Becoming Your Spouse's Better Half (21 page)

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Authors: Rick A Johnson

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The second PMS pattern noted was increased deep limbic activity and increased activity in the cingulate gyrus, which is the area of the brain associated with shifting attention. Women with this pattern often complain of sadness, worry, and negative thoughts and verbalizations.
8
What Helps
 
There are several natural options and activities that reportedly help relieve the discomfort associated with menstruation. These suggestions were gathered from a variety of sources cited earlier in the chapter, as well as from a number of women’s comments from an email survey. They are not meant to be medical advice but merely suggestions to help with discomfort. Any serious or ongoing problems should be discussed with your physician. Guys, by being aware of these remedies you can help make sure your wife takes care of herself properly and suffers less as a result.
Diet
 
As noted earlier, one of the main discomforts associated with a woman’s period is congestive cramping, which causes the body to retain fluids and salt. To counter congestive cramping, it is recommended that a woman avoid wheat and dairy products, alcohol, caffeine, and refined sugar. Caffeine constricts blood vessels and increases tension. While menstruating, refrain from drinking caffeinated drinks such as coffee, tea, cola, or cocoa.
Reportedly, eating smaller, more frequent meals that are high in complex carbohydrates, along with taking a daily multivitamin with calcium, is helpful as well. Eat lots of fresh vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and fruit. Avoid red meat, refined sugars, milk, and fatty foods. Putting cayenne pepper on food was also suggested. It is a vasodilator (it widens the lumen of blood vessels) and improves circulation.
Anecdotal information also suggests that eliminating NutraSweet from the diet will significantly relieve menstrual cramps. If you drink sugar-free sodas or other forms of NutraSweet, try eliminating them completely for two months and see what happens.
Take a multivitamin every day that includes four hundred micrograms of folic acid. A calcium supplement with vitamin D can help keep bones strong and may help ease some PMS symptoms.
De-stress
 
Avoiding stress and finding ways to relax apparently help alleviate many symptoms associated with PMS. Meditating and deep-breathing exercises help to eliminate strain and pressure. Find healthy ways to cope with stress—talk to your friends, exercise, or write in a journal.
Also, a massage works wonders. You may find that keeping your abdomen warm with a hot water bottle or something similar works as well.
Lastly, take time for yourself. Pampering yourself and taking care of your needs keeps stress at bay and improves your mental and emotional outlook.
Other Options to Alleviate Cramping
 
Exercise regularly. This will improve blood and oxygen circulation throughout the body, including the pelvis. Get enough sleep. Try to get eight hours of sleep each night. Don’t smoke. Try not to use tampons. Many women find that tampons increase cramping. Don’t use an IUD (intrauterine device) as your birth control method.
What Can a Husband Do to Help?
 
Offer her a foot massage or a back rub. Head massages are nice as well.
Offer to cook dinner and then do the dishes afterward.
Bring her a hot water bag and encourage her to take a nap.
Give her a day off from chores by doing them yourself without even letting her know.
Take the kids to the store, or watch the kids and allow her to go shopping by herself.
Light some candles around the tub and draw her a nice hot bath.
Give her free time alone to meditate, journal, or talk with friends.
 
Finally, over-the-counter pain relievers such as ibuprofen, aspirin, or naproxen may help ease cramps, headaches, backaches, and breast tenderness.
 
If you’re like me, guys, I’m glad I’m a man and less complex physiologically than a woman. Frankly, not having to deal with all these complicated issues every month for the majority of my life is just fine with me. However, learning about what women go through makes me more understanding and empathetic.
Much like the myths perpetrated upon masculinity, such as sex being just a “physical” need or men having fragile egos because they are prideful, there are legitimate reasons why women appear irrational and behave strangely during their menstruation period. However, the stereotype of women using this time of the month as an excuse for poor behavior has been exacerbated by those women who abuse the presence of their symptoms to justify their attitudes, or by unscrupulous defense attorneys trying to make a name for themselves in high-profile trials.
In several recent criminal trials, the defense attorney used the “PMS Defense.” This is where the defendant tries (sometimes successfully) to use the symptoms of PMS as a defense or a mitigating factor to excuse criminal behavior including drunk driving, assault, and even murder. That seems to be tantamount to a man using “midlife crisis” as an excuse to dump his wife for a younger woman. Those women who genuinely suffer from exaggerated symptoms (and, in fact, all women) have paid the price for this malfeasance of the truth by people who should know better.
Understanding your wife’s struggles during this “mood” of her life will help you to meet her needs and be less frustrated by the side effects. And not to put too selfish of a spin on this, but once a woman’s needs are met, it’s hard to out-give her, and you’ll benefit because of your efforts.
 
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
—Love the fact that God made her so different.
All women have a monthly cycle that includes menstruation (a period).
Part of this cycle includes experiencing unpleasant side effects.
Hormones released in the body can cause a woman to act irrationally at least periodically.
A woman needs her husband’s understanding and support from time to time in this area.
 
