Bittersweet (29 page)

Zoe
felt a familiar swell of tenderness at overhearing this earnest little
conversation. But, by the time she reached the top of the stairs, Adam was
aware of her presence.

He
was looking toward the entrance of the large open space when she walked in. She
was glad to see that he was holding Logan on his hip, as she didn’t like her
son to run around up here by himself. There were too many ways he could get
hurt.

She
smiled at the sight of Adam, looking handsome and casual in tan trousers and a
black camp shirt, and Logan, who wore jeans and a blue t-shirt and held a toy
hammer.

For
his second birthday, Adam had gotten him a toddler work-bench and tool-set,
since the boy had been so enthralled by the work upstairs.

Adam
smiled back at her, his eyes warming in a way she just loved. And Logan, upon
discovering her presence, cried out, “Momma, momma! Hamma room!”

“I
know. This is where they've been doing all the hammering. Pretty soon, they’ll
be all done, and we’ll have a brand new room in our house.”

All
of the new plumbing for the bathroom, the electrical work, the floors, and now
the drywall had been completed. The top floor had had almost no windows, so
they’d put in several, after getting approval for changing the exterior of a
building in a historical district.

“Find
anything this afternoon?” Adam asked, still carrying Logan as they walked
downstairs.

“Nah.
We were mostly just looking around. What did you all do?”

Logan
had been listening in on this conversation. And, when they got downstairs and Adam
lowered him to the ground, he declared, carefully articulating each word as if
signifying the importance of the pronouncement, “Un-cla Lala play ball!”

Zoe’s
eyes widened. “Uncle Adam played ball with you?”

Logan
clapped his hands. “Park!”

“You
went to the park to play ball with Uncle Adam? That sounds like fun.” She slid
her eyes over to Adam, who was assuming a pose of disinterest that made her
laugh.

Upon
verifying that this piece of information was properly appreciated, Logan
rediscovered the hammer in his hand and ran over to play with his new tool-set
and workbench.

She
stepped over to give Adam a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. “I’m going to
change clothes. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She’d
put on something decent to go shopping with Jane, but it wasn't what she wanted
to wear all evening. So she went up to her room to change into a stretchy top
and yoga pants and, when she came back down, Logan was still playing with his
tools and Adam was on the couch tapping something on his smart phone.

With
a sigh of pleasure, she lowered herself onto the couch beside him.

“Anything
going on?” she asked, since he hadn't looked up from his phone.

He
shook his head. “No.” He finished whatever he was typing and slid the smart
phone into his pocket. “Oh, I did hear that they’re coming out tomorrow to
finish installing the new security system.”

“Okay.
Sounds good.”

Zoe,
naturally, already had a basic security system in the house. But, when she’d
started the renovations, Adam had suggested she upgrade. Zoe hadn’t really
thought it was necessary, but there was no reason not to be as safe as she and
Logan could be, so she’d let Adam work with security professionals to design a
better system for her house.

When
she let herself think about it, she was a little hurt that Adam was putting
such effort into fixing up her house. She knew that was his nature. He liked to
take care of people, and he threw himself whole-heartedly into anything he did.

But,
still, their relationship was going so well. Yes, they’d only been dating for
six months, but it had been a good six months. And she assumed—at least she
hoped—that eventually they might move in together. Maybe even get married.

But
Adam was acting as if she’d be living in this house for a long time, as if he
had no plans for her to ever move in with him.

She
would hate to leave her beloved house, but Adam’s apartment had been in his
family for generations and was one of the most desirable properties in the city.
And the truth was that Adam and possibly building a life with him and Logan was
more important to Zoe than her house.

So
it was a little disappointing that such a step wasn't even on his radar.

They
hadn’t been together for all that long, though. And it had only been three
months since they’d admitted they loved each other.

She
could be patient.

“They
suggested a few additional upgrades to the security,” Adam said, leaning back
against the sofa, as if he were finally relaxing. “It’s not a bad idea. They’re
here.” He handed her a sheet of paper.

Zoe
frowned as she read it. “Seriously? Do you really think I need all of this?”

He
gave a shrug. “I know it sounds extreme, but I have most of those in my
security system for the apartment. You should think about it.”

“That’s
crazy. I don’t need all of this,” she said, a little sharply.

He
gave another shrug and didn’t reply.

“It’s
just me and Logan here, and I’m sure all of this is going to cost a fortune. We’ll
be plenty safe without it.”

She
tried to temper her tone, since she knew it was a little shrill, but she was
deeply disappointed that Adam was pushing this particular suggestion.

Renovating
the top floor was a good investment in the property. It would help her when she
was ready to sell the house. But this complex security system wouldn’t.

Which
implied that Adam had no intention of having them move in with him any time in
the near future.

Adam’s
expression had gotten stiff and a little distant, clearly signaling that her
tone had been too harsh. Now both sharply disappointed and feeling guilty for
overreacting, Zoe continued in a modified tone, “I mean, I know why it’s a good
idea for you. But it’s just me and Logan here, and I just don’t think we need
it.”

“All
right,” Adam murmured, perfectly composed. “It was just a suggestion.”

He
pulled out his smart phone again. Maybe it had vibrated with a new text or
email. Or maybe he was just looking for a distraction.

Zoe
sighed and got up. “You want any coffee or anything?”

He
shook his head with a murmured thanks, but didn’t look up from his phone.

She’d
hurt his feelings by rejecting his suggestion, by rebuffing his attempt to take
care of her. As she walked into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee,
she felt kind of depressed. But she wasn’t sure what else she could have done.

Adam
had hurt her feelings a little bit too.

