Bittersweet Love (6 page)

        “Rex, I’m only going to say this once. What you did hurt. It hurt so bad I felt like I lost a piece of myself when the words of what you did came out. I wanted to hate you, and for a short time I even did. I prayed you would come groveling to me, begging for me to forgive you and you did. But you see I was being no better than Corey, I was leading you on a string. Making you feel bad for something you may or may not have done. I don’t want to live in the past Rex, and though I don’t know what will happen in the future we will never be able to be together if you feel that everything you do needs to be made up to me. I wanted you for the person you were a year ago, and I want you for the person you are now. Don’t change that. Please.” My voice is wobbly and pleading and I can feel the exposure I’m leading my heart to.

        I look up into Rex’s eyes, they’re wide and beautiful. They hold all the same emotions I’m feeling. He blinks, his extremely long lashes fanning against his cheek. His eyes remain closed for a short time, and open again searching to meet mine.

        “Okay, I’ll let it go. But from this moment on I will treat you like a queen. I will make sure you get everything you want and need. I will love you for who you are and be here for you in your toughest times. If you only want to be friends then I’ll be that for you. I’ll be anything you need Jenna. As long as I get to be a part of your life in some way, shape, or form. “

        “Well right now all I want is friends. Can you do that for me?” I ask smiling. I reach for my delicious fried rice in hopes that the conversation is over. I hate reliving the past. I still hate hearing about what my mom did, how she ruined another family’s lives. How all the pain I went through was because of her? Mother’s aren’t supposed to lead you to hate.

        “Of course.” He responds as he hands me my plate of food and presses play on the remote to the Blu-ray player. I ease into the couch cushions and shove food into my mouth like the fatty I am. I’m just glad Rex isn’t judging me. The previews run through and by the time we get to the screen to press play I’ve finished my food.

        “Step Brothers. Really?” I laugh out loud quietly. Rex sends me a cheesy smile as he presses play. I refuse to tell him I do in fact love this movie. It’s always so awkward when you’re watching a movie with someone for the first time. It’s not that Rex and I haven’t hung out alone together, it’s just that it’s been forever. My hormones are
raging, and it’s impossible to keep my eyes on the TV, that and I could stare at him for days. The movie plays on and on, and eventually my eyelids grow heavy. I decided against sitting so close to Rex so I lay my head on the armrest of the couch. The sound of the TV eventually lull’s me into a deep sleep.

***

        A sound similar to a door slamming against the wall pulls me from my warm place. A heavy weight is against my legs and just as I’m about to go into a full blown panic attack I remember that Rex was over. Corey’s voice enters through my ears, but because I’m just waking up I can’t quite comprehend what he’s saying.

        “Dude. Calm the fuck down. What the hell is your problem?” Rex says before I can even get a word out. His voice is full of sleep, so I’m assuming that’s why I can’t feel my legs.

        “Jenna. You’re going to tell me where Mimi is right the fuck now. I swear to fucking god I’m going to kill that bitch. She never knows how to keep her nose out of shit. This immature drama bullshit she has going on gets really out of control and fast.” His voice is full of venom. I look up, clearing the sleep from my eyes. I look over at the clock on the wall. It says two am. Then it dawns on me how the hell did he get into my apartment.

        “Whoa cowboy.” I say holding up my hand, and settling myself into a more sitting position so I can look at him. He looks okay, no green hair or dark colored skin, and he definitely doesn’t smell like beef broth. “I have no fucking clue where Mimi is, it's two am and you seem to think you can just barge into my home and demand me to do something. Get the fuck out, and leave your key if you have one.” I smooth my hair out, because I can feel the rats nest growing on the side of my head. Even at two am, I’m self-conscious of the way I look around men. God, I am such a girl.

        “She fucked everything up for me yet a-fucking-gain.” He growls, gripping the ends of his hair tightly. I look over at Rex who looks just as confused as I do.

