Behind Closed Doors (29 page)

“Oh my god! I don’t even know if I’m talking to you right now,” she announced dramatically.

“Hey,” I countered as sweetly as possible.

“I knew you were screwing someone,” she started, “but I’ll admit, I hadn’t suspected Jayce.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was to protect myself more than anything. I knew it wouldn’t end well.”

She sat on the edge of my bed and I told her every detail, from our first kiss to our time together in Seattle and finally about the earlier meeting and how he ignored me.

“Wow… just wow!” Emily was speechless for once, but it didn’t last long. “He’s in love with you.” She stated like it was common knowledge.

“I don’t think-”

Emily cut me off, “he’s in love with you. He’s divorcing his wife so he can be with you.”

“Em, if only that were true, but after today I’m sure he wants nothing more to do with me.”

“He’s probably just in shock. He’s never had bad press written about him. He’s like the golden child of American music. Plus, he got fired from the show, so he’s probably feeling sorry for himself.”

“What are you talking about? He got fired?”

She nodded. “I read some news story that said his contract would be revoked. It makes sense.”

Great, Jayce lost his job because of me. No wonder he hated me.

“Have you seen Marc this morning?” Emily asked, the hint of a smirk on her face.

“Yeah, I spoke to him just before. Why do you ask?”

“He’s feeling sorry for himself. I think he still held hopes that you would hook up with him.”

I groaned and rested my head in my hands.

“I don’t want him to like me. He deserves someone so much better than me.”

“I think he’d take you any which way,” Emily continued. “Too bad you’re in love with Jayce.”

“I need to call him.” I said, staring at my phone.

“I’ll give you some space,” she said as she stood up from my bed. “Come downstairs when you’re done.”

My fingers trembled as I found Jayce’s number in my contact list. I took a deep breath before hitting the call button. It rang several times before redirecting to his voicemail.

My heart sank deeper in my chest. I was emotionally exhausted and I missed Jayce. I missed how with just one touch, he could take all my problems away. I walked over to my chest of drawers and pulled out the oversized gray hoodie. I pulled it over my head and wrapped my arms around myself as I inhaled the lingering scent. It was Jayce’s hoodie, the one he’d given to me at the beach. I kept the sweater hidden in my bottom drawer for an occasion such as this. To remind myself that I hadn’t imagined the last two months of my life.

I closed my eyes and visualized that I was in another place, with Jayce by my side. My eyes shot open when I heard my phone ringing. I picked it up and saw my mothers picture flashing on the screen. My heart raced as I accepted the call.

“Hey mom,” my voice was weak. Pathetically weak.

“What’s happened, Kyla?” She sounded worried.

“You haven’t heard?” I asked, tears stinging my eyes.

“No,” she answered. “What is it?”

“Mom,” I cried. “I messed up…”

Chapter 28

Surprisingly, my mother had been incredibly supportive once I told her the news of my torrid affair with a married man. I expected a negative reaction, however she stunned me by how empathetic she’d been. My father offered nothing but compassion, once he got over the initial shock that I had graced a magazine cover because of my scandalous affair.

They were still making the trip to Los Angeles for the finale show and they assured me, regardless of the outcome, they would support me. Part of me felt as though they were being so understanding to impress the public. But I held onto the hope that this experience had changed them and slowly, they were caring less and less about the opinions of others.

The following day was the finale show of 
Dreamers
. I avoided all gossip sites and any form of social media. The celebrity columns were full of drivel about Jayce and I. Emily let me know the worst of it. Most believed that I had slept my way to the finale. Rumors also surfaced that Jayce had a string of mistresses, including a couple of female contestants from the previous season. I didn’t believe it, although it did plant a seed of doubt in my mind.

I was close to pulling out of the final show. I had signed a contract, committing myself to the network, but I was willing to breach that contract to avoid further humiliation. It was Yuri and Marc who convinced me to go through with it. They instilled their confidence in me, insisting that I deserved to be in the finale, reasoning that once I got on stage, everyone would see that I was above the rumors.

