Before I Wake (23 page)

I understood now. I think. “How? Just by thinking about it?”

“You can bend everything in this Realm to your will.”

“Because I’m a Nightmare?”

“Because you’re the daughter of Morpheus, and because you’re a Nightmare.”

Obviously I still had a lot to learn, because I wasn’t sure what the difference was—unless my parentage made me even freakier.

And damn, wasn’t that something I should know? I was so tired of being an idiot when it came to this stuff. And yet, it was as though I couldn’t quite bring myself to embrace it totally, to let that freakiness inside.

I didn’t want to be a freak.

I pushed that thought away as I focused my attention on Verek’s necklace. “Get rid of it,” he had said. As I stared at the teeth, I imagined what his neck would look like without them—I pushed the thought outward, demanding that the necklace be gone.

And then it was, and there was nothing but tanned flesh where it had been.

Verek grinned. “Excellent.” Then he held up his wrist where several shark-tooth bracelets had appeared. “Now, try it again. Only this time I’m going to try to fight you. Take it slow, one at a time.”

I focused on the first bracelet and tried to will it away as I had the necklace. As I made the demand, I felt the answering wall of Verek’s will opposing mine, pushing me back. I pushed harder. So did he.

Sweat popped along my hairline as tension crept into the muscles and tendons up the back of my neck and shoulders. I could feel the pressure in my head. My only satisfaction was seeing the strain on Verek’s face as he fought me. It wasn’t easy for him, and that made me want to push harder—even though I was afraid my brain might explode.

But my will wasn’t in my head. My will—my personal power—was inside me. Some people called it the soul, that intangible, essential part of ourselves. Others might think of it as the id—that primitive part of each of us that is all about survival. However you wanted to think about it, it was that place deep inside my core that gave me power. Calling upon it was like locating my diaphragm or isolating my abs. First I had to find it, then I had to figure out how to work it, but when I did, I could feel the energy flooding me from the bottom of my feet on up.

And then I unleashed it at Verek.

The blow struck him hard. There was a blast of light, and I ducked, shielding myself even though the light was all my own. When I looked up, Verek was on his back on the sandstone, looking dazed.

He was also naked.

I was horrified, but that didn’t stop laughter from building in my chest. Hand over my mouth, I went to him as he eased himself into a sitting position. “Are you all right?” I asked.

Unabashed by his nudity and seemingly unharmed, he blinked at me. “If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask.”

His humor was so unexpected that I laughed, then I offered him my hand. He took it and stood. “I guess I didn’t focus on the bracelet intensely enough.”

“You’re concentration was fine,” he informed me as his clothes suddenly materialized once more. “I think what we have to do is teach you to control your power. You have a lot of it.”

Despite his grim expression—which I was beginning to accept as his normal look—that simple statement gave me a grin. Better yet, it gave me hope. “Really? You think I’m powerful?”

Suddenly, he was very serious. “I think you’re very powerful, Dawn. And I think that should be our little secret for the time being.”

A faint hum of dread settled over my heart. “All right.”

But then he smiled—and I saw what the shark had—as a new necklace and bracelets appeared on his skin. “Oh, and don’t tell anyone you saw me naked.”

I would have rather gouged out my own eyes than go to work the next morning. In fact, I looked as though I had tried to do just that. Stress had me bleary and red-rimmed as I slogged through paperwork and research for Dr. Canning.

I tried not to think about last night with my parents. There was nothing I could do about it. Nothing that I wanted to do about it. I wished I could talk to Noah, but he probably wouldn’t want to offer a sympathetic ear. I had to admit there was part of me that wanted him to know that I had spent most of the night with another man—a gorgeous, if scary, one at that. But how sad was it that the one man I had managed to get naked was not the one I wanted to get naked with?

But regardless of that, Verek had helped me learn how to change elements of the Dream Realm, and he had helped me focus and control that power. I felt like I had accomplished something—like I just might be able to stand on my own against Karatos eventually, and I was grateful for that.

I had told him that as well, as we parted ways just before dawn. I also told him that I thought it was possible for him to be both my father’s lackey and my friend. He had grinned then and given me a hug. A friendly hug. For now, friends were all we would ever be, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I resented Noah at that moment. I resented him for being the one I wanted to be more than friends with because it would be so much easier with Verek.

