Bitter Winds (28 page)

After the excitement of Ivy’s homecoming had settled and everyone separated to their own rooms, Benfu made his way down the hall to say a final good night to Ivy and Lily. His old heart felt lighter just knowing the twins were back together and once again safe under his roof. And he wanted to congratulate Ivy again on the news from Lily’s tutor. The woman had come by and said with Ivy’s expertise and years of being Lily’s guide that she’d make a perfect addition to their team of teacher’s assistants at the school. As soon as her local classes ended for the summer, the school was offering her a full scholarship to get her certificate! Surprisingly, Ivy had even seemed open to the possibility of doing something that wouldn’t involve Lily. His girls were growing up and he knew it was inevitable their lives would start to take different paths. It was his duty to encourage their independence while helping them to maintain that close relationship.

He heard their whispering and stopped just short of the door, wondering if perhaps he shouldn’t interrupt. He peeked around and saw they were lying on their bed, searching the pockets of their handmade quilt, finding the little gifts Nai Nai had painstakingly sneaked in to welcome Ivy home.

Ivy pulled a tiny square of paper from one of the pockets and unwrapped it to find a shiny red button. She read the characters on the paper and laughed.

“What is it?” Lily asked.

“A button from Jojo. And the note says he’s glad to have us both home at the same time so you’ll stop moping around.” Ivy stretched her arms high over her head and yawned. “It’s so good to be back in our bed, Lily.”

“It’s good to have you back home, Ivy, and I’m so sorry for what you went through in that place. Thank you again for switching places with me, but next time, I’ll have to deal myself with whatever life brings me,” Lily answered.

Ivy looked around their sparse, but homey little room. “Where’s Viola? I was hoping you’d play my favorite song before we go to sleep. I’ve missed hearing you play.”

Lily rolled over, covering her face from her sister.

“Lily, what’s wrong? Where’s your violin?”

“Oh Ivy, I screwed up so bad! I made a friend while you were gone. I trusted him; he was so nice to me. He said he was going to help me sell Viola to get the money for your fine, to bring you home, but instead he turned out to be a thief and a liar. He took Viola and I haven’t seen him since. Ye Ye was so upset, and I miss my violin so much. I know I’ll never see it again!” Lily cried.

Benfu started to go in, to let Lily know not to worry about him; she was the one who’d been wronged. But he kept his place, knowing they needed this time.

“Lily, don’t worry. I’ll help you find this so-called friend and make him get Viola back for you. Please don’t cry. Right now let’s just be happy we’re both here and safe together again. I’m really exhausted and can’t even think straight. We’ll worry about your violin later.”

Benfu watched them turn over and move until their backs were touching, their usual way to sleep. He felt someone beside him and he looked to find Calli there. She’d obviously wanted to say good night, too.

“Benfu, just look at them. They look just like the night we brought them home, all snuggled up next to each other. Thank the gods our girls are back together where they belong.”

“I know, my Calla Lily, I know.”

“When are we going to tell them? About their mother? It’s just too eerie that the girls probably walked the same halls their own mother did so long ago.”

Benfu shook his head. He didn’t know when the right time would be, but in light of the twist of irony that had his girls ensnared in the same mental institution that their mother had died in, he and Calli had decided they were old enough to finally hear the truth. While Ivy and Lily never talked about the traumatic night that brought them to his family, Benfu had to wonder what they remembered of it.

He lowered his voice even more. “Let’s let things settle down a bit first, m’love. It won’t be easy for them to hear that their mother lost her mind, then killed herself after their father tried to set her girls on fire.”

L
i Jin laid the menu on the counter and poured herself a glass of warm water. She’d been listing supplies, creating recipes, and crunching numbers the entire morning to come up with what she thought would feed their crew at Rose Haven and a dozen hostel customers for a week at a time. Never in her life had she been forced to be so budget-minded. In her years past, it was only herself, and then her and Jojo she’d had to provide for. But now the responsibility of feeding so many fell on her shoulders. It wasn’t an easy decision, but they’d chosen to include a simple breakfast with each night’s stay to encourage patrons to choose their hostel over the dozens available in Wuxi.

The weeks had flown by and everyone had settled back into their normal routine plus much more in their frenzy to finish the hostel side of their property. Lily and Ivy had let all their slight bickering and push for independence go, and spent almost every spare minute together. Li Jin still thought Ivy needed to back up a bit and let Lily learn to do things on her own, and she was coming around. But it would take a long time before Ivy agreed that Lily didn’t need her protection, after all they’d both been through.

Li Jin was getting really nervous about the money they’d borrowed to pay the fine and free Ivy from the hospital. Construction and finding usable secondhand furniture were taking longer than she’d thought and before she knew it, they were down to only a month before she was scheduled to repay the loan to the shadow lenders. Although the hostel was almost ready to open and everyone had pitched in to make it happen, she knew it was very unlikely they’d take in enough patrons to make the needed funds before the deadline. They were working almost around the clock, but would it all be for nothing? She was barely sleeping because thoughts of losing Rose Haven wouldn’t let her be. There had to be something else they could do.

To add to her stress, Sami was getting even more unpredictable, sleeping through her days and then wanting Li Jin’s attention at night. The constant roller coaster of her moods was beginning to deter everyone from approaching her until Li Jin was the only one left who would even attempt a civil conversation with Sami. Even last night, when Li Jin had tried to talk to her about the impending deadline of the debt they owed, Sami had only wanted to talk about herself and when they could go out again together.
She just doesn’t get it,
Li Jin thought, and sighed.

