Black Sheep (19 page)

“Yes, sir.”

I turned toward the door, ready to flee the building and catch my breath, but before I left the room, Jim stopped me again.

“Nicole,” he called out my name.

I turned back toward him. “Sir?”

“Wear something sexy.”

I nodded and left the office as quickly as I could.

My mother and father would roll over in their graves if they knew I’d just accepted a job at a strip club. It didn’t matter if I was stripping or not; it didn’t look good.

Tyson would explode if he ever got wind of it, but the fact was I had to do what I had to do. I needed to support myself and my little brother. And while it wasn’t the best job in the world, it was temporary.

At least, I hoped it was.

IT WAS LATE
by the time I pulled into the driveway. The house was dark, and I cussed myself for not leaving a light on. Brian was at Josh’s house, and the house suddenly looked huge sitting there empty.

I sat in the car, staring up at the overwhelming house, and I felt tears prick at my eyes.

I’d grown up in the house.

So why did it seem so scary now?

Why didn’t it feel like home anymore?

There was no way I could stay there.

Instead of going inside, I backed out of the driveway and started toward Tyson’s place. Amber was still at school in New York, and I couldn’t just pop up at anyone else’s house.

Showing up at Tyson’s wasn’t the smartest move, but he’d said I could come to him for anything. That had to include a place to stay when I was too much of a coward to stay in my own house.

His apartment complex was dark except where the streetlights shined spots onto the asphalt. I pulled into the parking lot and sat in the car, staring up at the light shining from his bedroom window.

What would he say if I showed up at his door?

He hadn’t contacted me at all during the day. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I’d at least expected a text message or something.

Leaving the car, I locked the door and went inside his apartment building. I’d had a long day. I was tired, and I needed sleep. At the very least, I could crash on his couch.

Taking a deep breath, I stared at his door and worked up the courage to knock. His doorbell wasn’t working, and it was late, which meant I’d need to knock harder than usual. I knew by his lights that he was in his room, which was at the back of his apartment.

My knuckles ached from the cold and the hard hit of the wood when I knocked. Waiting for a second or two, I knocked again.

And then his door opened, and he was standing before me in a sleeveless shirt and a pair of sweats. He looked incredibly sexy, his biceps thick and his chest hard through his shirt.

My mouth watered and I swallowed.

“Hi,” I said.

His eyes filled with panic. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

I chuckled. “Yes. I’m fine.”

A grin tugged at the side of his mouth, and I felt relief knowing he seemed okay with me being here.

“It’s just … Brian’s at Josh’s house. I’m not sure why, but the house seems really large and scary with no one there.”

I wanted to ask him if I could stay, but I couldn’t push the words past my lips.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to.

Stepping back from the doorway, he pulled the door open wider for me to enter.

I slid past him, my body brushing against his and sending the memories of the night before rolling through my mind. He smelled amazing, freshly showered and clean, and I only hoped that instead of sleeping on his couch, I’d be lying in his arms for the night.

Tyson

NICOLE HAD CONSUMED
every part of me all day. While I worked and even while I ate—I couldn’t shake her. After our night together, she was inside me, seated deep, and making my heart throb with want for more.

The regret I felt was strong, but the relief of finally having her was stronger. I felt terrible for taking advantage of her when she was obviously in a weak position, full of grief, but I wasn’t sure I’d take it back if I could. I’d opened up to her. I’d let her in, and then I’d spent the night holding her in my arms and feeling her from the inside out.

It was beautiful—a moment I’d never forget for the rest of my life, but at the same time, I still felt as though I wasn’t worthy.

She could say what she wanted about me and my past, but I was mentally fucked from the abuse I’d suffered. It didn’t matter what anyone said, I was always going to feel less than and dirty.

I checked my phone throughout the day, thinking maybe she’d text or call, but that never happened. And even though I wanted to check on her, I couldn’t bring myself to contact her. It didn’t feel right to bother her when I was sure she regretted ever letting me near her perfect body.

So when I pulled my door open to find her standing there staring back at me, I was relieved. She’d come to me, which meant maybe she didn’t regret having me as much as I regretted taking her.

“How was your day?” she asked nervously as she stood in the middle of my living room looking back at me.

“It was good. Yours?”

Our conversation was uncomfortable, and I knew one of us needed to say something about the night before. Yet at the same time, I didn’t want to talk about it.

