Big is Beautiful (11 page)

But, sad as it was… humiliating as it was, I had to stay calm because I needed her help. She was not going to keep me from that dance, even if I had to boogie down in the parking lot instead of the dance in the gym.

"I just want to know if there is any way or any place I can get a ticket. That's all. Nothing earth-shattering."

"Maybe it is." She scooted closer to me until she was so close I could touch her if I wanted. A bunch of guys would kill to be in my position. "Does our little Biggie have a date?"

"Stop calling me that." I felt my nostrils flare. "And no, I don't."

"No?" Her pitched raised. She leaned even closer to me, and I could smell the gaudy odor of her fruity body spray. "Of course you don't. My bad. The guys around here do have standards."

I opened my mouth to say something (I wasn't exactly sure what, but it would have been good) when she snapped her fingers and her expression changed. "I've got it! I know why you want to go. It's Matt isn't it?"

Yes.
"What are you talking about?"

"He told me you had a crush on him, Big. Sweet, isn't it? But honey, he's way out of your league."

Jillian jumped in the small space between Kendra and me. "That's enough! Would you stop calling her names? It's childish."

Kendra looked at her like a cockroach. "Sister, I don't know who you are, but you'd better move. This is between me and Big."

"Her name is Brittany."

"Her name is whatever I want it to be."

I couldn't see Jillian's face, but I could see how rigid her shoulders were becoming. "Her name is Brittany." She enunciated each word slowly with bite.

Kendra's words back were in the same pattern. "No, her
name
is Brittany Isabella Gregory. B. I. G. Big. Am I lying or is that just karma?" She smiled at the crew behind her. "See, even your mother knew what a heifer you'd turn out to be."

"You little…" Jillian already had her fist up ready to knock Kendra's lights out when I caught her arm. Fighting at school was an automatic suspension. I didn't want Jillian to get in that kind of trouble because of me.

"It's okay, Jillian. Stop." I forced her behind me. "This is between Kendra and me."

I stood as straight as I could and looked right in Kendra's eyes. Calm. I would remain calm. "I don't know what I've done to offend you so much, but I'm sorry. If I knew how to change it, I would. But I can't. Just please, can you tell me how to get a ticket to the Red Ball?"

She crossed her arms and smiled an evil little smirk. "You don't know what you've done to offend me? Big, honestly. Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really."

"I don't like you because you are a waste of space. A large waste of space." She put her arm around my shoulder like we were old friends, and it took everything I had to stand still and let her. "You think people like you, but they don't. We hate to see your fat cheeks eat." The funny thing was her words sounded sugary, but they hit like arrows to my heart.

"We hate to watch you scramble to squeeze your obese butt in a desk only made for one normal-sized person. And we hate…
hate
… when you think one of us is your friend. Word of advice, Matt isn't your friend. He's mine. Soon, he'll be my boyfriend again, and you'll be nothing except the fat girl he's forced to tutor."

Kendra leaned into my ear so only she and I could hear. "Face it, Big. You're nothing. You're less than nothing, and I wouldn't tell you where you could get tickets to the Red Ball if you offered me a million dollars."

She patted me hard on the back before walking off laughing with her four
friends
.

Jillian's shoulder touched mine, and we both watched Kendra's crew disappear down the hall. "What did she say?"

"Nothing. Not important." I put my book in my backpack and headed the opposite direction to English class. Jillian walked with me until Freshman Hall then told me she'd see me at lunch. I nodded, so not in the mood to talk.

I wouldn't let Kendra Moses's opinion upset me the rest of the day, but the fact that she wouldn't sell me a ticket might.

Like normal, we had it drilled into our heads that our dead poet paper was due tomorrow. I was almost finished so I didn't care. It would have been nice if my teacher had given us some extra time to work on it in class. Instead, we read more poetry, and I became more and more nervous about my geometry test. Matt said I was ready. I wasn't so sure.

English went faster than it should have. Before I knew it, dead poet hour was over, and I was on my way toward Geometry and my academic destiny.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. I could do this. I could so do this.

I couldn't do this.

My feet faltered and I wanted to turn at the front exit and get out of Dodge. If I missed the test, I'd have to do a make-up. More studying. More anxiety.

