Beginnings (3 page)

“Watch your language Mr. Carson. The next time I hear any foul language from anyone, it's straight to the principal’s.” Then the teacher turned around and started writing down our reading list for the year and going over what we would cover over the next couple months.

Adam was still standing in front of me.

Why do you care so much?
I scribbled in my notebook.

“I just don't understand why you never want anyone to see how utterly amazing you are.”

I then wrote in my notebook for him to move, he was blocking my view and I needed to copy the board.

I could tell he went outside behind me, still mad. He just didn't understand, if it wasn't for him I probably would have spent my summer in the library. He made my life exciting. All those things he mentioned were his ideas. I only skinny-dipped because I lost a bet I made with him.

The bell rang and I made my way to my next class. I didn't see Adam again until lunch.
Why does it bother him so much?

I found my usual table at the back of the school library. I took out my notebook, my history book, and Adam's reading book. I hid the sandwich I had made under the table and ate it while I started my history homework. I knew Adam came into the library. I could always feel when he was close. Not in the physical sense, but I could always sense him. He felt so tangible to me, making it all that much more confusing.

He sat next to me not saying a word and started reading the book I left out for him, clearing his throat when it was time for me to turn the page.

“I guess I should be happy that you don't let people in. If you opened up to people everyone would want to be friends with you and you'd have no use for me.” His voice took me by surprise. I turned to look at him.

“I'll always need you,” I whispered.

There was a pained look on his face and then he smiled, “Are we doing our usual first day of school ritual today?”

“Of course,” I answered, smiling back at him.

Then he gave me me his all-American ear-to-ear smile and I felt my insides melt. “Come on the bells going to ring.”

I sat there for a moment, watching him walk towards the exit. I felt embarrassed at how much his smile affected me. I shook my head to clear it before shoving my stuff into my backpack and following him out.

I was glad Adam wasn't mad at me anymore. My next two classes were painfully boring as the teachers talked about what they expected from us this year. Adam helped keep me entertained by making impressions of the teachers and students.

After school we made our way to the old fashioned diner a few blocks from school. We found a booth in the back and I ordered a banana split. I had actually started this tradition with my parents and Adam insisted that we keep doing it.

When the sundae arrived Adam was drooling, “God, that looks good.”

Adam had an obsession with food. I think more than finding out who he was, he wished he could taste food.

He sat staring at me while I ate, telling me different bites I needed to try.

I always finished the whole thing. I sat there, unable to move. Half the fun was eating so much my belly ached.

When I finally got up to pay I noticed the the new kid, Jeremy, staring at me from a bar stool. I adverted my eyes and made my way to the cashier.

I could still feel him watching me, so I turned to say something but he spoke up first.

“I've never seen a girl eat a whole banana split before.” I couldn't tell if he was impressed or disgusted. If it was disgust, I wanted to take it a step further.

“You should have seen me at the fair. I ate a whole blueberry pie in under a minute using only my mouth. Came in second place,” I said smugly.

He started laughing, “I thought you spent the summer reading in the library?”

“I don't want the whole class knowing how I spend my time.” I turned to pay, and that's when I noticed Adam glaring at us.

“If you're done flirting we should get going,” he snapped.

Was I flirting?

I started making my way to the door when I heard Jeremy call my name.

“Hey, Anna,” I turned around.

“I look forward to seeing you at school,” he gave me a smile I couldn't quite figure out before returning to his food. I stood there with a silly grin on my face.

“Stop being such a girl, Annie,” I turned around to Adam's voice and saw he was already outside and walking towards home.

I hurried to catch up to him, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means you're just like every other girl. You start falling for a guy as soon as he turns on his charm and gives you a flirty smile.”

“Oh please! Well you're just like every other guy who drools at a girl just because she's wearing a pink ruffled skirt that practically shows off her crotch!”

“Admiring and smiling back at them with love struck eyes is completely different.”

“I was not looking at him with love struck eyes!” I yelled.

People were staring but I didn't care, I was too angry. I was about to yell some more when Adam stopped walking and looked around.

“Annie, everyone’s staring at you. You look like a mad woman talking to yourself. Put your hand to your ear and act like you're talking on a bluetooth.”

I didn't want to, I was too angry. I just stared at him, hands clenched.

“Please, Annie,” his eyes locked onto mine, begging me to listen.

