Beyond Famous (Famous #3) (25 page)

In watching him with Davina, I noticed Cade's demeanor was polite and attentive.  I mean he didn't exactly drool all over her, but he didn't snub her either.  I didn't expect him to, but it hurt to watch.  Davina was a beautiful woman and Cade was seriously hot.  It was only natural she’d be attracted to him and the press pushed them together. It was all part of the job.

Job, job, job
, my head hammered at me. I knew I had to suck it up and trust him. I'd been trying since the first story broke, but the truth was, all I wanted was to scratch her eyes out.  She was lapping up the publicity with fervor.

Suddenly my throat felt dry and I reached for the can of soda. I’d spent more time than I would admit researching her and she had more men than I had birthdays, and a reputation for hooking up with actors, directors, and producers. I huffed. Anyone that could further her career, obviously. Anger rushed through me like fire. I didn’t want her using him to further her own pathetic career.

I stopped myself and tried to step back and look at the situation objectively.  How
was
I feeling? 
Was it protectiveness toward Cade or jealousy toward Davina? 
Either way, it didn't sit well.  I hated anything that I didn't have control over.  I was the queen of control and made it a point never to let anything own me. 
Ever.

Nathan had come over with Chinese food and was unpacking it in the small kitchen of my apartment, while I was glued to E!News. Thank God the segments were short, but I was sick of the media blowing it out of proportion.

I absentmindedly picked at the material of my jeans as I sat with my eyes glued to the screen, my hands were shaking.  How in the hell was I going to get through two more months of this?

Okay,
I was seriously screwed.

I pulled my knees up and leaned on them, barely noticing Nathan entering the room, setting a box with a fork sticking out of it on the coffee table in front of me and then taking a seat next to me on the couch.  He forked a mouthful of his food and then stopped. “You okay, sis?”

"I'm okay," I said and smiled as brightly as I could manage.  He shook his head and dug his fork in for more food.

"Rough day?" Nate asked, glancing at the screen.

I shrugged. "Um, not too bad. Just long. Thanks for coming over. I wouldn’t have eaten anything, and just lazed around like a slug all night.”

He laughed lightly. "No problem. It was my excuse to bail on shopping for new furniture with mom. She’s trying to set me up with what’s her name’s daughter."

"Hmmm," I muttered under my breath.  "I always hated shopping.  I'd rather work if those were my choices, but—" I stopped and shoved his arm, grinning. “You could stand to get laid.”

Nathan huffed out a disgusted laugh. "Whatever. Speaking of that; why aren't you in New York with Cade at that thing?" Nathan asked, in a gentle tone. Obviously, he could sense my tenseness.

I shrugged, not willing to tell him the real reason; that the studio wouldn’t let me.  "I don't know.  Not in the mood, I guess."

"Yeah, that isn't like you.  I thought you and Cade were the king and queen of secret meetings," he said and took a drink from his glass.

"Yeah.  I guess. But I’ve got a busy week and so does he. I have to shoot tomorrow. There just wasn’t enough time to make it work.” My eyes fell on the screen as he stopped to talk to a reporter. My jaw jutted out involuntarily and I shifted uncomfortably as Davina showed up beside him to the delight of the interviewer. “Besides, the studio would have a shit fit if I showed up and ruined their little Cade and Davina lie.”

Nathan followed the direction of my eye line and then glanced back at my face.  Something like recognition flashed across his features.  "Yeah, I understand."

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the perspiration accumulating a light sheen.  It wasn't hot in my apartment but I felt like my skin was on fire, and I hoped it wasn't flushing red.  I got up and went to the corner of the room where the guitar Cade had given me for my birthday was leaning up against the wall. I picked it up, and returned to the couch.

“Aren’t you gonna finish your food?” Nathan asked, looking hopefully at the carton I’d left on the table.

“Go ahead.” I sat down; just holding the guitar, then ran my fingers over the strings. It made me feel close to Cade when I played it.

