Bitter Winds (30 page)

S
ami stood in front of the bed and unbuttoned the red silk dress she’d pilfered from the rack in the busy market only the afternoon before. She let it fall off her shoulders and to the floor, pooling at her feet. She looked down at her body and struggled
to mask her expression of pride. She was glad to finally be her willowy self again, done with carrying the pregnancy weight from the child who lay sleeping across the room in the hotel closet.

A few feet away, the man groaned loudly, and Sami looked over at the closet door and hoped the baby wouldn’t stir. She should be tired, seeing how Sami had kept her awake for hours, posing her to take photos from every angle possible. Maybe she’d even send one back to Rose Haven. She had to admit, the baby was a beauty, and as she’d come to know, beauty was very valuable in this world. The shadow lenders had unknowingly given her an idea that could prove profitable, and Sami had never been known to let an opportunity pass by.

Thinking back to her last night at the center, she could see Li Jin’s face in her mind and hear the fear in her voice as they lay side by side talking in bed. She’d been so worried about losing Rose Haven to the shadow lenders. Then the next morning everything had blown up. She’d had a lot of time to think about it since and she regretted leaving, but what was done was done. She wouldn’t go back.

It still irked Sami that because of that family—and all for one girl who wasn’t even blood related—Li Jin was willing to risk her home.
Oh, to be so noble.
Other than Jojo, Sami knew that Rose Haven was the thing nearest and dearest to Li Jin’s heart. She wasn’t stupid, after all. She might have thought she took first place but over the last few months, Sami knew she’d been replaced by a piece of property. The truth was, Li Jin cared more for Rose Haven than she did for her, and that hurt.

Maybe if she’d had a home like that old Zheng and his wife offered to their girls, things would’ve been different—she would have been less . . .
less hardened
. Her own childhood couldn’t have been more opposite than the fairy tale Li Jin’s parents provided. Sami had been told from an early age she was nothing but a mistake, just another mouth to feed. She’d learned to stay in the shadows while her elder brother basked in his place as the coveted son. She’d thought all the time spent studying and receiving high marks at school would guarantee her a place in a university, a chance to do something with her life, but that vision had ended the night she was taken to the red-light district.

Nothing had prepared her for the day her own father had sold her to an uncle for prostitution. At only thirteen, her life had crumbled around her. Even her own mother hadn’t tried to save her; she had stood in the doorway, ignoring Sami’s pleading as her father led her away. Her mother was nothing like Lao Calli, though. Where Li Jin’s mother was soft and affectionate, Sami had only known her
mufu
to be a skinny, bitter woman who walked hunched over as if she carried the world on her shoulders. Truth was, her mother was old long before her time, her youth disappearing along with her hope for a better life as she struggled to obey her strict husband. Sami had known without being told, even as a toddler, she’d find no comfort from the woman who’d given her birth. She’d marveled that in her situation and with her beauty, if she’d only been born much earlier, she’d most likely have been sold to a high official as a concubine. At least then she’d have been treated to beautiful gowns and succulent food—possibly even lived in a palace or some other extravagant home. She knew even then she would have had to be cunning to work her way to the top tier of favored concubines, but cunning was a trait she had mastered. However, fate had ruined her, dropping her in the wrong century where her beauty wasn’t enough to pull her from poverty. Even so, she’d buried her nose in books. And through legends and folk stories, and then poetry, she’d fostered a desire to do more and be more than her mother had.

Now the old Sami, the smart girl with hopes and dreams, was gone. She’d disappeared underneath an excruciating half hour of sweaty rutting that had left her bruised and terrified, but no longer a child. But that was years ago and what remained of that girl was an empty shell. She knew this and welcomed it—embraced it even. It was simple; if she didn’t allow herself to feel emotions, then she couldn’t be hurt again.

But at least she was no longer forced to spread her legs. She’d taken back control of her life the night her uncle had beaten her and she’d fled. And because of that, she had Li Jin in her life. She couldn’t forget the gods had given her at least one true friend. One person who understood what life on the streets can do to a soul—crumple it and leave it for dead. Would she be missed?

Get back in the moment,
she told herself, pushing Li Jin out of her head. She reached up and caressed the jade stone that hung low on a necklace, burrowing between her breasts. It felt cool against her skin and she thought of the man who’d gifted her with it just days before. That wasn’t all he’d given her, either. He’d bought her an expensive
qipao
to wear to the theater when he’d taken her as his escort. After their night together, he’d called her his soul mate and thought she’d be back to meet him again. Same place, same time next week, he’d said.

