Bent, Not Broken (16 page)

She stared at Joker, knowing he had to be semi-uncomfortable in this situation. She knew she had been her first appointment.

“Did Amy tell you why I asked you to attend a session?”

Joker nodded. “She thinks that I should come because of what she went through, and that you want me to understand how fragile she is.” She was surprised by his answer because she hadn’t been in-depth with him like that. But Joker was so smart and insightful, and nothing got by him.

“I wanted you here because I know you are aware of the past abuse she suffered at her father’s hands.” She noticed the way Joker curled his hands into fists.

“Yeah, I know all about that asshole, but he won’t be hurting Amy ever again.”

Gregory didn’t speak for a moment, just stared at Joker, and she worried that he’d pick up on the unsaid statement. Yeah, her man had done something horrible, so violent that it should have frightened her. She would never tell anyone that Joker had killed her father. He’d done it to protect her, to save her from her nightmares, and she loved him even more for that.

“I’d ask what you mean by that, or how you could guarantee that, but I don’t think you’d tell me, would you?”

Joker didn’t respond, just leaned forward and braced his elbows on his thighs. “You know the answer to that, Doc. But I want you to know that I would never hurt Amy. She’s my life, the woman I love, and I’d do anything to make sure she’s healed and whole. She knows what she means to me; that’s why I agreed to come here today. I want her to know that I support her all the way.”

Gregory nodded, made a low noise, as if agreeing with what Joker said, and jotted something down.

For the next forty-five minutes they talked about everything Amy had gone through, her progress, and Gregory let Amy and Joker speak together. It was a little awkward and embarrassing to have such a personal conversation with Joker in front of someone else even though she knew she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe it was admitting all of this to Joker and Gregory, or maybe it was admitting it to
herself
?

The first step to healing was healing within; she knew that from her therapy and living her life. If she could accept that life sometimes wasn’t picturesque, even if it seemed like it, then she knew she’d be able to accept anything that was thrown her way.

They left Gregory’s office after their hour session was up. They stood by the bank of elevators, neither speaking, with this weird vibe surrounding them. She looked at him, knew he was tense and uncomfortable, but he looked relaxed. Maybe she was the only one feeling that way? The elevators opened before she could say anything, Joker had his hand in hers and he pulled her into the elevator.

He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, and with his other hand, pulled her closer, holding onto her as if his life depended on it. He used his body to press her even more firmly against the wall of the elevator. Amy was suffocating, but in the good way, in the kind of way that stole her breath and made her realize that life was precious.

Taking hold of the short hair at the base of his skull, she tugged lightly on the locks, trying to get him closer. She wanted to be ingrained in this man, let him take everything away so all she ever thought about was being with him. She pulled away, kept her eyes closed, and rested her forehead on his chest. “I love you so much, Joker.”

He stroked her back with his hand, and she heard him inhale deeply right by her ear. “And I fucking love you, baby.”

Leave it to her man to say it like it was.

“This is all real?” she murmured.

“I sure as hell hope so, Amy.” He pulled back, cupped her face, and leaned down to kiss her. “I know this seems so damn crazy, but this is so right.” He smiled at her, and she felt her heart rate pick up. “I am not going anywhere, and I won’t let you run. You’re stuck with me, baby girl, and that’s a damn fact.” He placed a hand on her chest, right over her heart. “Nothing else matters aside from what we feel in here, and baby, you own my heart.”

Two weeks later

The wind was
chilly as the sun lowered behind the horizon, and Joker had never felt happier than he did right now. He was on his bike, riding free, with his woman behind him and holding on tight. He was doing something that he’d wanted to do for a long fucking time, but had never had the balls to follow through with. But because Amy was on the road to becoming healed, he knew this was the right step. She was doing so damn well, and he couldn’t be happier. The deeper they went into the woods, and they higher they ascended the mountain, the more the temperature dropped and the trees became thicker all around them. He wasn’t much of a nature person, didn’t give a fuck if he was surrounded by pavement or covered by trees. But for what he wanted to do he sought privacy, seclusion, and needed nothing artificial surrounding them.

He had his old lady on the back of his bike, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and her head resting on his back. He was in fucking heaven right now, and couldn’t have asked for a more perfect outcome to some shitty situations in his life. There was nothing better than this feeling of freedom with the woman that he loved and knowing that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But his nerves were already getting the best of him and twisting his gut uncomfortably; it was not something he was comfortable or used to.

Another twenty minutes driving up the mountain and Joker finally pulled to a stop in front of a clearing. The trees surrounded them, a creek ran parallel to the small dirt road, and there wasn’t a soul in sight. It was perfect, absolutely-fucking-perfect. He cut the engine and climbed off then helped Amy off the bike, too. For a second he kept his hands on her waist and stared down at her, loving that this woman was his. He’d sampled her, couldn’t get enough of her, and he knew he’d have the rest of his life to spend with her. It took a strong woman to be with a man like him, a member of an outlaw biker club that killed when the time called for it, dealt out violence, and did shady shit. But his Amy was strong as hell, and he loved her even more for it.

