Bitter Farewell (9 page)

“Lame?”

“Very,” Liv said. She stood and looked down at Danny. “You’ll want to change that bandage when you get home probably. The cut will be fine.”

“Do you take care of your husband or boyfriend that well?” Danny asked.

Staring at Liv did something to him. He felt alive and confident. It was almost like staring out into the crowd. Looking at thousands of faces cheering, desperate to hear another Chasing Cross song. Wanting to escape their lives for a couple hours by enjoying music. Danny felt daring and cool, struggling between the present and past, and in the small confines of the bathroom, it was amazing.

“Really?” Liv asked. “You think that’s better?”

“Do you want me to just ask you?” Danny threw back at her.

“I don’t know. You’re the big rockstar. What would he do...?”

Danny smiled. He knew what he would do. Danny from Chasing Cross would be a little different than Danny the dreamer from a long time ago. His fingers twitched and he touched Liv’s hand.  He stood up, now able to look down at Liv. The heat between them was obvious and instant. Whatever old flames Danny had wondered if were still burning were very much alive and now refueled.

“So?” Liv whispered. “Big rockstar man...”

Danny had been pushed enough. The temptation reached a climax that even he couldn’t resist. He thought like a rockstar in the tender moment, but the second his lips touched Liv’s, he was just Danny. His body ached for Liv in ways he never thought possible. This was like a dream come true. Danny expected to wake up and still be on the private jet flying to Bakersville. But when Liv exhaled a moaning breath through her nose, the warm air rushing along Danny’s face, he knew it was real.

Very real.

Maybe dangerously real.

Danny pulled back and looked at Liv’s face. He looked into her eyes. He came forward again and this time Liv moved so that their noses touched and nothing else.

“Blocking me?” Danny asked.

“Maybe for our own good,” Liv whispered.

“Is your husband or boyfriend going to want to beat me up now?”

Liv laughed and put her hands to Danny’s chest. Danny put his hands over hers. He wished the moment could last forever.

**

Liv only meant to push Danny away. That’s what she really wanted to do. Just push him away, gently, and then slip out of the bathroom. She was too afraid to admit her single lifestyle to Danny for fear of what it would do to him. The moment between them might have been great, but what was it? A flickering memory with one last...
flick
...

But when Liv’s hands touched Danny, she didn’t push. She just had her hands there. She didn’t mean to feel the hardness of his chest and she didn’t mean for her mind to tell her that Danny had gotten bigger and stronger over the years. Then Danny put his hands on top of hers, holding her hands in place.

“I think the only person who wanted to beat you up was Mitch,” Liv said.

“Oh, yeah, Mitch,” Danny said. “He was a tool.”

“He kind of still is,” Liv said. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Is he still in love with you?” Danny asked.

Liv smiled and her mind begged her to ask,
Are you?
but she didn’t. She just nodded at the question.

“Yeah. He is.”

Liv watched the way Danny’s face started to change, as though he were trying to connect dots that weren’t there.

“Did you two ever... no, I’m sorry, it’s not my business.”

Liv remained silent.

It was sort of fun to tease with Danny right then. She felt empowered. She was able to make a famous rockstar nervous with just the look of her eyes and the touch of her lips. She hated to admit it right then, but this was the first time she had felt excited in a long time. Weeks, yes. Months, perhaps.

Danny looked beyond Liv at the closed bedroom door.

“Oh, is that... your room... with...”

“You’re such a sucker,” Liv said.

She wiggled her hands free and backed up to the sink. Danny stood for a few seconds, looking uncomfortable. Battling his own emotions.

“Danny,” Liv said, “I’m not involved with anyone. Look at my life right now. I’m lucky if I have time to grocery shop or have a cup of coffee with my friends. Let alone... date...”

“So you’re single,” Danny said.

The smile that climbed across his face was gorgeous. It was the same smile Liv remembered the first time she met Danny. When he had been walking along Cruiser Road wearing a hooded sweatshirt in the middle of fall. A guitar case strapped to his back. Always on the move. Always thinking about music. But with just enough room to let her in... for a little while...

Danny moved at Liv and she put her hands out again, this time actually stopping him.

“Danny...”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“You crashed into my yard. You’re in my bathroom. I haven’t seen you...”

“Okay,” Danny said.

She hated the hurt look on his face. But she had to stand her ground?

“Your father... I’m so sorry about that. But you’re here to take care of that.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“I think we should...”

“You know,” Danny said, “I’ve been gone for a while...”

No shit
,
Liv thought with a burning anger in the pit of her stomach. She told herself to flip out. She begged herself to let Danny have it. To spill her feelings. Right there. Right there in the bathroom. He deserved it, right?

“... and I left the guys at my father’s house...”

Liv felt deflated and hurt. Danny wasn’t talking about the past.

“... Johnnie went to the funeral home to take care of some things. I told them I was going out for a quick ride. It’s been...”

“You better get back,” Liv said. “Do you need a ride?”

“No. I’ll ride back. I don’t want to bother you anymore than I have.”

Danny left the bathroom. He stopped for a second and looked over his shoulder. The look on his face was something that would stay with Liv forever. The only time she’d ever seen such a sorrow filled face was when she looked in the mirror at the end of a long, rough day with her father.

“Just know I’m sorry. And that I carry it with me... every single day.”

Liv knew she could have said something. But didn’t she get to enjoy Danny suffering a little? It was good to know her heart wasn’t the only one missing a piece here and there.

