Authors: Zane Lovitt
âThat's Freddie. He's gotâ¦fuckingâ¦dodgy prostrateâ¦prostate. Cancer. Gets up a dozen times a night.'
It's a bathroom light, small and high. It allows me to properly make out the horror of Tyan's eyes. Burning red and flabby and wet. He's been crying. Not just crying, bawling hard. I don't know how he can see out of those pupils.
âHe'sâ¦His name's Frederico. I call him Freddie. His dunny's actually out back, you know like an outhouse. In the cold like this he gets up and pisses in his washbasin. Shit.'
Tyan is scanning my face. It's illuminated like his own.
âI'd forgotten about that.'
He means my injuries. I'd forgotten them too.
âYou were saying you shot someone.'
A small wail as he remembers.
âYeah, nowâ¦Now, this is secret. You got to promise not to tell anyone.'
I go to say, âI promise,' but Tyan doesn't give me the chance, just keeps on talking. My promise is assumed.
âI went over there and I was absolutely pissed. I went over to this place in Altona and I knock on the door and this cunt opened the door and I showed him my badge. I mean, I
showed
it to him.
And
I told
him my name. That'sâ¦That wasâ¦That's whatâ¦was the big mistake. But I told him and I asked him if he was Malcolm Lau and he saidâ¦' Tyan scowls, trying to recall. âHe saidâ¦words to the effect of
Fuck off
.'
His expression is one of shock, like it's hard to believe that someone might resent a late-night visit from a drunk police officer.
âAnd he toddles off and disappears inside and
I
don't know what the fuck he's doing so I follow himâ¦him in. And I see him. He's opening the drawer, in this desk sort of thing that's in theâ¦inside theâ¦Now, you imagine you're me. What do you think? What's the drawer he's opening forâ¦in there?'
âI don't know. A phone?'
âHey?'
âTo call the police.'
âI
am
the police.'
âYeah, butâ'
âI thought he was going for a weapon, didn't I? And I drew on him and told him to raise his hands. And I said it loud and clear. And he didn't raise his hands. I mean, his hand was
in
the drawer. He just fuckingâ¦'
Tyan's eyes drop to his alcohol.
âHe didn't raise his hands. So I fired. Got him in the guts and he went out like a light.'
He rotates his empty glass against the table.
âSo I go over to him, to get a look at the wound, because I don't know, maybe I just fucking grazed him. But I didn'tâ¦Butâ¦'
He breaks off. More wetness in the red pits of his eyes. His voice rises in pitch: âYou can guess.'
âGuess?'
Tyan wipes his nose with his wrist.
âHe didn't have the scar. The appendixâ¦The one I told youâ¦'
I sit back in my chair.
Tyan says, âI had an old address. The LEAP record was wrong⦠the wrong addressâ¦This isâ¦I found this out later. And the stupid bastardâ¦It wasâ¦I mean, it was his fucking wallet. In the fucking drawer. Lung Yeung. That was his name. Why didn't heâ¦? When I told himâ¦'
âWas he dead?'
âNotâ¦No. He was out, but he was breathing, blood pissingâ¦'
âWhat did you do?'
The eyes widen, like that's a hell of a question. He exposes to me their full colour and convolution. The light flicks off next door: Freddie heading back to bed. In the dark I'm left with that image of Glen Tyan. Despairing and wretched.
âWhat I did,' he says, âwas fuckingâ¦He was fucking fucked up. I mean, I could tell. And I had thisâ¦thought.'
The bottle is mostly finished. He pours what's left into his glass. A generous portion but maybe not for him. Then he stands up, holding his drink. The chair almost tips but it doesn't.
âSomeone heard the shot, right? I mean they had to. So probably there are copsâ¦other copsâ¦coming. They were
coming
. And this bastard was still breathingâ¦' He points to an imaginary body on the floor. âHasâ¦had seen my face. Seen my badge. Fucking
knew
my
name
. So I'm
fucked
.'
He stumbles confidently to the centre of the room.
âBut I can't fucking shoot him again, can I? If he's on the floor.'
A thumb and forefinger rise up, aimed at the imaginary innocent victim bleeding on his kitchen lino.
