Beyond the Breaking Point (51 page)

“Nell, I left Phillip over three months ago and filed for divorce,” Cassidy said baldly, knowing there was no other way to break the news.

The smile on Nell’s face faltered before slowly disappearing. “Divorce? But Phillip never said— I mean, I knew you two’d had problems, but you’re both young with demanding careers. I never dreamed…” She trailed off. “Come into the kitchen. This discussion requires food. Have you eaten?”

Cassidy’s heart gave a hard thump as she remembered why she hadn’t had dinner. “No,” she answered quietly.

With the small house’s open floor plan, the combination kitchen/dining room was only a steps away. “Sit to the table and start talking,” Nell commanded as she bustled about the kitchen.

She pulled out a chair and obediently sat. Beginning with the cheating incident two years ago, Cassidy told Nell everything that happened during that time—the counseling, the struggle to rebuild trust in the relationship, and even their difficulties in the bedroom. These she generalized rather than going into specifics.

Nell had known of their planned trip to Orlando. Cassidy reminded her of it and then told her what occurred while they were there, including her drunken night with Max. As she spoke, Cassidy relived it: coming home, moving out, discovering she was pregnant, filing for divorce despite not knowing who’d fathered her child.

Nell tutted, interjected the occasional shocked exclamation, and made sounds of distress, but otherwise didn’t interrupt. Cassidy told it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly. The narration took a half an hour but felt like years. Before she’d finished, Nell had slid a plate containing a turkey sandwich, piled high with meat, on whole grain toast, and a sliced apple in front of her. Another plate of freshly baked snickerdoodles still warm from the oven sat in the middle of the table.

Nell was seated across from her with a steaming cup of tea cradled between her hands. Her grave eyes were focused on Cassidy’s face. Emotionally drained, Cassidy finished by saying, “I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact before now. I didn’t want to drag you into the middle of our dispute.” She sat and waited for Nell’s response.

“And your mother had already taken Phillip’s side in this battle. You weren’t sure I wouldn’t do the same,” Nell wisely stated.

Cassidy furrowed her brows. “Honestly, there’s been so much going on, it never crossed my mind.” But now that she’d brought it up, she wondered if she should worry.

“Eat. I need a minute to take this all in,” Nell said. She took a sip of tea and her gaze stared off into the distance.

Her stomach was tied into so many knots Cassidy feared she wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. However, she picked up the sandwich and took a bite, only because Nell had gone to the trouble of preparing it and if she didn’t, Nell would fuss. The minute the food hit her stomach, her juices stirred and hunger came alive. She finished the sandwich, ate the apple, and had polished off three cookies when Nell spoke.

“You know I’m not the kind of mother who interferes in her children’s lives…”

Cassidy nodded. It was one of the things she loved about Nell. Nell was so different from her own mother who thought nothing of butting her nose into Cassidy’s life if she felt her daughter was living it wrong.

“…and I don’t condone Phillip when he’s wrong…”

Yet another thing Cassidy appreciated about her mother-in-law.

“This is an ugly situation, any way you look at it,” Nell said. “So Phillip believes if you two go back to counseling, this will fix everything?”

“Yes, but Nell, I don’t trust him. I can’t—”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Nell said kindly, but Cassidy pressed on, needing to explain.

“Counseling won’t fix my feelings of betrayal, my lack of trust in him. It won’t make me change my mind about our marriage being over, but Phillip is so damned stubborn. He refuses to believe me,” she said, her frustration showing in every word.

Nell smiled, but it was sad. “Unfortunately, my son is a lot like his father, Brian. Does Phillip ever talk about him?”

“Not really, no,” Cassidy said, realizing it for the first time. “It’s always about you and how great a mother you are.”

Nell sighed. “If only that were the case. Part of this mess is my fault.”

“No, Nell. You’re not responsible for Phillip’s actions,” Cassidy firmly denied.

“Hush! I know what I’m talking about. What Phillip knows of women and relationships he learned from me and his father, and God knows I wasn’t the best example.” Nell’s gaze turned inward. “I met Brian when we were both in junior high and we became fast friends. I think somehow that made it worse. Somewhere in our sophomore year, I looked at him or he looked at me—to this day I’m not sure which one of us it hit first—and suddenly we just knew. He was my first lover and though he’d never admit it, I was his.”

