Blessed by Sapphires (A Dance with Destiny Book 2) (44 page)

“Angels are different. You look at the Vanir and equate us with Angels, most people would. But Angels are not so easily defined. They are created for a specific purpose. They will look and act the way that purpose requires them to. Look at it this way. Angels aren’t a race, as you want to believe. Angels, or the word Angel, could best be understood as a rank or class of being, more than a race of beings.”

“But they… we, I… are born and love and marry and birth, do we not? That is most definitely a race, a group of my kind.”

“To be honest, I have never heard of an Angel marrying and loving and birthing. You alone are my proof in that, for I have never known a woman Angel before. It is as I have told you, Angels are hard to describe, at least in our limited speech. Vanir are extremely perceptive and we can read things and sense things most people cannot. Angels are even more so. They cannot only read and sense things on a different level, they can communicate on a different level as well. Angels
feel
on an exaggerated plane, especially with other Angels. And that causes them to just
know
. Does that make any sense?”

“Yes, it does, sort of. I felt that once. It was almost like being hooked into a whole bunch of minds at the same time. Everything was clearer, brighter, so much more magical. And the way I felt each emotion… it was so intense, almost overwhelming. Every emotion, every feeling was amplified. The good ones
and
the bad ones. All of them were what I called at the time, truly experienced. It was like a cloud of haze had been lifted from my mind. It was terrifyingly wonderful.”

“You felt that?”

“Yes.”

“In hell?”

“Yes. But I didn’t know it was hell,” I protested.

“It wasn’t because you were in hell, my love. It was because you were so close to many of your own kind. You
tapped
into them.” Varick rubbed my belly and seemed to speak to it instead of me. “It will always be like that for you now. You will always be near other Angels.”

“Varick?”

“Yes?”

“I told Vittorio I think I should raise my baby by myself. He thought it would be better to raise him among friends. I’m not sure now. What do you think?”

“You name the child him. How can you tell?”

“No. It just came out like that. I guess I assume he will be a little Vindicus.”

“He or she will be whatever you make him to be. Baby Angels are rare indeed. I have never known of one. But any child, no matter its origin, becomes a creature of its environment. Teach it love, and it loves. Teach it hate, and it hates. I will make sure they know what love is.” He smiled. “I
am
the chosen Guardian, after all.”

I laughed. “You name yourself Guardian? By whose authority?”

“God’s.”

“Do you jest? When was this divine appointment made? And is the mother to have no say in it?”

“You aren’t the only one who was given a message from the light the day Vittorio was healed, Jenevier. I was blessed as well.”

Varick’s long hair draped over my body as he leaned down to kiss my stomach. I couldn’t resist the shiny strands.

“I love your hair.”

“And I love you.”

He never looked up at me. He just laid his beautiful head upon me as I twirled the silver strands through my fingers.

There was a light knock at the door. Vinika came in and handed us each a folded parchment.

“The messenger came again,” she said.

I looked at the paper in Varick’s hand. “The messenger brought one for him, too?” My brow was furrowed in disbelief. “But… Varick doesn’t go on summonses.”

“Of course he does,” Vinika said. “It is rare, yes. But he is always called upon when all the
worst
things happen.”

“You mean all the
best
things,” Vareilious said as he came in and fell across the bed, snatching my summons. “For
this
one to spread his royal wings…” He motioned with his head toward Varick. “…it must be something truly amazing, to be sure. Varick gets to have all the fun. It’s not fair.” He tossed my summons back at me. “But you’ll soon see what I mean.” He nodded to the folded paper now lying on my chest. “The two of you have been paired up. Seems your talents are needed on layer eight.”

Vinika read my parchment and smiled. “Paris, huh? I bet we’ll not be getting a play-by-play back from this one.” She winked at me.

“Lucky dog.” Vareilious snorted as he bounded off the bed and left the room, still mumbling, “Some people are so clueless… never thankful for the gifts they don’t deserve…”

Chapter 51

Syadar

(sye
-Ā
-darr)

In between the many summonses I received during that time, I secretly sought out Angels. I say secretly only because everyone warned me away from them. I would have had to endure constant scoldings from my much older
siblings
if they knew what I was up to.

Even Vindicus warned me about them. And he was an Angel, albeit fallen. Actually, the only
real
Angels I’d known were the fallen kind. What does that say about me?

I quit returning to Vanahirdem immediately upon the completion of my missions. Instead, I tarried and snooped about the layers. Searching for Angels, yes. But I was also taking in some amazing sights, discovering just a few of the wondrous secrets this universe of ours holds.

*****

While skipping through the clouds over Ashgard, I stumbled upon a curious sight which caused me to do a double-take. I happened to be over the palace in Wrothdem when a glistening figure caught my eye. I snuck in closer and hid.

“Will you return to me on the morrow?”

“If it is possible I will return, yes, even if it’s only for a moment.”