"Cade told me he's working with you a little bit." His eyes looked at me knowingly. And my eyebrows went up. 
Was
Cade talking about me with my brother?

"Yeah, but I don't get a chance to practice that much," I murmured as I watched Cade say something to the reporter and Davina burst out laughing. 

Okay, I'm out. Fake bitch.

I started to get up, feeling uncomfortable with the turn in the conversation.  Somehow, the interaction between Cade and I was something just between us.  It felt personal and I didn't want to share, even with Nathan. I reached over, grabbed the remote and switched off the television.

“That was last night, right?” He nodded toward the TV. He meant the outing with Davina.

“Yes. Gag me. If I see anymore of her fawning all over him, clawing at him with those devil nails and saying how beautiful he is in every interview, I’m going to barf. She’s annoyingly obvious.”

“Have you met her? She looks awful. I mean she’s hot and all, but…”

I strummed through a few chord changes on the guitar to interrupt him. “Only once. Can we drop it? I don’t want to think about it.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Nate finished his food and after he left, I was alone with my thoughts, remembering how I’d felt on set with Cade. I sighed. How could I expect another woman to be immune to him? I set the guitar on the table and lay down on the couch, letting my mind wander to another time jealousy had eaten me alive. Back when we were filming
The Future of Our Past
; I didn’t have a right to be jealous because I was still seeing David. I closed my eyes and let the scene replay in my mind.

We’d been at a party, and Cade had been playing music with Dawson and Daniel, and Wendy had been stuck to him all night while I observed and mingled with the others. It was a day when I had been shooting without him and we hadn’t talked. I was anxious to get some time with him. He’d glanced in my direction a few times, his expression always apologetic because Wendy’s constant clinging didn’t give us any time to talk. Finally, he came over anyway.

"Hey, Brook," he said softly.  His blue eyes sucked me in as always, pulling me straight into his soul.  Not that he ever tried to hide anything from me.  He didn't.  He was so open and giving.  I felt like I'd known him forever.  I'd told myself that it was because he was so damn beautiful that I felt like a rag doll around him, but in truth, it was him.  How he was inside.  How we were together and how he always made me feel.  He made me feel happy, smart and beautiful.  He made me laugh.

"Yeah! Hey, Brook," Wendy chimed in, leaning into Cade as she did so.  I tried to paste a happy smile onto my face, but it felt frozen and my cheeks quivered under the effort. Her voice grated on me like knives.

"Hi," I answered her but my gaze shifted back to Cade as I leaned on the front of the bar.  "You were really good tonight."  I couldn't help the way my voice got softer and felt a rush of pleasure at the crooked grin that split his face.

"You think so?  That means a lot to me."  His eyes were boring into mine and it was like everyone else disappeared.  I felt myself falling and I put out a hand to steady myself.

"Hey, Cade, I told you how excellent you were.  I think you're amazing."  Wendy, obviously tipsy, fell into him and he put up his hands to steady her and push her away from him a little.

"Thank you, Wendy.  Do you need to sit down?" he chuckled.  

I put an arm through hers, and together we turned her around and took her to the couch to set her on it.  She flopped down and reached for Cade's hand, looking up at him expectantly.  He moved back a little.  "We'll get you some water, okay?  Just a moment."

Cade nodded his head away to communicate with me that he wanted to speak with me alone so I followed him across the room.  My heart thumped in my chest even though we'd spent countless hours together.  He still affected me in ways no one else ever had.  Not even David.  A new rush of guilt had rushed over me and I felt the skin on my face flush.

When we moved toward the balcony doors out of earshot of everyone else, he reached out and ran a hand down my arm.  "Are you okay?  We haven't talked much tonight and I... well, I found myself missing your words."  He smiled sheepishly and ran a hand through his hair as I looked up at him.  His bronze hair was messed up in the perfect Cade way and he had two days’ worth of stubble on his face.  Those intense blue eyes that I swear could look right through me... So beautiful. 

Oh my fucking God.  Was it seriously possible for anyone to be that fucking beautiful? I’d wondered.