I blew out a puff of hot air, pulling a hand to my ear, “I can't hear. Bad connection,” I paused, as if someone was talking on the other line. Adam nervously darted his eyes around hoping people were buying it. “I'm tired of your shit. I’ll call you later when I calm down.” I pretended to pull something out of my ear and throw it into my backpack.

“That was good Annie. People stopped watching and just walked away.”

I didn't look at him and continued the walk home.

As soon as we were at our house I went straight upstairs to my room and turned on music to mask out the sound of our voices.

“I'm sorry, Annie. I was being a jerk.”

I turned around to start yelling again. I saw the guilt on his face and instantly my anger vanished.

“It's okay,” I sighed.

“I'm just not used to having any competition. You get stared at all the time, but you normally don't pay attention to it. You have every right to talk to him.”

“They stare at me because I'm the weird kid at school.”

He started shaking his head, “No, not all of them. Especially not today.” I looked at him, confused. He ran a hand through his hair, “Annie, you're beautiful. You've always been beautiful, but over the summer you've changed. You're,” he paused, “It's too weird to say out loud to you.” He looked up at the ceiling and then back at me. I could tell he was nervous, “Your body, it uh, filled out.” He moved his hands in an hour glass shape.

“You mean I got fat!” I looked horrified at him.
Great, one more thing for them to make fun of.

“No! That's not what I mean!” His eyes looked to the ground, the wall, anywhere but at me. “Last year you still had a girl's body and this year your body matured.”

“Huh?”

He threw his hands up in frustration, “You got hot! You filled out in all the right places and every guy in school is noticing.”

I bit my lip, “Really?”

He fell down on the bed, “Yes, really.”

I fell down next to him giggling, “That was really hard for you to say.”

I looked over and he had an amused smile on his face, “I'm glad you find me funny.” He turned over on his side and put his head in his hand, “I just want you to be careful. Guys can be assholes, especially at our age.”

“You really think I'm beautiful?”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes. From the moment I met you.”

I couldn’t help but smile. He stared at me for a moment with a sad look on his face.

“Annie, I-” before he could finish my aunt called up the stairs that dinner was ready. We held eye contact for a moment and then he got up. “You better get down there.”

“You're not coming?” I asked, sitting up.

“No, I'm not really in the mood to listen to Haley recap the highlights of her day.”

“Okay.” I tried not to look too disappointed. Before I closed the door behind me to head downstairs I looked at him. I'd never seen his expression before. He looked sad and confused but there was something else. I wanted to run over and hug him. He gave me a weak half smile. I didn't like the feeling that I was having. I quickly turned and headed downstairs.

I barely ate a thing. My stomach was still a little funny from the sundae, but mostly I was worried about Adam. It was my turn to do the dishes, so I had to wait an agonizingly long time for everyone to finish eating.

When I finally headed back to my room, I found Adam leaning next to the window staring out. I stood at the door, too scared to enter. Something was wrong.

He must've sensed I was there because he motioned for me to join him. I slowly made my way to the window and leaned on the other side across from him. He still hadn't moved his eyes from the window.

“Adam?”

“Shh, just stand here with me. I just want to have you near me,” and that's what we did. We stayed by the window, staring out. Occasionally I would look his way, but he never took his eyes from the window. Eventually I grew too tired and made my way to the bed.

Chapter 2

An off-key version of a boy-band song woke me from a dream. Adam's mouth was inches from my ear, yelling the lyrics as out of sync as he could. His pitch got worse with every verse.

“Seriously?” I opened one eye, “You know I hate that song.”

He jumped on my bed, putting motion to the words.
He is having way too much fun with this
.

“Come on Annie, you know you love this song! I clearly remember a certain eleven year old spending her summer memorizing all their dance moves.” He jumped off the bed, impersonating the lead singer and the way he danced.

“So I liked one boy band. We are all allowed-” I couldn’t finish my sentence; Adam's singing and dancing were hysterical. A snort escaped the back of my throat and I slapped a hand over my mouth trying to conceal it, but it was too late, Adam heard me. He knew he had me. His dancing got wilder and my snorts took over as I laughed uncontrollably. The main chorus was coming up, and before I knew what was happening my body shot up to standing and joined in, dancing and singing as loudly and crazy as he was.

My door flew open and Haley stood there, hands at her hips.

“What the hell are you doing?” Her sudden outburst startled me and I fell off the bed, causing Adam to buckle over in laughter.

“Uh, exercise?” I answered fully aware of how silly I must appear to her right now.

Her eyes darted around my room as if she hoped to find evidence of my insanity, “Whatever, can you just keep your weirdness down? I smeared my mascara.”

