Before I Wake (22 page)

I was going to have to tell them. I didn’t want to, but it would save a lot of trouble in the long run. Chances were that the specialist wouldn’t be able to wake Mom up after all. My father was all-powerful when it came to dreams, and I had my doubts that any mere mortal could stand against him.

Of course I could be wrong. If a dirtbag like Karatos could fool him, maybe Morpheus wasn’t as bright as I thought. Either way, it sucked. And I was on my own.

Lola decided to take a bath, so I called Julie to make a date for the weekend. She and Joe were headed out of town on Friday, so we made plans to do lunch after they got back instead.

I wondered what Noah was doing Saturday night. Not me, that was for certain.

Had I been out of line with him? Didn’t I have a right to know if a guy liked me or was under supernatural influence? Normal people didn’t have these worries.

I went to bed shortly after saying good night to Julie. As I walked down the hall to my room, I could hear Lola snoring gently in hers.

I changed into my boxers and tank top and climbed into bed. The sheets were a little cold, as was the temperature in my room, but I pulled the comforter up under my chin and snuggled down. I would warm up soon enough, and there was nothing better for sleeping than a warm bed in a cool room.

Instead of waiting for the veil of sleep to transport me to The Dreaming, I decided to try meditation. I should be able to cross over when awake. Having to be asleep was just one more thing holding me back from my true potential, plus it put me at a decided disadvantage.

I emptied my mind—not an easy task for me. Then I imagined a lovely warmth entering through my toes and working its way up to my head. Usually, I started thinking of other things when I did this, but I managed to keep my thoughts clear. Maybe there was hope for me yet. By the time I was warm all over, I was also totally relaxed.

My eyes opened, heavy and unfocused. Hovering in the air before me was a shimmering opalescent sliver of light. It flickered and pulsed, like the glow from a TV through a partially closed door. This was the entrance to The Dreaming. Eventually I would be able to conjure it with a simple thought, but for now I was pretty puffed up at myself for summoning it this quickly. Now to see if I really could physically enter the world.

I sat up and reached out both hands. Warmth spilled over me as my fingers slipped into the bright crevice. I pulled at the fissure, peeling it back to widen the void. I was like a butterfly, breaking through the fragile membrane of its cocoon to emerge transformed. The comparison was not lost on me. Entering into The Dreaming was a transformation as I left mortal Dawn Riley behind and became grace and power—more than mortal. I wasn’t willing to think beyond that because thinking of myself as a goddess was too weird even for me.

The “door” was wide enough for my shoulders now, so I eased through, crawling out on the other side. As I entered The Dreaming, I clothed myself in jeans and a T-shirt and ballerina flats. It was more for my own sense of coverage than anything else.

I was in the great hall of the castle. I could have put myself into my father’s personal rooms, or even in the rooms set aside for me, but the hall felt more impersonal. I didn’t want to let myself to be too familiar with the castle, but I didn’t want to put myself outside, where the mist and the things living in it might get me.

I looked up and saw my father coming through a vaulted door at the far end of the hall. He was very lord of the manor in a crisp white shirt and pressed black pants.

“You look like an Abercrombie & Fitch ad,” I told him with a reluctant smile when he was close enough to hear.

He grinned. “That’s exactly what your mother said.”

That killed whatever good mood I might have been nurturing. “Yeah. Is she around? I need to talk to the two of you.”

The pleasure on his face was hard to ignore, but I tried. He didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t exactly excited about this meeting.

If I wanted a touching reunion with my mother, wouldn’t I be more enthusiastic?

Morpheus didn’t move. Didn’t even say a word, but within a minute of my saying I wanted to talk to Mom as well, she was coming through the same door he had, looking as impressive as he had in ivory cashmere slacks and sleeveless turtleneck. I looked away from her hopeful expression. It made my eyes burn.

“You wanted to speak to us, Dawn?”

I glanced at her; it was all I could manage. “Yeah. Joy called me earlier tonight.”

Morpheus turned to her. “Your daughter?”

“You don’t know her.” My mouth was my greatest downfall. “She doesn’t know about you either.”

My parents turned to face me as a unit, and I felt the combined weight of their disappointment. I sighed.

