Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (10 page)

If you look at your circumstances, you will put off doing what God is telling you to do. It can even seem like the worst time to do whatever God says to do, but there is an anointing on "now," if God has told you to act.

It is not good to spend our time running from problems. We need to slow down, discern what is vital, accept responsibility for our actions, and if need be simply say, "I was wrong, and I am sorry." We must not let procrastination rob us of God's blessings.

If we want to enjoy God's best for our lives, we must stop making excuses, stop blaming others, and stop being too busy to do what God says to do. He may tell us to give, help, pray, forgive, apologize, or something else. But whatever it may be, we need to learn to be "now people" who hear God and act quickly when He speaks to us.

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Redeemed and Made RighteousJesus Christ gave His life that we might have righteousness-or as Ilike to write it, Righteousness. Righteousness is meant for all who believe"withpersonal trustandconfident reliance on Jesus Christ (the Messiah)" (Romans 3:22).

Speaking of Jesus, Peter wrote, "He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed" (1 Peter 2:24).

We were created by God to feel right and good about ourselves. But the devil wants all of us to feel wrong about ourselves; he wants us to feel shame, guilt, and condemnation. Because of the presence of sin in the world, and the sin nature that came upon us through the fall of mankind, we cannot do everything right.

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To resist the devil's temptation to live in constant regret instead of continual victory, we must know and understand the truth of God's Word. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, He imparts or givesto usthe gift of righteousness, andby faith,we are made right with God. We are not made right with God because of our own perfection or good works; we are considered righteous because of our trust in Jesus Christ.In 2 Corinthians 5:21 the apostle Paul tells us what God did for us: "For our sake He made Christ [virtually] to be sin Who knew no sin, so that inandthrough Him we might become [endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of] the righteousness of God [what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness]."

God sent Jesus to redeem us (that is, to buy us back from the devil to whom we had sold ourselves as slaves to sin), to restore us (to make us as we were supposed to be in the beginning). We were created and redeemed by God for righteousness, not shame, guilt, and condemnation.

No Condemnation in Christ

If we read and understand the Word of God, we can be set free from wrong thinking about ourselves. Paul wrote in Romans 8:1: "THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus,who live and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit."

Of course, if we would follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, we would never do anything wrong, so guilt would have no place to take root in us. However, since we are human, none of us is incapable of making a mistake. As our Lord pointed out, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41 kjv).

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We cannot perform perfectly, even though we would like to, but we can live free from guilt by walking in the Spirit. The Lord promises to lead us through life, if we listen to Him and obey Him: "Listen toandobey My voice, and I will be your God and you will be My people; andwalk in the whole way that I command you,that it may be well with you" (Jeremiah 7:23, emphasis mine).We sin when we stop doing what the Holy Spirit guides us to do. Condemnation and guilt feelings come as a result of that sin, because the devil sees an opening and immediately moves to rob us of our confidence in God's grace. If we ever hope to live without guilt, we must deal with the temptation to sin as soon as we are aware of it.

If you do give into temptation or fall into sin, instead of trying to restore yourself through good works, which is walking after the flesh (your human nature), ask God to forgive you and choose to turn back to the Spirit. You sin because you stop following the leading of the Holy Spirit. If you keep following the flesh, you will only get deeper and deeper into trouble and turmoil. Instead, turn back quickly to following the Spirit, allowing Him to lead and guide you in correcting your situation.

The Spirit always has the correct answer for every problem-and He will not condemn you when you return to Him. It is written: "For God has not appointed us to [incur His] wrath [He did not select us to condemn us], but [that we might] obtain [His] salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah)" (1 Thessalonians 5:9).

For example, the Spirit will lead us to repentance, which produces forgiveness from God: "If we [freely] admit that we have sinnedandconfess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from

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all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]" (1 John 1:9).Following the flesh will lead to works that supposedly win the right to receive God's favor. But the flesh always attempts to repay for mistakes rather than simply receive God's gift of pardon and restoration.

Dealing with Guilt

The Lord once gave me a great revelation about guilt. I had felt guilty as long as I could remember. Guilt was my constant companion. We went everywhere together! This sin- consciousness began early in my childhood when I was being sexually abused. Even though my father told me that what he was doing to me was not wrong, it made me feel dirty and guilty. Of course, as I got older and became aware that it was wrong, but had no way to make it stop, the guilt continued and increased.

I learned firsthand that guilt is an unbearable burden, a heaviness that depresses the spirit. Guilt makes everything seem dark and makes us feel tired and weary. Actually it drains our energy and saps the strength we need to resist sin and Satan. So the result is that guilt and condemnation actually increase sin.

I believe that I was addicted to guilt. Before I learned about God's grace, I can never remember being guilt-free! Even if I was not doing anything particularly bad or sinful, I found something to feel wrong about.

Satan wants to press us down. He is the accuser of those who believe in Christ; he continues to bring charges against us before God (see Revelation 12:10). But David, the psalmist, wrote, "You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head" (Psalm 3:3).

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For example, I was shopping one day, and my ever-present companion of guilt was with me. I do not recall what I had done wrong this time; it does not even matter, it was always something. I was about to get out of my car and go into a store when the Holy Spirit said to me, "Joyce, how do you plan to get forgiveness for this sin?"I knew the right answer. I said, "I'll accept the sacrifice Jesus made for me when He died at Calvary." We can know the right answer (have head knowledge), and still not apply it to our own situation.