Did she knew what he was about to do, that he had this ring sitting in the inner pocket of his cut and was nervous as fuck? Shit, he hadn’t felt this unsure about anything in his life, but he supposed even the toughest motherfuckers felt skittish when they were about to pop the big question. He grabbed a blanket from one of his saddlebags and led her to the center of the clearing. There was a break in the trees and they could see the city below, the lights starting to brighten as dusk fell over the sky. He laid out a blanket and gestured for her to sit down.

“You look nervous, Joker, and that makes me nervous.” She smiled, but he could see that it was a little forced.

Fuck, his hands were even shaking, and he hated the fact that this one thing could make him feel so off kilter. “Dammit.” He sat down beside her.

“Joker, is everything okay?” she asked, twisting her hands together. She touched his shoulder, and he could see that this was worrying her. He felt like an asshole for not keeping his shit together.

“Everything’s okay, baby.” He turned and faced her, and before he lost his nerve, he reached inside his cut and pulled out the small velvet box. She looked down at it, and her eyes widened. “I meant to say all this sweet and endearing shit, tell you how important you are to me, that I love you more than anything else, because Amy, all of that is true.” He ran his free hand over his hair and exhaled roughly, needing to say this because he wanted her to know she was his world. “I feel out of my element here and have never felt so nervous in my fucking life.” He chuckled, hoping to ease some of the tension. He hadn’t been good with all the sweet, sappy shit, never had. Hell, he’d never made a woman his like this. It seemed that he was at a loss for those sweet as fuck words that would tell his woman he loved her more than anything else.

“You’re my old lady, and that means a lot, but I want you as my wife, too, Amy.”

“Oh God, Joker,” she breathed out. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the box he had yet to open.

He popped the lid.

“Oh God,” she said again. “It’s gorgeous.”

He took the ring out, snagged her left hand, and slid the platinum band with the big circular diamond in the center on her ring finger. “Look at me, baby girl.”

She lifted her gaze so she was looking at him, and he heard her swallow. Now he swallowed and tried to calm the nerves inside him. He had beaten the shit out of grown men, killed anyone that hurt those he loved, and did illegal shit, but asking his woman to marry him made him feel like a vulnerable bitch. “I love you; I have loved you for a long time. I don’t care that we are considered step-siblings. I don’t care that my past and yours hasn’t been a fairytale. I want you, and I know you want me. I want all of you, Amy, and I am offering my life for you, because that’s what you mean to me… life.”

She started to become teary eyed, and he hoped he wasn’t screwing this up. She was going to cry, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“I want you by my side as my wife, not just as my old lady, baby.” He took her hand in his and lifted it to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. “You’ve always been mine, Amy, always. Even when we were younger, I knew you’d be mine. I just didn’t know how to process those emotions.” He stared at her. “Will you marry me Amy?”

When she didn’t answer right away, Joker felt his heart start to pound fast and hard. Would she say no? The tears were the next thing that came from her, big, fat tears that slid down her cheeks. He moved an inch back, giving her some space, as those beads of wetness slid down her cheeks. She continued to stare at the ring, and with every passing moment he worried that she was ultimately going to say no.

“Joker…”

“Baby, you’re making a man feel pretty fucking worried here, especially when you won’t say anything and are looking like you might say no.” She looked up at him, and he reached out and brushed her tears away. “Baby, will you marry me?” he asked again. He was a man and didn’t know jack shit about women and what it meant when they cried during these situations. Was she happy about this?

“They’re good tears, Joker,” she chuckled and wiped her tears away. “God, they are really good tears.” She fell into his arms, wrapping her arm around his neck.

“So, that’s a yes then, baby girl?” He cupped her face and looked into her eyes.

She grinned wildly. “Yes. Yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”

He kissed her senseless, loving that he was about to make the woman he loved his legally, officially, and forever.

Six months later

R
unning her hand
over her swollen stomach, Amy stared in the full-length mirror. She wore a white dress that did its best to hide her very pregnant state. Joker had wanted to get married before the baby started to show but she wanted to wait until everything was perfect. It was close to Christmas and throughout the clubhouse everyone was preparing for her to walk downstairs to her man.

“You look so beautiful,” Deanna said, running her hand down the full skirt.

“Thank you.”

The last six months had been beautiful. She’d loved every second of getting close to Joker. He visited with Gregory regularly now, and they were developing as a couple. For the first time in her life, she was stronger than she’d ever been before. Joker helped her to heal. There were times she was still plagued by the demons of her past but they were so few that she didn’t even think about it. He was her rock, and she loved him with all of her heart.

“Can I come in?” David asked, knocking on the door.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to leave you two alone,” Deanna said, making her way out of the room.

David closed the door behind him. “You know, I always knew there was some connection between you and Reese.”

“You know he prefers to be called Joker, right?”

David chuckled. “I don’t care. He’s my son. My little boy and right now, I’ve never been so proud in all my life. You both deserve happiness and when I look at you two, I know you’re both going to be so happy.”