Before Sunrise (18 page)

Liam frowned. “No.”

“
Mommy. You’re mad at my
mommy. You made her cry.”

Liam swallowed his guilt. He used the cane
to balance as he knelt to her level, with his bad leg extended out.
“I am so very sorry for that. I didn’t want to make her cry, but
you’re right. I did. I will apologize to her, but first I want to
apologize to you.”

“
I thought she’d be happy,
that we’d be happy if you came. But she isn’t.”

“
Hey…that’s my fault. I want
to know if you can give me a second chance. Do you know what that
means?”

“
Start over?”

“
Yes. Let’s start over. I
really want to be here. To see you.” He touched her face. “To meet
Fishie.”

Mackenzie smiled. She surprised him by
coming into his arms and locking hers around his neck. He could
feel her little heartbeat racing against his chest. It cleared his
mind of thoughts of blame, and made his eyes tear. When he searched
her room, trying to drink in more knowledge of her life, his gaze
landed on the picture next to Fishie’s bowl. It was the picture
he’d e-mailed Kennedy while Mackenzie was still a little ball of
baby in her belly. Liam held his daughter tight to him, staring at
the man in that picture. He’d been miserable that day, hot and
hungry, tired of every grain of sand that swirled itself into every
human crevice it could find. Above all he’d been lonely. Would he
ever again be as happy as he was in the life he had before that
photo?

“
Merry Christmas and Happy
New Year.” Mackenzie kissed his cheek.

Liam dropped his head to her small shoulder
and cried. He didn’t mean to, but she freed him of so much pain in
that moment, it was the only response his body knew. “Thank you,
Mac. Thank you.”

For fully a minute, Liam held her, not
knowing how to let go. Then, swallowing his tears, he sniffled and
wiped his eyes against her shoulder. He released her and smiled. “I
think I should go and apologize to Mommy now.”

“
Okay. Then we can color?”
She turned and went to her bookshelf, pulling out a few books.
“See? Hello Kitty coloring book.”

Liam nodded. He had no idea who Kitty was
but he wanted to spend the rest of the night on the floor with her,
coloring. He forced himself to rise and sidle through the door.
“Can you stay in here until I come back?” he asked.

“
Okay, daddy-from-heaven.”
She sat on the floor and reached for her box of crayons. Liam
stared at her a moment longer, then shut the door.

Kennedy paced. She hugged
herself, shaking her head furiously. “What am I going to do? What
have I done? Oh God, what have I done? He hates me, I hate myself.
But…but…but he’s alive, it’s a miracle he’s alive!” She laughed
through her tears. Madness or not, her Liam was back. How many
times had she’d been told it wouldn’t happen. That it couldn’t
happen. And now her dreams had come true. Kennedy looked down to
her hands. The tremors were back. She’d experienced them the first
year after Liam died—
didn’t
die!
—whenever anxiety, grief, and emotion
overwhelmed her. She clenched her fist and felt her entire body
shudder. “Calm down, calm down,” she repeated, like a
mantra.

Where had he been? For five long years she
fought against believing this truth, and now he was here? What
could have happened to him? Kennedy recalled the way he favored his
left leg, leaning more than walking with his cane. She felt her
head swim and her stomach churn. Her hands went to her mouth. A
violent wave of nausea wound through her like a ribbon. She held
her breath, staring at the door. Flashes of Liam’s torture,
torment, and lonely days with no hope washed over her as her mind
connected the dots of what his life must have been.

She inhaled then exhaled tentatively;
Kennedy put her hand to her brow. The nausea passed. She tried to
make her head clear. She had to think this through. First thing
she’d to do would be to make sure Liam was okay. That he was
healthy. He would need somewhere to stay; he probably needed her to
care for him. She ached to do so. But how could she? Then there was
Phil.

Oh Lord. Phil. What am I to
say to Phil?
The truth? Tell the man she’d
vowed to love, honor, and obey that he’d been nothing but a
stand-in. How could she explain to Phil that her dreams had been
answered? She wanted to shout her happiness to the world. What
would he think of her if she told him the truth? Liam was what she
wanted now, today, tomorrow, forever.

