Read Between a Vamp and a Hard Place Online
Authors: Jessica Sims
“Yeah.”
“He's hot.”
“I guess that's the good news.” If there was any.
“Wow.” She stared at him, then at me. Then she leaned over and pinched my arm.
“Ow!” I pinched her back.
“Ow! Okay, I'm definitely not dreaming.” Gemma fluttered her lashes, then patted the edge of the bed. “Come sit down. So, what are you, a vampire? Or just incredibly hot and in my room at three in the morning?”
“Why aren't you freaking out a little over this?” I couldn't believe how easily Gemma was accepting the fact that there was a vampire in the bedroom.
“Well, it might be that I'm still half asleep,” Gemma said with a yawn. “But you found a hot guy in Venice who's dressed like a guy from the Renaissance faire and you have a big bruise on your neck. And we have a coffin downstairs. So the fact that the dude is hot and not eating our faces? I'm calling this a bonus.”
“Give him a few minutes,” I muttered.
But Rand came and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Gemma's hand in his and kissed the back of it as if she were a princess instead of a girl in an old ratty T-shirt with her hair standing on end. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“Oooh,” Gemma said. “It must be true about vampires being charming. Do you also turn into a bat?”
Rand gave her his signature sexy grin. “I am afraid that is but a myth.”
“Much like the charming part,” I countered.
Gemma thwapped my arm and continued beaming at Rand. “Can I see your teeth?”
He smiled widely, pulling back his lips. His fangs shot out, elongating, and both Gemma and I flinched backward. Rand hissed.
“I-I'm good now,” Gemma said, her hand clenching my arm. “Thanks for the show.” She sidled a little closer to me and gave me a wary look. “So how exactly is it that we went from coffin in basement to vampire in bedroom, pray tell?”
I told her the entire tale. Maybe it would have sounded like a ridiculous story if it hadn't been for the fact that Rand was in the room with us, poking the alarm clock with a wary finger and then moving to the mirror. He didn't show up, but we did, and he kept lifting the edge of it away from the wall to try to see what was “behind” it.
It was clear that Rand had no clue about modern anything. And that made the whole vampire thing a bit easier to go down, I imagine.
“Soooo, now we have a vampire,” Gemma said, watching curiously as Rand picked up a discarded bra from the floor and tried to figure it out. Her lips twitched with amusement, and she looked back to me. “Can we keep him?”
I smacked her arm. “What? No! He's not a puppy!”
“We can't just leave him on his own,” Gemma said. “Look at him. He's so sad and confused.”
I looked over, and he was trying to open the closet door. Or rather, he didn't know how. His fingers moved along the seam, and he completely ignored the doorknob. Then he tried to peer through the seam and gave up.
“Bless his heart,” Gemma said. “He doesn't even know how to use a doorknob. You said he's not a dog, but there are dogs that know more than he does.”
He bites like a dog,
I thought unhappily. “Well, don't worry about it. I told him I'd take him to the nearest vampire.”
“Oh, you don't have to,” Gemma said. “I'll take him if you don't want to.”
I looked over at her in surprise. “What?”
“We both know you're not good with men. And you're a bit of a control freak.” Gemma gave me an apologetic look and a pat on the arm. “And all that stuff in the basement needs to be taken care of, in addition to the rest of this apartment. Like you said, it's going to take all month just to do what we have to for this place. You can't spend your time running around with a stranger.”
She had a point. I did like to control things. And with the treasure trove in the basement, there was so, so much that needed to be handled delicately and with the utmost of care.
“And I know you don't trust me with things.” Her smile was faint. “So, you know, I can handle the guy. I can do that much at least.”
Oh. That felt like reproach. Had I hurt Gemma's feelings with my control-freaky ways? Hurt her self-esteem when it came to helping handle the business? Here I thought we both just focused on the things we did best, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe my need to control everything meant I'd hurt my best friend's feelings somewhere along the way.
I felt like an ass.
“It cannot be thus,” Rand said, interrupting my thoughts.
“Hmm?” Both Gemma and I looked over at the vampire in surprise.
“The fair Lindsey has promised to be my blood vassal. She has sworn it with a kiss to her liege.”
