Bittersweet (25 page)

Logan
straightened up and looked back toward the door at the sound of Adam’s voice.
His face broke out in a smile. “Un-Cla Lala!” he exclaimed. But instead of
scrambling down to the floor to run over to greet him, he just nestled against Zoe.
“Momma.”

She
smiled and stroked his back, pulling his little shirt down to meet his diaper. 
“Let’s change your diaper. Then we can have breakfast.”

“Bek-fest”
Logan agreed, letting go of her and trying to crawl down to the floor. “O’s.”

When
he made it to the floor, he started enthusiastically toward the door.

Adam
grabbed him and swung him up. “I think your Mommy wanted to change your diaper
first.”

Zoe
was digging into his diaper bag, but she glanced back to see Logan squealing
happily as Adam flopped him onto the bed. She changed his diaper quickly and
said, “I’m not sure Uncle Adam has Cheerios, but I’m sure he’ll find something
good for you to eat.”

“O’s.”
Logan repeated, looking hopefully at Adam.

Adam’s
expression looked momentarily trapped. “I don’t think I have any Cheerios. But I
have yogurt.”

“Go-gur.”

“And
some orange juice.”

“Onge
juice!”

“And
I might be able to dig up a banana.”

“Nana!”
Logan beamed at the promise of such a good breakfast.

Zoe
laughed, strangely touched that Adam knew as well as she did what Logan liked
to eat for breakfast.

They
went into the kitchen, where Logan sat in one of the bar stools—next to her so
she could make sure it stayed upright—and ate his breakfast.

Zoe
had a cup of coffee and a cranberry scone.

After
he’d finished, she asked Logan, “Do you want some more orange juice?”

Adam
had been leaning against a counter, sipping his coffee, but he straightened up
to grab the juice from the refrigerator.

Logan
pushed his empty cup over toward Adam.

“What
do you say to Uncle Adam?” Zoe prompted.

“Mo
pees,” Logan said, watching as Adam brought the bottle over to refill his cup.

“You’re
quite an impressive eater of breakfast,” Adam commented, the corner of his
mouth quirking up as he looked at the boy.

“Bek-fest,”
Logan repeated, taking his cup again with both hands.

“What
do you say?” she asked.

“Thank-oo.”

Adam
smiled fondly. “You’re welcome.”

Zoe
felt exhausted already. She dropped her head onto one hand. It had been a
really long night, and it was now Monday morning. It was going to be a long
week.

Adam
gave her a questioning look.

She
smiled at him. “Don’t think I didn’t hear you tell my son he eats too much.”

With
a chuckle, Adam finished his coffee. He started to pile up the dishes in the
sink when Zoe glanced at the clock on the wall. She bit off a curse.

“I
have to be at work at 9:00 this morning,” she said, sliding off the stool and
then helping Logan off his as well. “I need to get going. It’s all right for me
to go home just to get showered and changed, right?”

“I’m
sure that’s fine. But your nanny shouldn’t stay in the house with Logan this
morning, at least not until they figure out what caused the fire.”

Zoe
paused, thinking quickly. Before she could think of a plan, Adam beat her to
it.

“What
about if Logan stays with me today?”

“Don’t
you have to work today?”

He
gave a half-shrug. “I can work from home.”

“Okay,”
she agreed, touched again by the offer. “Thanks.” She called out to Logan, who
was sprinting up and down the long hallway. “Do you want to stay with Uncle Adam
this morning?”

Logan’s
reply wasn’t very clear, but it was definitely enthusiastic.

“Just
stop by the store for some snacks and other necessary toddler supplies,” she
murmured.

“Naturally.”

She
stood in front of Adam, suddenly self-conscious in her revealing little
tank-top and no bra. “About what you said earlier…” She trailed off, not sure
how she wanted to ask the question but knowing she needed to.

Adam
cleared his throat. “I, uh, knew you before Josh did,” he began, obviously
understanding what she was trying to ask.

She
nodded, gazing up at him, her heart starting to race almost painfully.

“I
know it’s not rational, but I knew you—we had a kind of history—and then Josh
came along. All of a sudden you two were together. It felt…it felt wrong.”

With
a frown, she asked, “But why?”

“I
told you it’s not rational, but it just felt incongruous for my cousin to come
in and take a woman I knew, one I was friends with, one I was attracted to—”

“What?
You were attracted to me?”

“Yeah.”

“But
I didn’t…you never…”

“Just
because I never acted on it doesn’t mean I didn’t feel it. Then Josh was there
and…” He trailed off with a shrug.

She
felt a little disoriented and stared down at the floor in order to concentrate.
“But when I was married to Josh?”

“I
know you loved him, and I know he loved you. I never for a moment would have tried
to come between you. That’s not what I meant. I…I respected your marriage. I
simply meant that, because I didn’t know you first as his wife, you were always
more to me than just his.”

Zoe
let out a sigh of relief, the most horrifying interpretation of his words
having been answered. “Oh." Then she added, "So you were attracted to
me? Before now?”

She
tried to wrap her mind around the possibility, but it seemed impossible that
the Adam she’d known before this last year would have felt that way about her.

Adam
studied her face, very carefully, almost searchingly. For a moment, it looked
like he was going to say something significant. But then his expression changed.
“Why wouldn’t I have been attracted to you? You’re a beautiful woman.”

She
rolled her eyes at him, but felt a lot better.

“And
on that subject,” Adam continued with a warm smile that almost took her breath
away.

“What
subject?”

“I
was wondering if you might be free on Friday night.”