What a fool.
But the few stolen moments with him had put her on the right track. No more hostels or boardinghouses for her. She’d found a way to live a better life, but before she could truly let go and let the darkness of her destiny envelop her, she had just a few loose ends to tie up.

“Guo lai
.
”
A different fool, but this one gruffly beckoned from where he sat propped up against a mound of pillows. He looked ridiculous, still wearing the shirt and jacket of his uniform while his hairless legs protruded from beneath. Sami swallowed her revulsion and concentrated on leading him to do what she wanted, but making him think it was what
he
wanted.

The curtains were pulled and only a sliver of afternoon light filtered through the crack in the middle—just enough to fall across Sami’s breasts and give him the thrill she knew he wanted. He was just like the rest of them. They couldn’t hide the excitement they felt when they saw her tattoo. The marks on her body added to the thrill of doing something forbidden they craved. This wasn’t her first time with an official and she knew the routine. He’d cop a feel, make a few moves, and within five minutes he’d be snoring, then wake up in a panic thinking someone at the district had noticed he was gone. The tease was the longest part and how she really earned her money; the sex was really just an afterthought with the middle-aged fools who still imagined themselves young and virile. But just once she wished she’d feel something, too. Anything would be something, but here she stood once again, a cold shell of a woman.

Maybe this time she could change it up. Maybe this time, she could feel human. “Come and get me.” She put one foot on the bed, knowing the sight of it would drive him crazy. Her feet were petite and still perfect, despite the many miles they’d traveled. After all, of all her features, her feet were usually the most complimented in the bedroom.

She stood glaring at him, just out of reach.

“No, seriously, come here. I have to be back on the beat in an hour.” His leering smile turned down into a frown. Even with only a flash of his teeth Sami made out the dark spots from the tobacco he tucked in his cheek. She knew if she looked at his hands, she’d be disgusted at the fat sausages that passed as fingers. She was usually much choosier, but there was a reason she’d allowed this hairy monkey to borrow her for a fleeting moment. There was also a reason this time she’d booked the room and prepared it, instead of allowing her customer to lead her around. This time more was at stake.

“Are you deaf? I said hurry up,” he growled, bringing her back to the present and out of her lingering thoughts of what this afternoon could mean.

He thought he could scare her. Well, he didn’t know who he was messing with. Scaring her was just what she wanted. Fear was an emotion, right? She turned around and bent over, slowly waving her hips side to side. “I dropped something.” She leisurely picked up her scarf and brought it up between her legs, rubbing it back and forth as the drool practically ran from the corners of his mouth. He reached for her and she stepped back once more. Then he lunged.

“
Aiya,
I said come here, dammit.”

She struggled out of his grasp and put her heel right onto his crotch. She kicked back, knowing she made contact by the sudden grunt he made. He recovered quickly and grabbed her hair, jerking her backward onto the bed.

She smiled. He was furious. She felt a stirring—finally.

His face hovered only inches above hers and he glared down at her pinned under his thick arms. She laughed at his twisted expression. She’d ruined it for him.

“I shouldn’t even pay you for this since you played the hard-to-get act,” he said brusquely as he readied himself. No longer was he gentle or playful; now he obviously just wanted to get it over with before he became impotent again. But still, it wasn’t rough enough for Sami. Oh, and he’d pay—he’d pay more than he knew.

Now to get him even more worked up. Since she’d lowered herself to his standard, she might as well squeeze all the thrill out of it she could muster.

“Tamade.”
She spat out the word and glared up at him. If he was any kind of man at all, her cursing of his mother would bring out the devil in him.

A look of shock crossed his face, then turned to rage. He reached down and slapped her. “You’ve obviously forgotten who I am. I am at the top tier of the local division. Say the name
Delun
and others will cower.” He looked down at his jacket, indicating his badge. Using his knee, he maneuvered himself until he hovered over Sami. “And my women keep their mouth shut and their legs open. Now do it,
chòu biǎozi.
”

He thought calling her a dirty whore would bother her? She almost laughed. The instant warmth on her face from his strike spread down Sami’s body, and she finally felt anchored, no longer just a weightless being. She ached for him to hit her again but he didn’t. Still, he was no longer careful to keep his heavy weight from her and Sami relished the rough way he touched her, the way he used her. As he let loose a string of cursing and finally slid into her, she let her eyes close and savored the flash of pain. He pinched her breast and Sami sighed. He hated her, he was hurting her, and that made her feel a little less hollow.

Sami opened her eyes and listened for a moment. The room was now dark and she heard nothing from the closet. After the official left hours before, the slamming door had awakened the baby, causing her to cry until she’d grown hoarse and had finally quieted to a barely audible whimper.