Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (6 page)

I do not mean to suggest that it is wrong to seek counsel. I am just suggesting that you pray and allow the Lord to lead and guide you through the Holy Spirit. Let Him choose the right counselor for you. Just because a person has been through what you are going through, or is a close personal friend, does not mean that individual is the right counselor for you. So I repeat, pray!

I am definitely not saying that you should not seek counsel just because I didn't. We all have different personalities. I happen to have a strong, determined, self-disciplined, goal- oriented personality. These traits helped me to keep moving toward my objective, which was emotional wholeness. Others may need someone to help them along a bit, someone to assist them in setting goals for themselves and to keep striving toward those goals.

It is vital to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. He is the best Counselor. Either He will help you directly, or He will

49

guide you to someone through whom He can minister to you. In either case, you should ultimately look to Him for your help. Even the counsel that other people may offer you will not becomereally(a personal revelation from God) to you without the help of the Holy Spirit.It is also important to realize that God has different calls on our lives. Since He has called me to teach His Word, it was better for me to receive the truth I needed directly from Him. However, that is not a rule for everyone.

The Ministry of the Holy Spirit

Another reason the ministry of the Holy Spirit is so important is found in John 16:8 in which Jesus says that it is the Holy Spirit Whoconvicts and convincesof sin and of righteousness.

Most people who have been abused are shame-based individuals. (The topic of shame will be discussed in detail in a later chapter.) They feel bad about themselves. They do not like themselves; therefore, they experience a lot of guilt and condemnation.

It is the devil who brings condemnation; the Holy Spirit brings conviction. (There is a difference. I welcome conviction, but I resist condemnation-and so should you.) Only the Holy Spirit, through the Word of God and His power to change, can convince a shame-based person that he has been made righteous through the shed blood of Jesus Christ: "For our sake He made Christ [virtually] to be sin Who knew no sin, so that inandthrough Him we might become [endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of] the righteousness of God [what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness]" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Jesus referred to the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of Truth and assured us that He will guide us into all the Truth-the whole,

50

full Truth (see John 16:13). Jesus also said that the Holy Spirit will prompt our memory: "But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you" (John 14:26). Both of these aspects of the ministry of the Spirit are major areas of assistance for those who are in recovery from abuse. Such people must get out of their denial and face the truth. There may be things they have forgotten because they are too painful to remember, things that will have to be recalled and faced during the healing process.If the person in charge of the recovery is not led by the Spirit, he sometimes can take the abused person through the process too quickly. If too accelerated, it can become more painful than the person can handle.

I remember a girl who once came to me in a prayer line. She was very upset and extremely emotional, almost panic-stricken. She began to relate to me that every week when she went to visit her counselor, it was so painful that it was almost more than she could bear. In her anxiety, I heard her say several times, "It is just too much; it hurts so bad, I cannot stand it."

At the time she was speaking, I was praying and asking the Lord to help me so I could help her.Iwas actually concerned that she might become hysterical right there at the altar. Suddenly I received an answer from the Lord. I felt that probably her counselor was not sensitive to the Spirit and that she was having this young woman face issues so fast that her mind and her emotional system were unable to handle it all.

When I said to the girl, "Listen to me, I think I know what the problem is," she quieted down long enough for me to share what God was saying. As she listened, she immediately

51

began to get some relief. She agreed that what I was describing was exactly what was happening.I shared with her that during my own healing process, the Holy Spirit led me to many different resources for guidance. The first was a book that my husband suggested I read. It was the testimony of a woman who had been abused as a child. Until that time, I did not think that any of my problems were a result of my past.

That book was so difficult for me to read. When I came to the part in which the woman began describing in detail how her stepfather had sexually abused her, the memories, pain, anger, and rage began rushing up in me from somewhere deep inside. I threw that book on the floor and loudly exclaimed, "I will not read this!"

Just then I heard the Holy Spirit reply, "It is time."

I had been attempting to walk with God for several years when this event took place. Why hadn't He led me to something that could have helped me sooner? The answer is because it was not time! The Holy Spirit knows precisely the right timing in ourlives. I always say, "Only the Spirit knows when you are ready for what." In other words, the Spirit of the Lord is the only One Who knows what it will take to help you, and when you are ready to receive that help.

It may come in the form of a book, a certain speaker, or a friend who says just what you need to hear at the moment. Or it may come through a personal testimony, or even a direct dealing from the Lord Himself. Today may be God's appointed time for you as you are reading this book. If so, God will use it in some area in which you are hurting at the present. It may be the beginning of your recovery, the next step in that process, or even the finishing touch in your long struggle for wholeness.

