Being a Boy (18 page)
Authors: James Dawson
The Site
(for advice on sex, drugs, families and careers):
http://www.thesite.org/
T
hank you for buying this book for your offspring or youthful ward. Straight away this makes you a concerned and caring individual. Why? Because being a boy is harder than it looks. However much you’ve told a boy YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING, some things are really hard to say.
Our society tells us that some of the things in this book are RUDE or DIRTY or NAUGHTY when, in fact, the vast majority of them are utterly unavoidable. You can’t run away from biological destiny and you can’t shield young people from the world, so STEP AWAY FROM THE COTTON-WOOL-LINED BIOSPHERE. If a boy is told things are dirty, he won’t feel comfortable talking about them I’m afraid.
You might think there are bits in this book where I’ve GONE TOO FAR or CROSSED THE LINE, but here’s the truth:
We will never, ever know what it is like to have high quality pornography delivered to our mobile phones as a ten year old. THIS is the reality of what is happening. More and more young people are having their introduction to sex education this way. The porn that’s likely to be passed around on a school bus isn’t going to be NICE, soft, fluffy porn, if there is such a thing. It’ll be raw and raunchy.
These pornographic images are confusing and scary for both young men and women. Imagine if you saw that and thought, ‘holy crap is THAT what sex is?’ I worry a lot of young men are wrongly learning that all sex involves fetishes and is brutal. The problem is this: schools can’t actually SHOW sexual intercourse so what they see online is more graphic and detailed than what your child would learn in school.
It is my hope that this book will bridge the gap between what teachers can discuss in schools and what your child will have already witnessed, or will probably witness in the near future online. If you think you’ve protected your child from the evils of the Internet, I’d argue you are deluding yourself as the more taboo something is, the more a young person will seek it out. We were all young once – you remember what it was like. That curiosity is natural. Let’s scaffold teenage sexuality, not battle it.
For eight years I was a teacher specialising in PSHCE, or ‘personal, social, health and citizenship education’. It was my job to ensure that sex education was taught to a high level. I’ve delivered sex education many times to many young people. As a full-time writer, I still spend a lot of time in schools talking to young adults and I hope I can communicate in a way that is appropriate and appealing to this age group.
There is nothing in this book that your child won’t have heard on the playground. At best though, he’s probably heard half a story or inaccurate gossip. It’s my goal to present the FACTS in a very un-sensational manner. Being a Boy is not a sexy book. It is a book about sex. There is nothing titillating in these pages.
Anything in this book you might think is shocking, I guarantee he has already heard and seen much worse.
Hopefully, by providing a warts-and-all account of sex and relationships, your young person will be less likely to truffle for answers online, and will hopefully set his friends straight when they present him with horror stories.
As well as the biology of sex and puberty I have also tackled issues surrounding bullying and relationships. I think we all understand that ‘boyfriends and girlfriends’ can make an already difficult social situation even harder, so hopefully there is advice here that will light the way. When I was at school, boys talked about sex constantly, but we NEVER talked about our anxieties surrounding sex. I hope there is a level of emotional literacy that young men can take away from this book.
There are so many things that should be taught in schools but aren’t. How to chat someone up, how to talk about contraception, how to dump someone properly. It’s no wonder we all make such a mess of life when we’re young.
It’s also worth noting that PSHCE is NOT mandatory in schools, so provision varies wildly between schools. It’s a lottery as to whether your child is receiving ANY of these positive, healthy messages. The final aim of the book therefore is to foster better, healthier relationships between young people – be they sexual or not. I was lucky enough in my career to work with the EXCEPTIONAL Healthy Schools Team in Brighton & Hove and they were able to advise me as I wrote to make sure that this book is BANG UP-TO-DATE with what is being taught in schools AND in line with government advice. I also worked with young people in London schools who provided most of the starting points in the text and all of the FAQs and acted as my research group for this book. Yep, they really do talk A LOT about sex, I’m afraid.
I heartily encourage you to read this book alongside your young person. If successful it’ll give you something to talk about, or at the very least you’ll get a valuable glimpse into his world right now. Teenage boys being teenage boys, you might have to lead him to this book – after all a book about sex and puberty is potentially cringe-tastic. This is why I’ve tried to make it funny. I’m not being standoffish or glib about these important issues, I’ve simply sugared the pill. There are some life lessons in here, but I don’t want it to feel like homework.
Go on, leave it on the side of his bed. The word SEX is featured. He’ll pick it up eventually.
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his book more than most, was a collaboration so there are lots of people to thank.
In no particular order: Jo Williamson, Martina Challis, Russell McLean, Tori Kosara and ALL at Red Lemon Press.
Particular thanks to Sam Beal and all the pupils I’ve taught for all their challenging questions! The First Story group at Lambeth Academy.
To Patrick, thank you for the discussion on ‘willy waggling’ that found its way into the book. Man, that sounds dodgy.
Personal thanks to Sam Powick, Nic Strachan, Kat Dare, Stuart Powick, Neil Palmer, Niall Caverly, Tom Jackman and all the friends who shared their horror stories.
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or eight years, James Dawson was a teacher specialising in Personal, Social, Health and Citizenship Education (PSHCE). His main remit was ensuring that these subjects were taught to a high standard across several schools. He collaborated on projects involving bullying, sex education, drugs and alcohol education and family diversity.
He now writes full-time and lives in London. His debut, best-selling YA novel Hollow Pike, was nominated for the prestigious Queen of Teen prize, and was followed by publication of the YA thriller Cruel Summer in 2013.
When he’s not writing books to scare teenagers in a variety of different ways, James is busy listening to pop music and watching Doctor Who and horror movies.
You can find him on:
twitter:
@_jamesdawson
Facebook:
facebook.com/jamesdawsonbooks
First published in Great Britain by Red Lemon Press Limited
Northburgh House, 10 Northburgh Street, London EC1V 0AT, UK
Text copyright © 2013 James Dawson
Illustration copyright © 2013 Spike Gerrell
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted.
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the permission of the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
eBook ISBN: 978-1-7834-2009-4
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Cover design by Katie Knutton
Red Lemon Press Limited is part of the Bonnier Publishing Group
