Bitter Winds (26 page)

“What are you doing in here?” Ivy asked. She wasn’t happy to see her—if it weren’t for her, she probably wouldn’t even be in the punishment room and accused of trying to escape. She and Mo would be safely back in their ward, laughing over the whole experience.

Ivy heard the rustling of a bag, and then felt a blanket tossed at her.

“Here’s a blanket. I know they keep the temperature frigid in here as punishment. I brought you something to eat, Lai Sun.”

Ivy pushed the blanket away from her. She didn’t need the woman’s charity. Next a cardboard carton and a set of chopsticks were pushed into her hands and Ivy inhaled the sweet smell of rice with pork. She hadn’t had meat since she’d arrived at the hospital, and though she would have liked to have shoved it right back at the woman, her willpower evaporated and she began shoveling it into her mouth instead.

“I have milk for you when you finish eating.”

Ivy didn’t reply. She couldn’t reply if she’d wanted to—her cheeks were bulging with the delicious food she knew couldn’t have come from the hospital cafeteria. The pork with its tasty spices and sauce was some of the best she’d ever eaten and she couldn’t imagine how the woman had gotten it.

Finally she managed to get a few words out. “How did you know where they put me? And how did you get in here? That door was locked.”

“I have keys. I’m a trustee. They give me a lot of freedom around here as long as I keep up all my duties and never give them any trouble. They think I’m collecting laundry and won’t even know I’ve been here.”

Ivy didn’t understand how they’d allow a crazy person such freedom, and if she knew nothing else, she knew her mother was crazy. Only someone seriously insane would try to kill her own child. Still, she felt a seed of gratitude begin in her heart. She appreciated the food especially, but if she was being honest, she was thankful most of all for the company of another human being. She didn’t care who it was—just having someone to fill the darkness with her was a comfort.

The awkward silence felt heavy as Ivy got to the bottom of the carton. She couldn’t think of what to say that wouldn’t completely wipe out the small spark of gratitude she felt. Even through her thankfulness, she still felt anger.

“Do you want me to go now?”

Ivy hesitated. She should say yes at least out of loyalty to Lily. But she didn’t want to be alone again so soon. She heard the woman moving.

“Wait,” Ivy said.

The woman stopped. “
Hao le
. Do you want me to stay? I still have some time before I’m due back to my ward.”

It was hard, but she managed to get the words out. “Yes, can you stay?”

She heard the woman settling herself down on the mat. For a moment, Ivy wished she had had more time to study the woman’s face before the light had been extinguished. Would she have seen the same contours and features she saw in her own mirror each day, or on the face of her sister?

“Do you know what’s going to happen to you?” she asked.

“They said they were going to add ten thousand reminbi onto my fine,” Ivy said, then heard a gasp from the other side of the room.

“That’s a lot of money. Does your family have access to those sorts of funds?”

Ivy gave a quick laugh. “Definitely not. I’m the daughter of a scavenger.”

“A scavenger? They let a scavenger adopt you and Lai Song?”

“My Ye Ye is not just any scavenger. He’s rescued many girls over the years, raising them as his own. He and my Nai Nai have done it together, and expected nothing in return.”

The woman didn’t reply and Ivy felt a rush of possessiveness about her life details. The woman didn’t deserve to know what had happened to them. But try as she might, Ivy couldn’t stop the silent questions from entering her mind until she finally had to ask.

“I don’t remember much about our life with you. Can you tell me about when we were little?”

“Of course, Lai Sun. The memories of you and your sister have kept me alive all these years. I try to do good things, too, for people of all types—just like your Ye Ye and Nai Nai do. I guess I’ve been trying to outweigh the bad I’ve done. I’ve spent years in a quest to redeem my sins.”

“What’s your name?” Ivy had always wondered her mother’s name but had not wanted to ask her Ye Ye or Nai Nai if they knew it.

“Fengniao.”

“Hummingbird?” Ivy said, her voice laced with doubt, but the truth was, the name
did
fit her. From what she’d seen in the laundry room and in the brief light of the doorway, the woman was small and flitted around gracefully just like a little bird. Suddenly, she felt something tickle the end of her nose and she jerked her head back, fighting a sneeze.