Gemma's eyes went big as saucers. “Did she, now.”
I wanted to kick that smug look off Rand's face. “Yeah, for some reason, he thinks I'm lying when I say the world is round.”
“I see,” Gemma murmured. “So while I've been sleeping, we've acquired a medieval vampire and you already made out with him.”
“He started it.”
“Oh, I'm sorry, I must've misunderstood.” Gemma patted my arm. “So you have to suck face to survive? Is that it?”
I glared at her.
“Are you two sisters?” Rand asked. His gaze went back and forth, studying us as we argued on the bed.
“We grew up in the same state home,” I told him. “Neither of us has family.”
“So we're each other's,” Gemma said. “Now don't change the subject. I want to know more about this kiss of fealty.” She gave a little shiver. “Was it sexy?”
I just kept glaring at her. “I am not answering that.”
“Is his mouth cold?”
“Gemma! Let's stay on track, please? I don't want to talk about that. Let's talk about what we're going to do with him.”
“I'm right here,” Rand said. “I can speak for myself.”
Gemma wiggled her eyebrows. “I told you I'd take him.”
“Lindsey is my blood vassal,” Rand repeated. “It is she who has given her word that she will remain at my side.” He moved toward me and put a hand on my shoulder possessively. “I want her and no other.”
“Oooo,” Gemma said. She made kissy noises. “This is intriguing.”
“She simply tastes better than most. It is something in her blood. Like a fine wine. Do you still have wine in this time?”
“Oh yeah,” Gemma purred. “So Lindsey here is like a nice merlot? Is that what you're telling me? I wonder if it is because of something in particular? What about my blood?”
He leaned in and sniffed Gemma, then shook his head. “Sour. Metallic.”
“Wow, really? I'd almost be hurt if I wasn't so fascinated by the fact that Miss Lindsey here is the tastiest thing on the block.”
“Her blood is . . . very fine.”
I ignored the heated look he was sending my way. He was driving me crazy as it was. “I'm sure Gemma tastes just dandy,” I said out of loyalty to my friend.
“Not like you,” Rand said. “Your blood perfumes the very air. I've never tasted anything like it.”
Gemma's eyes widened, and she reached over and tapped my ID bracelet. “I bet it's this.”
“Shhh,” I told her. Let him just think I was tasty. If he found out I was rare, I suspected I'd never get free. “AnyhowâRand's my burden. I'll take him to his vampire friend. It shouldn't take too long, really. He says he can sense where the guy is, and then I can get back to work.” I shrugged. “You'll just have to keep packing without me.”
Gemma's hands clasped together. “Really? You trust me to do that?”
Jeez, I wasn't that controlling, was I? “Of course I do.”
Her eyes lit up with happiness. “This is so awesome! And you said Venice would suck.”
“Suck?” Rand asked, honing in on the word.
I held up a hand. “Don't ask. Just don't ask.”
Gemma gave another uncomfortable, inappropriate giggle. “I can't believe we found a vampire.”
I wished we hadn't, but with Rand's piercing blue eyes locked onto me, I couldn't exactly say that. I rubbed my forehead instead. “So what now?”
Gemma yawned. “Can we sleep? I'm fucking exhausted.”
Sleep sounded incredible, but I looked over at Rand, wary. Somehow going to sleep with him in the room implied a lot more trust than I had at the moment. My neck still throbbed from his earlier bite. My head ached from the blood loss. My body was unsettled with unwanted desire. My lips still remembered that damn vassal kiss.
I was a mess. An exhausted mess. I eyed Rand, who was listening to our hushed conversation intently. “What do we do with him?”
Gemma rubbed a hand through her sleep-tousled hair and yawned. “I dunno, girl. TV? Internet?”
I considered those. It would be the easy way out . . . and we might wake up to an even more insane vampire. “I think that's a bad idea. He probably needs to be eased into the last six hundred years or so. Just a hunch.” After all, I'd seen how the man had reacted to the refrigerator. And the door. And, okay, to me. So yeah, the man needed a crash course, and I suspected that the advertisement-and-porn-laden internet would not be the place to do it.