“It was good.”

She sat on the couch and twisted her fingers together.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this. I should’ve called first.”

She looked beautiful; her cheeks flushed from the cold outside and her hair wild around her face. I liked her this way … natural.

“It’s okay. I imagine it’s hard to stay there alone.”

I’d gone there once to check and make sure their refrigerator was stocked. No one was there, and the place felt creepy even for me. It was dead there, as if a family had never lived there before. Like all the loving memories of the years past were just a dream. I hated that it felt that way in the place I’d essentially grew up in.

She nodded. “It’s weird. I’ve lived there my entire life. I’ve never been afraid to stay there alone, yet I can’t do it.”

Her lips trembled, and I could sense the impending tears.

Moving across the living room, I sat on the couch beside her and pulled her into my arms. She settled her head against my shoulder.

“You can stay here anytime you want.”

Hell, she could live here if it made her happy. Her tears had always made me weak. I’d do whatever it took to make sure she never cried again.

“I’ll sleep on the couch if this makes you uncomfortable.” She sniffed.

“No. I’ll take the couch. You can take the bed.”

She leaned up and wiped at her eyes. “I’m not taking your bed. That’s kind of rude, don’t you think?”

Catching a strand of her blond hair, I smoothed it between my fingers. “You could always sleep in my bed with me,” I suggested.

The moment went still, and I felt nervous that she’d turn that option down. I couldn’t even believe I’d suggested it since I was still unsure of what she was feeling after our night together.

Her smile was soft when she looked up at me, and my anxiety melted away. She had that capability now that she truly owned me. I’d always been hers, but during our night together, she’d claimed me completely.

That night, Nicole fell asleep in my arms again. There was no sex. There was no touching. There wasn’t even a single kiss. Holding her was enough. Being near her even just the tiniest bit had always been enough.

THE NEXT MORNING
, I left for work without waking Nicole, but before I did, I stood in the doorway of my room and enjoyed the sight of her in my bed. She was wearing one of my T-shirts and a pair of my boxers, which was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen in my life.

Briefly, as I stood here looking at the woman I’d always wanted, I thought maybe we could work. If I could keep my head together and let go of my past, this thing we were starting didn’t have to feel so forbidden—it didn’t have to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.

I could be good for her if I tried hard enough.

Maybe she was good for me.

She lit up my soul and my heart. Maybe she could scare away my demons, and we could be together.

I sang along with the radio on the way to the garage, and then I sang along to the radio inside the garage while I was under the hood of the truck. I didn’t even realize I was doing it.

“Dude, have mercy on us,” Nate joked. “You sing like shit.”

I laughed from under the truck, my laughter echoing off the engine parts and rushing back into my face. I smiled at feeling so free. I hadn’t felt this kind of peace in a long while.

It was the strangest thing. I’d recently lost my parents, and I was grieving for them, but at the same time, I’d never felt more alive and happy. In my mind and my fucked-up way of thinking, those happy feelings during such a terrible time of grief were just another reason for me to feel guilty about the things I’d done with Nicole.

After the garage, I cleaned up and drove over to The Blind Tiger to lay down some ink. Nate showed up a few minutes after me, and this time, his girlfriend, Stacey, was with him. She didn’t usually show up, but it was nice when she did, mostly because she spent the time cleaning up the front area of the shop. We weren’t much for cleaning.

My first customer of the night was a middle-aged lady who wanted a ladybug on her foot. It was a thirty-minute tattoo and took next to no skill. A young boy who wanted a tiger paw followed her. Two hours and he was out of my chair.

I was cleaning my station and prepping for maybe leaving early for the night when Nate called my name from the front of the shop.

“What’s up?” I asked as I came around the corner.

“Customer,” he answered, pointing across the room. “Can you take him? I’m already booked.”

My eyes followed where Nate was pointing and sitting on the couch in the corner was an older man. He looked like a biker. He was wearing a leather cut over a plaid button-up shirt, ratty jeans with holed-out knees, and boots. He cracked his neck, and my eyes dipped over his skin, taking stock of the art that crawled up the sides of his neck.

He stood and worked his shoulders before starting across the room toward me. Unbuttoning the fabric around his wrist, he began rolling up the sleeve on his right arm. His boots scuffed across the floor like he’d been drinking, and his eyes were glazed.

