Bill The Vampire - 01 (41 page)

“Maybe with a quick pit stop at the hospital,” Ed commented.

“What are you going to tell them happened?” I asked.

He smiled and pointed to the elbow pads he and Tom still wore. “Damn skateboards. Those things'll kill ya.”

After they had departed, I followed Sally to the warehouse's sewer entrance. It would keep us out of the sun and lead us back to one of the coven's other locations, where we could presumably get cleaned up and grab some blood. We opened the grate leading downward. I had started to descend when Sally said,

“Wait a minute!” and disappeared back into the warehouse. She returned a few moments later. “Sorry. Forgot to shut off the lights,” was the only explanation she gave.

As we walked down the dark tunnel together, I asked her, “So what now?”

“You get to live. That's what,” she replied.

“Are you so sure?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Isn't the rest of the coven going to be kind of pissed over what we did to Jeff?”

“Oh, that?” she said dismissively. “It doesn't really matter how pissed they are. Coven rules are pretty specific about this sort of thing.”

“What sort of thing?”

“Combat. One vampire can challenge another to combat. If that happens, the outcome is considered to be between them and them alone.”

“Okay,” I pointed out, “but Jeff was the coven leader.”

“Yes, and in that, the rules are even more specific.”

“How so?” I asked.

“If a coven master is challenged and defeated in fair combat, then whoever is the vanquisher becomes the new leader.”

I stopped. “So that means you're...”

“In charge? El presidente? Número uno?” she playfully replied. “Yep. I guess it does.”

I chuckled and started walking again. “Should I bow before you, my queen?”

“I will definitely consider that,” she replied, deadpan.

“You know, little details like that might have been nice to know up front,” I said.

“You seemed stressed enough as it was. I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about. Some guys just can't perform under pressure.” She said, that last part with a wink.

We walked for a few moments, and then a thought struck me. “Wait a moment. You said fair combat, correct?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, four against one might not exactly be considered fair.”

“Not true,” she pointed out. “Funny thing about us vampires, we have a very liberal view on the definition of
fair
.”

Two days later, Sally and I were back at the loft. The entirety of the coven had been summoned. It was time to break the news and see how they took it. We had spent the past few days resting and gathering our strength back. Sally had suggested it. She said that things like this usually went fine but, if we showed up looking worse for the wear, it could be construed as a sign of weakness.  A few days off was fine with me, as I needed some time to decompress and tidy up some loose ends.

Tom and Ed had both spent a night in the hospital for observation. They were going to be sore for quite some time, but, at the end of the day, there was nothing that would be permanent, with maybe the exception that Ed's nose would probably be a little crooked going forward. They took it in good stride. After all, how many people can have a showdown with a master vampire and live to brag about it? And brag we did. Every time we recounted the story to each other, the exploits of our ass kicking got a little larger. Within a few months, we'd all be convinced that we had waltzed in, kicked Jeff's ass without breaking a sweat, and then sauntered out to grab a celebratory beer.

The cops had investigated our break-in, declaring it to be drug related. The damage to both the front door and Mrs. Caven's apartment (
in addition to ours
) had necessitated bringing the authorities in. That was okay. Besides which, the police report would help us with the subsequent insurance claim. Mrs. Caven's disappearance could have been messy, but Sally assured me that the coven's connections would make sure it was quickly swept aside as just another unsolved crime. That she appeared to not have any close relatives to stir things up would help in those regards.

Which brings us, once again, back to the loft. Sally and I stood together as the last of the coven arrived. Damn, if it didn't look like the cast party from a perfume commercial. Following my ordeal, I may have had a new respect for the vampire lifestyle, but that didn't mean I had lost my appreciation for the sweet pieces of female flesh before me. Without Jeff here to fray my nerves, I could finally just enjoy the scenery.

“Ye who are gathered, attend my words, please!” Sally said to the group as a whole. Apparently, there were official words that needed to be spoken during these things. She had prepared me in advance for this, lest I start making smartass remarks during the middle of things, which, of course, I was still leaving open as an option. The coven stopped their small talk and turned their attention toward her.

“It is with a heavy heart (
yeah right
) that I inform you, the gathered, that the time of passing is upon us,” she continued. “Night Razor is no more.”

An instant murmuring arose amongst the group, some of it none too friendly sounding. Finally, one of the coven spoke up. It was the smug dickhead I had managed to stare down a few weeks back, Dusk Reaper.