In her peripheral vision,
she saw the rumpled sheets covering her bed. Flashes of the night
before, of making love with Phil, returned. Phil didn’t know Liam
was alive. How could he know? But he worked with them, had special
access to information. To the chain of command. She stepped back,
feeling faint again.
Did Phil
know?

“
No. He wouldn’t keep
something like this from me. No.”

Was it possible to feel your blood pressure
rise? Kennedy wondered as she grew weak and disillusioned. To think
that they all kept Liam’s rescue from her and the truth cut her
deep. So she settled on the facts, tried her best to think of it
like one of her cases, take the emotion out of it. Liam had
returned and he knew she’d remarried. He would never be able to
forgive that, forgive her. There was nothing she could do to make
him understand.

The door opened behind her.
Kennedy didn’t have to turn to know who stepped in. Closing her
eyes, she sucked down a deep breath and slowly faced him. Once
again she resisted the urge to explode into a fit of hysterical
laughter and sobs. Liam walked inside.
It’s him
.
It’s really him
. The look he gave her
broke her heart. He closed the door and fumbled to lock it. He
stared at her without a word. Kennedy broke the standoff. She
rushed back into his arms. And thankfully, he accepted her return
to him willingly.

He smelled like her Liam. Clean male skin,
spice, a mix of soap and aftershave. He felt like Liam, too. He had
a way of lifting her into his embrace that left her standing on her
toes. God help her, but to be in his arms was all she’d wanted,
night and day. She would need to hold him for some time to believe
he was real.

She pressed her face to his to feel the
warmth of his jaw. He’d returned to her alive. Miracles did
happen.

“
What did they do to you?
Liam, how did this happen?”

“
We can talk about that
later,” he whispered. His voice sounded dry. “I need you to pack
some things for you and Mac. We’re leaving.”

Kennedy slowly let him go. Face to face, she
saw his resolve. The old Liam, once his mind was made up, couldn’t
be swayed. This man before her looked even more resolute.

“
Now,” he said.

“
We have to
talk.”

“
Talk
?”

“
Liam, stop. Don’t yell at
me.”

“
Fuck it.” He let her go,
his lips curled in anger. “I’ll pack for you.”

To Kennedy’s stunned silence, he limped over
to the closet and ripped it open. She saw how he paled at the sight
of her clothes lined up next to Phil’s.

“
Liam, let me
explain.”

He grabbed her suitcase and dragged it out
and brought it to the bed. One look at the rumpled sheets, the
nightgown balled on the floor, and he froze. He just stood there,
staring at the evidence of her marriage. She felt sick. Ashamed.
And angry, but she wasn’t quite sure at whom. Maybe she was angry
at him for taking five years to come for them. Maybe she mourned
the time wasted, all the tears, and now he wouldn’t even talk to
her. He just barked at her and accused her with eyes that used to
look at her with love.

“
You have to let me
explain—”

Without warning, he turned and flung the
suitcase at the bed. It hit the headboard with a muffled thud and
dropped to the mattress. Kennedy stepped back until she bumped the
dresser.

“
How long before you
replaced me, Kay? That’s what I want to know.”

“
I thought you were
dead.”

“
Answer me,
dammit.”

“
It wasn’t like that. You
know I could never replace you.”

Liam turned on her. She’d never seen him
actually cry. In all the years she knew him, she never saw tears.
She had broken his heart, and for Liam this betrayal would be
unforgivable. She swore on their wedding night that she would be
his forever. She’d meant it. God help her, she’d meant it and she
still did. Nothing she did with Phil could replace the bond she had
with Liam. But how could she explain that to a man like him, whose
faith, once shaken, was impossible to restore? How would she feel
if she were in his shoes? What if he’d found some other woman to be
a mother to Mackenzie and warm his bed? Her legs turned to jelly;
her stomach churned. It became a physical pain. She felt her neck
and face grow hot with shame. If she unraveled now, how would she
ever get past the wall erected between them? How would she ever
reach him?