“It’s a tiny blue feather. I always carry it for good luck. And yes, Fengniao was only meant to be my milk name—a nickname until a proper one could be found—but it stuck and I was never given a formal name. My own childhood wasn’t so wonderful, Lai Sun.”

“All about you, huh? How did it circle back around to you again?” Ivy couldn’t help the irritation from entering her voice.

“No, it’s not all about me. I’ve got plenty to tell you about your early years. Hmm . . . let’s see. What I remember most was how protective you were of your sister. From the very beginning you two had a connection that couldn’t be broken. I remember when you girls were born, the doctor released me and you a few days later, but Lai Song had to stay for more tests on her eyes.”

Ivy didn’t know that and couldn’t imagine she’d been separated from Lily so early in their life. She thought they’d never been apart until now.

“Well, when we left the hospital, you would not stop crying. You were so upset, crying as if you’d been injured. I tried everything to comfort you—rocking, walking, singing—but nothing would calm your cries. Then the nurse on duty called and told us Lai Song was the same way and was disrupting the entire nursery. She asked if I could bring you back up and let you stay with your sister to see if that would help.”

Ivy laughed. Usually it was her doing the disrupting and it was amusing to hear that Lily had caused the commotion for once.

“Your father thought it was silly and wouldn’t take you. So even though I was still sore from childbirth, I got a taxi and took you right back to that hospital, with you crying all the way there—so much that the taxi driver almost put us out on the road. I had to pay him extra to keep driving!”

“What a jerk,” Ivy said.

“Anyway, we got to the hospital and by the time we reached the nursery, my ears were ringing from your high-pitched wails. Everyone stared at us, as if they thought I was beating you under the blankets. The elevator opened and your bawling blended in with another that I immediately knew came from your sister. I quickly went into the room, put you in the cradle next to her, and it was like shutting off a water spigot. Immediately you both stopped crying and went straight to sleep.”

“You’re making that up,” Ivy said.

Fengniao laughed and took the empty carton from her hands, then pushed a small bottle of milk in them. “No, I’m not. Cross my heart. After that, you two were like perfect angels until the day you came home. And it never changed. As you grew older you still stayed close. You barely allowed me to care for my own daughter! You insisted on being her little mother, helping her dress and eat, guiding her around. You even struggled to do her hair when you were only three or so!”

Ivy had to admit, that story fit with how her own family described her and Lily when they were brought to them. Nai Nai said the same things about the way she cared for Lily. Maybe her mother wasn’t such a liar after all. But she still would have been a murderer if Ivy had not woken up that night, and she couldn’t forget that.

With the food in her belly and the milk to quench her thirst, Ivy felt a sudden urge to sleep. But she still didn’t want to be alone, so she forced herself to stay awake.

“I’m so tired.”

She felt her mother move closer to her, her voice thick with sympathy. “I know you are. And you’ve had a rough time of it, Lai Sun. If you would let me tell you the truth, I could make you believe that I never intended to hurt you or your sister.”

“Don’t call me by that name. I’m not that girl anymore,” Ivy mumbled, though not very forcefully. “And I don’t need your blanket. Or your lies.”

“Okay, okay. Just lay your head down and let me sing you the lullaby you used to like. Here, I’ll cover you and you’ll warm up in no time.”

Fengniao tugged at her sleeve. Ivy tried to resist but her body felt so heavy.
She’d just lay her head down for a minute.
Being next to the woman was so much warmer than being alone.
Part of her softened; she really wanted to know what lullaby she used to ask for. Any small remnant of the life she’d been deprived of was something she wanted—
needed
—to know, even if only to hide the memory in her heart, never to be spoken of again. She allowed herself to be pulled into a reclining position on the mat.

It seemed like weeks since she’d felt any real comfort and Fengniao’s lap was too enticing to avoid. Ivy gave up and let her head fall, and soon felt her mother’s hand stroking her hair. She was glad the room was pitch-black and she had to admit, the soft touch felt nice. She’d never tell Lily about her weak moment—she’d just let Fengniao continue for a few more minutes; then she’d tell her to leave. Vaguely, she felt the blanket being pulled over her until she no longer felt the chill of the blasting air conditioner from the vent in the ceiling.

