Belonging (40 page)

“A lot of people do that, not just
rich ones.”

“True.”

I stroked his hair and kissed him
before whispering, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Me too. You have no idea how glad I
am. I was absolutely miserable without you. Every day I’d lose my
resolve and start to come to you, but I kept telling myself I was
staying away for your own good, that you’d forget about me
eventually and the press would move on and you’d get your life
back. I just couldn’t do it, though. I don’t even know how I lasted
six days.”

I raised an eyebrow and said, “How
could you think I’d forget about you? Don’t you hear me when I tell
you how much I love you?”

“I hear you, but I don’t feel worthy
of it.”

“You need to work on that.”

“I know,” Zan said before kissing my
chest.

“Promise me something.”

“I promise to never run away like that
again.”

I smiled and said, “Oh, you can run
away again. But next time, you have to promise to take me with
you.”

Zan smiled, too. “I absolutely will,
love. I was completely daft to think I could live without
you.”

“So, you know where you belong
now.”

“Wherever you are,” he said softly.
“That’s where I belong.”

Chapter
Twenty-Two

The weather was absolutely perfect for
Christian and Shea’s wedding. They’d opted to keep things simple
and were holding the ceremony on the rooftop garden of their new
house. The midcentury modern home was perched on a hill above the
Castro, offering truly spectacular views of the city. It was an
early summer evening, the sky deepening to a rich gold as the city
lights came on down below and a gentle breeze stirred the potted
palms and strands of white lights all around the garden.

I sat in the front row with Nana to my
right and Skye’s husband Dare to my left. Vincent and his family
were right behind me, and his son Josh was fidgeting with his tie,
tightening it, loosening it, then tightening it again. There were
about forty guests in all, including many of Shea’s cousins and his
uncles and aunts, but his parents were notably absent. It
infuriated me that they’d boycott their son’s wedding, just because
their religion told them being gay was wrong. Shea wasn’t going to
let it ruin the day, though.

Jessie, who sat on Nana’s other side,
leaned over to tell us, “I have tissues if anybody needs them. I
always cry at weddings.” He held up a pocket pack with Lightning
McQueen on it.

“Gimme some of those,” Nana said. “I
always get a little misty eyed myself. There’s nothing I love as
much as a wedding. It didn’t work out so well for me, but I still
believe in happily ever after with all my heart.”

“Do you think you’d get married again,
Nana?” Jessie asked as he handed her a couple tissues.

“Me? I dunno. I tried that internet
dating thing a couple years ago, but then my no-good husband came
back and I stopped looking. Our reunion didn’t last long. That man
couldn’t be faithful if he was one of the last two people left on
earth.” Nana smoothed the skirt of her pink Chanel suit and tucked
the tissues in her pocket before adding, “I guess I should go ahead
and divorce that louse. The Catholic Church doesn’t exactly approve
of that, but then, they and I don’t see eye to eye on a whole
lot.”

“You should, Nana. You deserve better
than him,” Jessie said.

“Do you think if I did divorce that
bum and got serious about looking, there might be a man out there
for me?”

“Absolutely,” Jessie told her. “I
think there’s someone for each of us. Maybe even for
me.”

“What happened with you and that cute
Eddie fellow?” Nana asked.

“I had such a crush on him,” Jessie
said, “but I blew it. I did the same thing I always do. I ended up
pushing too hard and he pulled back. I’m just totally incapable of
playing it cool. We’re still friends, but that’s all he wants from
me.”

Nana told him, “When you find the
right guy, it won’t matter. You can just be your cute, enthusiastic
self and he’ll love you for it.” Jessie grinned at her as she
patted his hand.

The grooms took their places at the
railing with the city skyline as their backdrop. Zan and Skye
shared best man honors for Christian. On Shea’s side, that honor
was split four ways, between his brother Finn and his buddies and
former roommates Leo, Cas and Ridley. Shea had known the somewhat
nerdy trio since grade school.