My mother lifted her chin. “How is she?”

“She’s fine. Your grandchildren are good too.” Burn.

“I know. Morpheus shows me their dreams.”

I glanced at my father. “Aren’t you just adorable.” How could either of them think that a little dream-spying was good enough?

His face darkened, and he opened his mouth, but I cut him off before he could say a word. “She called to tell me that the family is bringing in a new specialist. A neurologist.”

My mother didn’t look worried. “They’ve done that before.”

I didn’t like her certainty. “This one isn’t treating your condition like a coma. He’s treating it like something you’ve done yourself.

He says he can wake you up.”

Morpheus answered that one. “They won’t.”

I disliked his certainty even more. “Does this even bother the two of you?”

My mother stepped forward. “Dawn…”

I held up my hand. “Your family misses you. They’ve spent thousands of dollars on doctors because they want you back, and you don’t even have enough feeling to give them the consideration they deserve.” My throat was tight. “They think you were taken from them. They have no idea you left on your own.”

She took another step toward me, and my vision started to blur despite my anger. “Dawn, I had to think of my own happiness.”

I backed away as she touched me. I didn’t want her hands on me. “What about Dad—your husband? His life is on hold while you fuck around with your lover boy here.”

Morpheus straightened, shooting me a look that no doubt made most mortals tremble. “Do not talk to your mother that way.”

“Back off.” I glared at him. “You don’t get to play daddy, not when you’re the cause of all of this.”

“I never meant to hurt anyone,” my mother insisted, her expression strained. “There was no other way.”

When I thought about how much my brother and sisters missed her, how much her grandchildren missed her…“You could have killed yourself.” Cold, but true.

Both were staring at me as though they couldn’t believe I had just said what I did. I didn’t stop there. “The dead can come here, even I know that. You’re just selfish.”

My mother literally snapped backward. My father’s face was pale, and mine had tears streaming down it. “I was an idiot to come here,” I ground out. “An idiot to think I could do this. I can’t stand what you’ve done to your children. I can’t stand knowing the truth. And I can’t stand the sight of you.”

Morpheus found his voice. “That’s enough.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “You’re right, it is. I’ll keep my end of the bargain and come here until Karatos is caught, but after that I’m done. I won’t betray my family like she did.”

And then, just like a heroine in a novel, or a movie, I turned on my heel and walked away, back to the portal to my bedroom. I never looked back.

Even though I wanted to.

I might not have looked back, but I eventually went back. That night, in fact. It was unavoidable. As soon as sleep took me—and I was as susceptible to it as any human, although physically traveling to The Dreaming could refresh me as sweetly as any nap—I allowed myself to drift consciously into the Realm, rather than invite my own dreams.

I needed to go someplace soothing to think. Someplace that made me feel comforted, secure, and calm. It wasn’t a surprise, then, when the world around me faded, then came back, bright and vivid as the beach near my grandmother’s house in rural Nova Scotia, where I had spent many summers growing up.

I sat high up on a sandstone outcropping about twenty feet up the steep bank. Trees kept a tenuous hold at the top, digging their roots deep into the rich red-brown soil to keep from toppling to the sand below. Another few years and the maples and evergreens would lose the battle and be ripped loose by erosion.

The breeze that combed through my hair was warm and salty, clean and fresh. The tide was almost fully in. It wouldn’t reach the bottom of the bank as it sometimes did, leaving not even an inch of beach. I wouldn’t let it come in that far.

I had great respect for this water, its moods and unpredictable nature. I’d heard the stories of people being caught out on the flats when the tide turned, of boats being stranded, children drowned. I had swum in its chilled waves, learning that an afternoon tide was the best on a hot day because the water would be warmed from rolling over the sun-warmed flats. Maybe I would stay long enough for the tide to reverse its path and go out once more. I could dig some clams and steam them on the beach over a driftwood fire.

But for now, I was content to sit on my rough perch in shorts and a halter, my feet bare as the sun warmed my skin and made the water sparkle like a bowl of crystals. Life was sweet here. Peaceful. I was small and insignificant on a mile-long stretch of empty beach. I’d never seen more than a dozen or so people on it at one time, and as a kid it had seemed my own private haven. That feeling returned now.