        “What happened man? You can’t just come into someone’s apartment screaming and demanding they do something at two in the fucking
morning.” Rex’s voice takes on the tone of someone who is slightly annoyed. I can’t really say I blame him. This Mimi, Corey drama is getting old.

        “She fucked up yet another good relationship. She’s always fucking something up. I’m pissed. I’m more than pissed. I’m furious.” His eyes are black, and talking about it seems to make things worse. Then again talking about it is about as good as holding a lid over a steaming pot of hot water, one way or another the steam is going to have to escape whether it’s gentle or violent is up to you.

        “Well that’s awfully vague if you ask me. But just so you know she’s not here. Now it’s late, I’m going to go to bed. When she gets here, I’ll let her know you stopped by.” I’m beginning to feel more like Mother Hen then a roommate. Damn you Mimi, you’re lucky I love your ass, me having to shoo your boyfriends away, and bullshit.

        “I don’t feel like fucking leaving, so I’m going to sit my happy ass down and wait until she gets here.” He says making his way over to the nearby chair. I shake my head lightly and roll my eyes. The thing is I don’t know when Mimi will be home, and I don’t feel like allowing him to stay here alone with me while I’m sleeping in the next room.

        “Come home with me man. We’ll come over in the morning and you can get into whatever argument it was you were going to get into with her. Jenna here needs to get to sleep and I refuse to let you be the reason my girl doesn’t get her beauty sleep.” Rex smiles over at me, his one dimple showing. If I wasn’t half asleep, I would probably reach over and poke it. But that would be weird, and I’m just too tired to move.

        “Yeah what he said.” I say to whoever is listening. I stand picking up my plate and soda from the table. I walk past Corey who is still standing silently by the chair. Damn, I didn’t even brush my teeth yet.

        “I’m fucking done man. Done. I’m tired of this dramatic bullshithat she causes. One minute we’re okay, the next I just want to strangle her. I’m tired of being led on and used every time she needs something or someone. ” Frustration is evident in his voice and facial features. His forehead always wrinkles when he’s angry; I remember that from our time of dating. Guess old habits die hard.

        “Corey, there’s something you need to know and learn about Mimi. She’s not leading you on, that’s just who she is and how she will always be. I honestly don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, when you’re fighting and when you’re not, but I can tell you that if you think you
’re being led on you need to take a look at the bigger picture.” I let out a big yawn. Never did I think I would be having a heart to heart with the very guy that made my life hell for a whole year.

        I look over at both Corey and Rex as their mouths gape open. “What?” I ask trying to hide the distaste from my voice. I promised myself that when I went off to college I would gain a voice, a backbone, whatever you want to
call it.  I would no longer be Mimi’s shadow. Even if they’re here, that doesn’t change things.

        “Nothing... Um it’s just different. I mean… you’re… just… different.” Corey says stumbling over his words. A smile pulls at my lips, for once I have caused him to go to a place he sent me many a times.

        “You’re right I’m different in more than one way. I don’t care if you guys live in this building or what it is you want to do. But don’t think that you can ever come barging into my house again. Mimi may live here but so do I. This isn’t high school anymore, and I’m not afraid of you saying anything about me. You can’t hurt me anymore, Corey.”

My voice doesn’t even shake as I speak the words I have always wanted to. They’re true in so many ways, maybe right now wasn’t the best time to tell him, but who cares, he’s in my house, at two am, unwelcome might I add. I need to make myself clear, because when you don’t, you often get stepped on, and I’ve been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Never going back.

        “I don’t intend on spreading anymore rumors about you, or causing you anymore pain. I have my hands full as it is Jenna. If I wanted to hurt you I easily could. But I won’t, because I promised Rex and in the end I want my family to be happy.” He looks over at Rex smugly, as if there is some type of bro bond going on between the two of them. This is the kind of thing that scares me with Rex. How can he be so close to someone who did something to someone he supposedly loves? When you love someone wouldn’t you give up anything and everything to protect them? I thought Rex would have done that for me, but he didn’t.