I nodded, holding back my laughter as Adam serenaded her with the finale to the song. He followed her out, singing and dancing his way down to the kitchen.

Great, now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all day.

I remembered last night and the melancholy face he wore, causing my chest to tighten up. It wasn't like Adam to close up. I needed to talk to him and find out what was bothering him.
I think deep down I know why, but I don't want to admit it to myself. I refuse to acknowledge my worst fears.
I pushed the thought back in my mind, locking it away in a dark corner.
It's just his occasional internal thinking he does, nothing more. Yup, nothing more.

My mind flashed back to when we were newly teenagers and he accidentally returned to my room too soon and found me still dressing. To say we were embarrassed would be an understatement. He couldn't look at me all day, nor I him. That was the first (and last) time we talked about whether him staying around was for the best. I immediately started crying, sobbing really (damn hormones), explaining that we would just be more careful. Seeing my tears always bothered him, and since he couldn't comfort me he tried everything he could think of to make me stop. We devised a plan that still works to this day: if my door is shut and he's not inside, he doesn't enter. It's that simple. He still couldn’t look at me directly for days. I never understood why. His only reply was that it's different for guys than girls.

“You're running out of time, Annie!” Adam's shout brought me back to the present. I looked at the clock.
Crap!
I only had twelve minutes before we had to go. I showered and dressed in record time. I was even able to scarf down a bowl of cereal. As we headed out the door I let my aunt and Haley get ahead of me.

“Are you okay?” I asked Adam, trying to not look overly concerned.

“Yeah, why?” It was just like him to brush last night off like it never happened.

“You just seemed really down last night.”

“Nope, I'm good. Come on, they're waiting on you,” and he dashed ahead to the car.

Are all men this hard to communicate with?

My aunt dropped us off with only minutes to spare
.
As we were hurrying to get to class Adam stopped behind me.

“Annie, look.” I stopped, frustrated at him for slowing me down. He was staring up at the sky with fascination. I tilted my head upward. At first it appeared to be a flock of birds flying, but then I noticed them start to pulsate in unison to a rhythmic beat only they could hear. They wove in and out of each other in perfect harmony, as if they were one body, one mind. It was beautiful. I watched Adam's face as he stared up to the sky. He truly took it all in and appreciated each rare moment given to us. There was no one in the world like Adam, and for a moment it saddened me that I was the only one who could see him.

“You look really beautiful right now, with the sun glistening off your hair,” his words surprised me, his voice was soft with a hint of neediness to it. The corners of his mouth moved to radiate a smile at me. My smile. The smile he only gives when he's looking at me. My knees started to feel a little weak and my heart doubled it's pace. A familiar yearning took form, and an intense desire to touch him came over me. My cheeks flushed as an image of us caressing each other appeared. Afraid he could read my mind, I turned around and headed into class.

“See? Totally worth it,” Adam said as I took my seat at the exact moment the bell rang. I grinned at him and pulled out my textbook.

The teacher was just starting to speak when Jeremy strolled in.

“Mr. Carson, that’s two days you've been late. Don't make this a habit or I'll start handing out detention slips.”

Jeremy saluted him with two fingers as he walked past, “Okay, boss,” and then slipped into his seat next to me. I don't know why, but I started feeling nervous with him so close.

“Hey library girl, got an extra pen?” Jeremy asked as he scooted his desk closer to mine.

“Like the one behind your ear?” I glanced his way and he flashed me a cocky grin.

“Just wanted to get your attention so I could see your incredible gray eyes.”

I rolled my eyes at him and focused my attention back on the teacher.

Adam remained unusually quiet for the next half hour. I turned to look back at him, and he was glaring at Jeremy with a look of pure hatred. I wondered what he could be doing to get Adam so angry, so as slyly as possible I gave a slight glance in his direction. He was staring at me! My cheeks instantly blushed and I turned my head back to the teacher. I could feel his eyes on me causing me to squirm. If there is one thing I hate, it's feeling self-conscious.

“He's been watching you the entire class, and it's pissing me off! If he ogles down your body one more time...” Adam had gotten up, and out of the corner of my eye I could see him standing over Jerem
y
.

You'll what? What are you going to do
?
I wished there was a way to write with sarcasm
.
Stop acting so possessive
.
As soon as I wrote it I wanted to erase it.

“You think I'm acting too possessive?” The hurt on his face didn't sting as bad as the anguish in his voice. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings.