So I threw myself into work and tried not to give my mother, father, Verek, or Noah another thought. I was paging through an article on SUNDS and wondering just how many of these deaths had been natural and how many had been the work of a Terror like Karatos, when Dr. Canning knocked on my door. I knew it was him because he walked in before I could say a word. Guess you can afford to be rude when you run the place, but I could have been with a patient or adjusting my bra or something.

“Dawn,” he said in his low, cultured tone. “A moment?”

I closed the periodical and straightened in my chair. “Of course, Dr. Canning.”

He didn’t sit but remained standing. I’m pretty sure he did it to intimidate me. He was good at things like that.

“Noah Clarke called me this morning. He’s withdrawing from the sleep study.”

My heart pinched. Crap. “Oh?”

“I thought you might know something about his reasoning.”

“Why would I know that?” But I did know. He had left the study because of me, and it made me want to puke.

“I’ve heard talk that the two of you are…friendly.”

Bonnie. She wouldn’t have done it with the intention of causing trouble, but she had opened her mouth and speculated to the wrong person. And that person had been more than eager to blab to Dr. Canning.

“That wouldn’t be very ethical of me,” I reminded him uselessly. It was easier than admitting the truth. “Not to mention it could have ramifications on my own research.”

“But it could explain why he withdrew.” Dr. Canning watched me closely. “So he hasn’t said anything to you?”

I sat back, fingers gripping the arms of my chair. “I haven’t seen Noah Clarke for days.” It wasn’t really a lie. I hadn’t seen Noah for a while, and I didn’t imagine I’d ever see him again. That realization hurt.

Dr. Canning nodded slowly, as if my words had given him something to think about. “I’m concerned about you, Dawn.”

“Sir?”

“Your work has shown a noticeable decline these past two weeks.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Is there something you’d like to discuss?”

His mouth was saying one thing, but his body language was saying another. He didn’t want to know my problems. He didn’t care.

All he cared about was this clinic and how he looked in the media. The police had been looking into him since Nancy Leiberman’s death—nothing big, but I bet it embarrassed Canning no end. Of course they were going to investigate him. He’d gotten a lot of exposure from the SUNDS cases, and a lot of business as well. I understood why he would want to take that frustration out on someone. I just wished it was someone other than me.

“No.” Even if he did care about my personal life, I wouldn’t share it with him. “I’ve been distracted by some family issues. I won’t let it interfere with work anymore.”

“Your mother?” Dr. Canning asked with a frown.

So much for body language. “Yes. My family has found a specialist who thinks he can wake her up.”

Canning made a scoffing sound. “Wake her up? Does he think she’s merely asleep?”

“Something like that.” We were not going to have this conversation. Dr. Canning was not going to mock my family, even if through association.

“Fool.”

I remained silent. After a moment, Dr. Canning realized that I hadn’t agreed with him and turned his attention to me. I kept my face blank.

A dull flush crept up his fair cheeks as the silence deepened. He cleared his throat. “Well, I wish your family the best, of course, and I hope that this will no longer affect your work.”

I nodded. “I will do my best, Dr. Canning.”

I could tell from the look on his face that he thought my best sadly lacking. I was getting so tired of this. I would give the clinic as much energy as I could. Next week the restrictions on my visa would be lifted, and I could work for whomever I wanted. The day after that became official, I was going to start looking for a new job. Maybe even before.

But first I had a Night Terror to slap around. And somehow, I had to protect Noah from that Terror, even though I was pretty sure Noah would prefer Karatos’s company over mine.

“I’m such a shit.” Bonnie took a sip of her Cosmo. “A bigmouthed shit.”

“Bah,” I voiced, plucking the cherry out of my Tom Collins. Bonnie had been done with work at the same time as I, so I’d invited her out for a drink—more to vent then to give her a hard time. She was doing a good job of that all by herself. “You’re not a shit.

I’m not going to argue the bigmouthed thing though.”

She smiled gratefully as I grinned at her. “I really am sorry, sweetie. If I had thought that Nadine would squeal to Canning, I never would have said anything. I was just so happy for you.”