Speaking of the self-appointed empress, she walked through the kitchen door, two hours late for breakfast and two hours too early for lunch. Li Jin swore under her breath that she would not prepare her something to eat. She needed to get her kitchen tasks under control and get over and help the others. And this time, for Sami’s own good, Li Jin was going to get her involved.

“Sami, I really need you today. Can you help us with the painting over at the hostel?”

“I’m hungry, Li Jin. Fix me something, please.” Sami sat at the table and laid her head on her arms.

Li Jin swallowed back the angry words that sprang to her tongue, and she concentrated on remaining calm. She didn’t want to set Sami off. But still, some things needed to be addressed.

“Do you know where Lan is?”

“Lan, Lan, Lan. Why is it always about Lan?”

Li Jin stopped what she was doing and stared at Sami. She’d carried a sniffling Lan in the sack on her back—that she was quickly outgrowing—that very morning as she’d cooked breakfast for over fifty people. Now Auntie Rae had her. Every day others were taking care of her child and Sami didn’t even care. It wasn’t that Li Jin minded helping with Lan—she loved her to pieces—but it wasn’t healthy that the baby spent more time with others than with her own mother. And Lan needed a lot of attention; there were many days she was sickly and just wanted to be cuddled. Sami needed to realize she had a responsibility, if not to Rose Haven, at least to her own child.

“It’s not always about Lan. But since you don’t want to help with getting the hostel side ready, the least you could do is get up and care for Lan so that Auntie Rae and I are free to go over there and work. You know with Lan’s breathing issues we can’t have her around construction or fumes.”

That did it. Li Jin saw the moment the rage hit Sami in the straightening of her back and the glint in her eyes. She was almost sorry she’d said anything.

“Well, maybe if you all made
me
feel like a part of the family, I’d do more. Have you ever thought of that, Li Jin?”

For the first time, Li Jin lost her patience with Sami and couldn’t bite back the words. “Sami! What more can we do? We’ve tried and tried. I just don’t understand you. There are all these people around trying to embrace you and yet you still don’t see you are welcome.”

Sami lowered her head and Li Jin strained to make out her words.

“Even surrounded by all of you, I still feel alone.”

Li Jin felt the anger evaporate. She sighed. It killed her to see Sami so bereft. “That’s not the way it is. I’m here for you; we are all here for you.” She wished with all her might she could find a way to break through to Sami and help her see the good things in her life.

Li Jin went around the counter to hug Sami. Sami stood and held her hands out to stop Li Jin from coming closer. “No, don’t come over here, Li Jin. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need you at all, actually. Just leave me alone.”

“Sami! What is going on? I’m sorry if you think I’ve ignored you, but I’m really worried about the debt we’ve got to pay. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

“Oh, I know. All you worry about is Rose Haven. That’s clear to me now, Li Jin. I mean nothing to you or to your precious little family.”

Li Jin stared, openmouthed, and listened to the venom Sami spouted before she turned and stomped from the room. Sami had never turned on her in such a way. Li Jin was stunned.
What had she said that was so terrible?
She shook her head. Her parents were right. Sami really needed some help.

Sami pulled her bag from the closet and began stuffing clothes in it. If Li Jin couldn’t see how she felt, she’d just go and then they’d be sorry—they’d all be sorry. No one understood the way she felt. They didn’t know what she’d been through or how she’d been treated. Even Li Jin was now settled in with her happy little family and could no longer relate. Once they’d walked a parallel path, but now Sami felt like the outsider in their sickening little pocket of happiness.

She slammed her fist into the mirror and felt a burst of satisfaction as it broke into shards of glass and covered their bedroom floor. She looked at her fist and marveled, a little sadly, that she hadn’t even nicked herself. But she needed to get out of there before the sounds of the glass breaking brought some nosy face to her door.

She added a few more items and a pair of shoes and pulled the strap of the bag over her shoulder. Breathing deep to get herself under control, she sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands.
She should leave, right?
That would show them that she didn’t need them.
Or should she stay?
Now she couldn’t even remember why she was so mad at Li Jin.
Thoughts twirled in her mind, making her dizzy with confusion. If only she could hurt someone, like she’d been hurt, she felt like it would release all the ugly in her and finally let it go.

Suddenly she heard Lan’s cry from down the hall. Then she heard Auntie Rae cooing to her to calm her. She lifted her head and listened to them.

Lan was
her
baby. Not Li Jin’s baby and definitely not that old hag Auntie Rae’s baby. Hers. But did she want the responsibility of a crying child to tote around as she searched for a new place to live? Could she really care for her? Well, Lan belonged to her, that much she was sure of.

She stood and added a few more articles to her bag. Then she pulled a piece of Li Jin’s stationery from the bedside table and scribbled a note. She fought through the tears as she said her good-byes with the deeply scratched characters on the paper. Words were useless, though. She’d never been good with spoken words and now even written words failed to describe her feelings. How could she relay it when even she didn’t know what she was feeling? All she knew was she needed to get out before she destroyed the entire house with her bare hands.

She didn’t belong here with the good this family represented. She had done nothing to deserve it and the guilt of that discovery was eating her alive. She knew the truth was she deserved to be on the streets with the rest of the scum of the earth—those who forged their way through life using their cunning skills and experiences. Maybe one day she’d be able to change, but that day had not arrived.

She carried the bag and turned for one last look at the room she and her only friend had shared, then left. It was time. Time to show them all what she was really capable of.