Behind Blue Eyes (21 page)

“I hate that I’m being a jealous wife. I’m trying hard not to let it get the best of me. Some of the stuff Cindy said to me she was spot on about. The women, the biker groupies, it gets to you after a while. Nuke, you need to understand that you have the club, your uncle, your friends and… me. I only have you. I don’t even talk with my friends like I used to. You’re my family. You’re my friend. Honestly, it terrifies me the thought of you leaving me. Sometimes when we’re at the clubhouse and all those freaking whores, I just want to beat the shit out them! They lurk around like sharks smelling fresh blood.”

She was his girl and truth be told, he’d never thought of it that way. If things were different and she was surrounded by men daily, it would drive him crazy. The attention she got from me in routine situations drove him insane. Also, she didn’t have family, at least none that she was in contact with. “I’m not trying to seclude you, honey. You can talk with your friends more.”

Jasmine shook her head. “That’s not what I’m saying. You don’t stop me from talking to them. I just don’t have anything in common with most of them anymore. I’m a different person…I don’t regret changing. It was what I needed in my life.”

Something in her eyes softened. “I’m needy,” she pouted. “I worry. I think it’s because we got together at a bad time for the club. It was my first introduction to your life. Then we went through this fantasy, honeymoon period when everything was perfect and then in an instant it vanished. You got locked up and I was alone with no clue as to what to do. I got so sick and tired of everyone telling me to be patient, that the club would work it out. I wasn’t mentally ready for you to get locked up. I don’t know if anyone is ever ready for something like that to happen.”

“I love how you need me,” Nuke said. “It’s what I want, you completely dependent on me. It’s my controlling nature. Part of you likes that, but part of you is strong, too. I love that about you. It’s why we both get all worked up if we feel that what we have is being threatened.”

Jasmine nodded in agreement. “Are you safe? Will they retaliate, that other MC club?” A knot formed in Jasmine’s throat.

“Don’t worry, baby, I got this.”

“You know I’m not good at not worrying,” she said and smiled.

“Jasmine, it fucked me up when I went to jail, too. I never cared about getting locked up before; it was par for the course. It feared that you’d leave me. Especially after I got into that fight with Road Kill. I hadn’t prepared you for none of the bad shit.”

“I told you he was going to be a problem sooner or later.”

Nuke nodded. “Yeah, you did. Don’t worry. He’s going to get what’s coming to him.”

“I felt like I had no control over things that were happening to us.” She moved closer to him.

“You don’t have control because I took it,” Nuke said with a smirk.

“I gave it to you!” Jasmine quickly replied with a half-smile as she playfully punched him. “And that’s not what I meant.”

“I really did take control.”

“You have control because I let you have control. I respect you enough to give you control.”

“Yeah, you do respect me, but I also came in and took over your life. Don’t believe the bullshit about submission being a gift. That’s for bored housewives with fluffy handcuffs. This isn’t a two-way street here,” he said as he pointed back and forth between them. Then he pulled her in even closer. “I took what I wanted and I want you forever.”

“I still say I gave it to you.” Her breathing increased. She loved it when he staked his claim on her.

Nuke shook his head as he brushed back a strand of her hair. “I give you your freedom. I dangle it in front of you for your own inner peace because if I do what I really want it might backfire on me. I have to do this very slowly, baby,” he laughed. “So slow that it will just be second nature for you.”

She looked at him curiously. “What do you really want to do?”

Nuke shook his head. “If I tell you, it might affect whether or not we stay married,” he laughed.

Jasmine rolled her eyes. “Nuke, I do know we’re beyond this part of our relationship. Tell me what you really want for us.”

Nuke moved away from her. He leaned up against the kitchen counter, folding his arms and shaking his head with a glint in his eyes.

Jasmine slowly approached him. “Now we both know that I have ways to make you talk!”

“Nope, your seductive ways won’t work on me, woman,” he teased her.

“Oh yeah, what if I say we can finally do that thing you want?” Jasmine said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“That’s cheating! Don’t tease me like that! You know I really want to do that!”

Jasmine dropped her arms and shrugged. “It’s up to you. If you don’t want to share that’s fine.” She turned to walk away.

Nuke pulled her back to him, her back to his chest. He kissed her neck, then her ear. “You know what I want.”

Jasmine shook her head no. “Nope, I don’t. Tell me.”

“Everything! I want everything from you. I have a deep, dark need to consume you.”

Jasmine turned around to face him head on. “Consume makes you sound like a cannibal but I know what you meant. You’re also not telling me everything, like usual.” She laughed at how good she was feeling again. All she really needed was time alone with her husband.

Nuke smirked.

“Tell me a secret and I’ll tell you a secret,” Jasmine said.

“I know all your secrets,” Nuke replied.

It was Jasmine’s turn to smirk. “I still have few; it’s a woman thing.”

“Hmmm.”

“Come on, tell me a secret,” Jasmine playfully pleaded.

“I know what you’re trying to do woman!”

“What am I trying to do?”

“Get me to tell you about last night.”

“You can leave names and places out, just give me the highlights,” she chuckled.

Nuke laughed again and shook his head. “Jesus, woman!”

Jasmine pulled away from him. “A girl has to try!” She turned to walk away again and once again he pulled her back to him. Only this time, he spun her around to face him.

“How did you feel when I told you what I did to the Grave Walker that tried to kill you? Be honest with me.”

“We talked about this, Nuke, right after it happened.”

“I know, but I’m asking again. Tell me now, since some time has passed.”