“You lie!” he yelled. “Night Razor is eternal! All glory to Night Razor!” A few of the male vamps echoed his all glory crap. Jeez! The first thing Sally needed to change in this place was the freaking fraternity mindset.

Sally, for her part, kept her cool, but she also dropped the formalities. “Eternal?” she questioned. “Does this look like eternal to you?” She pulled something out of her pocket and tossed them onto the floor in front of her. I leaned down to get a better look. There were two of them, white, long, thin, and
sharp
. They looked like fangs.

“Are those...” I started to say, but Sally cut me off with just one word.

“Yep.”

Damn. I guess that's what she fished out of Jeff's ashes two days ago. A little morbid, if you ask me, kind of like going through a dead guy's pockets for spare change.

All of the gathered vampires, in turn, walked up to view the fangs. Whether it was to confirm Jeff's
unfortunate
passing, or to pay their respects, I wasn't sure. As long as there wasn't a mass scream of “Get them!” followed by the crowd rushing me and Sally, I didn't really care, either.

“How did this happen!?” screamed Dusk Reaper again. He had either been asshole buddies with Jeff, or had elected himself chief brown-noser. “If it was treachery, he shall be avenged!” Again, a few of the male voices chimed in with him. Goddamn, he was starting to get on my nerves.

“There was no treachery,” Sally calmly replied. “Night Razor fell in fair combat.”

“Fair combat? I doubt that. Who could beat Night Razor?” asked the little ass-kissing prick.

“I think you already know,” Sally said, locking eyes with him. This was it. Now we got to see if Sally had the stuff to hold this crew together. I was standing by to back her up, just in case.

“The Freewill has slain Night Razor in fair combat!” Sally shouted to the crowd.

What the fuck? I opened my mouth to say something, but Sally kept talking right over me.

“As per our customs, whoever shall slay the coven master fairly shall become the new coven master. I say, I did see the Freewill slay Night Razor in such combat. Our former master fought valiantly, but he fell, nevertheless. It was a good death.” (
I guess vampires have a liberal view on the definition of good deaths, too.
)

More hushed conversation burst out. I swear it was like being in high school again.

Once again, though, Sally spoke over the crowd, “As is also our custom, should anyone wish to challenge the legitimacy of our new leader, they may do so. A duel to the death will then ensue.” She turned to the dickhead who kept speaking out of turn. “Dusk Reaper, you have been the most vocal amongst us. Do you care to raise a challenge? It is your right... if you feel you can beat him.”

Holy shit! She had set him up. Worst of all for him, he knew it. He glanced over in my direction, and I made it a point to give him a hard stare in return. This pissing match had already been decided, though. He quickly looked away.

“No. I will not challenge our new... master,” replied Dusk Reaper, eyes downcast. He then turned to the rest of the crowd and roared. “All glory to Dr. Death!” Yep, I was right. He was a grade-A suck-up.

There was a moment’s hesitation from the coven as a whole during which I was sure someone or
someones
would call me out. I knew how vampires defined fair combat, and I wouldn't have been surprised to suddenly find myself in a duel with four muscle heads. But, to both my surprise and immense relief, slowly the crowd started to join in.

“All glory to Dr. Death,” softly at first, but then it gradually got louder.

Before it could get to ear splitting levels, a thought occurred to me. “No!” I said as I held up my hand. The coven suddenly went silent. Even Sally turned to me with a quizzical look in her eye.

“A new era begins today, and an old one ends,” I said, trying to keep any wavering from my voice. If this went on, I might want to consider taking a public speaking class. “As such, so, too, must the ways of old end. I thus abolish the dictate that we all take new identities within the coven. From now on, you shall be known by whatever name you wish to be known as. My name is... Bill.”

Fuck! Chalk another one up in the ever-growing list of things that sounded cooler in my mind.

However, despite the lameness of my
decree
, once again the chant started up. This time it was, “All glory to Bill!”

Ah, yes. Lousy one-liner or not, this was much, much better.

* * *

The next few hours were actually pleasant for a change. Along with my promotion came an instant change in attitude toward me. The men were more respectful, and the women were flirtier. In case you missed that last part, the women were all suddenly flirting it up with me. I could get used to that shit.

Finally, in the wee hours, I excused myself to leave. One of the nice perks of my new position was that nobody questioned where or why I was going. I had walked a couple of blocks when Sally caught up to me.

“So, how's it going,
master
?” she said with a mock bow.

“I could definitely get used to this,” I answered.

“I thought you could.”