Behind the Pine Curtain (31 page)

But she couldn’t resist Kay, couldn’t turn away from her touch, if only for a few nights. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do—pulling out of Kay’s arms that night, leaving her sleeping peacefully, unaware that when she woke, she’d be alone again. Jacqueline would be out of her life. Again.

Kay looked up from the book she’d been reading, startled by the knocking on her front door. “It’s me.” Kay sighed, then marked her book and tossed it on the table

beside her recliner. What in the world could Rose possibly want at this hour.

She held the door open. “It’s nine thirty.”

Rose pointed at her wrist. “Got a watch, but thanks.”

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have kids to look after?”

“The twins have been asleep for an hour, and I just now got Lee Ann to bed. She thinks she’s all grown up and can stay up with us now.”

“And your husband?”

“Greg’s got his nose in his computer, what else is new?”

Kay followed Rose into her kitchen, watching as Rose helped herself to a glass of tea.

“So, here I am, because I can’t stand it a second longer,” Rose announced.

“What are you talking about?
Greg
? Are you guys having problems?”

“
Greg
? No. We’re fine,” she said with a wave of her hand. “He’s
always
loved his computer more than me, nothing’s changed there. I’m talking about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes you, and don’t tell me nothing is wrong, that’s not gonna fly anymore.”

Kay turned away, going back into the living room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The hell you don’t! You’re driving me crazy with this silence, Kay.

Mama’s worried sick about you, Lee Ann thinks you’re fixin’ to die or something, and Eric, of all people, thinks you have man issues.”

“Man issues?”

“Yes, he thinks he’s a psychologist or something. He’s planning on bringing Josh back again in two weeks.”

Kay wrapped her arms around herself, facing Rose. “Tell Eric to leave me alone about Josh,” she said quietly. “I mean it, Rosie.”

Rose walked closer. “Tell me what’s wrong, Kay. Please?”

“Nothing.”

“Dammit, Kay. You’ve been like this since Jackie left. I know you miss her being around, but it’s not like you won’t see her again. Knowing you two, you probably talk on the phone every day.”

Kay shook her head. “We don’t talk.”

“You don’t talk? Why not?”

Kay shrugged. God, she did
not
want to have this conversation with Rose. But she just couldn’t shake the depression that had swallowed her up since Jackie walked out of her life. Even now, the smile she tried to fake wouldn’t form. She just felt empty inside.

“Kay? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Oh, Rose, because you wouldn’t understand.”

“Are you sick? I mean, is something wrong with you?”

At this, Kay did smile. “No, Rose, I’m not sick.” “Then what? Is it just Jackie being gone?” Kay stared at her sister, the words wanting to come out, almost
needing
to come out. She nodded finally, unable to stop the tears that blurred her vision. “Yes, it’s just Jackie,” she whispered. Rose spread her hands. “What? I don’t understand.” Kay closed her eyes. “I love her.” “Well, Jesus, Kay, is that supposed to shock me?” Kay shook her head. “No, I
love
her, Rose. I’m . . .
in
love with her. I’ve . . . I’ve made love with her. I . . .
love
her,” she managed before tears closed her throat completely. She stood there, arms still wrapped around herself, and sobbed.

“Oh my God,” Rose whispered. “Oh . . . my
God! Made love
?” Kay felt Rose walk closer, felt the tentative arms that attempted to comfort her.

Through their whole life, Kay had never broken down in front of Rose, not even when Billy Ray put her in the hospital. But she couldn’t stop the flood of tears now over her loss of Jackie. She didn’t care if her declaration shocked Rose. It was too much of a relief to have said the words out loud.

“Kay, please,” Rose said as she patted her back. “Please, don’t cry. You don’t
ever
cry.”

“I’m sorry.” Kay pulled out of her arms, reaching for a tissue from beside her recliner. She blew her nose and wiped her eyes, waiting for Rose’s inquisition.

“Kay, I don’t know what to say. I mean . . . what
happened
?” “Jackie happened, Rose, that’s all. Jackie happened.” “But, are you serious?

You
slept
with her?” Rose whispered, looking around the room as if they might be overheard. “I told you that you wouldn’t understand.”

