Betrayal (6 page)

‘And some’ I
agree ‘well that just made the next week extremely interesting’ I jest and he
chuckles.

He tenses for
a moment, ‘you are on contraception aren’t you?’

‘Yes’ I wave
his worries away, ‘you are clean aren’t you?’ I check.

‘Absolutely, I
normally wear a condom I just got carried away with the moment’ he mumbles as
he moves to the side bringing me with him so that I am laying on top of him
‘and what a moment it was’ he murmurs as he brings me down for another earth
shattering kiss.

It is three in
the morning and we have just showered and returned to bed, Brad is draped over
me and his breathing has steadied so I imagine he is asleep.  As I lay there I
feel the guilt in the pit of my stomach at the lie I have just articulated.  I
am not on contraception and hadn’t even considered it during our sex session,
we had since made love another two times and still my mouth refused to disclose
to him the fact that I could quite easily become pregnant.

But isn’t that
what you want my mind prompts me but it feels so immoral, not like this I reply
to my own brain.  Brad stirs and turns over and I move up close spooning him my
arm thrown across him, I am so sorry Brad I regret the fact you got dragged into
my fuckedupness you are a good man.

********

I am laying by
the pool dozing after my appalling night sleep, most of it I am grateful for…the
other I lay feeling dreadful for what I am about to do to a decent man.

‘You asleep
hussy?’ Courtney croaks from beside me.

‘No, you
feeling better’ I tease leaning up to view her grey face.

‘Ehhhhh’ she
replies.

‘Well you
dirty stop out rolling in from the club at four am this morning, we aren’t
getting any younger you know’ I tease.

‘Er excuse me
you rolled in at eight this morning’ she reminds me with a glint in her eye and
I grin despite my guilt.

‘I haven’t
been clubbing in years wait until I tell Dave’ she lays back down on the sunbed
smiling to herself.

‘Hmmm, I’m not
so interested in the clubs these day though are you?’

‘Well normally
no but them there girls know how to party’ she shakes her head in memory of the
wild night before.

‘Are you
coming Jet Skiing?’ I offer glancing at the time on my phone.

‘God no, I
will throw up, you go with lover-boy’

‘Ok, I will
catch up with you later’ I stand and remove my hair band I love to feel the
wind through my hair.  With a flutter of my insides I make my way to the beach.

I am bouncing
over the cross waves when he appears beside me grinning from ear to ear, I send
a grin in greeting and we begin our dancing with the Jet Ski’s.  We race and
challenge each other for an hour before we are called back to base.

‘Oh that is so
exhilarating, I am seriously thinking of buying one when I get home’ I inform
Brad as we are disrobing our lifejackets.

‘Not many
places to use them in London though’ he reminds me.

‘No I may buy
a place by the sea back home’ I ponder and he nods impressed.

As we stroll
away from the jetty towards the beach he pulls me into his embrace, ‘hi’ he
calls gently down his eyes eating me up.

‘Well hey
stud’ I tease as he drops a kiss against my lips briefly and I move my hands
over his muscled back memories of the previous night flooding my mind.

His lips tilt
gently as if he reads my thoughts before he replies, ‘thank you for a lovely
evening, night and morning’ he arches his eyebrows.

‘Now you are
just showing off’ I smile as his hand strokes up and down my spine sending
delicious sensations throughout my body.

‘Hmmm’ I gaze
up and he sends me that smoldering gaze that warns he is coming in for the kill
and he moves his lips to mine nibbling my lip.  ‘Brad’ I whisper involuntarily
but he continues his hands pulling me into his hips.

‘How can I
still want you so soon’ he mumbles across my lips and I lean into his lean body
in response.

‘Do you want
to go someplace?’ I offer and he groans.

‘Yeah I do but
unfortunately I have shots to do this afternoon.  At least they are by the
pool, stay by the pool will you provide me with a bit of inspiration.  I finish
tomorrow then I can lock you in my room’ he promises.