Many people who come to me for prayer for emotional healing are concerned and even distraught because there are portions of their childhood that they cannot recall. They have

52

been on what I call "digging expeditions," trying to unearth forgotten memories so they can face them, deal with them, and get them out of their system. I tell such people that there are still portions of my own past that I cannot recall. Actually, much of my childhood seems to be filled with blank pages.I remind people that the Holy Spirit leads us into all truth and is able to bring many things to our remembrance. But we must allow Him to do the leading in this sensitive area. I have put Him in charge of my memory. I truly believe that if remembering something from my past is going to help me, then I will recall it. If it will not help me, is unnecessary, or would even be harmful for me to remember, then I am thankful that I cannot recall it. I believe that sometimes what we do not know cannot hurt us.

Obviously, this is not always the case. Many times people experience great relief by recalling some traumatic event, dealing with it, and then getting on with their lives. Sometimes, if memories have been shut out on purpose and suppressed deep within the recesses of the mind, they will poison the entire system. In that case, the memories must be exposed before wholeness can be established. Yet, here again, it is important to remember that if this process is not done with the leadership and guidance of the Holy Spirit, it can be harmful and actually cause even more damage to already wounded emotions.

The Holy Spirit is gentle, tender, considerate, kind, loving, and patient. Yet, He is also powerful and mighty and able to do what people can never do on their own. The psalmist says, "except the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; except the Lord keeps the city, the watchman wakes but in vain" (Psalm 127:1). I spent many years of my life waking and laboring in vain. I encourage you not to waste the most precious years of your life trying to "do it yourself." Seek God and His plan for your recovery. He will lead you one step at a time, and you will be transformed "from glory to glory" (see 2 Corinthians 3:18 kjv).

53

The Two Kinds of PainEven when we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us, emotional healing is still painful. But I believe there are two kinds of pain: the pain of change, and the pain of never changing and remaining the same. If you will let the Spirit of the Lord direct your recovery Program, He will always be there to provide the strength you need in each phase, so that whatever trials you may have to face, you will be able to bear them.

The Lord has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. This promise in Hebrews 13:5 is so powerful: "Let your characterormoral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail younorgive you upnor leaveyou without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree, leave you helplessnorforsakenorlet [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]"

We need to hold on to that promise when we are tempted to get ahead of God. If we begin to "do our own thing," we are

54

in dangerous territory. Our heavenly Father is under no obligation to sustain us in bearing trials that were never a part of His plan for us. We may well survive, but the process will involve much more struggle than was necessary.The pain of emotional wounding and healing can be even more traumatic than physical pain. When you are following God's revealed plan, and you come to painful times, remember that the Holy Spirit is the Strengthener. Sometimes it may seem that you are not going to make it through. At such moments, ask the Lord to strengthen you.

A great scripture to memorize for these difficult times is 1 Corinthians 10:13 in which the apostle Paul reminds us:

For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin, no matter how it comes or where it leads) has overtaken youandlaid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature] , and He [can be trusted] not to let you be temptedandtriedandassayed beyond your abilityandstrength of resistanceandpower to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capableandstrongandpowerful to bear up under it patiently.

With such hard times come many temptations. Among these is the temptation to give up and revert to old thoughts and ways, to become negative, depressed, and angry with God because you do not understand why He does not seem to be providing the way out of all the pain you have had to bear in your life. Yet this passage of Scripture tells us that God will al-

55

ways intervene on our behalf and that His help will always arrive on time. Purpose in your heart to hold on and not let go!Another helpful passage is found in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 in which Paul refers to his own suffering because of what he calls "a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh" (v. 7). It really does not matter what the thorn was, but we know it irritated him and he wanted it removed. Whatever it was, three times Paul sought God to take it away. Yet the Lord's answer to him was, "My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; forMystrengthandpower are made perfect (fulfilled and completed)and show themselves most effectivein [your] weakness" (v. 9).

We are not always delivered from our distress at the precise moment we call on the name of the Lord. Sometimes we must endure for a while, be patient, and continue in faith. Thank God, during those times in which the Lord decides for whatever reason not to deliver us right away, He always gives us the grace and strength we need to press on toward eventual victory.

Do you ever wonder why God does not always deliver us from our bondage and problems immediately? The reason is because only the Lord knows everything that needs to be done in the lives of His children-and the perfect timing for it to be done.

From my own experience, I have learned to trust rather than to question. It is not wrong to ask God why, unless that questioning produces confusion, in which case it is much better simply to trust the Lord, knowing that He is never wrong-and that He is never late! Often we understand the why behind an event or situation only after it is all over and we can stand on the other side of it, looking back on it. There are many experiences in my life that I certainly did not understand while I was going through them. Now, however, I

56

have come to understand something of their meaning and purpose.Going through trials is painful. In my ministry, I often share with people that the book of Revelation says that we overcome the devil by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (see Revelation 12:11 kjv). A testimony of victory in any area of life is important. However, in order to have a positive testimony, it is necessary to have successfully overcome some hardship or opposition.

The painful part is what we must go through while we are being tempted and tested; the glorious part comes after we have finished going through the trial and can then testify of the great victory and God's great faithfulness. We haveno testimonywithout atest.