“I lose focus and err in my duties when it has been more than a day since I’ve been blessed with your smile. Do not cause me to fail in my role as King, my love.”

“You would blame your inadequacies on
me
? You would place all your faults upon
my
shoulders?”

“I would, dearest one. Can you shoulder your great responsibility to these people?”

She laughed softly. “With
your
arms about me, I could shoulder the world.”

“Then come back inside. Let me caress you once more. Let me worship your beauty the way only
I
can.”

“I will return soon, I promise. If I stay away much longer, my brothers and sisters will question me concerning my absence.”

“While we’re on the subject of your ethereal family, how does Vittorio fare?”

“He is well. I believe he’s a better man now,
and
a better Guardian. For the first time in ages, he loves someone more than himself.” She chuckled softly. “It’s sad though. Yet, he seems happier and more complete than I can ever remember him being before.”

“Love is an amazing thing. It can heal as easily as it can kill.”

“Yes, you say it true. I watch him when he thinks no one’s looking. He stares at her… his eyes just dance.”

“How is she? How does Jenevier seem these days?”

Vinika sighed and looked down. “She’s lost. Don’t ever tell her I said this, but… I cry for her. She is surrounded by people who love her. Yet, she is alone.”

“How so, my love?”

“My brothers would tear each other’s wings off just to gain her favor. Vareilious has a void inside him he tries to fill with everything imaginable—”

“But nothing ever fills it. It’s bottomless,” Merodach interrupted her. “And only love will make him whole once more.”

“Yes, exactly. But he will be satisfied with no love, save hers.”

“That’s what I used to believe as well. Look at me now. Never have I been so happy, and never have I known such love. You healed me, Vinika. And Vareilious will be healed one day as well.”

“In this thing, I must agree with you. He is a strong warrior, but a playful child. He will come across a maiden who will steal his heart with but a glance. He’ll never see it coming. Yet he will be gloriously happy one day. I feel that in my soul. She will be the luckiest girl in the universe… I only hope she realizes it. I can’t use such warm words for Varick and Vittorio. They’re different.”

“How so? They are immortal, are they not? They will meet many amazing women throughout the centuries.”

Vinika laughed. “Yes, they will. And they won’t see a single one of them. Their perfect mate could walk up and plop right down in their laps. They’d never even notice.”

“Sad words made even sadder with the telling.” Merodach paused. “Three beautiful creatures, perfect in every way, lost and alone… even when together.”

“‘Tis true, my love. They all play at being happy. Varick is all duty and responsibility. He smiles and bows and dotes upon her. She can’t see how shattered he is inside. And he would never let her know, not
ever
. As long as he thinks she’s happy, he’ll just continue along, not wanting to rock the boat. If he thought any other being in the universe would please her, he would move heaven and hell to bring this man to her. Just so he could see her smile. His heart would turn to granite. Yet he would do it a thousand times over… if it would make her happy.”

“And Vittorio, what of him? Can he not give his heart to another?’

“Vittorio is different. You see, he already moved heaven and hell.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I said about Varick, giving her to another man?”

“Yes?”

“Well, Vittorio already has. He gave her back to Varick. It would have been so easy for him to let the two of them go on hurting each other, always misunderstanding the other. The rift they were making themselves would have eventually become too great a tear to mend. Yet, he spoke plain with them both. Opened their stubborn eyes, sent them running back into each other’s arms.”

“Then he’s a better man than I could ever be.”

“There’s none like Vittorio. He is a one-of-a-kind treasure,” Vinika said with a smile.

“How does he handle their relationship?”

She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. “He pretends not to notice it. He still proclaims his undying love and devotion to her daily. But he never presses her. It’s an odd thing to behold. Vittorio acts as if he and Jenevier are a married couple, minus the sleeping arrangements.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s hard to explain. He comes to her home every morning and again before she goes to sleep. He takes most of his meals with her and Varick. He always fixes her hair and tells her about his day. He sits with her upon the lounge and massages her feet while she reads to him or tells him stories from her youth. She’s the very first person he goes to when he returns from a mission, and he never fails to bring her back the most divine treasures he can find. He can make her laugh when no one else can. They understand each other without words, and they share secrets that even the devil himself couldn’t pry from their lips. The only thing they don’t share, is their bed.”

“How does Varick handle this?”

“With regal dignity, as always. I don’t want it to sound as if Vittorio is with her night and day without ceasing. He’s gone much of the time. He is a great warrior and most missions call for his aid. But every free moment he has, he gives to her. Varick is a judge. His duties lie mostly within the city. Rarely does he have to go on missions, so he’s by her side every moment of every day. Vittorio pops in and out. Let us not forget. Jenevier is the executioner. Many summonses contain her name and she is ever eager to leave. When she is home, she takes long walks in the forest. I believe she does this so she can be alone to think. But I don’t know for sure. She no longer shares her thoughts with me. She prefers to stay within her own mind, it seems.”

“So… she lives with Varick as husband and wife?”