Her
mouth dropped open. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“Well,
that was my intention. But if you’re going to look so dumbfounded—”

“No,”
she interrupted, “I’d like to. I was just surprised.”

His
gaze deepened. “Did I not make certain things clear last night?”

She
gulped. “Yes, you made things clear.”

“So,
unless you don’t think this is worth pursuing, maybe we should try dating.” He
said this in a matter-of-fact tone with no trace of anxiety on his face.

But
she knew better. He wasn’t nearly as comfortable as he was pretending to be.
With a little ache in her chest, she reached up to cup his cheek.

“I
think it’s a good idea not to rush things,” he murmured. “I just think we
should try this for real.”

She
let out a long breath. “Yeah. I don’t want to rush things either. And I really
want to try this too.”

Adam
smiled, and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“So
Friday night?” he asked lightly.

She
stood on her toes to give him a soft kiss on the mouth. “Friday night it is.”

Late on Friday
night, Adam took Zoe to get some ice cream and walk down by the river.

They’d
gone to dinner and the symphony earlier, but Zoe had willingly agreed to
dessert.

Their
first date had gone smoothly by all appearances. Although they’d been out
together before dozens of times, the difference this time was palpable. Zoe had
put extra effort into dressing attractively, and Adam was putting extra effort
into acting charming. They talked about politics, about Logan, about the
orchestra, and about their favorite kinds of ice cream.

And
the whole thing felt incredibly weird.

There
was no reason why it should feel weird. They knew each other too well for
awkwardness or this kind of stilted tension. Experiencing first-date jitters
was ridiculous after they’d already had sex. But, despite the fact that both of
them were doing well in keeping up the light, pleasant conversation, Zoe was
nervous and uncomfortable.

And
it wasn’t really getting better.

The
evening was cooler than she’d expected. She’d brought a pretty gray cashmere
cardigan with little flicks of sparkle in it to put on over her little black
dress. But the combination of the ice cream and the brisk breeze off the river
was making her shiver.

She
tried to hide it. If Adam saw she was cold, he would probably suggest they
leave. Then the date would be over.

And
it would have been a definite flop.

He
was telling her a funny story about a disastrous interview he’d given a few
weeks ago, and she kept her lips shaped into a smile and nodded or laughed at
all the right places. But underneath it was a current of deep disappointment.

She
should have known that trying to transform her relationship with Adam into
something romantic just couldn’t be that easy.

After
he’d finished the story, there was a pause in the conversation. Zoe finished
her cone, licked the last of her ice cream off her fingers, and crumpled the
napkin into a ball. When she cut her eyes over to Adam, she saw he was watching
her closely, discreetly.

“You
okay?” he asked in a light tone.

She
nodded and grinned up at him, hoping he wouldn’t see the expression was forced.
Then she was surprised by a sudden shiver.

“You
should have told me you’re cold,” Adam said, shrugging off the jacket to his
black suit and giving her a vaguely annoyed look.

Bristling
at this implicit censure, she said, “I’m not
that
cold. It was just the
ice cream. And there’s no reason to be snotty about it.”

Ignoring
her response, Adam wrapped his coat around her shoulders. Since it was warm and
smelled deliciously like Adam, Zoe didn’t object. She slipped her arms into the
sleeves and pushed them up to free her hands.

He
was watching her face again. In the interest of being fair to him, she managed
to bite back a sharp comment about how his constant staring was freaking her
out.

After
a few minutes, she glanced at her watch. It was after one in the morning.

“Should
we head back?” Adam asked, in his voice that same light airiness it’d had all
evening. It wasn’t really
him
at all.

“I
guess so.” She smiled again as she stood up, sure she looked ridiculous in his
jacket. But it was warm, and she wasn’t willing to give it up quite yet.
“Thanks for the great evening.”

He
murmured, “Thank
you
.”

And
the whole thing felt weird and artificial.

Now
that they were reaching the end, Zoe was almost relieved the date was over,
despite her lingering disappointment that it hadn’t been a success. She wanted
to go home and get into bed in her lovely, warm new bedroom and pull up the
covers over her head.

Her
first date with Josh had been horrible too.

The
random thought startled and upset her so much that she tripped on one of the
stone stairs. She reached out to catch herself on the rail, but her hand was
trapped in the too-long sleeve of the jacket. Always with quick instincts, Adam
tried to catch her. But he must have been rather distracted too, and he wasn’t
quite quick enough.

Zoe
fell in an awkward tumble, barely catching herself before her face hit the
stairs.

She
was wearing a silk sheathe dress, and it was too fitted to allow for much
flexibility. The seam on one side split from the hem all the way up to her hip,
and she skinned up both of her knees. For a moment, she was trapped in Adam’s
damned jacket, unable to free her hands.

Adam
stared down at her, temporarily at a loss for what to do.

The
irony—the pure, unmitigated irony of the entire situation—hit Zoe like a blow.
And she began to laugh as she futilely tried to pick herself up from the clumsy
heap.

Adam
reached down to help her, and together they managed to turn her over so she was
sitting on one of the stairs.

He
sat down next to her, smiling a little quizzically at her continued giggles.

She
finally retrieved her hands and inspected her destroyed outfit.

“You
look a little worse for wear,” Adam murmured, using a leftover napkin to clean
up the blood on her knees.

“I
am
a little worse for wear.”

For
some reason—for absolutely no good reason—the words struck her as sharply
poignant. And the tension of the evening, her disappointment over the
awkwardness of the date, the jarring pain from her fall, and the memory of her
first date with Josh all slammed into her again at the same time.