Nadine was an intern working at the clinic, who I was pretty sure saw me as some kind of threat. Maybe she had a thing for Canning, or maybe she wanted my job. It didn’t matter.

I took a deep drink, the tart cocktail flooding my mouth with sweet ginny goodness. “Stop apologizing. I forgave you an hour ago.”

“I just can’t believe that little shit tossed you aside.” She drained her glass. “He seemed so yummy.”

“It’s not his fault. Not entirely.” I was big enough to admit that after two drinks. “My mouth opened, and garbage came out.”

Bonnie flagged a waitress for more drinks. “He should have jumped at the chance to have you.”

“Yeah. Well, he didn’t.” I really wanted to be okay with that. Noah and I didn’t have a relationship. We never got that far, so why did I feel like my heart was broken?

Beneath a layer of champagne eye shadow, Bonnie’s blue gaze turned sympathetic. “You like him, don’t you?”

It was like being in high school again, being asked if I “liked” a guy. “Yeah,” I admitted, knowing that she wouldn’t repeat the shameful admission despite her earlier transgression. “I really do.”

I liked Noah—a guy who didn’t want me to know much of anything about him or his life. A guy who dropped out of a sleep study just to avoid me. Me = loser.

She patted my hand. “It will fade, kiddo. It always does.”

Practical advice. And not the least bit romantic. I wanted to believe it even as the sappy side of my nature insisted it was impossible.

We stayed at the bar until eleven, then parted company. The buzz I’d built had started to fade, and I just wanted to go home and crash. I was starting to think about Noah again after a few hours of forgetful numbness, and I really didn’t want to go down that road again.

I walked into my apartment to hear Lola screaming.

Scared sober, I quietly slipped through the apartment—almost forgetting to close the door. Instinct had my hand inside my coat, grabbing the Marae blade. If someone was attacking my roommate, they were going to be awfully surprised.

My heart was pounding as I slunk toward the door to Lola’s room. It was partially open, and I peaked around the edge before slipping inside.

Lola was on the bed, thrashing. She was alone. Her limbs flailed against an invisible assailant as she cried out in her sleep. She was caught deep in the throes of a nightmare.

If I had been a fully powered Nightmare I could have slipped inside the Dream Realm and eased her terror from there, but since I was such a newbie, waking her up in this world would be much easier.

I set the blade on the nightstand and crawled onto the bed. My alcohol-shot equilibrium was thrown even further out of whack by Lola’s tacky purple satin sheets.

“Lola!” I tried to grab her shoulders, but my knees kept sliding on the slippery bedding, and Lola kept twitching. It was almost impossible to get a grip on her, but finally I did. I shook her. “Lola!”

Her eyelashes fluttered, then ripped open to reveal terror-wide eyes. It took a second for her to focus on me. “Dawn?”

I smiled. “It’s me.”

She threw herself on me with a grateful cry, hauling me against the generous pillow of her chest. “Oh, thank God! I had the worst dream.”

She was singing my song. I sat back on the bed, breaking her hold on me. I took her hands in mine so she wouldn’t feel abandoned. “Want to talk about it?”

There was no hesitation. “We were downtown at a club, you and me. And there was this gorgeous guy who wanted to dance with us.”

Were she a patient, there were plenty of questions I could ask right now to ascertain the meaning of her dream, but it was more important right now for Lola to simply talk it out. “Then what?”

She pulled her hands free of mine, gathering up a pillow to hug it tightly against her. “We were dancing to Leo Sayer—‘You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’—and it was great. Then he grabbed you.” Her forehead creased as she played the scene in her head. “He had you by the throat, and he was strangling you. You fought him, but it didn’t seem to matter. He wouldn’t let go.”

I was creeped out. “Go on.”

Lola’s gaze met mine, and there were tears in her eyes. “He killed you. He killed you, and all I could do was stand there and watch.”

I hugged her, which was awkward because she still had a death grip on the pillow. “It’s all right, Lo. It was just a dream.” Oh, the irony.

“He was going to kill me, too. He said you wouldn’t be able to save me. He was coming for me, and you wouldn’t be able to stop him.”