âI can't do a kill shot. That's fucking murder. The physical evidenceâ¦spatterâ¦exit woundâ¦bullet lodged in the fucking carpet. That's not self-defence. That's a fucking
execution
. I can't bullshit out anyâ¦out of that. That's fucking prison and fucking good night nurse.'
He throws his arms in the air as if to say,
What a quandary!
Still holding the pretend gun in one hand and his drink in the other.
âSo what I did isâ¦' The gun hand shakes at me to get my attention. Like he doesn't already have that. âWhat I did is, in his kitchenâ¦'
Tyan rattles open his own kitchen drawer and takes something out and I can't see at first but then the hall light catches on it, flashes a reverse silhouette right into my retina.
âGot a knife,' Tyan says, crafty. âLike this. Put it in his hand, got his prints on it.'
He lays the knife on the floor, gets awkwardly to his knees,
seemingly administering to a wounded man. With rapid movements, he points to the window.
âI shut all the blinds and the curtains. And I got his mobile and I fucking trousered that. And I locked all the doorsâ¦' He stops, as if puzzled, then switches back to his excitement: âWhatâ¦The plan was, was to climb out a fuckingâ¦window. Ditch the phone. So when the coppers got there I'd sayâ¦' Another shocking belch, but he continues without noticing. ââ¦there was an armed man in the house. You understand?'
âSure.' But not really.
With wordless pain Tyan gets back to his feet, limps left and right, restoring his knees.
âWhen the coppers got thereâ¦it's not like they'd go in the fucking door and find him and get him on a fucking gurney. It's calledâ¦' His hand flaps. âProtocolâ¦Something Protocol. They have to get Siege Response on the line, get them to show up, evacuate the neighbours, cut off the mobileâ¦the fuckingâ¦coverage. Get a command centre.' âButâ¦if he's the only one in thereâ'
â
They
don't
know
that,' Tyan declares, face shining with ingenuity. âI tell themâ¦I was just waved down by this arsehole who fucking⦠tried to
cut
me. Iâ¦I tellâ¦I fired my gun but I don't know if I got him. Don't know if he's got a
gun
. Don't
know
who else's inside. There could be hostages. There could be fucking
kids
inâ¦inâ¦soâ¦right⦠by the time they've gone through the fuckingâ¦
Critical Incident
!' He claps his hands Eureka. â
That's
what it's fuckingâ¦Critical Incident Protocol. Once they've gone through all thatâ¦and they can't raise him on the phoneâ¦' He's laughing now. âBy the time they kick in the fucking doors, he's succumbed. And there's no one to say I'm bullshitting.'
Tyan stands with his arms out, begging me to appreciate.
âSoâ¦' I say. âThat's what happened?'
This appears to be the wrong question. Tyan scowls, drinks, peeks into the glass, drinks again to finish it.
âNah. He was dead.'
He puts the glass on the table. All that energy abandons him. Invisible and silent. He points to the invisible and silent dead body.
âRight there on the floor. It was a cracker of an idea, but. Wish I had the chance to try andâ¦I was going to do it. But he justâ¦he died. He just fucking died. So I left. Fuck all to do but cut and run. So that'sâ¦'
Tyan's shoulders turn sharply and his body follows, swings over to the sink, rests with his back to me.
âShouldn't of told you, I s'pose,' Breathing heavy, distress returning to his voice. âBut you wanted to know how come I quit the force.'
47
It's the kind of memory that
would
get you weeping in the dark, drinking a whole bottle of something, hankering to spew the awfulness out to whoever. It makes me think of the confession Piers never made. To me, in the prison yard at Severington. It's what that would have been like.
âDid they know it was you?'
When he turns back the alcohol tears are there. He's wiped some away but more glint on his cheek.
âCouldn't prove it,' he says with a calming breath. âThey knew. I meanâ¦It was a fucking mess. He was shot with a cop gun so the sergeant had to test themâ¦to test them all. I had to say I lost mine. Like a fucking school kid. Wrote up an incident report and everything. And they guessed what I done. Howâ¦with the wrong address. But that was it. But they knew.'
âSo they fired you.'
He squirms.
âDeputy-Com got the word out I should resign. I could have fucking fought them. Fought back. They didn't want itâ¦publicly⦠But I was so fucked upâ¦'
His head lowers, watches his toes tap gently on the floor.