Jeremy kicked my foot. I turned to glare at him. His eyes were wide, and he gave a slight nod in the direction of the teacher.

“Ms. Monroe, will you please answer the question?”
Crap.

“Um, sorry, I didn't hear you.”

“That's because she was too busy admiring the new guy,” Charlotte spoke loud enough for the whole class to hear. Everyone laughed causing her to sit up a little straighter, pleased with herself for getting attention, even if it was at the cost of someone else.

Luckily, I knew the correct answer, and the teacher moved on. When he turned his back to the class, Jeremy tossed a note on my desk. Adam came up behind me to see what he wrote.

She's just pissed cause she's been trying to get my attention this whole class but I can't take my eyes off of you.

I turned bright red, and Adam grunted. I didn't respond. I wasn't sure what to say. No guy had ever paid me any attention before. When class ended I didn't stop to put my stuff away, I just grabbed it and flew out the door to avoid talking to Jeremy.

On the way to my next class I kept glancing at Adam, trying to gauge how he was feeling. Something was bothering him, and a small part of me hoped it was the attention Jeremy was giving me. Okay, a big part of me was hoping. I squeezed my eyes shut and gave a quick shake of my head, releasing the thought.

After school, Adam and I decided to take the long way home through the park. As we walked I closed my eyes, feeling the sun beat down on me. I lifted my head up higher and inhaled deeply through my nose.

“What does that feel like?”

I kept my eyes shut as I tried to think of the best way to describe it. “It casts a peaceful warmth through my body, one that calms and soothes it.” Taking another deep breath I looked over to him. A feeling of sorrow came over me that Adam couldn’t enjoy something as simple as the sun's warmth.

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

I stopped walking. “Adam?”

“Nothing, it's embarrassing. I don't want to say it,” he looked down at his feet and shuffled them back and forth. When he spoke again his voice was strained, unsure of himself. “The first thing that popped in my head when you described the sun was how that's exactly what you make me feel like.” His words warmed me deeper than the sun's rays could ever penetrate. When he finally looked up I expected him to seem embarrassed, but instead I found confusion. What ever was going on between us lately had us both uncertain.

“Let's sit down at a table for a bit.” I headed over to the picnic tables, leading the way. Setting my backpack on the ground, I stepped up onto the bench so I could sit on top of the table. Adam joined me. A few tables down a couple embraced each other, lips locked together.

“You ever think about that?”

“What?” I asked, unsure of what he meant.

“Having a boyfriend? Kissing someone?”

I looked at his lips and blushed. Occasionally, I had thought about it with Adam, but there was no way I was going to tell him that.

“Why, are you thinking of getting yourself a girlfriend?” I teased, trying to make a joke out of it.

His face remained serious as he watched the couple. He looked down at his feet.

“I just meant, if you wanted to, if you liked someone, don't let me get in the way. I can give you more space. You'll be sixteen in a few weeks and it's only natural for you to get feelings for guys.” This was hard for him to talk about, I could read it in his body language. “I just don't want to hold you back.”

“Adam, look at me,” he didn't, he seemed fixated on his shoes, “Is that why you've been acting so strangely? You feel like you're holding me back?”

“Partly.”

“What's the other part?”

He finally looked at me, a sheepish half smile on his lips, “I can't tell you that.”

“Since when do we hide things from each other?”

He jumped off the bench, “Forget I said anything. Lets keep walking.”

He didn't give me time to dwell on our conversation. As soon as we started walking he found a way to distract me. “So, Annie, an alien spaceship lands in front of us. What are they here for?”

“Peanuts!” I shout enthusiastically.

“Peanuts? What the hell do they want with peanuts?”

“Their ship runs off of peanut oil,” I respond as if everyone should know that.

“Fail. Peanuts? That's the first thing that popped in your head? I'm disappointed in you, you used to be so good at this game.” He hung his head down in shame.

“Maybe they only landed because they needed to refuel before-” my brain wasn't cooperating fast enough and Adam cut me off.

“Just stop. I can't hear anymore.”

“Fine. Your turn. You wake up to find yourself in a straitjacket, in a padded room. How did you get there?”

“My best friend lost her imagination.” His face was so serious I had to laugh. We played the game the rest of the way home as I tried desperately to redeem myself. It was a game Adam started shortly after we met. One person thought of an off-the-wall scenario and the other had to share the first thing to pop in their head, no matter what it was.

His planned had worked; I completely forgot about the conversation we had had.