Quit being a baby, Brittany. One test
won't
kill you.

Hopefully…

I made it to the classroom just as the bell rang. Ms. Bennett smiled from her perch at the tall teacher desk and motioned me over. "How's your mom?" I asked, since she'd missed tutoring the day before because her mom had fallen and possibly broken her hip.

"She's better. Thanks for asking. She's in the hospital, though. If you feel comfortable with Matt now, I'd rather leave right after school to stay with her. If you want me to stay, I can, but…"

I got what she was saying. "It'll be okay. We've been alone every other day."

Ms. Bennett's mouth squeezed to the side with a cringe. "Sorry about that. It's not what I intended."

"It's fine." I laughed. "Matt and I get along. We'll make it. Spend time with your mother. We'll survive."

"Speaking of Matt…" Ms. Bennett took her glasses and laid them on a huge stack of papers on the desk. By the looks of it, today's test. "He said he thought you were ready for this."

"He might think so, but I—"

"Don't belittle yourself. You can do it. Remember everything you've learned in class and everything Matt re-taught you in tutoring."

That was a lot to remember.

I signed, knowing I had to face this test before I could get on with my day. Might as well get it over with. "Hope you have a lot of bonuses."

"One or two." Ms. Bennett grinned. She got up from her stool, and I went to my seat. I had to pass Rodney's seat.

He made a point to stare at me when I walked by. He puckered his lips in a kiss and threw it my direction with a sneer on his lips. I did not want to meet him in a dark area of the school alone. Rodney was kind of scary.

I settled in my seat and pulled out a pencil. No need for my book on test day. Everything had to come out of my brain, scary as it was. It had felt kind of funny since I'd stopped eating so much, like I couldn't concentrate as well. For this test, I would have to get over it. I needed at least a B, hopefully an A. If I dared to dream, a high A.

For the next fifty minutes, I worked harder on geometry than I ever had in my life. Some of the questions seemed easy (I could do the Pythagorean Theorem in my sleep) and some were really hard (had we covered triangles that looked all lopsided and crooked?).

After I'd answered every question and checked them at least three times — and a lot of second guessing myself — I walked up to Ms. Bennett and handed her my paper.

"How do you think you did?" she asked, looking over the front page.

"I think if you gave grades for completeness and brain cells used, I'd get an A."

"Hmm…" She lifted her glasses to her nose and looked more closely at the problems toward the bottom. "And on actual answers correct?"

I sighed as an answer.

She seemed to understand. "If you have a second to stop by after third period, I'll have this graded. Or I can give it to you at tutoring—"

"No!" I cut her off. "I want to know as soon as possible. I don't think my stomach will last not knowing too long."

She laughed and put my paper on the top of the stack. "See you before lunch."

Chapter Ten

Third period dragged by. I'd never wanted to get to Geometry so much in my life. When the bell rang, I was the first one out of the room, bulldozing past some band guys at the door. I was out of breath when I made it to the classroom. If people stared, I didn't care. I needed my grade!

Ms. Bennett jumped when I barreled in but laughed when she saw it was me. "Excited?"

"Nervous." I leaned on her desk and tapped my foot. My heart beat in my throat. Why wouldn't the woman hurry up and tell me my grade? Was it a teacher's job to make students suffer?

"One hundred."

"Excuse me?" One hundred what?

"One hundred. You made a one hundred." Ms. Bennett repeated slower. The happiness in her voice was evident.

"One hundred." It sounded so foreign. "I made a one hundred?"

"You, my dear, made a one hundred." She handed me the paper with the huge 1-0-0 on the top. I couldn't believe it. There was no way!

"I did this?"

She giggled. Her face was as bright as mine felt. "I'm proud of you."

I couldn't say anything to that. My eyes stayed focused on the 100. I'd done it. I'd done it! I finally found the ability to flip through the papers. I'd missed one problem and gotten two bonuses correct. It all equaled one hundred. Whoa!

"You gonna be okay?" she asked. I thought she was getting worried about my mental health.

I nodded. "I'm better than okay. Thank you. Thank you so much."

