Behind Her Smile (18 page)

And suddenly Sheila realized this was a divine appointment. An opportunity for her to share somethings about her past and her marriage to Maddie’s grandfather, John, that would help her see and better understand the redeeming grace of God’s love.

She turned to her granddaughter. “Madison, there are some things about your grandfather and me that you don’t know. And I think it’s high time you did.”

Maddie looked surprised. “What are you talking about, Grandma?”

“I’m talking about when I was a young girl, just a little older than you are right now. And the choices I made. Choices I would make very differently today. But those choices are the reason your mother and your uncle Tim are here. And they’re why you are here too, sweetheart. So even though I regret some of the things I did back then, God was able to turn them around for good, just like He can do for you.”

Her granddaughter was very focused now, eager to hear what Sheila was about to tell her.

“When I was nineteen, I met your Grandpa John. He was five years older than me, and such a handsome man. We met at the restaurant where I was waiting tables.”

“You were a waitress, Grandma?”

Sheila nodded. “I sure was. It was the summer after my first year at community college. I was earning some money to help with books for the following year, not to mention some spending money for clothes and other things I wanted.”

“So Grandpa just walked into the restaurant?”

“Something like that. I remember seeing him sitting with a girl who looked a little older than me. They were talking about something pretty serious. Later, I found out he was breaking up with her.”

“You were their waitress?”

“I was. I took their order, but by the time I got back with the food, the girl was gone. I offered to take her food off the bill, but he insisted on paying for it. ‘Why don’t you join me?’ he asked, gesturing toward her empty seat. It was nearly my break time, and the restaurant was pretty slow that night, so I decided to take him up on the offer. I sat down, and we ate together as we started talking about our lives.”

“Wow, that sounds like a movie or something,” Madison said, a real, albeit tentative, smile visiting her face for the first time that evening. “So then you guys just started dating after that?”

“Not exactly. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. But he didn’t call for a few weeks, so I figured he wasn’t really interested.” She paused and gazed across the room for a moment, remembering how she’d waited by the phone hoping to hear from John.

“So what happened?”

“Well, about a month later, he showed up at the restaurant again. He was all smiles and full of charm. Said he’d been busy with a project at his new job, but now it was over and he’d have some time. So we started seeing each other. In fact, we were together almost every day.”

“What did your parents think of him?” Madison asked.

Sheila looked her in the eye. “My mother didn’t like him. And my father was concerned.”

“But you dated him anyway.”

“I did. We didn’t spend time at my house because I didn’t want my parents saying anything that might rock the boat. But we went on lots of dates and had a great time. Your grandfather was a pretty daring guy, and he took me places and showed me things I’d never experienced before.”

“Sounds romantic,” Madison remarked.

“I guess it was,” she agreed. “Then one day, he asked me if I’d marry him.”

“Really? Just like that?”

“Yep. Just like that.”

“But you were only nineteen still right?”

“I was. But I thought I was very grown up.”

“What did you say?”

“I said yes, but that he needed to talk to my parents, too. By that time, I was convinced he was the man for me. And I just knew my parents would see that, too.”

Madison shook her head in amazement. “My parents would totally freak out if I was thinking about getting married that young.”

Sheila smiled. “Believe me, my parents freaked out, too. They started asking John all kinds of questions about God and what he believed. All the church stuff I’d been raised on. I knew he wasn’t a Christian, but I figured after we got married, I’d just ask him to go to church with me and he’d go. He seemed pretty willing to do whatever I wanted at the time.”

“So did your parents say you couldn’t get married?”

Sheila nodded. “In so many words, yes. They said they could not bless the engagement.”

“What did you do?”

“I left with John, and I moved into his apartment.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. I told my parents that if they couldn’t bless our marriage, I’d just live with John instead.”

“Grandma! I can’t believe that!” Madison exclaimed, her eyes big as saucers.

“I wish it wasn’t true, honey. But that’s what I did.”

“So what made you guys decide to get married?”