“
Forgive me,” she mouthed to
him. “Please, Liam. Just stop for a minute and listen to
me.”

“
Forgive you? For what? Huh?
For fucking a man that I warned you was not to be trusted? For
marrying him, giving away everything that was special between you
and me? Forgive you for not believing in me when I said that even
the war couldn’t keep me from you? Is that it? Or should I forgive
you for having my daughter call him father. Forgive you for
breaking every fucking vow we ever made?”

“
No. Forgive me f-for not
being perfect.” She wept. She shook her head. “Forgive me for
wanting anyone, anything to stop it from hurting so bad. For
wanting someone to keep me from wishing to be dead. She needed me,
Liam. Your daughter. I held on to my sanity the only way I could.”
Through her tears, she sputtered out her pain. “God knows I love
you, Liam, but you can’t do this to me. It’s not fair. You can’t
possibly think I would choose any of this over what we shared.
You’re my first love, my only love. You have no idea what I’ve been
through, how much I wanted to die to just be with you.”

“
Then pack your things and
come with me. Now. Prove it.”

“
And go where?” She tried to
get her bearings, to gather her thoughts and do what was best for
all of them. But her crime went far beyond what he knew. She’d been
trying to get pregnant. They’d tried last night. For all she knew,
she was already pregnant. What would he say then? He could barely
even look at her now.

His silence sucked all the air from the
room. She felt as if the walls were caving in all around her. She
forced strength to her heart and swallowed the ball of pain lodged
in her throat. She lifted her gaze to find Liam impossibly close.
He touched her, her hip, her waist. He placed his hand to the side
of her face and kept it there. He looked into her eyes.

In that moment, she saw so much suffering
that her hands went to his waist to hold on to him. He began to
speak slowly.

“
I survived because I always
knew you would be waiting for me.” His voice trembled with the
effort to remain calm. “I don’t want to hurt you, Kay, but this is
killing me. I want you to choose me
now
. I need it, Kay. I’ve gone
through too much shit. I need this. Do you understand?”

“
Yes. I
understand.”

“
I need you, Kay.” He kissed
her tears, her closed eyelids, then her lips. “Before sunrise,
remember? Tell me you remember. You and Mackenzie are all I have.
All I want.”

“
Yes. I remember, and I love
you so much. I’ve missed you so much. It’s a miracle, Liam, this is
a dream come true for Mackenzie and me. Welcome home,
baby.”

Kennedy kissed him. With the swirl of their
tongues she felt them begin to heal. It was a start. Liam dropped
his cane and grabbed her by both sides of her face and kissed her
with such urgency she couldn’t breathe. Finally, it ended. If it
hadn’t, the kiss would have consumed them both. He ran his hands
down her face, neck, arms.

“
I want my family back. Now
let’s go.”

“
Time, Liam. I just need a
few days to…to correct so many mistakes. I can’t go with you right
now. I can’t take Mac and just walk out in the middle of the night.
To where? Think of what you’re asking. Phil’s a victim,
too.”

“
What did you just say to
me?” Liam stepped back.

“
I have to fix it. He
deserves answers, some respect. Look at what I’ve done. I married
him. I’ve got to fix that first. I think. Yes. Just…please. Please
trust me and let me fix this. I love you.”

“
This is bullshit!” He
stooped and picked up his cane and hopped furiously to the door,
and through it.

“
Liam, please!”

The reality of him walking out hit Kennedy
full force. She raced down the hall, down the stairs, all in an
effort to catch him. He had already reached the door. “Liam! Liam,
I need a little time. This isn’t about me not choosing you. You
have to trust me.”

Liam stopped. She saw Phil
looking at her with concern, but she couldn’t process Phil yet. She
had to focus on Liam. Liam was her priority. Why couldn’t he
believe her? His head slowly turned. He glared at her from over his
shoulder, a look that chilled her to the bone then turned the knife
in her heart. “You would consider staying with that man over
our
love? Seems to me,
Kay, you’ve made your choice. You aren’t the woman I
knew.”