Then the Holy Spirit continued: "I see, Joyce, and when do you plan to accept Jesus' sacrifice?"

A major revelation began to shine forth in me! At that moment I knew that I could wait two or three days until I felt guilty long enough and then accept God's forgiveness, or I could receive that pardon right then.

I always asked for forgiveness for my sins right away, but I never accepted it until I felt that I had suffered enough to pay for it. God revealed to me what I was doing, how much unnecessary pain I was causing myself. He even showed me that what I was doing was insulting to Jesus, that in essence I was saying, "Lord, the sacrifice of Your life and blood was good, but not good enough. I must add my work of feeling guilty before I can be forgiven."

That very day I began getting free from guilt and condemnation. I encourage you to do the same. Remember: Guilt does no good at all! It accomplishes nothing, except the following:

Guilt drains your energy and can even make you physically or mentally ill.

Guilt blocks your fellowship with God. Hebrews 4:15-16 says, "For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understandandsympathizeandhave a shared feeling with our weaknessesandinfirmitiesandliability to the

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assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlesslyandconfidentlyandboldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God's unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]."Guilt, as a work of the flesh, demands that you try to pay for your sin.

Guilt drains your spiritual energy. It leaves you weak and unable to resist new attacks from the enemy. Successful spiritual warfare requires wearing of the "breastplate of righteousness" (Ephesians 6:14 kjv, emphasis mine). Guilt causes you to sin more.

Guilt exerts such tremendous pressure on you, suggesting that getting along with others is difficult. It is nearly impossible to live under a burden of guilt and still operate in the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22, 23).

Surely you can see from this list that guilt is a good thing to give up. Let it go! It is from the devil and is intended to prevent you from ever enjoying your life or your relationship with the Lord.

If you have a serious problem in this area of guilt, you may need to ask someone to pray for you. If your faith is strong enough, pray for yourself. However, guilt steals faith; if you have lived for a long time buried under a load of guilt and condemnation, your faith may need to be strengthened. Get the help you need. Refuse to live any longer pressed down under a burden of guilt and condemnation.6

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What about Shame?Now that we have a better understanding of guilt, let's turn our attention to the subject of shame.

There is a shame that is normal and healthy. If I lose or break something that belongs to someone else, I feel ashamed of my mistake. I wish I had not been so careless or negligent. I am sorry, but I can ask for forgiveness, receive it, and then go on with my life. Healthy shame reminds us that we are human beings with weaknesses and limitations.

In Genesis 2:25 we read that Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden of Eden, and they were not ashamed. Besides the fact that they were not wearing any clothes, I believe this verse means that they were totally open and honest with each other, hiding behind no masks, playing no games. They were completely free to be themselves because they had no sense of shame. Once they had sinned, however, they went and hid themselves (see Genesis 3:6-8).

People should be able to enjoy perfect freedom with each other and with God, but very few are able to do so. Most people pretend. They produce false personalities and hide behind them. They act as if they are not hurt when they are, or they pretend that they do not need anyone when they do.

There is a poisonous shame that can drastically affect the quality of a person's life. This occurs when an individual who is being abused or mistreated in some way begins to internalize the shame he feels. He is no longer just ashamed of what is being done to him, but he becomes ashamed of himself because of what he is being subjected to.

Such an individual takes the shame into himself where it actually becomes the core of his being. Everything in his life becomes poisoned by his emotions so that he develops into a shame-based person.

At one time I was shame-based, but I did not know I was

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ashamed of myself. I was seeing the results of shame in my life, but was unsuccessfully trying to deal with the fruit of it rather than the root.The implied definition of the word translatedashamedin theKing James Versionof Genesis 2:25 is: tobe disappointed,ordelayed . . .confounded."7

This wordconfoundedsimply means to be frustrated or confused. Webster'sNew World Dictionarydefines the verbconfoundas: "confuse"; "bewilder"; "damn."8Webster defines the verbdamnas: "to condemn to an unhappy fate"; "doom"; "to criticize adversely"; "to cause the ruin of"; "make fail."9

If you will take the time to really study these definitions, you may discover that the root of your problem is shame.

Dealing with Shame

My life was filled with confusion because I was trying desperately to do right (so I could "feel right"), but no matter how hard I tried, I always failed. It seemed as if I were doomed to failure. I did not fail at everything, however. I was successful in the corporate world, and in a few other areas, but I was a failure at godly behavior. I always felt defeated because no matter what I accomplished on the outside,Istill felt bad about myself on the inside.

I was ashamed of me!

I did not like who I was. I did not like my basic personality. I was continually rejecting my real self and trying to be someone or something I was not and never could be. (I will discuss this topic more fully in another chapter.)

Multiplied thousands of Christians spend their entire lives in this pitiful condition-living far, far below their rightful position as heirs of God and joint-heirs with Jesus Christ. I know, because I was one of them.

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Paul wrote that the suffering we endure now will one day be worth the glory of the inheritance due to us:And if we are [His] children, then we are [His] heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ [sharing His inheritance with Him]; only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.