The sound of approaching footsteps made me look up with a sense of doom. I expected to see Morpheus or worse, my mother.

Instead, I was surprised to see Verek nimbly climb up to sit beside me.

Fabulous.

He was dressed in red surfer shorts, a white tank top, and black sandals. He was tanned and gorgeous in Ray-Bans and a shark-tooth necklace.

The shark teeth were a bit much. He grinned—or maybe it was a grimace—when I told him as much, his own teeth big and blindingly white. “But I pulled them from the shark myself.”

I bet he had. Poor shark.

He glanced around us, face tilted slightly toward the sun. “Nice place.”

I didn’t say anything. I suppose my silence was answer enough. I really didn’t want to reveal myself or my feelings to a guy I was pretty sure was just a spy for my father. Plus, I didn’t know if he was here to talk or to kick my ass again.

Verek wasn’t daunted by my lack of conversation. “You know, Morpheus is doing all he can to find Karatos.”

“Yeah?” I turned my head. “How do you know that?”

“He asked me to head the search personally.”

I studied him for a minute, so gorgeous and still. He had lifted the sunglasses, so I could see his eyes, and he let me search his face for any trace of untruth for as long as I wanted.

I saw none. “So why aren’t you looking?” I asked, looking away once more. I was shut up like a hermit crab in its shell.

“I found you instead.”

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin in the “V.” “Are you my friend or my father’s lackey?”

He didn’t jump at the bait. “Neither.”

“Why are you being so nice then.”

His eyes narrowed as he turned his incredibly muscular body toward mine. His expression was—surprise surprise—grim. “Get something straight, Princess—this world is not nice. You’re not going to meet many ‘nice’ people, what you’re going to get are people who are either loyal to you or not. I’m loyal to the Nightmare Guild, but I’m also loyal to your father, and because of that, to you.”

I swallowed. “Is that why you tried to kill me?”

“I was testing you. The Guild has to know your potential.”

That sounded ominous, and I purposefully avoided asking any more questions.

After a few seconds silence, Verek spoke again, “Morpheus has taken a lot of criticism for his relationship with your mother.”

“Good.”

“And for you.”

That softly spoken remark got my attention. I turned my head to gaze into clear eyes. I wasn’t that surprised, since Karatos had insinuated as much already. “Me?”

Verek’s face was impassive. “You’re not stupid. I think you know why you would cause some…anxiety in this world.”

I nodded. The whole one-of-a-kind thing was clearly the issue. “I shouldn’t exist.”

“But you do.”

And there it was. What more could I say?

“Why do you think Morpheus has been so hesitant in presenting you at court?”

I didn’t even know The Dreaming had a court. It wouldn’t have been something I’d know about as a child, and I had already cut myself off when it would have become important information.

“He wants you to be comfortable as a Nightmare, in your position as his daughter, before he introduces you to the kingdom.”

“And your job is to make sure I don’t embarrass him or the Nightmare Guild?”

He pinned me with those scary eyes. “My job is to determine whether or not you’re a danger to The Dreaming.”

“And if I am?” Hadn’t I just decided not to ask questions I didn’t want answered?

He smiled/grimaced again, and I knew the answer without him saying a word.

Fuck.

“His enemies will use you against him,” Verek informed me with absolutely no inflection. “I cannot let that happen.”

Could someone overthrow Morpheus? This was his kingdom. It always had been. But if there was discontent amongst the Dreamkin, that wouldn’t be good. I didn’t like thinking I was a part of it. I didn’t like thinking of what that might mean for me.

“What can I do?” The petulant child in me rebelled against doing anything that might help my father, but thankfully the mature side of me—the side that wasn’t about to put myself in any more danger if I could help it—won out.

“Learn to be a Nightmare,” Verek replied smoothly.

I arched a brow. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

He smiled at my sarcasm. “You don’t like my shark teeth? Then get rid of them.”

I moved closer, lifting my hands to search for the clasp on his necklace. He eased out of my reach. “No. Don’t remove it. Get rid of it.”