She waited in the bathroom as Danny went downstairs. She listened to him say goodbye to Lorraine. She listened to her father get excited talking to Danny. And finally she listened to the sound of the backdoor sliding shut. When she closed her eyes, she wondered what the hell was going on. It seemed ironic how she had the fence built around her yard to keep people out... yet Danny broke through it.

What did it mean?

A minute later she heard the sound of a dirt bike rev and then fade away.

It wasn’t until there was complete silence did Liv feel a tear run down her cheek.

(8)

The last time Danny wore a suit this nice was when Chasing Cross signed their new record deal. He remembered sitting at the long conference table at the top of the building looking out at the hazy fog that hung across the California city. The first deal they had signed they had all shown up in jeans and t-shirts. They looked haggard and desperate, visions of cash, women, and a better life burning in their eyes. For that second deal, they were the ones in control. In fact, thanks to the internet and major changes in the music industry, it was the record execs who looked haggard and desperate at that meeting, begging for Chasing Cross to sign with them. There had been multiple offers but Peter, as always, did his job finding the right one for the band.

Danny slid his tie up and sighed. There was no way Peter could handle what waited outside of the bathroom of
Big John’s
house. Everything was being done in one shot and Danny thanked Johnnie about ten times for doing so. The viewing was from ten in the morning until noon with the funeral directly after. There wasn’t a need for multiple viewings and no need to stretch the process across a day or two.
Big John
was dead and it was time for his last travel. to the grave.

A knock came at the door and it opened a second later.

“Hey man, did you get your tie done?” Rick asked.

Danny turned and put his head back. “It’s done. I’m not buttoning this top button though. I’m not going to choke myself all day.”

“Help me out?” Rick asked. He had a black tie rolled up and wrinkled in his hand.

Danny laughed. “Forget how to tie a tie?”

“Last time I wore one... well... Peter sort of it did for me.”

“Let me have it,” Danny said.

He took the tie and unrolled it. He put it around his neck and started tying it.

“You didn’t talk much last night, when you got back,” Rick said. “How was your ride?”

“Told you already, it was fine. Same old woods, some old memories coming back.”

“Doesn’t explain why you were limping. Or why there’s blood in the trash.”

Danny looked down next to the sink and growled. “Shit.”

“Not my business, I know, but if you’re hurt...”

Danny pulled at the tie, making the knot tight. He then pulled it down far enough that he could take it off. He threw it to Rick.

“Just keep it tied,” Danny said.

“Thanks.”

Rick put the tie around his head and left it dangling extra loose. Danny looked at the drummer of Chasing Cross and knew he wouldn’t just leave. That’s not how it worked in the band or in real life. They had all been together too long to just walk away. That was part of the brotherhood. They were able to get into each other’s faces, call each other out, and if need be, maybe throw a punch or two.

When Danny had come back from his bike ride, he managed to sneak in the backdoor and get upstairs to shower and change before anyone could see his ripped and bloodied jeans. But he hadn’t considered his small limp - which was a little worse today thanks to a nice bruise right on the top of his knee - plus the bloodied bandages in the trashcan. Sitting right on top for everyone to see.

“Listen, Rick,” Danny said. He gripped the edges of the sink and stared in the mirror at himself. He could have shaved real quick but the urge came and went. Trying to look good for a funeral - his father’s funeral at that - just seemed pointless.

“Danny, I’m not going to pull anything out of you,” Rick said. “Just know that I see something, okay? And I’m here...”

Rick played a quick drumbeat with his knuckles on the doorway and backed away.

“Wait a second,” Danny said. “Let me ask you a question.”

“Shoot,” Rick said.

“Did you leave anyone behind? I mean, when we left...?”

“What? Like a girlfriend?”

“Just anybody,” Danny said.

“Sure I did. We all did. Why?”

“Just wondering.” Danny hesitated and hung his head, fighting his reflection.

The man staring back at him in the mirror didn’t want Danny to go back. Didn’t want Danny to think that way or even attempt to take a single step that way. That man in the mirror reminded Danny of what waited... a private jet to take him to Colorado to spend time with the band in a secluded, quiet town. A chance to write new music. Play old music. Drink and celebrate life. Then he would get on another private jet and fly to a beach - or an island - and just stop living for a little while before the tour began again.

“Is that where you were yesterday?” Rick asked. “Chasing time?”

“Chasing time,” Danny whispered. “That would make a hell of a song title.”

“What would?” Davey asked as he walked by the bathroom. He stopped and wrestled with his tie too.

“Let’s be late for our own father’s funeral?” Johnnie added as he came to the top of steps.

Danny watched as his blood brother stood fully dressed, sharp as ever, his face like stone, not showing an ounce of emotion other than the big brother protective twinkle in his eyes. Chris came up the steps too and just like that, in a matter of a few seconds, the entire band crowded the bathroom.

The band, Danny’s brothers, were all there.

They weren’t asked to be there right then, but something just brought them together. Rick’s inability to tie a tie. Johnnie’s hatred for being late to anything. And then of course, Chris and Davey sensing the need to be there for him.

“Guys,” Danny said. “Thanks for being here.”

“Where else would we be?” Davey asked with a sly grin on his face.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Danny said. “In Colorado with Anna?”

“Anna,” Davey whispered as his eyes lit up.

It annoyed Danny a little. He wanted to feel that way.

A cell phone beeped and Rick touched his pocket.