becoming us (5 page)

“I feel so sick,” Bryce whispered, not settling in spite of the soothing. “I go around pretending I’m this good guy, and I’m shit.”

“You are so not.”

Bryce rubbed his hand over his eyes and took a breath. “Just... there was this guy at the yacht club this summer, when I worked for Dad,” he confessed. “I try not to look, Zac, I do.” Talking felt like falling; God, he hoped Zac never told. “I mean, Perry, yeah, I can see why people think he’s hot. But I don’t
look
. I forgot not to look one day and this guy working the gas at the marina, he smiled back at me. Just this
smile,
like he already knew me. And I couldn’t
not
look at him that way anymore.”

Becoming Us - 23

Bryce swallowed hard, staring up into the dark. Pieces of the summer played across his memory like film clips taped together. He could still see that smile and the flicker of light in the other man's brown eyes. “Josh. Josh has this fucking radar. God. Worse, once he starts, it's like he sucks people in with him. And I know the guy needed the job. He must’ve, because no one would put up with the shit Josh said. I never told Josh to shut the fuck up, Zac. I cannot do this anymore. It’s not me.”

“Then don’t do it.” Zac slid his hand up Bryce’s chest, curling it around the back of Bryce’s neck and pulling him close for a hug.

“I won’t.” Bryce wound himself around Zac and clung shamelessly. “I’m just so sorry.” He nuzzled into the curve of Zac’s neck and tried to relax.

“I know, Bryce.” Zac stroked Bryce’s back, long strokes that went from the nape of his neck all the way down to his waist, Zac’s hand warming him through the thin fabric of his shirt. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I know
you
. That’s who I like. You’re a good guy, Bryce.” Bryce clung for a long time, breathing in the scent of Zac’s skin, letting the touches relax him.

The sadness faded enough for arousal to surface slowly. Just this little touching and closeness was turning him on. Maybe that really was why this used to scare him so much. Because he wanted it. Because they were right.
They were right.
It was too late now.

Zac had said he wasn’t sorry, that he didn’t mind that they’d kissed. Bryce couldn’t remember whether or not he’d felt Zac get hard under him. Had Zac really wanted him like he wanted Zac?

He needed Zac to want him, too, so he wouldn’t be alone with all this.

Bryce’s lips pressed against the soft, damp skin of Zac’s neck before he realized it, but then he did it again on purpose, kissing tenderly. Zac’s neck must’ve been pretty sensitive, because the soft kisses were enough to make him shiver. Zac tilted his head, offering his neck up for more kisses.

Bryce made himself not think about anything but the taste and texture of Zac’s skin as he slowly went from delicate presses of lips to lavishing wet kisses and bites and licks from Zac’s shoulder to his jaw and up under his ear, everywhere Zac gave him to kiss.

As the kisses got more intense, Zac’s breath came faster and he moaned softly. Zac’s hand slipped down from Bryce’s back to his ass, and he kneaded a little, pulling Bryce forward against him. Feeling Zac’s dick hardening, even through the fabric of their clothes, was a rush of relief.

Zac pulled Bryce closer, grinding up against him like he needed Bryce as much as Bryce needed him.

Bryce’s tongue rasped against Zac’s jaw and the texture of stubble made him whimper softly instead of turning him off. He could have spent all night worshipping the lines of Zac’s neck. His teeth were digging in slightly, and he was sucking on the tender skin, feeling drunk on Zac’s
Becoming Us - 24

moans. But Bryce couldn’t leave Zac with a neck covered in hickeys. Even on Zac’s darker skin, they were sure to show up.

Bryce made himself pull away, but Zac leaned in and then Bryce was kissing his mouth again, just as hungrily. Zac moaned into the kiss, licking at Bryce’s lips until Bryce opened up for him.

He was still kneading at Bryce’s ass, cupping and rubbing as he arched to get them closer together.

Bryce moved, letting Zac pull him over slowly until his weight pinned them together. For all that he was on top, his kisses were desperate and open and submissive; he could feel it all the way through. He wanted to be good, he wanted Zac to want him, and he wanted Zac. He was achingly hard, his dick pressing through their clothes, and he was making needy little noises into Zac’s mouth.

Zac got both hands on Bryce’s ass, shamelessly stroking it through Bryce’s shorts. His body was moving under Bryce’s, but Zac wasn’t pushing him away. He was rocking his hips, dragging his cock against Bryce’s body. “Bryce,” he moaned, and then he was pressing up into the kisses again, slicking his tongue into Bryce’s mouth.