âHis name was Lung Yeung.'
At the pronouncement of that name he's overcome with a full-throated sob. Hands grip the bench behind him and his shoulders and belly shudder with startling energy and a yawning comes from his mouth because he's feeling pain like nothing I thought he was capable of.
In between the awesome heaves he howls words I don't understand.
What do I do? Do I go to him? What are you supposed to do with a weeping father?
In the dark I can see his mouth locked wide open. The silhouette shakes and tips and the power of his suffering echoes against these old walls.
â
I wish I could tell himâ¦I fucked upâ¦I'm sorry.
'
He needs both hands to wipe at his face, manages a growl that appears to be an attempt to pull himself together.
âAll my mates, they all turned their back. Fucking coppers. They love you when you're working. But once you fuck upâ¦'
He comes at me from the sink. I startle back. But Tyan only picks up the empty bottle, doesn't see the fear.
âIt's like with the poor bastards with PSâ¦PSTâ¦' He can't say it, thinks hard. âFucking abandoned. Same as me. And all of a fucking sudden I'm just sitting around.' He jabs at his surroundings with the bottle.
This observation strikes a nerve. Between his teeth he says, âAnd sitting around and sitting around.'
He slams the bottle into a plastic garbage bin. The shatter distorts in my ears.
âEven now,' he stares down into that different kind of wreckage. âThe way they look at me. Like at Harry's retirement the other night.'
I remember Hugh Bretzanitz, the cop I interviewed. The one who said he didn't think of Tyan as the laughing stock other cops did, but who smiled anyway when Tyan's name came up.
He rouses himself, resumes his slumped position at the sink.
âBut this time. They won't even think of Lung Yeung. This time they'll beâ¦They'll ask themselves if they could even do what I did. They'll say it was a mistake, me leaving the force. I'll shove it right up them.' His eyes come to me, drawn and sobering.
âI'm tired,' he says, and pushes himself from the sink, finds a fraught equilibrium, staggers in short steps towards the hall.
Rudy and Tyan. Both as fucked up as each other. Riddled with guilt and crazy enough to believe that killing someone will make it go away.
âWe've still got a problem,' I say. My own voice is hoarse, dried up from listening. âWe don't know what Rudy is thinking. After last night, anything's possible.'
And after tonight at Beth's, anything else is, too.
âYou've got to find out.'
âI can't go and see him, if that's what you think. He might flip out again. I suppose I could call himâ'
His shuffling steps reach the hall, don't slow down.
âGive him aâ¦a fuckingâ¦a peace offering. It's hard to go off on someone who gives you aâ¦gives you something.'
âOkay. But even thenâ'
âAnd listenâ¦What you said this morning. You're right. We need something on Rudy.'
âWhat?'
But he's left the room. I wait for him to come back. Give it about ten seconds. Then I ease out of my chair and follow.
The small hallway is properly lit. On the wall is a clock carved out of wood: two whittled topless Thai girls hold up the clock face, their skirts made of real straw that protrudes like the beard of a scarecrow. Three past midnight.
The bedroom screams Single Older Gentleman. Poking out of a drawer in the dresser is the corner of a magazine; I assume a dirty magazine, if they still make those. The bed is piled with old-fashioned blankets, no doona. Tyan's carcass is sprawled across them, his eyes shut.
âWe need somethingâ¦Something that proves what he's planning.' âWhat about when he comes hereâ¦' I say this to a man who, to look at him, must be asleep. âWon't
that
prove what he's planning?'
âSomething more,' he murmurs, perhaps already dreaming. âA fucking clincher.'
âLike what?'
He says nothing. He is still. I raise my voice.
âLike what, do you think?
Nothing. Then a breezy bagpipes snore ruffles his nose.
On the clothes horse by the dresser there's a tattered quilt that I shake out, place over him. It won't keep him warm for long but it's
the most I can do short of hiring a sumo wrestler to get him under the blankets.
One last look before I go home: Tyan a sleeping child, his hair flopped away like a tiny toupee for his pillow, his mouth relaxed agog and his whiskery eyebrows twitching gently. So fragile I almost can't leave him like this.
But I do, switch off the bedroom light. Keep the hall light on. When I get home I find that someone has broken into my flat.