The only person who didn’t show me any support was Jayce. We hadn’t spoken since the photos were released. He hadn’t returned my phone calls or answered my texts. I could handle the rumors and the public scrutiny, but the one thing I couldn’t handle was Jayce’s silence. All I wanted was for him to phone me and tell me that everything would be okay, that he would stand by me, but that call never came.

As I stood backstage, warming my vocal chords, Dion casually strolled in my direction. Usually he was overly friendly, but instead of smiling at me and wishing me luck, he just nodded his head once, his expression bleak.

He approached Marc and they spoke animatedly for a few minutes, their bond strong as ever. Dion clapped Marc on the shoulder and wished him luck for his imminent performance. He then walked out of the room, averting his gaze so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge me again.

One final performance,
I could do it, I told myself. We had to perform the same song we chose for our audition. It seemed like a fitting way to end the competition, but after my icy encounter with Dion, my nerves started to surface.

I made my way to the side of stage when Marc was about to sing. The crowd erupted as he took to the stage. The lighting dimmed and the band started to play as Marc was moved to front of stage, touching the waving hands of the crowd, causing the noise in the stadium to amplify. He was a true performer.

“Kyla, you’re next,” the coordinator snapped my attention back to her.

I nodded and immediately started to tremble. Yuri wrapped his arm around my bare shoulders.

“Don’t stress, you’ll be fine,” he smiled.

I wish I could have believed him.

Marc wrapped up the song and the roar from the crowd was huge. Even standing off stage, I could tell that he rocked it.

Before I knew it, Nadia was announcing my name, indicating
it was my turn to sing.

I began the short walk to side of stage, my heart lurched in my throat and for the first time since the competition began, I had stage fright. I walked the three steep steps up to the podium and as I made my way to center stage, the audience fell silent. They didn’t boo and hiss, as I feared they would, but in that moment, the silence was more unsettling. I heard a few claps and whistles from the crowd, but it did little to lighten the blow. I looked to Jayce. He was seemingly relaxed in his chair, his chin resting on his palm as he stared at me. After what felt like an eternity, the music filled the silence and I began to sing the Ryan Adams song that started it all.

Once I warmed up, I forgot about the icy welcome and I ignored the dirty looks from the audience. I did what I was there to do. Sing.

 I wrapped up the song and to my horror, the crowd remained silent. I could hear clapping and a couple of random cheers from my family and friends, but that was it.

I looked to the three coaches and they were all clapping, but only Pixie had a smile on her face. Dion looked as though someone was holding a gun to his head and insisting he clap for me. And Jayce, well, I couldn’t read his expression. I assumed the camera was focusing on his face, trying to capture any kind of emotion from him. So, he chose to remain indifferent.

Nadia pulled up at my side, nervously trying to overcompensate by talking about how good my performance was. She dismissed me and I walked off stage, my heels clicking on the stage floor and echoing throughout the large arena in a sea of silence. When Nadia announced that it was Yuri’s time to sing, the crowd found their voice again and began cheering for him. I descended the stairs and couldn’t hold it back any longer. Tears streamed down my cheeks as Marc wrapped his arms around me.

“That was brutal,” he whispered. He didn’t say it with venom, he was just stating a fact.

“Yep.”

“Don’t let it get you down,” he said, as if it were that simple.

I took a few deep-steadying breaths, telling myself that in a few horrible moments the whole thing would be over. As Yuri sang, I made my way to the bleachers and waited for the humiliation to end. My expectation for the final announcement was realistic. Everyone in attendance knew my fate and the crowd had confirmed the inevitable.

I hooked my arm through Marc’s when I noticed him standing by my side.

“I hope you win,” I whispered. Marc smiled, as I added, “just don’t tell Yuri I said that.”

Moments later, we were called on stage. I shifted my eyes over the crowd and then to the judges.

I saw Jayce’s lips move as he mimed something to me. It could have been, “Are you okay?” or “It will be okay.” I couldn’t be sure, but I was certain he directed the words toward me. I didn’t acknowledge him, but I didn’t ignore him either. I just stared at him blankly as I waited for the final announcement.