‘Ok’ I grin up
towards him my stomach flipping at our connection.

********

As I watch
Brad go about his work I contemplate the future and the fact that I could be
carrying his baby.  I would be proud to mother his child he is such a gentle
man but if this is going to happen I need to find out more information about his
background. 

I never
intentionally set out to deceive him but after the event I allowed him to
believe something that wasn’t true is that the same? Yes! My conscience informs
me isn’t that betrayal by omission that is definitely the same if not worse.

Maybe this is
the ideal situation after all at least I know the baby’s father and can liken
him to them as they grow even to myself.  I am not going to beat myself up
anymore but intend to familiarize myself totally with Brad and his life so that
I am aware of our child’s roots.

As I am
walking back from the bathroom I notice a model playing up to Brad by the pool her
hand on his chest as she grins up towards him her face tilted, he appears
oblivious if not impassive by the gesture but a gnawing sensation hits my
stomach.  I frown in displeasure at just the moment he turns and clocks my
reaction.  He smiles as he excuses himself and moves towards me.

‘Maddison’ he
greets me his eyes cautious.

‘Brad’ I
return my face to neutral.

‘Are you
jealous by any chance?’ he muses his eyes narrowing slightly.

‘Pffft’ I
scoff, ‘don’t flatter yourself mister’ and I continue past him, he grasps my
wrist and pulls me to his front. ‘Hey’ he calls gently and I glance up into his
serious brown eyes.

‘What?’ my
eyes spark with anger despite the logical part of my brain realizing I have no
rights to this gorgeous man.

‘Are you
cranky because you haven’t had enough sleep?’ he teases attempting to bring me
round.

‘No’ I shrug
indifferently and he sighs.

‘Look at me’
he demands in that voice that makes my insides quiver with excitement.  I
glance up my lips slightly apart and my stomach flip flops, ‘another hour and I
will be finished ok?’ his eyes warm as they move over my face.

I nod my voice
lost somewhere in his gaze.  He drops a light kiss against my lips and strokes
a finger down my cheek before releasing me.  As he saunters back to the shot he
picks up his camera and the model throws a dark look in my direction her lips compressing
as she sways her hips moving towards the pool.

When I return
to the sunbed Courtney whistles, ‘well if that isn’t putting his stamp on you I
don’t know what is’

‘I am going
for a walk’ I inform her abruptly as I pull my hair up into a bun on top of my
head and place my sunglasses on my nose.

‘Ok’ her eyes
move to my face anxiously before I turn to the beach confused by my reaction.

I walk towards
the sea and paddle in my flip flops as I contemplate my behavior, how can I be
angry with him it wasn’t his fault especially after what I am doing? Another
pang of guilt hits my solar plexus but I shake the thought out of my head and
remember that I am not going to dwell on it but use the time to collect some
notes on his past. 

I walk the
length of the beach enjoying the peace as my mind begins making strategies for
the future, plans that don’t feature a man or anyone else but me and my baby. As
I turn to walk back I notice Brad in the far distance as he becomes nearer I
notice that he has changed into his swim shorts and a t-shirt his sunglasses
perched on his nose, I smile as I reach him.

‘Hi’ I mumble
apologetically.

‘Everything
ok?’ he smiles lightly attempting to assess my mood.

‘Yes, I just
felt like a walk along the beach it’s so peaceful’  

He nods but I
cannot see his eyes so I move closer and pushing my sunglasses on top of my
head I do the same to his.  His eyes are cautious and I realize I was selfish
stamping my feet over a model that has decided to make a play for him, it’s
probably an everyday occurrence for him.  I lean up and kiss his lips gently,
‘fancy a swim in the sea?’

‘Ok’ he
relaxes slightly and kicks off his shoes and t-shirt before taking my hand and
tugging me into the turquoise waters.

We have swam
and splashed around like children in the warm tropical waters and are now
bobbing up and down in the shallow water my legs wrapped around him as his arms
circle me holding me firmly against his body.