“But Kay, you’re straight! You were married, for God’s sake!” “Oh, Rose, I only married Billy Ray because Jackie was gone. Don’t you see? I didn’t know what I felt then, I couldn’t put a name to it.” Kay paced across her living room, trying to put words to her jumbled thoughts. “Not even when I found out Jackie was a lesbian. I never thought that label applied to me. I just loved her. She was my best friend. I thought that was all. So, yes, I married Billy Ray.” She stopped pacing and stared at Rose. “And it was so awful, Rose. He was so very . . . very
rough
with me. I could hardly stand his touch, Rose.” She felt tears form again. “He . . . he raped me on more than one occasion.

That last night included.”

“Oh my God,” Rose murmured. “Kay, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Tell you what? That I didn’t want to have sex with my husband, so he resorted to rape?”

Rose pulled her into another hug. “Oh, Kay, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“You always assumed he just beat me?” It was one subject they had never discussed—Billy Ray’s abuse.

“Mama and I suspected he hit you, yes. But before we could work up the courage to talk to you, he put you in the hospital. He was gone, we didn’t see the need to bring it up to you.”

“I appreciate that. And you’re right, I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“You told Jackie what really happened that night, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

Rose cleared her throat. “When did you two . . . become . . . you know.”

“Lovers?”

Rose nodded, her face colored slightly with a blush.

“The Sunday before she left, actually.”

“But then why did she leave, Kay?”

“She left because I told her I couldn’t be
open
about it. I told her I could never tell you or Mama. I was worried about my business.” Kay sighed.

“All stupid, meaningless stuff that I was so worried about.”

“Surely she understood your concerns. I mean, this is Pine Springs, not California. Can you imagine the talk around town if you two were a
couple
for God’s sake?”

“Obviously I can or else I wouldn’t have been so concerned about it.”

“But, you’re like, really
in love
with her?”

“Yes. Very.”

“And she loves you too?”

Jackie had never said the words, no. But Kay knew. She knew it by the look in her eyes, by the way she touched her . . . the way she screamed Kay’s name when she came.

“Yes, she loves me.”

Rose shook her head. “I just don’t get the whole gay thing, Kay, I’m sorry. I just can’t even imagine what it’s like in bed. I mean, what do you
do
?”

“Jesus Christ, Rose! I’m confessing that I’m in love with another woman—that I have been living in
hell
for the past two months without her—and you want to know about
sex
?”

“I’m sorry, but Kay, I just don’t understand that whole thing.”

“I know you don’t, and I told you that you wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter anyway, Rose. She’s gone.” Kay paced again. “And I’m sure you didn’t want to know about all this, but I feel better having told you. It felt good to say it out loud.”

“So now what?”

“Now what?” Kay shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Nothing? But you said you loved her.”

“I do, Rose. But the fact remains that I’m here in Pine Springs—with my business, with my family—and she’s in California. And the two don’t mix.”

“I can’t believe she would just leave you like that.”

“Rose, she didn’t just leave.” Kay again wrapped her arms around herself. “I chose my business and my family over her.”

“But Kay—”

“And not a word of this to Mama. Promise me, Rose. I can’t deal with Mama knowing.”

“Of course I won’t tell her. God, can you imagine
her
reaction?”

Kay didn’t have long to wait. At exactly nine o’clock the next morning, Mama walked into her shop.
I’ll kill Rose.
“We need to talk, Kay.”

“I don’t know why. Obviously, Rose has already done all the talking,”

she said quietly, glancing once at Mrs. Cartwright. “And you can tell her for me that she’s dead meat!” she hissed.

“Let’s go into your office.” Mama nodded at Mrs. Cartwright. “How are you this morning, Gladys?”

“Just fine. What are you doing away from the café?”

“Oh, Rose has worked there long enough to finish with the breakfast crowd. You need to come by for lunch tomorrow. I’m making up a big mess of chicken and dumplings.”

Mrs. Cartwright smiled. “I might just do that. Seeing as how you won’t give out your recipe!”

Kay cleared her throat, waiting patiently.

“Sorry. Talk to you later, Gladys.”

Kay closed the door of her tiny office, waiting only a second before turning to face her mother.

“Rose has a big fat mouth.”

“She loves you, and she’s worried about you. We all are.”