This was it, the end of my journey. So much had happened during the course of the competition. I had grown, I had conquered and I had loved. And despite the past two days, I was thankful for the experience.

“Now to announce our winner, the person whose dreams will today come true,” Nadia pronounced excitedly into her microphone.

I sensed Marc’s body stiffen next to mine and I held his hand in mine, showing him my support. I knew my own fate, but that didn’t stop me from hoping Marc would win. He deserved it. The success and the fame was his fate.

“Our ultimate dreamer is…”

Long pause.

“…Marc!”

Streamers, balloons and annoying, sparkly bits of paper fell from the gables as Yuri and I embraced Marc. It was his moment and no matter what had happened in my personal life, Marc deserved the spotlight.

His family and friends jumped on stage, embracing him, their elation contagious. I took the opportunity to sneak off stage, thankful that I had survived the finale with little more than a bruised ego.

Once filming was complete, the festivities continued backstage. The final three, as well as our family and friends, joined us for one final celebration. My parents even joined in, the gesture a sign of their support.

“We’re proud of you, Kyla,” my dad said, giving me a swift hug. “I wouldn’t have been able to go out there and sing, but you did it and you did it well.”

From my father that was the ultimate compliment.

“Can I get you a drink, Mom? Dad?”

They both nodded and I walked over to the drinks table, grabbing them both a white wine. I laughed to myself when I noticed there were only plastic red cups, knowing my parents would screw their noses up when I handed them their drinks.

“You did well,” Rebecca hugged me as she stood by my side. Her eyes were scouring the room. “There’s Dion!” she yelled and then giggled.

“Stop acting so stars-tuck.” I said, turning my back to Dion, hoping he didn’t hear Rebecca and her girlish giggle. I topped up her cup with more wine and she thanked me as she took a big gulp.

“Are you going to stand next to your parents all night?” Rebecca asked, not even attempting to hide her disappointment.

I hadn’t left the safety of my corner for the past thirty minutes, except to do a run to the drinks table and even then, I didn’t make eye contact with anyone.

“I was thinking of leaving soon,” I said, as we walked back to my parents’ side, where Emily and Noah stood.

“We can’t leave,” Rebecca whined.

“You’re leaving?” Emily asked.

“Not really feeling like celebrating,” I said, glancing around the room.

Jayce was nowhere in sight. No one had seen him since the show finished. Pixie, Dion and Nadia were all mingling with the masses, but no Jayce.

“We can drive you to pick up your things,” my father said and I wasn’t surprised that he was eager to leave. My parents hired a car at the airport, which would assist them in making a speedy getaway.

“We can’t leave,” Rebecca pouted.

Emily studied my face and then gave me a sympathetic smile. “I understand if you want to leave,” she murmured, her words the softest she’d spoken since I’d known her.

“Whose side are you on?” Rebecca didn’t hide her annoyance.

“How about you stay here with Emily?” I suggested, looking to Emily for her approval.

“That sounds awesome,” Emily responded. “We can catch up with you later, Kyla. Maybe for dinner in a couple of hours?”

I nodded, although I didn’t intend to leave the mansion again that day. Once I made it to the sanctuary of my bedroom, I wasn’t going anywhere.

 I hugged Emily, Noah and Rebecca and then slipped out the side door with my parents in tow. We headed toward the studio exit in silence. My mother hooked her arm through mine, a comforting gesture that took me by surprise.

I smiled lightly as I pushed through the large exit door that led to the car park. I was shocked to see him standing there, his back to the wall with his foot propped up beneath him. As soon as he saw me, his eyes studied my face, uncertainty painted all over his own.

“Hi,” he said, glancing from me and then to my parents who stood behind me.

My father took a step forward, placing his hand at the small of my back.

“Mr. and Mrs. Quinn, I’m Jayce. It’s nice to meet you,” he held out his hand and my father took it without hesitation, which surprised me. They studied each other for a moment, seemingly sizing one another up, before Jayce’s attention shifted to my mother. Her cheeks flushed as she shook Jayce’s hand and I was surprised he affected her in that way.

“Kyla, can I speak to you for a minute?” Jayce asked nervously.