Get inside Her Head
I don’t know why, but I feel like I want to rip someone’s head off.
I am crabby and bloated.
I feel like staying in bed and crying all day.
These cramps hurt so bad, but if I complain he’ll think I’m using them as an excuse.
Chocolate—I need chocolate!
 
Words Have Meaning
 
Words That Heal
“How would you like a foot rub, sweetheart?”
“I’ll take the kids. Why don’t you go take a nap while I get dinner ready?”
“Can I get you anything from the store?”
“How about a nice, warm bath before bedtime?”
 
 
Words That Hurt
“Would you stop complaining all the time? It can’t be that bad.”
“You must be a hypochondriac.”
“You’re just using this as an excuse because you don’t want to go.”
“I don’t see other women acting like you do.”
Women’s Mood
# 6
 
Spiritual
 
“My Sweet Baby Girl”
 
 
 
When it comes to little girls, God the father has nothing on father, the god. It’s an awesome responsibility.
Frank Pittman, in
Women and Their Fathers
 
 
W
e have a great big gray-and-white tuxedo cat named George that lives with us. George weighs between twenty and twenty-five pounds depending on how many times he’s eaten that day (which is a pretty constant occurrence). Even though he’s hefty, he’s also a beast—heavily muscled and slightly belligerent. He’s so powerful that if we put a harness on him, he could probably pull a cart if he had to. I’ve always been a dog kind of guy, but I really like George. In fact, he’s more like a dog than a cat—he comes when you call his name, and he likes to be patted solidly on his haunches and back. He only likes men; for some reason he can’t stand women, which irritates my wife and daughter to no end.
Unlike most cats, George generally does not like being stroked or sitting on anyone’s lap. He will occasionally jump up on my lap in the recliner, but he weighs so much that my legs soon fall asleep and I find myself irritating him until he gets exasperated and jumps off. Lastly, he’s lazy. All he does is eat, poop, and sleep. George’s one and only hobby in life is terrorizing Riley, our cowardly one-hundred-pound Lab/shepherd mix. As you know, “stuff” runs downhill, so whenever George gets messed with, Riley ends up catching the brunt of it.
Despite all that, I find I like George’s disdainful character. My son or I will often scoop him up, flop him over a shoulder like a half-full bag of flour, and squeeze him until he gets exasperated and squeaks in protest (George cannot meow for some reason). But either he really likes it or he’s too dumb to know any better, because even though he fights to get away, he generally comes right back repeatedly for more torture.
The other day I scooped him up and squeezed the stuffing out of him, and after I let him go, he huffed several times and stared at me reproachfully. I told him not to get mad because I could pick him up again if I wanted to—in fact, I could do anything I wanted to him. (Yes, I apparently do spend too much time in the office by myself, evidenced by the fact that I talk to a cat.)
Then it struck me:
I wonder if that’s how God feels about me sometimes.
He just enjoys picking me up and squeezing me until I squawk, and somehow he derives joy from doing something occasionally that aggravates me. I know that’s probably not true, and of course it flies in the face of most serious theological perceptions of God, but I can’t help wondering sometimes if God doesn’t mess with me just because he can. It sure seems that way. I believe God has a great sense of humor, and I wouldn’t put it past him to play a prank on me every now and then. Some of the methods he uses to teach me lessons sure seem to have a humorous side about them, anyway.
But that might be more of a man’s perception of God than a woman’s. Women, I think, tend to have a larger, deeper, and perhaps more personal relationship with God than do most men. They are more willing to submit to his omniscience and humble themselves before him. They probably hold him in greater awe than men do (or at least are willing to admit through their actions). It has been my observation that women tend to pray and worship more deeply than men do. Look around in church during worship service—it is most often the women with their hands raised, their eyes closed, and tears streaming down their faces. They are able to let themselves go more easily in communion with the Holy Spirit. In fact, because they are more relational and intuitive, they may be able to access the Holy Spirit more easily than men.
Because women are more relational, I think they tend to have a deeper relationship with God. They are probably more able to love or be
in
love with the masculine image of a heavenly Father than most men are. While I fear God greatly (which is the beginning of wisdom) and I feel like I have a close relationship with him, I generally do not feel like he is my “lover,” my husband, the lover of my soul, my soul mate, or any of the other terms of endearment that worship songs attribute to him. That probably closes off a certain intimacy in our relationship that a woman might be able to access more readily.
I’m always a little suspect of the man who claims to be “in love” with Jesus. Men like this are rare. They are the exception, not the rule. When you do see these men, they are noticeably different and stand out from the average guy. Truthfully, I’m not even sure I know exactly what it means for a man to love Jesus with all his heart. Perhaps that’s a flaw on my part, but I don’t know that I have been through enough struggles or suffered enough to truly love and appreciate God.

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