Biker Faith (11 page)

“How did she even leave?”

“I gave her my car. Cas wasn’t happy about that but I don’t care. She has been through enough, helping her get away from here was the least I could do. You fucked up Jason, you really did.”

I know I fucked up. S
he really doesn’t need to tell me it. She walks away without another word said, leaving me to enter a room that doesn’t hold the same appeal anymore.

Chapter Eleven

Bonnie...

Counting what is left of my cash leaves me slightly panicked. Eight hundred dollars to my name and still no place to call my own. The motels I have been staying in have suited me fine and the cheaper ones may not be what I was imagining but they had a lock on the door and safety for me to sleep.

In the month since I left the Lost Souls clubhouse, I have surprised myself. Only imagining a new life has always got me through some awful times, and now I am living that new life, I am happy. It doesn’t matter I am on my own
the majority of the time, I quite like my own company. I spend most of my days exploring each town I drive through, taking my time looking around shops, ordering pancakes and syrup in the diners I choose. In the evenings I spend my time soaking in the tub, relishing the silence, moving on to read in bed till I fall asleep. No worrying about having to hide the book under the mattress from Tommy. Everything the same when I wake as to when I fell asleep.

Every morning I tell myself I do not miss Sparky, and every night I repeat the same. It has been a very long month not feeling his warm body against me
in bed. It is exactly that. I miss his touch, not him himself.

I can and will find that with someone else, preferably a nice man with a nine to five job.

I do well not thinking about him most of the time, then remembering my period hasn’t come yet. I am putting it down to stress as to why I am late, I have been on birth control since the day Tommy took a liking to me, he made his intentions towards me very clear that first time. I was his to do what he wished with so I put myself on the pill. I didn’t have a lot of say when it came to him violating my body but behind his back I damn well protected myself. I would have rather died then have his baby and be trapped to him forever. With everything that went on when I arrived at the Lost Souls clubhouse I forgot to take my pill for a couple of weeks.

The thought of possibly being pregnant with Sparky’s baby doesn’t
fill me with the same terror. Slight apprehension at having to explain it, but not terror.

After putting it off for the last couple of days, this morning I dragged myself to the
local drug store and purchased a test, which is currently still on the bathroom side awaiting for me to look at the result.

A positive result means I have to go back to Willows Peak. A negative result means I get to keep driving till I find somewhere I like and settle in and put some roots down.

Doesn’t matter on what result I get, life is certainly about to change for me. Being pregnant wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

The bathroom door automatically cl
oses if the stop isn’t under it. On the other side is my future. The possibilities of either have me stalling. Maybe another couple of hours not knowing won’t hurt. I grab my purse off the bed and head to the car.

There isn’t anywhere to drive to in this small town apart from a diner, the grocery store and a bar on the outskirts of town.

If I go to the diner again they’ll think I’m moving in and have nowhere else to go. If I go to the bar, it means walking in on my own and God knows who could be in there. Shut up Bonnie, you can do this. Park up, walk in, have a drink and leave. People do this all the time. Enter bars, drink and leave.

Nobody knows who I am. T
o them I could have all the confidence in the world, they simply don’t care.

I suck it up and
get out of the car and walk into the bar. Okay, this isn’t so bad. There are four men scattered around at different tables and one guy sitting at the end of the bar. I walk to the empty end and sit on a stool, keeping my eyes firmly on the woman behind the bar.

“What can I get
ya hun?” she drools.

I want to order shots and shots of tequila and be
as reckless as I am feeling right now, but the test back in the motel bathroom remind me that might not be a good idea.

“A soda please
.”

She flounces to the other end of the bar to fill my drink and I dig my cell out of my bag.

‘How you doing? Miss you! Please come back.
A x’

I might be back sooner than you think I whisper to myself. Alannah messages me every day without fail. It’s been nice not having to hide my cell to reply.

‘I’m okay, stop worrying! I can’t come back. Love & miss you. B x’

I quickly type out my reply and pay the bar woman for my drink. I purposely left the possibility I may be pregnant.

While my attention was on my cell, I didn’t notice the guy moving up the bar.

“Hi, I’m Ryan,” he introduces himself.

I look at Ryan.
I didn’t see how he is about my age and frankly, quite good looking in a cowboy kind of way. Definitely the opposite of a biker.

“I’m Bonnie
,” I smile.

“Passing through?”

“I don’t know yet, I might stick around.”

“You don’t want to do that. B
uy a house here and you’ll be stuck here till the day you die,” he teased.

“It’s quiet around here. M
ight not be a bad thing to settle here,” I say.

I mean it too, I want quiet, peace and normal. Don’t forget you don’t know the result yet Bon, the little voice reminds me.

“Hope you do stay, you definitely make the place prettier,” he flirts.

“Thank you.
I really don’t know what I’m doing yet. I’m sure I’ll see you again if I do stay,” I say, hoping this is enough for him.

I suppose it is time to find out if I
am any good at flirting. I might not be good around men but I know for sure he has his eye on me and I am not sure if I like it yet.

“You have real pretty eyes Bonnie
,” he says.

Thank god my cell rings.
Alannah is a life saver.

“Hello
,” I answer.

“Hey, you know if you miss me then you s
hould come and see me. Or tell me where you are so I can come to you,” she says.

“You know I can’t come see you yet, I’m not ready
,” I tell her.

“I thought I’d try. I got used to you being here and now I’m surrounded by men
,” she moans.

“You love them really. How’s Sparky?”

I can’t help asking, I should move on and not care but I do.