The soft words from an ancient Chinese lullaby being sung, assuring her calmer winds were coming, to fear no more, were the last thing she remembered before she let a long-awaited peaceful sleep overtake her. With the song floating in the room around her, Ivy remembered it being sung to her long ago. Finally she let go of her need for control and allowed the memory to envelop her in comfort until she knew no more.

L
ily stood at the kitchen sink, washing the morning breakfast bowls. For the first time, she alone had taken over the kitchen for Li Jin and directed the helpe
rs to keep everything on schedule. Li Jin and Sami had come in so late the night before that both of them were sleeping in. With it being Saturday, it was a bit more relaxed than if they’d had to get everyone off to school. It was a perfect time to show everyone she could accomplish something and Lily couldn’t help but feel pleased.

“Lily, I can’t say enough how proud of you I am,” Nai Nai said from her place at the table where she held Lan on her lap, feeding her a bottle.

“Xie xie.”

“No, really. Where did you learn to give orders like that and keep everyone so organized?”

“From Li Jin. I’ve been helping her almost every morning since we moved in here. I know the drill, Nai Nai.” Lily had carefully supervised the morning crew through every task, making sure the table was set, the tea steeped, and even making the huge pot of congee herself before everyone else in the center had arrived for breakfast. Then she’d set the cleaning crew to work and shooed them out when all but the dishes were done. She wanted to do them herself—anything to keep her busy so she wouldn’t have too much time to think.

“Lily . . . ,” Jojo called out from the hallway. “You have a visitor.”

Lily stopped, her hands still in the soapy water. A visitor? She’d never had a visitor in her life. Who was it?

“Oh, hello there,” Nai Nai said. “Jojo, bring him around here. He can sit at the table.”

“Ni hao
.
”

Lily recognized his voice immediately. It was Dawei. What was he doing here and how had he found her? She resumed washing dishes, feeling sweat break out across her forehead.

“Lily?
Ni hao ma,
” he said.

“I—I’m fine. How did you know where I lived?”

“I went by your sister’s shop. Linnea gave me directions.”

Lily heard the release of suction from Lan’s bottle. Nai Nai scooted her chair back and stood.
Oh no, Nai Nai, don’t leave me alone with him!
she thought, but didn’t say it aloud.

“I’m going to take Lan out for a little fresh air. You two stay in here and visit. Dawei, take my chair.” With that she was gone and Lily was alone with Dawei. She knew by her announcement that Nai Nai was also letting her know exactly where in the room the boy sat.

“Have you had breakfast?” she asked. He paused, then cleared his throat.
“Bushi,”
he said.

Lily felt a stir of pity, then got busy scooping the last bit of remaining congee from the pot into a freshly washed wooden bowl. She picked it up, dumped a ceramic spoon into it, and made her way around the counter toward the table.

“I can get that,” Dawei said.

“No, stay there. I’ll bring it.” Her pity for his hunger was replaced with irritation at his offer. Didn’t he understand she didn’t want to be treated differently? She was more than capable of bringing him a bowl of congee.
Aiya,
she’d even cooked it! He should’ve been there earlier to see her in action; then he wouldn’t be doubting her abilities.

With her hand she felt the back of his chair; then she carefully set the bowl and spoon in front of him. She felt until she found the edge of the table and after making sure the bowl was a safe distance from it, she pulled out the chair next to him and sat down.

“So, what have you been up to?” she asked.
It’d been almost a week since they’d spent the afternoon together and Lily wouldn’t admit it, but she’d thought of him constantly.

He noisily slurped at the congee for a moment, then paused.

“Lily, I think I’ve found a buyer for your violin. I can take it with me, and if you give me a few days, I’ll bring you back the money.”

With those words Lily felt a wave of relief. She
would
be able to do something to get her sister home. All was going to be okay. Suddenly she felt like the most capable person in the world. Dawei knew how much she needed, and if he thought he could get it, then she’d just have to push away her first inclination to question him more. For once, she’d go on blind faith—literally.

After lunch Lily sat cross-legged on the bed as she braided her wet hair. The morning had flown by since she’d been so busy with breakfast; then her government-appointed tutor came by and Lily had begged off her afternoon classes. Now she was bored. Their room still felt weird without the energy her sister always brought to it. It was too quiet—almost eerie. And what once she had complained of being too small for them now felt like a massive empty space.