‘So did you
have a happy childhood?’ I enquire.

‘Yes’ he is
being purposely vague, I regard his handsome, playful face.

‘Did you?’ he
asks, we are obviously still playing the tit for tat game, that’s ok I can do
that for the sake of the future.

‘Yes’ I nod
threading my hands through his hair and planting a kiss on his nose.

‘What happened
to you when your parent’s passed’ he asks delicately his curiosity piqued.

‘I went to
live with my Nan’ I smile affectionately. ‘If it was at all possible that someone
could ever replace my parents she would have been the only person that came
remotely near’ I inform him, ‘siblings?’

‘Two brothers
and a sister.  Is you’re Nan still with us?’ he continues his mouth finding the
crook of my neck and nibbling seductively in the spot he is aware drives me
insane.

‘No she died a
couple of years ago now.  Are you parents around?’ I tilt my head to allow him
better access.

‘I am sorry’
he tilts his head towards me for a moment. ‘Yes they live in Buckinghamshire’

I nod for a
moment, ‘how old are you?’ I probe.

‘Forty-one,
you?’ this is like a quiz show.

‘Wow, that’s
old!’ I grin and he narrows his eyes playfully ‘thirty-one’ I grin.

‘What’s with
all the questions I thought you didn’t like to share?’ he muses suspiciously.

I shrug dread
filling my stomach for a brief moment, ‘I guess it doesn’t matter as our paths
are never going to cross again….’

He nods for a
moment before regarding me carefully then enquiring, ‘why are you so damaged?’

I frown for an
instant before answering cautiously, ‘ok, but if I answer this you have to
divulge some personal information on your past too’

‘Ok’ he agrees
honestly and I believe him.

‘This time
last year I was due to get married to someone who I believed was my everything
and he called it off four days before the wedding pleading he wasn’t ready to
marry and wanted to spread his wings and live a little.  Five months later he
married a woman who we were both acquainted with and with whom he had been
having an affair with for apparently a year of our four year relationship’

His eyes
regard me for a moment digesting all this information, ‘that sucks and he is an
idiot’

‘He is’ I
agree ‘I thought my whole future was heading in a certain direction only to
find I was living a complete lie.  No one will ever get the opportunity to
devastate me in that manner again.  I had no idea, I have heard people say that
previously and I would scoff…..how can you not know your fiancé or husband is
having an affair?  But I guess the joke was on me because I was oblivious just hopelessly
and completely in love with the man’ I return to the now and smile gently
towards Brad who is regarding me intently, I flush embarrassed with how much I have
exposed of my feelings towards this almost stranger.  He squeezes me in support
‘now, why are you anti-relationship?’

He gazes
towards the horizon for a moment and I remain silent as he gathers his
thoughts, ‘I was married once and it ended badly.  I guess I gave up on the
happily ever after thing too’ he shrugs.

‘How long
for?’ I probe.

‘Married for
two years together for six and it was…’ he calculates in his head, ‘ten years
ago now’

‘I am sorry’ I
kiss him gently, ‘what happened?’

‘Our baby died
and we grieved in different ways….she chose to sleep with my brother’

‘Fuck Brad’ I
hold him close as he wraps his arms around me, ‘I am so, so sorry’

‘It’s ok it
was a long time ago now but it left me kind of not expecting much out of life
in regards to women.  And I certainly do not wish to experience fatherhood
again I wouldn’t rest easy…. I could never go through that again’ he closes his
eyes for a moment as a painful memory finds him. 

I glance down
towards him and gather his face in between my palms as I kiss him thoroughly my
teeth grazing against his lips. He pulls me into his hips as his hand moves to
my bikini bottoms his fingers locating their target as he slips two inside me. 
I groan and he chuckles, ‘now why do I get the distinct impression that this is
not going to be very successful outside, hush woman’ he sucks my groan into his
mouth as his tongue battles against mine.