“He’s out on business with Cas and the guys
.”

I am sure she is telling the truth but I get the feeling
she isn’t telling me all of it. I don’t push her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?
” she asks.

Ryan has begun feeding the jukebox and the music makes it hard to hear her
. “Are you in a bar Bonnie Hamilton?” she asks, in disbelief at the possibility.

“I am actually
,” I snap, feeling the sting that she thinks it is so outrageous I could be in one.

“I better go.
I’ll call you when I am settled somewhere and maybe you can come see me,” I offer.

“Okay, make sure you do. Take care of yourself
.”

“I will, you too. Bye
.”

“Bye
.”

I hang up and return to my stool. Ryan is back at the bar and smiles.

“Boyfriend?” he asks.

I go to say no
, but thinking and asking about Sparky leaves me with the usual sick feeling and I have no energy to keep this charade up with a stranger, so I lie.

“Yes, he’s wondering where I am. It was nice meeting you but I’ve got to go
.” I shove my cell and change into my bag and pull out my keys.

“You too Bonnie, you have yourself a nice day
.”

I smile once more and head out back to the car. Speaking to Alannah and hearing her speak of the club makes me feel homesick whic
h is ludicrous. Willows Peak has never been my home.

The drive back to the motel is less than five minutes and for a second time today, I am face to face with the bathroom door.

Taking a deep breath, I push it open and pick up the test off the side.

Positive!

Instead of grimacing, I am smiling. I rub my stomach slowly, I have a baby growing inside me and it isn’t the end of the world.

Sparky...

Swallowing the black coffee down in two gulps hit the spot. It has been over a month since Bonnie left and it hasn’t been pretty. Not knowing where she is or how she is doing is like an itch I can’t get rid of, no matter how many bottles of liquor I sink. Barbie is in contact with her but she tells me Bonni
e won’t tell her where she is. She promises she is okay but not much else. It has crossed my mind and my brothers that maybe she has gone back to her brother. Then conversations we have had spring to mind and I refuse to believe that. She wouldn’t. Clocking up hours in the garage or the three runs I have been on, none of them can take my mind off of her and it is slowly driving me crazy.

“Makes a change for you to be
drinkin’ coffee at this time of day,” Cas says, slumping down on the other end of the couch.

I shrug and say nothing.

“We’re startin’ to worry about you brother, you ain’t been the same since Bonnie left. I don’t get it. You weren’t gonna make her your old lady so what’s with the brooding?” he asks.

I know
they have been talking about me. I have noticed the change myself. Everything I thought I didn’t want in life was suddenly in reach, and with a woman who asked nothing from me. Unlike the woman around the club who are just after your status in the club and your money.

“I couldn’t th
ink straight when she was here and since she left, I’ve done nothin’ but fuckin’ think. She didn’t deserve what I did to her. Has Barbie heard from her today?” I ask.

“I don’t know. If you really want
to, I can ask Slade to find her. Then you can sort it out and get back to ya normal self, ‘cos this pussy ass fucker sittin’ beside me is freakin’ me out,” he laughs.

“Oh I’m sorry. Y
ou forgettin’ who was there for you not so long ago?” I mutter sarcastically. “And, no I don’t want her found. After everything she’s been through, if she finds happiness then I’m happy for her,” I say.

I want to believe that, but I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am going to go all romantic and track her down declaring my love for her.

“Least you’re fuckin’ sober for today’s meet.”

“Yeah, fuckin’ great
ain’t it. So, when do you wanna leave?” I ask.

“I knew you weren’t listening yesterday
,” he moans. “Get ready to leave in the next ten minutes,” he tells me, getting up to his feet when he sees Barbie enter the clubhouse.

I remain seated and watch him walk over and pull her into his arm
s. Is that what I want with Bonnie? I want to fucking scream. Fuck if I know anything anymore.

Jumping to my feet, I leave the clubhouse and prepare my bike to leave.

Concentrate on today’s meet with the Devils Bastards. Behind our backs Michael had cut their payments for their part in the runs, and because none of us knew until a couple of weeks after Michael was killed, they feel no loyalty from us.

I’m the first one ready to go and within ten minutes,
Cas, Pope, Slade, Oak, Ricky and myself are riding out of Willows Peak and heading to rebuild relations with what used to be our supporting MC.

Riding undeniably soothes me. T
he road beneath my wheels and my brothers around me in formation. By the time we pull up in an old abandoned car lot, the Devils Bastards are already here and I am feeling more like my old self.

Cas
isn’t happy about being dragged here today and to be honest neither am I.

The Devils Bastards
have always been a small club. They make just enough money to get them by and they love to party.

Their president Lincoln doesn’t look pleased to be here either, standing with his arms cross
ed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

Harvey, his VP
, stands beside him and a few others he has brought along. I know Harvey well, we would drink and party together whenever our clubs came together for celebrations. I nod my greeting and see there are a few new faces. Young, fresh faced guys and by the looks of it, they want to prove themselves in some way. Cas notices this too and subtly loops his thumb on his back pocket, close to his gun.

Thank fuck I’m sober. I
f this turns into a fight, I am going to need my wits about me.

“Finally, you grace us with your presence Cas. It’s ‘bout fuckin’ time
,” Lincoln grumbles.

“In case it has escaped your fuckin’
attention we’ve had a lot of fuckin’ shit to sort out and you’re moaning over a few dollar. It hasn’t been on top of my list of priorities. Now, tell me why you couldn’t deal with Oak last time?” Cas asks, getting close enough to Lincoln to remind him who is in fact in charge here.