Bryce rolled them over so that Zac was on top. Now, he wasn’t the one in charge of anything; it was all up to Zac how far they went. Bryce wanted so much that his want went past the end of what he knew and into the shadows of his fear and deeper still, leading him into places he had dreamed of in wet, desperate nightmares.

“God, yeah.” Zac quickly settled over Bryce, braced on his elbows, his hips dragging against Bryce’s. He kissed Bryce’s neck and jaw and behind his ear, just like Bryce had done to him.

Bryce let his head fall back and offered himself up, his body speaking for him. He would do anything Zac wanted, so long as he didn’t have to think about it. He was breathing so hard, he was dizzy. When he ran his hands up Zac's back, his palms pressed against rippled muscle under satin skin. He wished he’d taken off his shirt to feel Zac’s bare chest against his.

This wasn’t anything like any sex he’d ever had before. Zac’s mouth was hot and sweet on his skin; he pressed up to get more of it, digging his fingers into Zac’s back. The feel of Zac’s dick pushing against him just made him feel good, wanted.

“Zac, Zac,” he whispered, hardly aware he was even speaking. It felt like the words were echoing around in his head. He wasn’t thinking anymore. “God, Zac. So good.” Zac groaned, mouth leaving damp trails down Bryce’s neck, and then he yanked the collar of Bryce’s shirt aside to get to his shoulder. He finally kissed back to Bryce’s mouth, but only briefly, before he was on his way back down the other side.

Desperate for more, Bryce slid his hands down to Zac’s ass, pulling him close and grinding up against him. Zac was driving him crazy; he’d never expected to feel like this with a guy, even if he’d felt glimmers of attraction. He hadn’t been on the edge like this since high school.

Becoming Us - 25

God, Zac had a nice ass. The realization that he could touch all he wanted made Bryce’s breath catch. He had big hands and Zac’s ass fit them so perfectly. He touched everywhere from the small of Zac’s back to his thighs, his fingers brushing the crease. As he touched, something in him whispered that he had always wanted to know how Zac would feel.

“Fuck. Zac. You feel so good.” His voice was ragged with need. He
needed
Zac in a way he’d never felt before.

“Yeah.” Zac spread his legs, straddling Bryce’s hips, and kept moving. He kissed Bryce on the mouth again, licking past Bryce’s lips and sucking at his tongue.

Bryce shuddered and arched up, groping and kneading and stroking Zac’s ass. All he could do was answer Zac’s body, follow Zac’s lead. There was wetness on his belly from his dick leaking and he was moaning into Zac’s mouth, but he couldn’t have said what he needed right now, not even that he needed to get off.

Zac pulled back from the kisses to gasp, “God, Bryce, your
hands
,” and then he was kissing Bryce again, harder, deeper. He moaned against Bryce’s mouth, his hips moving faster.

Bryce wanted to touch skin, but not so much that he could make himself stop so they could strip.

He could feel enough like this, fingers slipping between Zac’s asscheeks, riding up between Zac’s thighs to brush his balls, feeling all of Zac through the thin summer fabric of his pajama pants.

The kisses were driving him crazy; he was trembling with the rush of everything they’d done together. Zac was shuddering, grinding down and back against Bryce’s hands and body. His moans turned into whimpers and then Bryce felt him roll his hips hard, like he was coming.

“Oh, God, Zac, oh, God,” Bryce gasped, rocking against Zac as Zac rode him. “
Please
.”
Please
come. Please let me make you come
. He kissed Zac fiercely, too caught up in Zac’s orgasm to realize how close he was to coming, too.

“
Bryce
.” Zac tensed up, and then shuddered. “God, Bryce, so good.” He kept moving, grinding down against Bryce’s hard dick like he still hadn’t had enough of feeling it against him.

“Yes. Fuck. Please.” Bryce could feel wet seeping through to his skin, Zac’s come soaking through their clothes, and his hands tightened on Zac’s hips, hard. Oh, Christ, he’d made Zac come. “Zac...”

He couldn’t stop, couldn’t ask Zac if he could come, couldn’t do anything but make helpless little noises as he came. Oh, God, it was so good, pleasure spilling out of him with jerks and whines. He’d never just
let go
like this before; God knew no one had ever made him come in his pants before.

Becoming Us - 26

“God, that’s so hot.” Zac relaxed into it, moving the way Bryce needed him to. “So fucking hot, Bryce.”