But Lily smiled as she thought about Dawei and how he’d reached over and touched her arm before he had left earlier. Could he really like her? In that way? She wished Ivy were there so she could talk to her about him. But if he was right, and he was able to get as much money as he thought he could for her violin, then her sister would soon be home.

She tried not to think of the emptiness the absence of the violin created. It was usually so near her it almost felt like an extension of her own body. She’d almost reached for it several times before remembering that she’d sent it with Dawei.

She took a deep breath. She wouldn’t allow herself to be sad. It was just a thing—not flesh and blood like her sister. And if the tables were turned, Ivy would do it for her, of that much she was sure. That was what sisters did—they gave up everything for each other if need be. And she could get another violin one day. It wouldn’t hold the memories that Viola held, or have that history of being passed down from her Ye Ye, but she’d just have to give it a new history.

She heard the front door open in the hall and listened closely. It was Linnea. She could tell by her footsteps.

“Linnea?” she called out.

Linnea filled the door, then came to sit down on the pallet beside her.

“Lily, I have some bad news.”

Lily felt her heart drop. Had something happened to Ivy? If so, why would Linnea come to tell her instead of Ye Ye?

“What? Tell me. Is it Ivy?”

She heard Linnea sigh. “No, it’s not about Ivy. It’s about your new friend—the one who came by my shop earlier today. I’m so sorry I told him where to find you.”

“Dawei? What about him? I didn’t mind him visiting.”

Linnea reached out and took her hand. “I think he’s a fake.”

Lily snatched her hand back. “What do you mean? A fake what?”

“A con artist. A fraud. Lily, I asked him his whole name and when he left, I did all kinds of searches on the Internet and he doesn’t exist.”

Lily wouldn’t let Linnea steal this away from her. The one time someone finally liked her, not her sister. This was
her
friend—made on her own, interested in knowing only
her
.

“He
does
exist. He competed in the Olympics.”

“I’m sorry. But I looked at every list that named the Olympic teams and participants. He’s not there. I even searched team photos in case he was there under another name. He’s not in them. He lied to you.”

Lily felt her throat thicken with tears; then she remembered the violin.

“Oh no!”

“What? Did he do something to you, Lily? Did he touch you?”

“No! I mean yes—but not the way you mean. But he said he had a buyer for my violin and I let him take it. He was going to get us the money to get Ivy home.” Lily felt her world swaying around her. How could she have been so stupid?
So naive?
Ivy would’ve never allowed herself to be fooled like that. She felt her face flush with embarrassment.

“Oh, Lily. Ye Ye is going to be so upset.”

“I know. He’s going to hate me. What am I going to do, Linnea? We have to find Dawei.” Lily jumped up from the pallet and felt a sob rising.

Linnea stood and put her arm around Lily. She hugged her close. “It’s too late. He’s gone. And it’s not your fault. There are cruel people in this world. Ye Ye will understand. And if Dawei is still out there anywhere that Ye Ye can find him, he’s going to be very sorry. He’d better be finding a rock to hide under for the next decade.”

Lily let the tears slide down her face. First she’d lost her sister and now her violin. What were the gods trying to tell her? She pushed the thought away but it came right back and hit her in the face.
Maybe her birth father was right the night he’d whispered to her that her blindness was punishment for being an evil being.
Ivy thought she didn’t have any memories from that time, but Ivy was wrong. Lily had some secrets—and that one swirled in her head, taunting her that it was her own fault her life was in shambles.

She turned away from Linnea. “Please go, Lin. I want to be alone. I have to find a way to tell Ye Ye what I’ve done. Just wait for me in the kitchen and I’ll be there shortly.”

Benfu shook his head and slammed his fist on the table. He felt his blood pressure begin to rise and his ears started ringing. They hadn’t even gotten through the day and already he’d had a call from the official, Delun, that Ivy’s fine had been raised. He hadn’t even had time to tell everyone about her supposed escape attempt, and now they’d hit him with more bad news. The day was just getting worse.

“Benfu, don’t you act like that. Lily was only trying to help,” Calli said gently, still bouncing Baby Lan on her knee.

Benfu looked up to see the stricken expression on Lily’s face. She had stood at the counter, pale as a ghost as she told her story. She was still standing there, waiting for a response from him, Linnea keeping her arm around Lily’s shoulder for support.