“Hardly. Perhaps their souls are married in some strange way. I know not their true bond. But they do not share a bed. Jenevier sleeps alone… Jenevier
is
alone. It is as I said before. She is surrounded by people who love her, yet she is most definitely alone.”

“It’s all my fault. My curse is what changed her entire world, left her adrift on an infinite sea of misery. I will burn for what I have done to that faultless maiden.”

“I will not lie to you, my love. I used to feel the same way about things. But not anymore. It’s not simply because I now love you. It’s because… she’s
different
somehow. She is a different person, a different creature. Between you and me, Merodach, I don’t believe she’s even human.”

“Perhaps… Perhaps she never was.”

I could not bear to hear another word. I turned from the ledge I’d been sitting on, just below the chatting couple, and looked through tear-filled eyes toward the clouds. My wings were heavy with words, heavy with guilt.

I caught the tiniest movement from the corner of my eye. There, in the window of my hiding place, stood Alastyn. I could have simply reached out and been able to touch his tear-stained cheek. His sorrowful gaze was fixed upon me. He had heard every word my sister and his King had spoken. I could only stare back at him and try to blink away the water that blurred him before me. Neither of us moved, nor did we speak. The pity was so evident in his eyes, it seared a new wound upon my soul. My first love, my Alastyn, pitied me, felt sorry for me. It made me nauseous.

I destroy everyone I touch. Vindicus told me true… I’m not meant to be tied to anyone. I am forever alone. If for no other reason than to spare all other hearts the bitter pain I will always bring them.

I disappeared.

*****

I let myself fall out of the clouds. I knew not where, nor did I care. I could see the transporting cloudbank getting smaller and smaller as I neared the ground.

I didn’t try to slow my descent. I simply closed my eyes and waited for the crash.

A passing limb ripped a large gash in my arm. The impact of my inevitable collision caused the ground around me to cave in. There I lay, flat on my back, in a hole of my own making.

How fitting is this? Now, if some kind soul would just push the dirt back in, I would have the perfect grave.

I slowly opened my eyes and beheld silver veins spreading intricately across the spidery leaves of giant trees.

Of course. Why would I have fallen anywhere else? If I am to become a true fallen Angel, this is the very layer where it will happen. I have no doubt of that.

“Are you well? I believe you need to work on that landing just a bit, Ajená.”

“Hello, Syadar. It has been a while, my friend. Do not tarry here speaking with me. Continue on your journey lest you be utterly destroyed. I will always count you as friend if you will just walk away and let me die in peace.”

He laughed that strange purring laugh of his. “Angels do not die, Ajená. They just learn to live through the pain.”

Wow, that was a truly horrible, gut-wrenching thought… learning to live through the pain.

“And what do you know of Angels, Kitty?”

“I know many things, Ajená.” He leapt into my grave beside me. “Have you kept your promise to me and returned for our joining?” He sniffed my injured arm.

“Is this your Month of Joining?”

“It is.” He licked at the bleeding wound.

“Forgive me, Syadar. I am already with child. I cannot bear you a cub this time.”

“Fret not, little flower. There will be many more to come. You gave me claim to
all
of your joinings, remember?” He purred. “Once you have experienced it, Ajená, you will regret all the ones you have missed.”

I half giggled, despite myself.

“If you are with child, why did you let yourself fall? Do you not care for the babe?”

I sat up quickly as my hands went to my still flat stomach. “Oh dear God, what was I thinking? I’m so stupid and selfish. I will be a horrible mother.”

“Yes, it seems you will. It looks as if I shall have to raise all our cubs by myself. But I may have trouble with the nursing part.” He rubbed his silky fur up against me.

I giggled again. “Are you never serious?”

He stopped licking my wound. I turned to find the beautiful chocolate cat was gone, and the lovely brown man was staring at me.

“Ajená?”

“Yes, Syadar.”

“Why do you hate yourself?”

“I don’t hate…” I sighed and let my shoulders drop. “I don’t know.”

“I believe you do. Your problem isn’t
being loved
. Is it, Ajená?”

“No, my friend.
Being loved
is definitely
not
my problem.”

“No, your problem is in loving yourself. So actually, you have no problem at all, Ajená.”

I laughed. “And just how do you come by such reasoning?”

“Byzanthians all love each other. We are all connected. We are all family. There is no jealousy, no strife, no broken hearts, no lost loves. We love who we’re with because… we love who we are.”

“How do you handle that, Syadar? It sounds truly amazing. But, how can you choose a woman to birth your cubs… when she has birthed cubs for your brother, or your best friend, or your worst enemy?”

“We don’t have enemies here, Ajená. But I understand what you’re asking and I have already answered it. We love who we’re with. That’s how we’re made. If I am with a woman today, I will love her with every piece of me, with my whole essence. She will feel my admiration, how much I cherish her. She will feel my sincere love and she will return it to me a hundred fold. How can that ever be a bad thing?”