His friends lined up solemnly to the
right of the couple, each dressed in a dark sport coat. But then
the three of them stripped off their coats and cast them aside,
revealing red Star Trek uniforms. Cas raised his fist in the air
and yelled, “Represent!” The audience applauded and cheered, and
the couple burst out laughing. Okay, scratch the
‘somewhat’.

The wedding official was an attractive
woman of about fifty with black hair, a full figure and a pierced
nose. As she took her place, Chance circled at a distance, snapping
photos. “Let’s begin,” she said. Christian and Shea faced each
other and joined hands. Each groom was dressed in a light colored
linen suit, not matching but complementing each other perfectly,
which was apt for those two. As the official welcomed the guests,
the two men stared at each other with awe and reverence. It was
beautiful to see two people so totally head-over-heels in
love.

I glanced at Zan, who was
subtly wiping tears from his lower lashes with the back of his
index finger. He was dressed in a navy blue suit that looked really
modern, even though he’d found it buried deep in the archive, and a
white shirt that was open at the collar, his long, dark hair
stirring slightly in the breeze. My heart leapt, not only because
he was incredibly beautiful, but also because I was so touched by
the way his son’s wedding moved him to tears.
That man is mine
, I thought, sitting
up a little straighter.
How’d I get so
incredibly lucky?
Zan caught my eye and we
exchanged smiles before turning our attention to the
couple.

After the official led them through
the traditional ceremony, the grooms said a few words. Shea went
first, grinning shyly. “You saw something in me that I never saw in
myself, Christian. You looked past my shyness and awkwardness and
you saw someone worthwhile. You helped me believe in myself, which
I never thought possible. You make me feel so incredibly loved,
every single day, and I love you more than anything in this world.
I promise to be by your side, always, through whatever life throws
our way.” He’d already proven that a thousand times
over.

When it was Christian’s turn, he said
softly, “You gave me a future, Shea. I’d given up and was measuring
my remaining time on this earth in months, not years. But you gave
me the strength and courage to make it through those clinical
trials, then the surgery and chemo. You’re the strongest, most
loving, most remarkable man I’ve ever met, and I’ll never come
close to expressing how much I love you and how grateful I am for
all you’ve done for me. I’m alive right now because of you, because
you kept believing I could beat that tumor and you made me believe
it, too. You gave me the most amazing gift, an entire lifetime to
spend with you. I absolutely adore you.” He took Shea’s face
between his hands. “Those words aren’t nearly enough. They don’t
begin to express what you mean to me or the extent of my love for
you. But maybe this does.” Christian kissed him passionately as the
wedding official pronounced them married and the audience leapt to
their feet, cheering and applauding.

*****

Later that night as I danced with Zan
under the stars, he seemed a bit anxious. When I asked what was
wrong, he replied, “I keep waiting for a helicopter to buzz the
house with a camera crew hanging out of it and wreck my son’s
reception.”

“That won’t happen. All the guests are
friends or family and they know to keep quiet. Even the caterer and
photographer are friends, so there’s no one that would alert the
paparazzi.”

Zan rested his forehead against mine
as we swayed to the music. “I’ve been thinking. The more we stay
out of sight, the more it feeds the media frenzy. I want to start
putting myself out there again, but I want to do it on my terms.
I’m going to contact Eddie Guerrera and see if he’ll help me with a
project. I have dozens of songs I composed over the last decade and
I want to record some of them and begin posting weekly videos for
my fans. Maybe each week I’ll perform a new song and then do a
short interview. What do you think?”

“Is that what you really want, or are
you just doing it to try to take some of the wind out of the
paparazzi’s sails?”

“I really want to do this. I miss
performing and this would be an easy way to transition back to
that. Plus, like I said before, I really want to give back to my
fans and I think they’d enjoy this. Don’t you?”

“I think they’d love it,” I said, “but
it might not help with the paparazzi.”

“Yeah, maybe not. Still though, I
think this could be worthwhile. I’ll call Eddie tomorrow and see if
he wants to be involved.”

“I’m sure he will.”