I looked down at the ground because I was afraid of what would show in my eyes.  "Yeah, me, too.  What did you do today?"  His hand had moved down my arm to my hand and I longed to close my fingers around his.  They were warm and full of electricity.  I shook my head slightly to get my focus back.

"Hung out with the guys." He shrugged.  "Basically did nothing the whole day, except work out and lay around.  Bloody boring."  His finger touched my chin to get me to look up.  "Honestly, I found myself wondering what you were up to and when you'd be finished.   I missed seeing you."

A swell of elation came up inside me, and I smiled in spite of myself.  "Yeah."  If only I could tell him that I missed him too, that I thought about him constantly and I couldn't wait for the fucking shoot to end so I could get back to the hotel and call him.  "It was a long day.  I was actually going to leave soon.  I have to go over our scenes for tomorrow."

His brow crinkled and he raised an eyebrow at me.  "That isn't like you.  To go over our scenes without me, I mean.”

I nodded.  "I know.” I glanced at Wendy, across the room on the sofa.  “Because, Carlisle, the scenes with you need lots of work," I teased and shoved him with my shoulder.

He smiled.  "Yeah, yeah, sure. Ten films and I’m still ridiculous."

"Shut up! You know I'm kidding. But you’re obviously otherwise engaged, tonight."

"I like the practicing, actually," he murmured softly, and my heart fell to my stomach as he ignored my reference to Wendy.

I liked practicing, too.  I’d been so scared at how much I obsessed about the time I spent alone with him.

With Cade beside me, it had been the first time that night I was feeling like I didn't want to throw-up.  Talking with him had a calming effect and every day I looked forward to the evenings when we would get together and hang out. 

He glanced down at me again right before Wendy bounded up and launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down, almost off balance.  His right arm moved around her to keep her from falling to the floor.

"You forgot about me over there!" she pouted.

"Easy Wendy," he said, his eyes still on my face.  "You need to stop drinking now, okay?"

"No, I don't.   Things are just getting fun.  Right, Brook?" Wendy quipped with a laugh, holding Cade even tighter.  I balked and turned away.

"Um, actually I was just leaving.   I'm... really tired.  I barely get a day off."

"Well, that's why you make the big bucks.  Can we shop tomorrow afternoon?"  She’d asked as Cade set her back on her feet.  I felt the hair at the back of my neck rise in protest. 

"Uh, if I get done, sure.  I'll call you."  I tried to smile and hedged toward the door of the suite, knowing there was no way I wanted to hang out with her and listen to her babble on and on about herself and Cade.  "See everyone later," I called out so the others would hear and waved before walking out the door.  I felt an unfamiliar ache in my chest as I walked to my room and my eyes welled with tears.   Leaving Cade in Wendy's clutches was not what I wanted to do, but I didn't have any right to do anything else.  I was committed to David and Cade was free to do as he pleased.

I’d gone back to my hotel, pulled out my journal and wrote about Cade for two hours, interrupted by a call from David, which made me feel like hell, because I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I loved him, when he said it to me. During the call, I’d been flipping through the pages that started out as director’s notes but had turned into my journal and eventually into my thoughts and secret letters to Cade. The one I’d given him for Christmas.

After I’d hung up the phone, I’d touched the pages of the book, reading again some of the feelings I'd so carefully placed on the pages, and then grabbing a pen, I wrote the word one more time...

Cade.

Wendy was a pussycat compared to Davina Duchman. The thought of Cade getting close to anyone else had always hurt, but I could tell Davina was devious and she had plans to further her career by latching on to my guy. Who in the hell had a name like that anyway? I sighed and rolled over, throwing my arm over my eyes, chastising myself for my hatred of a woman I didn’t even know. I’d promised Cade I wouldn’t wallow. It's just a movie, just another part... she's just another actor.  No big deal.  Right?

Suddenly, it occurred to me. I needed another journal. Writing down my feelings helped to channel the longing and sadness before, it could again. Tomorrow, I’d get a new one.