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something about the man was familiar. His lazy strut made me uncomfortable, but when he looked up at me and grinned, his smile was even worse. It felt off and forced, like he wasn’t used to smiling much.

“Come on back,” I said, starting toward my station. “Do you already know what you want?” I asked over my shoulder.

I tried to stay focused on the task at hand instead of letting my mind run away with a bunch of crazy bullshit.

“Yes.” His voice was gritty and strained, like a man who’d lived a rough life.

Once we were in my space, I turned around and got a good look at him under the bright lighting of my station, and I could tell he’d definitely had a hard time. His skin was leathery, which meant he was going to be hell to tattoo, and his hair was graying. He’d been ridden hard and hung out wet, but still, he smiled and took a seat in my chair.

Again, his smile made me uncomfortable, but I shook it off and took the seat beside him.

“So what are you thinking?” I asked, prepping my area and getting ready to tattoo him.

“I want to get my woman’s name on my arm,” he said, setting his arm up on the table between us.

He flattened his hand on the table allowing me to see the many tattoos decorating his arm. My eyes moved over his skin, taking in the old faded ink from years past, until they settled on his fingers.

Everything stopped.

His long, hairy fingers sent my memories reeling. The breath caught in my lungs, and nausea settled in the pit my stomach.

He had needles tattooed onto his fingers—green and discolored—the points with drips of blood.

And I knew … I just fucking knew … he was the demon from my nightmares—the reason I rarely slept—the reason I wasn’t worthy of Nicole.

I stood, my chair flying across the room, and I backed away from him. Anger ripped through me, and I felt myself losing grip with reality. My fists squeezed at my sides, and I breathed hard as I tried to calm myself.

“Everything okay?” he asked, his eyes scanning me, making me feel like I was eleven years old all over again and he was seconds away from tying me to a bed and torturing me.

Then a grin pulled at the side of his mouth, and he said, “I know you, don’t I?”

Words were lost on me. I was feeling actual fear, which didn’t make sense to me since I could’ve easily killed him with my bare hands. I was taller, younger, stronger, and I had anger on my side. But I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I was scared to death.

I just stood there like I was a kid again, perched in the corner in fear as I waited. My heart slammed against my ribs, and oxygen wasn’t making it into my lungs. I was suffocating, yet I was hyperventilating at the same time.

“You’re Frank’s boy.” He chuckled. “Oh, yeah. I definitely remember you.” He sucked at his teeth.

His words shook me.

I hadn’t heard my father’s name in a long time, and the way he was looking at me and licking his lips made everything inside me shut down. Memories and darkness consumed me, working their way up my legs and over my chest until I was drowning in their depths. I choked on the air I tried to suck in, but nothing was working.

The barriers burst, and I snapped.

I lost all control of myself. Yanking him from the chair, I grabbed him by the collar and brought my fist down hard against his face.

“You little shit!” he yelled.

He struggled to fight back, his arms coming up and his hands trying to go around my neck, but I didn’t let up.

All I saw was red.

All I smelled was the urine-stained mattress.

All I felt was pain.

My fists flew, each hit to his flesh more satisfying than the next. I hit him over and over again, not stopping even after he quit fighting back. His blood flew, splattering the space around us and landing on my clothes and my skin.

“What the fuck?” I heard Nate yell behind me. “Stop, Tyson, you’re going to kill him!”

I felt him latch onto me and try to pull me off, but I threw him and continued to beat the man who’d ruined me.

“Gill! Fucking help me, man!” Nate was screaming behind me.

Again, he latched onto me and pulled, but this time, when I tried to throw him off, he held tight, pulling me from the man and throwing me across the room.

I slammed against the wall, and my wide eyes took in the mess around me.

The man was on the floor, blood flowing from his face, but he was out cold. I couldn’t even tell if he was still alive.

Nate stared back at me as if he’d never seen me before. And then Gill stepped in and did the same.

I couldn’t take their stares, and I knew they’d have to call the police soon. I’d have to give explanations and or go to jail.

I’d ruined everything, just like I always did. My earlier thoughts of a possible future with Nicole slammed into my brain, feeling as though someone had just shoved my face into a brick wall.

I grabbed my head, trying to shake everything out of it, but I couldn’t clear my mind. There was so much going on all at once, and I wasn’t handling it well.

I needed to get out of there.

For fresh air.

To feel whole again.