Bitter Farewell (10 page)

“Is that your texting girlfriend?” Chris teased.

“Yeah,” Rick said. “But I’m not worried. I have something better to do right now.”

And they all stood, waiting for Danny or Johnnie to say something.

“We should go soon,” Johnnie said. “But first, I think we all know that, uh, mine and Danny’s father wasn’t exactly the greatest person in the world.”

The rest of the band, including Danny, shared a laugh.

“He was a drunk. He was abusive. He cared about... well, nothing...”

Johnnie stared at Danny and Danny had the feeling that Johnnie was talking to him more than actually addressing the band for any real purpose. Danny could sense Johnnie preparing him for something. What, he didn’t quite know yet.

“But today at least ends it all,” Johnnie said. “Maybe that’s sad, maybe that’s morbid, but it’s the truth. It’s the last living tie to Bakersville and maybe now we can look back and be proud of the town that created Chasing Cross. As much as I want to dig around in my memory, I won’t. I know one thing is true... the man that will be laid to rest today did one thing right... he made me and he made Danny...”

“Isn’t that two things?” Rick asked.

Johnnie smiled. “Fair enough.”

“I mean, give some credit where it’s due,” Davey said. “Your dear mother did have to sleep with him at least twice, right?”

“Ah, come on,” Danny cried out. “I don’t want to think about that.”

Everyone laughed, even Johnnie.

“My advice,” Johnnie said, “is to keep our cool, keep our heads down, and try to work through today the best we can. I’m not sure if people will bother us for autographs or ask questions, but if they do, just remember that we’re the only thing to come from Bakersville since that gas station blew up fifteen years ago and made headline news for ten minutes.”

The band nodded and Danny finally looked at himself in the mirror again.

It was time.

That’s the only thought that came to him and he wasn’t sure what it meant.

It was time.

He backed up and sat down at the edge of the tub. He folded his hands and bounced his chin off his fingers a few times before looking at his brothers, at the rest of Chasing Cross.

“I crashed through a fence yesterday,” he said.

“You what?” Johnnie asked. He pushed forward and stepped into the bathroom. He leaned against the bathroom sink and folded his arms.

Danny looked at his older brother and in that light, in that moment he realized that Johnnie had always been more of a father than
Big John
.

But why did it hurt so much that his father was dead?

“The old Hartley property has a fence on it now. I met up with Jeff, you remember him?”

Johnnie nodded.

“We were messing around and I didn’t know there was a fence there. I went through it and cut up my leg.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I got patched up... at the house...”

“The Hartley’s? That doesn’t seem...”

“No, not them. Someone else.”

Danny’s mouth ran dry. Saying her name brought life to his heart but stabbed it at the same time. It was a hell of a feeling, one he wished on nobody he loved.

“Who has the house now?” Johnnie asked. He turned his head and looked down and his eyes went wide. “That’s a lot of blood, brother. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Those were from last night,” Danny said. “The ride back made everything worse than it really is.”

After a few seconds of hesitation, Danny finally had to speak her name.

“Liv,” he whispered.

“Liv...,” Johnnie said.

He understood.

“Liv,” Danny said. “She lives there with her father. He’s got Alzheimer’s and she’s all alone.”

Danny stared at Johnnie, looking for the right answer. Johnnie always had the right answer, even when he didn’t.

Johnnie let out a long sigh and looked at the rest of the band. Then he looked at Danny and crouched down. He put his hands on Danny’s knees and smiled.

“Brother, listen to me,” Johnnie said. “Today isn’t the day to chase the clock back in time.”

“Chasing time,” Danny whispered.

“Hey, I get credit for that one,” Rick said.

“Let’s take one thing at a time right now,” Johnnie said. “It’s going to be a long day for us, all of us. There’s enough history living in this house to keep our minds and hearts spinning for weeks. But today, right now, we get to close a chapter of our lives, Danny. We say goodbye to our father and we continue to live. No matter the feelings, the past, anything, he’s gone and we’re alive.”

“I got it,” Danny said. “Thanks.”

Johnnie stood and took the lead, leaving the bathroom and then the house. Everyone followed. Danny walked last, doing his best to not let Liv take over his thoughts.

The ride in the van was somber and quiet. Danny stared out the window and expecting it to start raining. If it were a movie it would have definitely been raining. But instead, it was a beautiful day in Virginia. Clear blue skies, the sun positioned back behind enough trees that its warm rays didn’t make it too hot. At the funeral home, there were five chairs set up in the front, next to the open casket for
Big John
. When Danny saw his father’s body, lying there, dead, he shivered for a second. He approached the coffin and had to laugh to himself; he couldn’t remember a time when his father looked so cleaned up. His hair was clean and parted to the side. His father looked as smooth as he could for a man who drank himself into this position. His hands were neatly folded near his chest.

Religious pictures graced the back of the casket, along with a picture of his wife, Johnnie and Danny’s mother. Danny touched the picture and lifted it. He stared at his mother and that’s when the emotion really hit him. She had given her eyes to Johnnie and Danny. She had given her spirit to Johnnie, for sure. And she had given her drive to Danny.

“Leave it,” a voice whispered.

Danny swallowed, holding back his tears. “You put this in here?”

“I did,” Johnnie said. “She was his wife, no matter what.”

“She deserved better,” Danny said. “A man who really loved her. Cared for her.”