She
gave herself a firm, silent lecture as she stood in front of the coffee pot.
She was probably reading too much into things. Men didn’t think like women did.
Just because Adam had gotten it into his head that she and Logan would be safer
with that security system didn’t mean he would never want them to live with him.

Things
were going really well between them. She knew Adam was happier than he’d been
in such a long time. Maybe happier than he’d ever been in his life. She
knew
it.

So
she wouldn’t blow small things like this out of proportion.

She
felt better when she returned to the living room, where she saw Logan had
crawled up next to Adam. He stood against the back of the couch, looking down
at Adam’s face.

“What’s
the matter, buddy?” she asked. “Did you want to say something to Uncle Adam?”

Logan
spoke a lot better now, except when he was emotional. Right now, he babbled
something not quite comprehensible and reached out to pat Adam’s face.

“What
is it?” Adam asked, little lines between his brows. He stretched an arm out to
support Logan's back, since he was looking a little wobbly.

Logan
reached out again and rubbed the skin of Adam’s forehead, still jabbering but
not forming clear words.

Her
son seemed upset about something, so Zoe sat down next to him. She tried to
pull him onto her lap, but Logan resisted, clinging to Adam’s shoulder. “Try to
tell me what it is, Logan,” she said gently. “Talk slowly.”

“Un-cla
Lala,” Logan said, his little face wrinkled with worry. He rubbed Adam’s
forehead again. Then turned to Zoe with wide, earnest eyes. “Sad.”

Enlightenment
washed over Zoe. “Did you think Uncle Adam was sad? I don’t think he’s sad.”

“No,
I’m not sad,” Adam assured the little boy, who was still looking very upset. “I
was working on a serious problem,” he explained, holding up his smart phone by way
of explanation. “But I wasn’t sad.”

When
Logan didn’t look convinced, Adam smiled, smoothing out the lines on his brow.
And he reached over and pulled the boy into a hug. This seemed to satisfy Logan
enough to make him smile. And then Zoe scooped him up into her lap.

“Did
you want to stay for dinner?” Zoe asked lightly, glancing at her watch as she
cuddled Logan with one arm. “I’m going to have to feed Logan in about a
half-hour.”

Adam
hesitated for a moment. Then shook his head. “I might just take off. I have an
early meeting.”

Zoe
was disappointed and hoped he wasn't still bothered by their earlier
conversation. He felt a little distant right now in a way that made her worry,
but he never spent the night on Sunday evenings, and often he wouldn't stay for
dinner.  Just because she wanted him around as much as possible didn't mean
that it was necessarily convenient for Adam. He loved her. And he loved Logan.
But he was also a man who’d had his own space for many, many years. So all she
said was, “Okay.”

“Un-cla
Lala
eat
,” Logan said, making it clear he’d been listening to their
conversation.

“No.
Uncle Adam is going home, so he won’t eat with us tonight.” This piece of news
provoked a frown in Logan, so Zoe tried to distract him. “Were you done playing
with your tools?”

Remembering
his much-beloved tools, Logan scrambled down off her lap and ran back over to
them. Zoe scooted over closer to Adam. “You okay?” she asked, very softly.

Adam
had gone back to his smart phone, but he looked up at her words and gave her a
little smile. “I’m fine.”

She
reached out and cupped his cheek. “Are you lying to me?” She knew him too well
to be convinced that everything was all right, and he was still working through
his long-held pattern of holding back.

He
opened his mouth to give an automatic denial, but then he closed it again.
After a long release of breath, he admitted, “I’m trying to think through
something. Can I tell you later?”

“How
much later?”

“Not
long.” His face had softened, relaxed a little.

Zoe
nodded. “Okay,” she whispered, leaning over to kiss him.

He
kissed her back, reaching an arm around her to pull her even closer.

“I
love you,” she murmured, as they pulled out of the kiss.

He
leaned his forehead against hers for just a moment. “I love you too. So much.”

“You
know I’m going to be waiting to hear what’s going on,” she warned him. She was
actually feeling better, since at least he’d admitted that something was
bothering him, even though he hadn’t actually told her what it was yet.

She
didn't think it could be too bad, since he hadn't been brooding much lately.

Adam
smiled fondly, looking a lot more like himself. “Believe me—I know.”

***

Adam decided to
stay for dinner after all. Then he stayed to take a walk in the park with Logan
and Zoe. Then, since it was nearly Logan’s bedtime, he stayed to help give the
boy a bath and then put him to bed.

Since
it was so late by that time, he decided to spend the night.

Zoe
was absurdly happy about the small gesture—that Adam didn’t feel the need to go
home and have some space and privacy on his own.

Adam
took a shower while she locked up the house, and he was reading a thick book in
bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black pajama pants when she came into the
master bedroom.

She
stood and looked at him for a minute, feeling both a surge of affection and
surge of attraction. He looked so adorably at home. And, at the same time, he
looked so incredibly gorgeous she just wanted to slurp him down.

He
glanced up after she’d been staring for a minute. “Something wrong?”

She
shook her head, fighting the urge to jump on the bed and squeeze him. “I’m
going to take a quick shower too.”

Adam
smiled back, but he just nodded and returned to his book.

They’d
had sex the night before, but she thought sex would be a good plan for tonight
as well, and she sure hoped Adam wasn’t going to be distracted by some dull
treatise on history for too long.

To
help persuade him to put his book away, when she got out of the shower, she
smoothed her hair, which she hadn’t gotten wet, and put on new lingerie—a mesh
and lace babydoll in a shade of lilac that left almost nothing to the
imagination.