Jasmine looked into his intense eyes. She looked away for a moment, then back to him. “I hate that I love the fact that you killed for me. I know you’re probably not going to answer this but I’m going to ask anyway. Was he your first or do you have to murder someone to become a full patch member?”

He stared at her for what felt like too long in her opinion. “Never mind, Nuke, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry. Let me check your pizza.” She tried to move but he held her in place.

“We all make our bones sooner or later.”

“Okay, my turn to share a secret,” Jasmine replied. “When we first started dating. I’d drive out of my way to go by the clubhouse in hopes of getting a glimpse of you… and to see if you were with anyone. I only saw you once. You were riding out with five other members. That damn fence, you can’t see anything through there. I went by the trailer a few times but I was afraid you’d spot me.”  She paused for him to respond.

“I know, saw you on the security cameras at the clubhouse. I didn’t know about the trailer, though.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”

“Nothing to tell. I just took it as you were into me so the feeling was mutual. I knew you weren’t a cop,” he chuckled.

“I don’t know how we got on this topic,” Jasmine laughed.

“I asked how what you felt now about the Grave Walker. Now I have another question. What if I told you I killed three people last night, what would you say to that?”

“I’d say the girl was lucky she wasn’t number four.”

“Would it change your feelings for me?”

“No, but we don’t have to worry about that since you don’t confess your sins to me,” she said and kissed him on the lips.

“Our life,” Nuke was back to being serious. “This isn’t the MC romance you’re wanting to write. This is real… our life has things in it…it’s going to be really difficult at times. We can handle it though, Jasmine, I know we can.”

“I know, Nuke. I just freaked out about the perfume, the make- up. And it was more about you not coming home.”

“Some of the things I do, I don’t tell you for your own good.”

“I know that, too. You’d protect me at all costs. I have another confession. It’s more of a feeling. I want to have your baby, you know that, but it terrifies me a little.”

“It frightens me, too. You think I want you to bring our children to prison to visit me? When I was in jail, that was always in the back of my mind, what if we already had a baby? You would have had even more to deal with all by yourself.”

“I’m scared of becoming a single parent,” Jasmine said as she reached up and touched his face.

“I’m also scared our kids won’t like me and that I’ll suck at being a parent,” Nuke replied. “I’m worried because half the guys I know are divorced. After having children, a lot of women leave due to all the crap that comes with the club. To make it even worse, I read somewhere that a woman is closest to death during childbirth. All the stress that is being put on the body. What if something happens to you and the baby? I’ve spent my whole life not being afraid of shit and the thought of losing you…it petrifies the hell out of me.”

She wrapped her arms around him tight. She knew how much it had taken for Nuke to admit those things. Her eyes watered.

Nuke cupped her face. “I know I can’t give you a normal life, but I’ll make it as close to normal as possible.”

“If I wanted normal I would have married normal!”

“I worded that wrong. I want to give you the security that you need.”

“You’re all that I need. Just be honest with me, when you can.”

“You’re not ready for the darkness that comes from me,” he smirked.

Jasmine took a deep breath. “If you show me the darkness I’ll know how to find you if you get lost. All you have to do is hold on and I’ll come for you!” She winked at him.

“Aww, you know what we got to do now? You said the magic words!” Nuke had a big grin on his face as he released her. He walked over to his cut and grabbed his phone from the pocket.

“Oh my God, Nuke, really? Right now?”

Nuke held up one finger, motioning for her to wait a moment. The song, “Hold on I’m Comin” by Sam and David began to play. He reached out his hand. “Dance with me, this is our song. The deal we made was when one of us says those words in the correct order – we have to dance.”

“Nuke!”

“Jasmine, this is our song because you held on and I came for you that day. It’s like they wrote it for us,” he laughed. “Granted, they wrote it fifty years ago but you know…still!”

Jasmine just smiled as she shook her head. “Nuke, you’re avoiding the subject” She took his hand and he spun her around.

Nuke started to sing.

“If your club could see you now!” Jasmine laughed as she danced up against him.

“I’ll trust that you won’t tell anyone how great a dancer I am. It’ll ruin my reputation.”

She laughed. “Your secret is safe with me.” She put one arm up on his shoulder as they danced around the room. “Have I ever told you that you have great rhythm for a white boy?”

“Yep, it’s why I’m so great at fucking!”

Jasmine laughed. “True dat!”

“Plus, I grew up in the hood!”

“You did not!” Jasmine shook her head. She stopped dancing. “Did you hear something?” She looked down the dark hallway.

Nuke turned around. He didn’t see anything. “It’s one of the cats climbing on something they shouldn’t be.” He turned back to face her. “Anyway, like I was saying, I grew up in a juvenile detention center. That is the hood, baby girl!” Nuke chuckled. He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head as another song began to play. They continued to dance.

The music flowed through the trailer. “I didn’t think I could love someone ’til I met you. This life isn’t fair when it comes to love and family,” Nuke said as he held her.

“We’ll work through that but I need to feel part of your life, all of the time.”

Nuke closed his eyes as he held her tight.

“I do want to go away for the weekend with you. It would do us good to get away.” Jasmine kissed his bare chest.

“Where would you like to go?”

“I don’t care.” She held onto him for dear life. He felt good, and his masculine scent stirred something inside of her, like always. He leaned in, his mouth slightly brushing against her skin. The feel of his lips and breath on her flesh sent a shiver through her body. “Maybe we can just get on the bike and ride like you said. That would be romantic.”

He tilted her head up to his face “It was Bottles’ daughter. She was someplace she shouldn’t have been. She’s the one I let go,” he said, his voice was low and calm.

“Thank you for telling me.” She laid her head on his chest. “This feels good.”