“One month, about a year after I’d moved in, I thought I was pregnant. I went and told my mom, and we both talked to my dad. They agreed that I should marry John and give the baby a father and a stable home.”

“So that was Mom?”

“Actually, it turned out I wasn’t pregnant after all. But by the time I figured that out, the wedding had been planned, and we decided to go forward with it, especially now that my parents seemed to accept the idea. I actually moved back home for a few months before the wedding. It was tough, but my father thought it was important to step back and make sure this was what I wanted to do with my life.”

“That must have been weird. Being back with your parents again.”

“It was a little weird, yes. But it showed me how much I loved your grandfather and wanted to spend my life with him.”

“So you got married.”

“We did. And eventually your mother came along. Then your uncle.”

“Did grandpa start going to church with you like you hoped he would?” Madison asked.

“No. He refused to go. I went for a while by myself, and even took your mother and her brother for special holidays like Christmas and Easter. But basically, I turned my back on how my parents had raised me. John seemed so intelligent and so worldly wise. He was very persuasive in his arguments against my faith, and over time I began to think maybe he was right.”

“Wow. Your parents must have been pretty upset, your dad being a pastor and all,” her granddaughter said.

“I’m sure they were, Maddie. But they didn’t voice their opinions. They just kept praying for us and for our kids, that we would find our way to Jesus.”

“So how
did
you, Grandma? How did you and Grandpa finally come to the Lord?” By now Madison’s countenance had completely changed. Sheila could see her relaxing and really listening with open ears and an open heart.

“Your mother told you about your grandfather’s accident, right?” Sheila still couldn’t bring herself to say attempted suicide when she referred to John’s desperate act.

Madison nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, that was the beginning of a big change in our lives.”

“But that was, like thirty years after you got married,” Madison said, incredulously.

“Twenty-five, actually. Yes, it was a long time. Many years of living without God.” She paused and took Madison’s hand in hers. “During those years, honey, I had my share of anxiety attacks. Times when I thought I was going crazy, too.”

“What did you do?” she asked.

“I tried to ignore it most of the time. Sometimes I’d go talk to my dad, and he would pray for me. That seemed to help. And I just kept telling myself, ‘You’ll be fine,’ until I’d finally believe it.”

Madison reached out and embraced her. As she felt her granddaughter’s arms around the back of her neck, Sheila flashed back to Maddie’s chubby little arms as a toddler, and how special it felt when those arms were in the same place they were in right now.

“I love you, Grandma,” Maddie said softly.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Sheila replied, her heart soaring as she realized that God was using her testimony to bring hope to her granddaughter’s life.

Madison lay in bed in her grandmother’s guest room feeling exhausted. Her talk with her grandmother had helped her feel a little more normal. Maybe she wasn’t going crazy after all. Grandma Sheila seemed to have gone through some of the same fears and anxieties that she’d been experiencing herself. But her life turned out okay.

Madison was just closing her eyes and surrendering to sleep when her cell phone rang. It was Miles. She couldn’t face talking to him. Not tonight. So she hit the silence button and turned away from the phone. She’d figure out what to do about him in the morning when she wasn’t so tired.

As she drifted off, she found herself suddenly back at school, out near the gym. She heard Miles’ voice coming from the distance. Glancing over, she saw him talking to a girl who was sitting on his lap on a bench. The girl’s arms were wrapped around Miles’ neck in an intimate embrace. Then Madison saw them kiss. A long, passionate kiss like the ones she and Miles had shared in her bedroom.

Walking closer to them, she heard talking again. It was Brianna. “Want to come over to my house?” she asked. “We can be alone there.”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” he replied, pulling her close and nestling into her chest.

Madison was devastated. She turned and began to run away. As she ran, she heard another voice calling her. It was Luke. “Madison? Where are you?” he called from across the field. She tried to call back to him but no words would come. Turning, she fled in his direction, but by the time she got there, he was gone.

“Luke? I’m here!” she called out as she frantically searched for him.