        “Yes. He wants his family to be happy, and you make me happy Jenna. Just you.” Rex says smiling. I feel my insides melt a little bit, the sleepiness seeping away to a whole new feeling. I try and shake the developing urges away, forcing myself to remember that just because he smiles in my direction, or is sexy as hell in blue jeans, that underneath that beautiful body, deep inside of him is a man who once hurt me, who broke my heart and took the trust I gave him and ripped it to shreds. He may be able to cover up all those bad things, but I will always remember them.

        “That’s fabulous, I’m glad he wants his family happy. I’m just warning you that if anyone tries to fuck with me again it won’t be pretty. I’m not the same girl I use to be.” I stand and make my way to the bathroom but am cut off from going any further by Corey. I stop dead in my tracks, holding my breath and willing my heart to not beat out of my chest. I might be able to sound forceful and strong in my voice, but if he gets too close to me, I can’t lie and say it doesn’t scare me. I refuse to let him know that though.

        “Jenna. Jenna. I’m different now. Really I am. But I have the same power as I did before. Don’t think because we’re in a different place, where less people know you that I can’t still ruin your life and reputation here.” He’s so arrogant and smug; he thinks he’s a king. He thinks he owns
everyone and everything and I hate that. I vowed to never let hate live in my heart again but for this man I can’t end up feeling anything but that.

        “You will not fucking touch her, and don’t you dare make open ended threats.” Rex says in a tight lipped tone as his chest comes into contact with my back.

        I push my chest into Corey’s ignoring Rex’s hand that has now landed on my shoulder. “I could give two fucks what you have to say to me, about me, or what it is you want to do. Just remember that if Mimi can make your life shitty imagine what the two of us could do together. Don’t cross us again Corey, or you’ll end up more than just green, and smelling like a beef roast.” My eyes never leave his, the fear I had moments ago is gone. Anger has now fallen in its place. Who does this man think he is, coming into my home and talking to me this way?

        “You may leave now.” I say pointing towards the door. My eyes turn to slits as I glare at him readying myself for one of his lame attempts at a comeback. He looks as if he’s going to say something else but then stops, backs up and heads for the door.

        “I’ll be downstairs hurry up.” He says to Rex, ignoring my presence. I shake Rex’s hand off my shoulder and hurry towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. I spend five minutes in the bathroom, wanting to stay in there longer to avoid this conversation with Rex.

        I exit the bathroom and head down the hall to my room. Opening the door, I catch sight of Rex lying on my bed. His shirts’ ridden up and there’s a line of hair heading south... Oh God… Must stop staring.

        “I thought you would have left by now?” I question, though I knew he wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, not after he just got me back.

        “You know I’ll always have your back right. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Ever.” My eyes scan up his body and meet his eyes; my eyes narrow at him as I try and read further into his intentions. Do I really know that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt me physically? Yeah sure, but emotionally not so much.

        “I know you wouldn’t ever let anyone touch me. But emotionally there isn’t anything you can do. Sticking up for me back there was great, but I want to fight my own battles. I don’t want Corey to think that every time he has something to say that I need you there to back me up. I don’t. What you did showed me you care, but you can’t protect me from everything that’s bad. Sometimes people say things, and there’s nothing you can do but walk away.” There is so much frustration from everything that is happening seeping into my voice.

        For a moment I think he will just come up with a laundry list of reasons why he has to protect me, but instead I hear the bed creak as he stands. His sock covered feet come into my line of vision as I stare at the floor like a
bad puppy. The warmth of his hands touching the side of my face cause me to lift my head and peer into his eyes.

        “Jenna, I want you to know that I will never let him fuck with you again. He might be my cousin but I have owned up to what I did wrong. At one time I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was fighting for my family, and then I realized two wrongs never make a right, and ripping some girl’s life apart and hurting her doesn’t make everything instantly fixed. I don’t care if I can’t stop people from saying shit about you, but I can stop them from saying it in front of
you or around me.” His lips move over the top of my forehead as his hands tighten on the side of my face.