Danny felt Johnnie’s strong hands grip his shoulders. “I know, brother, I know. But it was his wife. Give him something to have. I’m sure wherever he is right now, he’s facing his guilt and his demons.”

Danny put the picture back in its place and stepped away from the casket. He looked at the five black chairs next to the casket and shook his head. He watched as Chris, Davey, and Rick slowly walked to the chairs and stood there. This was what it was all about. The fans who gave Chasing Cross life also gave life to the relationships off stage. To the deep rooted connections. This was the part of the band that most didn’t get to see but perhaps it was the most important. Knowing that things would be okay and go smoothly, even off stage. Just like the way Danny and Davey could play guitar solos on opposite ends of the stage without missing a note, Davey knew when to look at Danny, knew when to smile, and knew when to say something.

“It’s ten to,” the funeral director said as he looked at his watch. “There’s a couple people already outside...”

“It’s fine,” Johnnie said.

Chasing Cross took their seats next to the open casket of
Big John
.

The two hours went by faster than Danny thought it would. The people that showed up actually amazed him. But when the first group of people walked by, paid their respects, hugged Johnnie and Danny, then shook hands with the rest of the band, Danny realized something. When he looked to the line, he saw people staring at him and the band like they were at an autograph session. It almost felt that way too, minus the long table, posters, and better atmosphere.

Then it finally happened...

A girl - Danny recognized her but he couldn’t be sure if her name was Sarah, Sandy, or maybe Paula for all he knew - stopped at Danny and hugged him tight.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I love your music. We should get a drink tonight. I can help... with the pain...”

She looked at Danny and bit her lip.

Danny just stared back, holding himself together by a small thread.

The next group of people were all men, guys younger than Danny. They certainly knew nothing about
Big John
but they did want a chance to shake the hands of Chasing Cross. One of them even had the balls to wear a Chasing Cross shirt under their buttoned down shirt.

Danny felt his hands forming fists and was ready to let loose.

Johnnie leaned towards Danny and whispered, “This is their life too... don’t forget that...”

Danny swallowed his pride and pain and knew what his brother meant.

The fans of Chasing Cross weren’t just in it for the music or the concerts. They were in it for the purpose of the music, the meaning behind it all, and it obviously ran deep.

Rick elbowed Danny and opened his suit jacket to show Danny a small flask. Danny licked his lips, wanting it so bad. But the people kept coming and the last thing Danny wanted to do was fit any sort of stereotypical rockstar image... like pulling out a flask at a wake and chugging some sweet burning booze.

“Later,” Danny whispered.

The people continued to filter through the funeral home, some of them taking a seat as they waited for the priest to say a prayer before the procession would go to the cemetery for another prayer and then the final goodbyes.

Danny did his best to smile and slowly realized that while the people coming may not have been there to necessarily say goodbye to his father, they were there to shake his hand in support. Not a single person asked for an autograph or picture, and minus the one woman looking for a date, everyone remained respectful and calm.

Just when Danny thought it was all over and he could relax, he heard a booming voice.

“Oh, we always went way back...”

Before Danny could process the image coming through the door, he saw Charlie walking with a cane and his free arm interlocked with the woman from the house...
Lorraine
, Danny told himself. Right behind Lorraine came Liv.

Liv.

Johnnie grabbed at Danny’s sleeve. Danny shook loose and leaned towards Rick.

“Now, please,” he whispered.

Rick slipped Danny the flask. Danny turned and took a big drink, not really caring if people saw what was happening. The liquor burned like hell. It was straight whiskey that Rick had put in the flask. It didn’t surprise Danny at all, Rick loved whiskey.

Danny looked at the flask and then at his father.

Like father, like son...

Danny didn’t smile at that thought, but he did drink to it.

He handed Rick the flask back and prepared for the next - and final - round of handshakes, hugs, and
I’m so sorry
’s.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off Liv.

She wore black pants and a black shirt. She had her hair pulled back and done up, leaving her creamy neck exposed. Danny pointed out a few of the freckles on her neck that the tip of his tongue used to be addicted to. He felt pain and jealousy shooting up and down his body.

Charlie shuffled along with Lorraine and Liv stayed a step behind, trying to look around the funeral home. She finally succumbed and made eye contact with Danny. And just like that, time seemed to stand still once again. Nothing mattered but those two brown eyes staring back at him. He saw everything in Liv’s eyes, more than he could explain to anyone. More than the past... more than the moment right there... it was like staring at his entire world.  Liv stood in place and swallowed a few times, her eyes looking ready to shed tears.

I’m so sorry.

It wasn’t quite the three words he wanted to see on her lips, but it was something. And he wasn’t sure what she was exactly sorry for. The loss of his father? Chasing him out of the house yesterday? Or sorry for letting him kiss her?

Danny felt the whiskey doing its job and he mouthed something back to Liv.

I miss you.

Liv looked straight ahead and Danny wouldn’t get a chance to speak to her again until her time in line came.

Charlie gripped Danny’s hand with the faded resemblance of what used to be a vicious vice like grip.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” Charlie said. “I sure miss fishing with Big John... he could catch anything. Anytime. Any weather.”

“Thank you,” Danny said.

Some of the people spoke about attempted good times and stories as though
Big John
was a good man. Danny just had to go with it and smile.

Lorraine gave him a hug and whispered into his ear, “Whatever you did yesterday... just don’t hurt her... she can’t take it...”