“Who’s Luke?” a voice behind her asked.

Spinning, she found herself looking into Miles’ face. He was alone now.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” she asked in an accusatory tone.

“What are you talking about? You’re my girlfriend,” he replied, trying to pull her into an embrace. She resisted at first and then surrendered to his arms.

“Let’s go to your house,” he said as he began walking her toward the parking lot.

Soon they were back in her bedroom doing the things she knew she shouldn’t do. Her phone buzzed, the vibrator audible even though the ring was silenced. Groping for it, she answered. It was her grandmother. “What are you doing, Maddie?” she asked cheerfully.

Pushing away from Miles, Madison sat up. Her heart was pounding and she was having trouble swallowing.

“Maddie? Are you okay?” her grandmother’s voice asked again.

Madison struggled to find her voice. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She tried to shake off Miles touch.

Her grandmother’s voice seemed closer now. “Wake up, honey.”

Opening her eyes, she saw Sheila standing beside the bed. “You’ve been talking in your sleep, sweetheart. You sounded upset. Were you having a bad dream?”

Madison nodded. “Yeah. But I’m okay now,” she said.

Her grandmother sat down on the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to stay in here for a few minutes?”

“No, it’s okay. Thanks, though.”

After leaning over and kissing her forehead, her grandma said, “Alright, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Madison forced a smile. “Yeah. Thanks again for letting me stay here, Grandma.”

Sheila rose and walked out of the room, giving her one last smile before gently closing the door.

Madison wandered into the kitchen the following morning, her hair in disarray and her eyes still fighting daylight. It was nearly eighty-thirty, Rick was immersed in emails on his laptop, and Sheila was having a second cup of coffee. “Good morning, sweetheart,” she said to her granddaughter.

“Good morning, Grandma. I think I overslept a little. School started forty-five minutes ago.” She sank down into a chair at the table and rested her elbows on the checkered tablecloth, propping her head in her hands.

Sheila reached over and rubbed Madison’s arm. “Rick will take you to school on his way to campus in about an hour. Your mother said it was fine for you to miss a couple of classes this morning.”

Madison nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

“How about some breakfast? I could scramble you some eggs or whip up some pancakes.”

“I don’t want you go to go any trouble, Grandma. I can just have some toast or cereal if you have any,” she replied.

“Nonsense. It’s no trouble at all. If I remember correctly, you used to be pretty fond of my blueberry pancakes. And I just happen to have some fresh blueberries on hand,” Sheila said.

“Really?”

“Really. Why don’t you go get dressed, and I’ll have them ready in a jiff. Your mother dropped off some clothes on her way to work this morning. They’re in a bag by the front door.”

Madison stood up and hugged her. “Thanks, Grandma. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

By the time she returned, Sheila had three pancakes waiting for her on the table. “Eat up,” she said with a smile.

Madison ate about half and then began pushing the rest around on her plate. “Grandma?” she asked.

“Yes?”

“Do you think I could stay here for a few days?” Her voice sounded casual but her face was telling a different story.

“I’d need to talk to your mother about that,” Sheila replied, glancing over at Rick who was looking at her over the top of his computer screen. “I’ll try to reach her during her break today. How’s that? And then we can talk after school.”

“Okay,” Madison agreed. “Thanks for the pancakes,” she added, taking another bite before taking her plate to the counter. “They’re really good. I just don’t have a huge appetite these days.”

“No problem, honey. I’m glad you liked them.”

As soon as Madison had left the room to finish getting ready for school, Sheila turned to Rick. “What do you think?”

“About?”

“About Maddie staying here for a few days.”

“It’s up to you, Sheila. Whatever you think is best is fine with me. She seems to be responding to you pretty well. Maybe you’ll be able to talk to her more easily than her mother can right now.”

Sheila nodded. “That’s what I was thinking. She might see me as a little more objective.”

Rick grinned. “I wouldn’t say that, exactly, ‘Grandma,’ but I think she feels safe with you.”