“Books, then?” Gemma asked. “There's a ton of them in the other room. He probably can't read the writing, but I'm sure they have pictures.”
I brightened at the thought. “Now that sounds like a plan.” I hauled myself off the bed and gestured that Rand should follow me. “Come on.”
Reluctant, he trailed behind me as I picked my way through the box-strewn apartment, Gemma padding along behind us. In the living room I found where we'd put several stacks of books. They were all from the '70s or earlier, but there were plenty with lots of pictures and drawings. It could keep him busy long enough for us to sleep, hopefully. I cleared off a winged armchair and indicated that Rand should sit. “Here you go.”
He eyed me warily, but he sat down, resting his arms on the chair like a king on his throne. When he gave me a small, jerking nod as if to indicate his approval, my irritation flared. I dumped a stack of books in his lap. “Go nuts. We'll be up in a few hours.”
Rand's eyebrows went up and he gazed at me. “And what will you be doing?”
“Sleeping, because if I'm going to escort you around the city, I'm going to need a few hours of shut-eye.”
“Mmm.” He opened a book. I got the vague impression he wasn't happy, but he said nothing.
“Great, well, have fun. I'll come get you after I wake up.” I turned my back and started to head for the stairs.
“Our excursion will have to wait until it is dark,” Rand called after me. “I cannot move about during daylight. It is one of the many curses of
upyri
.”
Right. Shoot. I'd forgotten what sunlight can do to a vampire. “All right. We can go out at night.” That would mean I'd have to get some extra sleep in the daytime if I was going to be up all night. Which meant I wouldn't be able to help as much with packing in the daytime. A vampire was damn inconvenient. “And if that's the case, I really need to head to bed, then. You have fun down here. You know where the fridge is.” I waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen, then pointed at the hall. “The bathroom is that way if you need to use it.”
His lips twitched with amusement. “Do you truly think a vampire has such human functions?”
“I honestly don't want to know,” I told him. But his mention of functions reminded me. “Uh, so . . . when do you need to feed again? Like, how often?”
He was still watching me with that calculating look. I couldn't tell if it was amused or predatory. Or both. “Do not worry on my behalf. You may see to my needs later, Lindsey.”
“Bow chicka bow bow,” Gemma called out.
I ignored her and headed for the stairs. “That's my cue to head off to sleep. Later. See you in the morning. Or not.”
“Be nice,” Gemma murmured sleepily as we went up the narrow stairs.
I heard Rand's subtle laugh in the distance and grew more irritated. Nice? I didn't want to be nice to a bloodsucker that was going to force me to work for him. “Feel free to stake yourself again and save me some trouble,” I called out, ignoring Gemma's thwap to my arm. “Nighty night!”
I was feeling pretty smug with my taunts and crawled under the covers, flicking off the light. I didn't even care that I was fully clothed. I just wanted some sleep, I wanted to forget about today.
Immediately, something heavy thumped below.
I sat bolt upright in the bed. “What was that?”
Gemma groaned and rolled over, hugging her pillow. “Probably the vampire. Go to sleep.”
The heavy thump happened again, and again, over and over. With an irritated snarl, I leapt back out of bed and headed for the door to the bedroom.
As soon as I opened it, I saw Rand standing there with the chair in his arms. A stack of books was in the seat, and as I watched, one of the books slid off the chair and thumped to the floor, making the same noise that had been driving me nuts.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“I am coming to be with you.” He pushed past me, and I had no choice but to step aside as he brought the large chair into the room, spilling books as he did so. “I do not trust you not to flee once more.”
I sputtered. “You can't come in here and just sit while we're sleeping.”
“Why not?”
I looked over at Gemma for help, but she stuffed a pillow over her face and turned her back to me, not getting out of bed. Traitor. I turned back to Rand. “Because we're trying to sleep!”
“I will be silent. I will look at pictures in your books.” He set the chair down near the door. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he returned to the stairs and began to pick up the books he'd dropped along the way. When he returned a few moments later, he set his chair against the door, sat down in it, and pulled the stack of books into his lap as if to say,
See? Harmless vampire
.