Kay shrugged. “So, now you know.” Kay turned away. “I’m so sorry, Mama. I never wanted you to find out.”

“Oh, my sweet Kay, I’m not shocked, if that’s what you’re thinking.

I’m not even surprised. It’s always been Jackie for you.”

“Mama? What do you mean?”

“From the beginning, the two of you were inseparable. And as teens, you didn’t care one bit for Danny or Billy Ray. It was only each other you had eyes for. I saw it then, Kay. But Jackie left, and you got married and I didn’t give it another thought.”

Kay paced in front of her desk, her mother’s words shocking her, to say the least.

“Mama, yes, it was always Jackie. But we were friends. I didn’t know it was something more. Not until she came back.” She paused. “And I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

“Rose tells me you’re in love with her.”

Kay’s face turned scarlet. “Oh, Jesus, Mama. I can’t talk to you about this.”

“If a daughter can’t talk to her mama about being in love, who can she talk to?”

Kay covered her face. “I can’t believe I was so worried about you finding out. I was so worried about what you would think of me.”

Her mother wrapped her arms around Kay and pulled her to her ample bosom, rocking her gently.

“Kay, you’re my daughter, and I love you. And as long as I can remember, Jackie has been included in our family, and I’ve tried to treat her as one of my own. We all love her as if she’s family, Kay.” She pushed Kay away, holding her at arm’s length. “The light went right out of your eyes when Jackie left, just like it did all those years ago. She makes you happy. I don’t care about the physical part of your relationship, Kay. Mothers don’t need to know everything. But she’s the one that makes you happy. Don’t forsake that for your family.”

Kay cried. There was nothing else she could do.

Jacqueline sat at her desk, unconsciously drumming the keyboard with her fingers as she read the last few paragraphs she’d written. She shook her head. It still wasn’t flowing. For one frightening moment, she wondered if it would ever flow again.

She glanced at her cell as it rang, then went back to the monitor.

It would be Ingrid. She’d been calling nonstop for the last month. In the last few voice mails, she threatened to show up at her door if Jacqueline didn’t “come back to the living,” as she put it. But she wasn’t in the mood. Wasn’t in the mood to talk, wasn’t in the mood for company, wasn’t in the mood—for life.

So, she let it go to voice mail, like always. Perhaps that’s why the knocking on her door didn’t startle her. She let out a heavy sigh, silently cursing Ingrid for making the trip.

She opened the door, her admonishment of Ingrid dying on her lips as she stared face-to-face at Kay. She was aware that she’d stopped breathing.

“What are you . . . what are you doing here?”

Kay’s blue eyes locked on her own, causing her heart to jump painfully in her chest.

“I’m in love with you. And I won’t live another day without you.”

Jacqueline steadied herself on the door, her eyes never leaving Kay’s.

“What about . . . what about your family?”

Kay smiled gently. “Mama told me if I didn’t come after you, she was going to come get you herself.”

Jacqueline closed her eyes. “You told them?”

“Yes.”

She opened them again, and Kay was there. “And you’re in love with me?” she whispered.

“Totally.”

Jacqueline took a step backward. “I think I may cry,” she murmured, a hundred different emotions warring inside of her as she tried to grasp the fact that Kay was actually here, and that Kay was in love with her.

Oh my God.
She slowly rubbed her chest, feeling the heavy, constant ache of the last few months begin to subside.

“Jackie?” When their eyes met, Kay asked the one question that had been haunting her. “Are you . . . I mean, do you . . .”

“Oh God, Kay, I’ve loved you forever.”

Kay finally let her relief show as her eyes gentled. “Good. And Jackie, just so we’re clear here—don’t you
ever
leave me again.”

Jacqueline gave in to the tears, letting them flow freely, not caring that Kay saw her vulnerability. The only weakness she had was Kay.

“I
promise
. I will never leave,” Jacqueline whispered.

It was Kay who closed the door, Kay who found the courage to move into Jackie’s arms.

“I love you so much, Jackie,” Kay breathed, her mouth moving against Jackie’s. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”

Jacqueline couldn’t speak. She simply held Kay to her, squeezing her tight, letting their bodies reacquaint. They had plenty of time for talking.