Bryce couldn’t speak or even parse what Zac was saying until he was spent, his boxers and shorts soaked with his come and Zac’s. He was wide-eyed, trying to see by the pale ambient light filtering in the window. He couldn’t quite see Zac’s face to know everything was really okay.

“Zac.” Bryce could hardly hear his own voice. Little shivers of pleasure were still racing through him, but he already needed reassurance.
Oh, God, oh, God, please don’t be mad. Please be okay.

Zac stroked Bryce’s chest as Zac leaned down over him. He kissed Bryce on the mouth, softly.

“So good, Bryce,” he whispered, and then kissed him again.

Bryce fumbled up Zac’s body until his hands cupped the nape of Zac’s neck and he kissed Zac back, trying to catch his breath, overwhelmed with emotion. “Yeah,” he managed to say. “Good, Zac.”

Zac sort of collapsed down onto Bryce, sprawling over him except where he was being held up by his elbows, and asked, “You okay? That was... it was good, right?”

“God. I... Zac. Yeah.” Bryce wrapped his arms around Zac and held on, burying his face in Zac’s shoulder. “Really good.” Coming like that had been amazing; he couldn’t even explain why it had been so good.

They stayed like that for a while, and then Zac sat up. “Sticky,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I’m gonna...” He tugged at the waistband of his pajama pants. “You mind if I get outta these?”

“No, if I can, too.” Bryce wriggled under him. He was going to wake up feeling like he was fourteen again. It wasn’t like having clothes on had stopped them from getting all over each other. The excuses weren't because he wanted to feel Zac bare against him, he told himself.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Zac rolled up off the bed and onto his feet, and then wriggled out of his pajama pants. He balled them up in one hand and wiped at the mess on his belly. Bryce did the same, shedding his clothes and wiping himself off. He dropped his balled up clothes on the floor and sprawled across Zac’s bed. For a moment, he forgot to be self-conscious, he was so busy trying to see Zac's face.

Zac was smiling when he turned around. The light was just enough that from this angle Bryce could see Zac’s face and the look in his eyes, and Bryce needed to see that more than anything else, to know that everything was okay between them.

Zac looked at Bryce and his eyes got wide, like he wanted what he saw. They’d been naked together before, plenty of times, but not like this, not ever with Zac looking at him like that.

There was a raw need in Zac’s expression that was visceral and hot and unapologetic. No one had ever looked at Bryce like that before and it made his breath catch.

Becoming Us - 27

Zac came back to bed, crawling in next to Bryce. He skimmed one hand over Bryce’s chest and leaned in close to kiss him on the mouth.

Bryce pulled the covers up and kissed Zac back, pulling him into his arms. He clung to Zac, murmuring, “Thank you.” He felt scared and better all at once.

“Hey, man, my pleasure.” Zac tipped his head up to show Bryce his grin. It gentled after a second, though, and he added, “You’re welcome, Bryce.”

Bryce laughed at him, quietly. “Just promise you won’t badmouth me on Facebook because I don’t call you in the morning, dude,” he teased. The way Zac took him seriously was soothing, knowing Zac
got
him.

“Nah, but if you don’t take me to the homecoming dance, I’m gonna be pissed,” Zac teased back, laughing and settling down in Bryce’s arms.

“Only because you put out.” Teasing took the edge off and felt normal. They’d always given each other a hard time.

Bryce tucked them up together so that Zac’s head was nestled under his chin. They fit together nicely and Bryce loved to cuddle; it was one thing he’d always managed to be nearly shameless about. Zac had always obliged him, too. Maybe he’d turned Zac on before. He wondered, and it wasn’t just vanity. Bryce wanted to know what else he’d been missing all this time, since the’d been oblivious to so much, even the potential for his own attraction to Zac.

His mind was churning with what he’d just done, but trusting Zac and being furious with his dad made it all easier. He had to pick sides anyway, no matter what, and at least now he'd done something instead of being backed into a corner. Bryce was in it now, and his honesty would never let him go back on it. It felt better to be like this, to have
done
anything at all, even though he was afraid he was going to pay for it later, somehow.

Becoming Us - 28

Being away from his family always let Bryce feel... real. Real was the word. Very real. Ten minutes before noise curfew on a Saturday night kind of real. It was so good to be back at school, even if things weren’t quite the same. He was slouched in a worn-out armchair in the front room of a big old Victorian house rented out to seven girls in the Rec and Leisure program, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, watching a pair of sophomore girls feeling each other up while they danced to some hip-hop song so loud he couldn’t hear the words. Real was definitely a good thing.