She shrugged, still smiling ear to ear. "You did it. I just helped. Matt mostly. I don't know what he did to motivate you, but I think he needs some thanks."

Thanks. Yes, he needed a lot of thanks. I threw the paper on her desk and gave her a huge hug. "Thank you!"

I didn't wait for an answer. I jogged out of the room and up the hallway toward the cafeteria. Most people wouldn't get so excited about one math grade, but I wasn't most people. I felt like I'd earned that grade, and my emotions were on overdrive.

I couldn't wait to tell Matt about it. He would be excited too! By chance or fate or whatever, I saw Matt at the cafeteria doors right when I walked in. Happy beyond reason, I ran up to him, threw my arms around his neck, and hugged him tightly.

Right in front of everyone.

Snickers killed my high and brought me crashing back to reality.

I didn't feel anything around my waist. What I did feel were eyes on me and a very hard to miss glare from someone on my left.

"Careful, Big. You'll break his back." Kendra. Of course it was Kendra, right by Matt's side.

Oh! My… What have
I done? Seriously? How could I have been so stupid?

I let him go as quickly as I hugged him. A pin drop could have been heard in the cafeteria as everyone stopped laughing and waited on Matt's reaction.

I waited too.

It seemed like an eternity, but I knew it wasn't. It couldn't have been over ten seconds, but in the short time tears welled up in my eyes.

Someone to my right, it sounded like Rodney's annoying voice, busted up. His laugh echoed throughout the room. Others followed until it seemed like everyone had joined in. Some laughed because they thought it was funny and some because they didn't want to be the only ones not doing it. Even the cafeteria ladies looked up with their ladles still in their hands to see what the fuss was all about.

The fuss was me.

I had never felt so stupid in my entire life, and that was saying a lot. From my peripheral vision, I saw Kendra's snarky smirk. With her slender arms crossed over her ample chest, she looked pleased. Big had been humiliated in front of the entire school, and I had done it myself.

It was Matt's reaction that hurt the most. He hadn't said anything… hadn't moved, and I knew he wouldn't. He just stood there with a dumb look on his face.

Wanting to crawl under a rock, I backed away toward the doors. "I'm sorry… I'm… I'm just… I'm sorry." I turned and ran out of the cafeteria. I heard Matt yell something loudly, but I couldn't make out what. Truthfully, I didn't want to understand it.

Laugher followed me down the hall as the crescendo got louder following my abrupt exit. The cruel sound of two hundred of my peers seeing me doing…
that
… a chubby sophomore hugging the senior quarterback in front of everyone…

Oh God, why didn't you stop me?

Big made a big mistake.

"Whoa!" Jillian caught me as I rounded a corner. "Where are you going?" She was obviously startled. Who wouldn't be with a crying behemoth barreling toward her?

"I'm not hungry." It wasn't a lie. If I never ate again, it would be too soon. I'd get skinny like Kendra if it killed me.

Jillian's eyes widened and looked toward the cafeteria where rumblings of laughter could still be heard echoing down the hall. She grabbed me by the shoulders and stared in my eyes. "What happened? Did someone make fun of you?"

"Someone always makes fun of me!" I yelled, making my voice crack. It was the honest truth. I couldn't remember one day since high school started that someone didn't pick on me or taunt me or just roll their eyes at me like I was some misuse of extra space. Now, I'd added to my own misery by forgetting who I was. People like me didn't hug people like Matt in front of everyone. We didn't hug people like Matt period.

Jillian put her arm around my shoulders and tried to herd me to the cafeteria. "Let's go eat. It can't be that bad."

Another roar of laugher from the lunchroom made me cringe. "It can. I'm not going." She appeared taken aback by my abrupt tone, so I tried to do damage control. "Look, I'm sorry, but I made a fool of myself, and I don't want to go in there."

"Then I'll eat wherever you are."

"No!" I yelled, then softened. "No. I'm fine. Go meet Oliver and eat with him. I don't want to break that up."

"He is waiting for me at the library, but I'm not leaving you like this."

I raised my brow as high as I could, letting her know I meant business.

"Okay, fine," she relented. "But you text me if you need me. Promise?"