She shook her head. A small grin of bemused remembrance graced her face. “We’d always been close, but after that we became joined at the hip. No one was surprised when I ended up pregnant with Phillip my senior year.” Nell’s expression became serious. “Brian was happy—scared but happy. We both took it as a sign we were meant to be together forever.”

Cassidy listened to this tale of young love, wondering where Nell was going with it.

“He’d been offered a football scholarship to one of the big-ten schools. Brian had the grades to be anything he wanted, but his passion was, is, football. He was going pro, and when he made it big, he was coming home to get me and Phillip to be with him.” Nell sighed. “I knew he had other girls in college—hell, he’d had them in high school—but that was a world away and didn’t really impact me. I stayed home and went to school locally. Between Phillip and school, I had my hands full. Brian was so far away he only came home during Christmas and for summer breaks. We kept in touch by letters and whenever he was home, picked up right back where we left off like we’d never been separated. It became a pattern.”

Her gaze sharpened and focused on Cassidy’s face. “At my mother’s urging, I dated other guys, but none of them made me feel the way Brian did simply by walking in the door. Each relationship fizzled before it had a chance to grow.”

Nell rose, went to the stove, and made herself another cup of tea. “Brian eventually achieved his dream of going pro.”

“Phillip said you never married,” Cassidy commented.

Nell chuckled. “No, things didn’t work out that way. At first Brian had one excuse after another why it wasn’t time for us to be together. He’d just been drafted. He wasn’t first string. He could be let go at any time. He sent home money and came to see us whenever he could, and I was content. By then I’d built a life here for Phillip and myself. Looking back, had Brian sent for us I’m not sure I would have went.”

She sat at the table. “As his career progressed and he made more money, he bought me this house.” Nell’s gaze bounced briefly around the dwelling. “When Phillip grew older, we’d fly out for the occasional weekend to spend with Brian. He was always lavish with his money and gifts while we were there. He’d introduce us to his friends as his family. I knew from some of the women’s reactions that they were lovers, but I had his heart.”

Cassidy must have made some noise of disagreement.

Nell said kindly, “You disagree? Most women would. All I’ll say is when I gave Brian my heart, he never gave it back. I was happy for the time we spent together and secure in the knowledge I had the one thing those other women didn’t—his son. This went on until Phillip was in his teens. He asked me once why I put up with his father. Didn’t I care about his women, his other children? It was the first I’d heard that Phillip wasn’t the only one. Phillip was so angry on my behalf.”

“What did you say?” Cassidy asked, intrigued and sensing somehow that the answer was important.

The look Nell gave her was apologetic. “That when a woman really loved a man, she’d forgive him almost anything as long as she could be with him. That was my truth and I should have presented it as such, but I didn’t. At the time, Brian was still making promises of marriage one day when ‘things were straight.’ I think I believed him, right up until the day he married another woman. A younger, white woman who looked like a Stepford Wife and whose family came from money.”

Nell toyed with her cup, twisting the handle this way and that. “I wish I could say that was the end of it. I was angry and so very hurt. Brian made excuses as to why he’d married her, but I didn’t listen to anything he had to say. This went on for months, but eventually he wore me down and I forgave him. And when he came to visit, I welcomed him with open arms.”

She gazed directly into Cassidy’s eyes. “So you see, I’m the reason why my son doesn’t believe the marriage is over. Why he’s convinced you’ll eventually forgive him. He’s seen me do it time and time again.”

Cassidy sat silently as the ramifications of Nell’s confession rolled over her. It did indeed explain a lot. But one thing stood out in Cassidy’s mind. “Nell, no offense, but I’m not you. I could never put up with what you did.”

Nell reached across the table and clasped Cassidy’s hand. “Nor am I saying you should. It’s a decision each woman has to make for herself. Who knows, maybe if I’d have met someone else who moves me the way Max seems to affect you, things might have been different. I loved too young, too strong…fell too hard. I could have walked away from Brian. I’ve had plenty of opportunities. I chose not to do so. Is this thing between you and Max serious?”