“We do need to figure out a way to
live with the paparazzi though, no matter what ends up happening
with this,” he said. “They’re far too aggressive to simply ignore
them and go about our business.”

I swept his hair back and rested my
head on his shoulder as I said, “We talked about getting a couple
bodyguards. Maybe we need to go ahead and do that. Dante could find
us some reliable people.”

“I guess we’re going to have to. I
don’t like having a lot of people hanging about, but that would
mean we could leave the house occasionally.”

“It’s been fun staying in,” I said
with a grin. We’d basically spent the last month in bed together at
the house in Marin.

Zan grinned, too. “I loved every
minute of that, but we’re doing just as I feared. You’re turning
into a hermit with me, and you deserve more of a life than
that.”

“I know you don’t want to get stuck
again, so we’ll figure this out. You don’t have to worry about me,
though. I’m perfectly happy wherever you are.”

He kissed me, then smiled and said,
“Did you notice we’re the only people on the rooftop? Maybe we
should go in and see if my son needs a hand cleaning up.” I hadn’t
noticed anything but the gorgeous man in my arms.

We found an impromptu cocktail party
going on in the ground floor living room of the three story house.
The couple had been furnishing their stylish space with modern,
clean-lined furniture, which was a great contrast to the bold
artwork. Christian had been painting a vibrant mural on the living
room wall, and one of Skye’s metal sculptures reached up to the
high ceiling. The sculpture was of two men in a loving embrace, a
wedding present to the couple that he’d brought over in sections
and assembled right in the living room over the past few
weeks.

Most of the wedding guests had gone
home, and the remaining group was raising a toast to the caterer
and photographer when we came into the room. Skye’s brother River,
along with River’s boyfriend Cole, had provided a delicious buffet
for the reception as their wedding gift to the couple. Chance’s
gift had been the photographs he’d been taking all night. He was
still at it, snapping pictures of the toast, and I put my arm
around him and said, “I didn’t see you sit down once all evening.
Come and relax.”

He finally relented, dropping down
onto the loveseat beside Zan and me. Christian and Shea sat across
from us, curled up in an oversized club chair. They both looked
incredibly content. To my right, the trio of groomsmen, Leo, Cas
and Ridley, were lined up on the couch, leaning on each other and
snoring. They’d been doing shots earlier, and apparently the
alcohol had caught up with them. Finn, the other groomsman, had
left a couple hours ago to cover a late shift at the department.
River and Cole sat to my left with their feet up, Cole’s head on
his boyfriend’s shoulder, and Skye and Dare manned the bar. “We
invented a new cocktail called the Nollane, in honor of Shea Nolan
and Christian Tillane,” Skye said, and then he grinned broadly. “I
guess that’s obvious. Anyway, it’s pretty damn tasty. I’ll make
some for you and your sweetie, Gi.” He was pretty tipsy. Apparently
perfecting the recipe had required a lot of taste
testing.

“Thanks, but shouldn’t we be taking
off?” I asked. “The newlyweds probably want to get some rest. Or,
you know, find ways to keep each other up all night.”

“We can sleep on the plane,” Christian
said. Zan’s wedding present to them had been a month-long honeymoon
at an exclusive private resort. They were departing in the morning.
“After that, I plan to let Shea get very little rest in Tahiti.” He
smiled at his husband, who kissed him and pulled him onto his lap.
I noticed that Christian was looking really well. His last round of
chemo had been completed weeks ago. Since then he’d gained a couple
pounds, and the color had returned to his complexion. His hair was
growing back, too, and was almost an inch long.

As Skye and Dare passed around some
cocktails, Chance told Zan and me, “I’ve been meaning to say thanks
again for hiring me as your assistant while you were in Tahoe. I
bought a used car with the way too generous salary you paid me. I’m
going to use it in the fall for a road trip and visit my brother
and mom in southern Wyoming. After that, I’m going to drive to the
opposite end of the state and see if I can track down the man who
fathered me. It’s a total long-shot, but I figure it won’t hurt to
go and ask a few questions.”