with Kohen.
I have to remind myself not to quip Connor’s that more than capable
of keeping me up. Yeah, I don’t think he would find that funny.

“It’s not that
bad,” he says.

“I’d rather eat
Logan’s gym socks!”

Kohen doesn’t respond
which is a good thing. I’m close to throwing a shoe at him at the
moment. I can’t believe I want to yell at him and laugh at the same
time. Must be another super power of his.

Even though Kohen
doesn’t know Connor got me the simple white dress in my hands, I
can’t help my smug smile while I tug it off the hanger. I had
planned on changing into jeans and a shirt because of the chill in
the night air, but this dress had been calling my name ever since
Kohen opened his mouth about going to work with him. Also, I haven’t
worn the dress yet and I know Connor will be happy that I’m wearing
it.

I look at the full
length mirror in front of me and smile. The white sundress that
Connor bought me on his recent trip to California is beautiful. The
halter top shows enough cleavage to look sexy, but not too much where
the girls are giving a free show. The dress hugs my slim waist and
flows out right above my knee caps. Connor did an excellent job
selecting this dress. I select a simple pair of ballet flats before
leaving my closet to show Kohen.

“Besides, I want to
go out with them. It’s our weekly dinner and I’m not—”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE
YOU WEARING?” Kohen screams with disgust in his eyes.

“Excuse me?” I ask,
while rubbing my hands down the dress.

He marches to my side,
seizes my forearm and practically shoves me back into my closet. “You
are NOT wearing that!” Kohen says while rifling through my clothes.

I know I should keep my
mouth shut. Kohen is shaking in rage. But I don’t. “Last time I
checked, you’re not my father. You will not tell me what I can and
can’t wear!”

“You’re not going
out dressed like that!”

“Like what?”

“A slut!” Kohen
hurls a long sleeve top and a pair of jeans at me.

He is so fucking lucky
that the clothes landed at me feet and not my face. I would’ve
snapped if they hit me.

“A slut? Because my
ass is hanging out, right?” I turn my head to look at my butt. “Oh
wait, the dress goes to my knees! Wow, I’m such a slut! I can’t
believe I’m not on the corner right now.”

“It’s not the
length that’s the problem. Now go get some actual fucking clothes
on. You’re not leaving dressed like that and tomorrow I’m going
to go through your clothes for you.”

I just laugh. Which of
course is opposite of what I should be doing based on his fist
closing like he wants to hit something. Kohen stomps over to me.

“YOU. WILL. NOT.
DRESS. LIKE. A. FUCKING. SLUT.” Lacing each word with disgust, he
squeezes my forearms tighter.

Shut
up Addie! Now is not the time to talk to him. Wait until he calms
down.
That little voice begs me to be quiet.

“Let go of me,” I
say calmly even though I want to shout.

He doesn’t let go. He
continues to stare at the offensive dress as if he can magically
change my outfit with his eyes.

“Now, Kohen!”

Kohen takes a few deep
breaths and I can see him the tension leaving his body. He releases
me. I don’t even need to see the bruises his hands left. I can feel
them. I maneuver closer to the door. He probably won’t touch me
again like that, but I don’t want to risk it. He’s in control
again, but I’d rather be close to an escape just in case.

“You will not dictate
what I wear. I am not a slut, nor do I dress like one. I’ve only
slept with one person, for crying out loud.”

Kohen’s face turns a
little green and he’s breathing deeper as if trying not to throw
up. Hopefully it’s because he just realized how he’s acting and
not because I’ve slept with someone that isn’t him.

“If you ever, and I
mean ever try to tell me what I can and can’t wear, we will be
done. I’m a grown woman and if I want to walk outside naked, I will
walk outside fucking naked and you will say nothing about it!”

“Adalynn—”

I cut him off. I do not
want to hear how sorry he is right now. He needs to leave so I can
have some much needed space. He just ruined a perfect day for no
reason. I know he’s sorry, I know he wasn’t fully aware what he
was doing or saying. But it doesn’t change the fact that I want him
to leave. Now.

“I think you should
go,” I say quietly before picking up my discarded flats.

Kohen jerks me in for a
hug, but I back away.

“Ad—”

“No, you need to
leave. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I know you’re sorry. It’s
fine. I don’t care. I’m over it. I need to leave. I’m already
going to be late.”

I don’t even wait for
a response. I stomp into my closet, angry that I have to throw on a
cardigan to hide the bruises on my arm. My front door opens and
closes and I sigh in relief. He can apologize all he wants tomorrow.
Tonight I need a break from him and his irrational jealousy.

All frustration leaves
the second I see my brother at the restaurant.

“Late as always.”
Logan says while stepping out of the booth to give me a hug.

“Name one time,” I
demand.

“I can name more than
one time for every single day that I’ve known you,” Connor pipes
up while embracing me.

“You’re annoying.
Remind me why you’re here again?”

“Because you love me
and I know you’re going to need your fix before I leave?”

“My fix?” I ask.

“Of seeing my good
looks.” He turns around and wiggles his butt. “Oh and my ass, I
know how much you can’t keep your eyes off it.”

Logan groans. I pretend
to gag.

“Hurry up and sit
down before we’re forced to leave.”

Connor fakes having a
heart attack. “How you wound me.”

“Shut up,” I plead.

“Beautiful dress.”
Connor says when he finally sits down besides me.

“Thanks, this ugly
guy that can never take a hint got it for me.” I wink.

Connor raises an
eyebrow. “Fine, see if I bring you back anything.”

That’s the second
time Connor has mentioned something about leaving. I look from him to
my brother. Both are grinning.

“Good news?” I ask,
already knowing it is.

Both nod, not giving
anything away. Fine. I’ll play along. I grab my glass of water and
pretend to pull a Harper on Connor.

“Okay, okay, relax,
Addie,” Connor says hastily.

Good move on his part.
I’m not in the mood to play games tonight.

“We’re going to
London,” Connor says at the same time Logan says, “We got the
deal!”