“Yeah. You’re right. That’s a better word for it.” She walked over to where he was sitting and stood beside him, resting her hand on his shoulder. “I love you, Dr. Chambers,” she said.

“Really?” he asked with a teasing air of surprise.

She swatted his arm softly before leaning down to kiss him.

Sheila sat with her Bible after Rick and Madison left. Her hand resting on its leather cover, she thought about how comforting her faith had become to her. It remained such a personal thing. One that she shared with Rick, but not yet to the depths of her parents’ spiritual bond.

There was something about being alone with God that peeled off layers she didn’t even realize she was wearing. Layers of false confidence, of protection from vulnerability, of hiding past hurts and doubts. One by one, they seemed to fall away as she sat with her heavenly Father and poured out her heart.

Resting her head against the back of the rocker, she closed her eyes and began to pray. Thank you, Father, for bringing Madison here last night and for giving me the courage to share my story with her. Please help her through the day at school, guard her from darkness, and help her know how precious she is to You. I pray for Michelle and Steve to have wisdom and to know how to help their daughter through this season of life. Please give all of them a broader perspective and the assurance to trust You to work it all out. And may Your will be done regarding whether or not Madison would benefit from staying here for a while.

Opening her eyes again, she found the spot in her Bible where her favorite verse waited for her each day. Psalm 46:10, a verse that had been her default guide whenever she was confused. The words caressed her heart and eased her mind.

Be still and know that I am God.

In the margin beside it, she’d written ‘Isaiah 41:10.’ She flipped there next.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Closing her eyes, she recited both verses in her mind. She was just about to pick up her devotional book, when the phone rang. Her daughter’s name appeared on the caller ID screen.

“Michelle? Are you on break already?” she asked.

“Hi Mom. Yeah. We are on assembly schedule today, so my break is earlier than usual. I’ve only got about twenty minutes. How did it go with Madison this morning? And what did she say last night?”

“We talked about her boyfriend and some things that were worrying her. She is really down on herself, Michelle. And she dropped a pretty big bomb when she opened up to me. You two need to talk.” Sheila thought for a moment and then added, “She’s such a beautiful girl, and you and Steve have done a great job letting her know how special she is to you. To all of us. But it seems like nothing matters right now except this boy and her peers.”

“I know,” Michelle agreed. “I see this all the time with my eighth graders. They are so focused on peer approval and being in relationships, that they often lose sight of themselves. Were you able to help her see the bigger picture?”

“I hope so, honey. I actually shared some pretty personal things about my own life, including my relationship with your father before we were married. She seemed to really plug into that.”

“Did you tell her you lived with Dad before you got married?”

“I did. And I shared with her how difficult it is to be married to someone who doesn’t share your faith or the faith of your family.”

“How did she respond to that?” Michelle asked.

“She nodded and seemed to be listening,” Sheila replied. “But who knows what was going on in her mind. She’s pretty hooked on that Miles kid.”

After a pause, Michelle asked, “What was the bomb she dropped?”

“I want to give her a chance to tell you herself. But she needs a little time. She asked if she could stay here for a while.”

“Really? What do you think of that idea? I’d hate to have her intruding on you and Rick. I mean you two are newlyweds and all.”

Sheila laughed. “I guess you could say that, honey, but it’s not quite the same as the first time around. We enjoy being together and treasure our alone time, but we both agree that she’s welcome to stay if you and Steve approve. As Rick said this morning, Maddie seems to feel safe with me. Maybe God could use that to give me a chance to share some things she might not be able to receive from you two right now.”

She could hear Michelle take a deep breath on the other end.

“Okay. Let me talk to Steve and get back to you. How was Madison planning on getting home today? Did she tell you?”

“Rick offered to pick her up. He’s only teaching a couple of classes today, and then he has a short meeting in his office. He said he could time his departure to be waiting at the school when she got out.”

“That husband of yours is pretty special,” Michelle said. “You know that, right? I mean the way he’s taken over for Dad in a grandpa role with Caleb has meant the world to him.”