“There is no me and Max,” Cassidy instantly denied, still angry over his outburst.

“That’s your anger speaking,” Nell said sensibly, rising to clear the table.

Cassidy had told her the relationship had ended on a sour note but not gone into any detail. Now she burst out, “He accused me of using him to get revenge on Phillip.”

“Have you said or done anything to lead him to believe that?”

“No,” Cassidy vehemently denied. “For the last three weeks, Max and I have practically been living together. Except for today when I went around to the house to discuss the divorce with Phillip, we haven’t spoken or even seen each other in weeks.”

“Sounds like he’s jealous,” Nell suggested as she loaded their dishes in the dishwasher.

“Of what?” Cassidy scoffed. “He knows how much I want out of this marriage.”

Nell leaned one hip casually against the sink. “His brain might know, but his emotions are a different story. Think of this situation from Max’s prospective. He’s involved with a married woman who’s pregnant with her husband’s child. Even if you divorce, that bond will always be there. Not only that, but by your own admission you’ve already forgiven Phillip once under a worse set of circumstances and given your marriage another try. Who’s to say you won’t do so again, especially now that you have a child to consider?”

“I say so,” Cassidy muttered, but Nell’s argument made sense and now she was beginning to think beyond her own anger and pain.

“I think,” Nell continued slowly, “you two would have eventually had problems anyway. Your relationship is built on a foundation of your hurt and other people’s betrayal. It wouldn’t surprise me if what brought you together eventually tore you apart. Neither of you gave yourself time to heal. It’s no wonder the relationship is beginning to strain under the pressure.”

“Max says he loves me,” she told her mother-in-law. “He asked me to move in with him.”

“But you haven’t,” Nell said, sounding confident.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I realize now I didn’t fully believe him. A little over three months ago he was saying the same thing to Amber. Was willing to back the words with a wedding ring.”

“And now he’s saying them to you.” Nell’s tone and expression conveyed total understanding.

“Yeah.” Then Cassidy told Nell about Max’s family, specifically his mother’s reaction to her and the things she’d said. “That’s the other thing he was mad about. I wouldn’t tell him what his mother said to me. Max could see it upset me.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?” she asked curiously.

Cassidy shrugged then shifted uneasily in her seat. She wanted to get up and pace. “I was already bringing enough drama to his life. I didn’t want to add to it.”

“You feel guilty about your relationship with Max.” Nell didn’t wait for Cassidy to either confirm or deny. “There were two of you in that bed, Cassidy.”

“It was my suggestion,” she mumbled.

“Your drunken suggestion,” Nell said pointedly. “Did you rape him?”

The thought was so abhorrent, Cassidy jerked reflexively. “No!”

“Then what occurred happened between two consenting adults. You aren’t any more to blame about it than you are for my son’s infidelities. If the relationship between you and Max is truly over, then let it be for the right reasons. No sense adding hurt on top of hurt. Talk to him. Let him make his own decisions about his family. Informed decisions,” Nell added, arching a brow.

Cassidy felt her face flush as Max’s accusations rang in her mind’s ears. “Telling him won’t fix things between us.”

“No, but it might give you both the closure you need. While you’re at it, you need to work things out with your mom,” Nell ordered firmly.

She felt her hackles rise. “I have nothing to say to her. She made her position clear.”

“Be that as it may, you’re her only child. I’m sure she wasn’t deliberately trying to hurt you. Even if she never agrees with or decides to support your decision, you still need to clear the air. Once you tell her how her reaction hurt you, if she doesn’t come around it’s on her, not you. But you need to make the attempt. And now, since I’m butting in when I said I wouldn’t, what do you intend to do about my son?” Nell asked, pulling out a chair so she could be seated.

Cassidy bit her lower lip, worrying it. “When I first arrived, I’d planned on asking you to appeal to him to sign off on the divorce. Now I’m not sure it would work even if you agreed. I have another plan in mind, but I’ll need your help.”

Nell placed both hands on the table, linking them with Cassidy’s. “Tell me what you need.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight