Blind Ice (Razors Ice Book 5) (14 page)

“What, so I can be just like
him
? You want me to leave so you can prove I’m a scumbag like he is? Well, that’s not going to happen.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Me? Why am I…” He trailed off with a mumble of incoherent words. “I’m not doing anything. I’m the one sitting here showing you I have feelings for you and you want me to walk out on you so you don’t have to admit you’ve fallen for me.”

Her hand fluttered up to cover her beating heart. He wasn’t supposed to develop these kinds of feelings for her. “No, Gabe, you can’t. Do yourself a favor and leave before… Just go! You don’t want this. You don’t want to hold yourself back with someone like me. You deserve better than this. You deserve
more
.”

Even though they had just technically “met” in person, she could say these things to him because they’d known each other for far longer than a few days. And Julia had never been one to sugar coat things anyway. Life was too damn short for that kind of nonsense.

“I think I deserve a say in what it is that I want,” he said. “And I say I want you. I’m not leaving. If you’re so
disabled
then you won’t even notice I’m here.”

Oh, she would notice all right. She could smell his skin. Could hear his breathing. Could feel his presence and the way he made every one of her nerve endings stand at attention.

“Fine,” she huffed. “If you insist on being stubborn.”

“Hey, I can be just as stubborn as you.”

Great. Now they had established that no one was going anywhere.

“C’mon, Julia.” His voice softened. “I don’t want to fight with you. I only have two days left and I don’t want to waste them this way.”

“I’m sorry,” she said weakly.

“Me, too.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re so tense,” he said, rubbing knots from her shoulders.

Because she was afraid.

Not only was she afraid that he would love her, but that he would leave her afterwards. She wouldn’t know how to pick up the pieces that kind of heartbreak would shatter and leave behind. She was strong—she’d always had to be—but not
that
strong.

There she went, thinking too far ahead, putting worry into a situation that didn’t warrant it. Gabe wouldn’t hurt her on purpose.

But, she thought with a heavy sigh, he would hurt her all the same.

Chapter Sixteen

Love is Blind

“Would you stay at a hotel with me tonight?” Gabe asked Julia. He sounded hopeful. “We can sleep late and order room service and raid the mini bar.”

Julia didn’t answer right away and he was afraid she might say no.

“You can bring Shamus and there’ll be enough room for all of us on the king-sized bed.”

She nodded. “I’d like that.”

While Gabe loaded his duffel bag in the car, Julia carefully packed her overnight bag. She hadn’t filled her wardrobe with sexy items like satin negligées and lacy underwear, but somehow she didn’t think Gabe would mind what she was wearing once they reached the hotel.

She made sure to bring plenty of food for Shamus and that Cassidy’s feeder was full of food and water.

It was the first night she’d ever stayed away from her apartment, but the idea sounded exciting. She knew what this night would bring. She knew why Gabe had invited her to a hotel. It was time and she was tired of fighting it.

Their week together had been leading up to this moment. She could only prepare herself so much and hoped he knew how much courage it took for her to put her heart on the line like this.

“Are you ready to go?” He came up behind her and kissed her neck.

An electric shiver shimmied down her spine. “Yes.”

Gabe’s time in Red Valley was drawing to a close and he would be going back to Chicago tomorrow. She wasn’t ready for him to leave yet, but the sooner she accepted the situation, the better. The miles between California and Illinois told her they weren’t meant to be together, not long-term anyway. But she would let herself indulge in this one night of recklessness. Maybe it would be enough to get her through the next thousand years or so until she was too old to care that she was alone.

It wasn’t like she needed the extra thrill of making love with him in an unfamiliar place like a hotel. It was that she knew it would be a fleeting moment and that he would be returning to Chicago afterwards. She couldn’t live with the memories that being with him in her own bed would create long after he was gone. She knew the moment she let him make love to her in her own bed with Shamus and Cassidy curled up around them, there would be no letting him go again. A hotel was neutral ground and right now that was a welcomed thing. Especially with the way her heart was traversing over uneven, unfamiliar territory.

“I reserved us a nice suite,” he told her in the car.

It doesn’t matter, she wanted to tell him. She couldn’t see it anyway.

They didn’t say much to each other during the ride to the hotel. Shamus sat in the back seat of the rental car, happy as a clam, his head hanging out the window, his big tail thumping on the upholstered seats.

Inside the hotel elevator, Julia prepared herself for the whoosh that would bring them to the room.

“Have you ever been kissed in an elevator, Julia?”

“N—”

Before she could finish, Gabe was cupping her neck and pressing his lips to hers. The sensation of the rising elevator combined with his kiss was incredible.

His mouth was gentle on hers as if he was afraid she might break. When she took the initiative to deepen the kiss, a primal sound rumbled from deep inside his chest and he tightened his grip on her neck. He pulled her hard against him and crushed his mouth to hers.

The sensation of being lifted into the air by the elevator coupled with the feel of Gabe’s tongue made Julia feel weightless. It sure as hell made for a sensational climb to the twenty-sixth floor.

His hand snaked a path up the back of her neck where he fisted his hand into her hair. Every hair follicle zinged at the sensation and she stood on tiptoe to meet his kiss. She could taste the need there, just beneath the deep friendship they had developed and nurtured. Even as he plundered her mouth, she sensed he was still holding something back. Something dark and dangerous that would devour them both whole if it were to be freed.

Just as she felt herself becoming drunk on his desire, the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival. The elevator came to a stop and Gabe released her as the doors slid open.

He reached out and smoothed her hair where his eager hands had tousled it and she caught his hand in hers. With fingers laced together, they began the long walk down the empty corridor in search of room 489.

Inside the room, Gabe informed Julia where the furniture was placed around the room. “The bed is along the left wall and the bathroom is to the right.”

“Thank you. Do you mind if I feed Shamus? It’s his dinner time.”

“Not at all.”

She felt around inside her bag and came out with his food. Then she removed his harness so that he could get comfortable while he was off duty.

Gabe took one of the bowls from her and filled it up with water.

Shamus gulped down his food and settled at the foot of the bed where he wouldn’t budge for the rest of the evening.

“What else do you have in there?” Gabe asked. He was standing close to her again, but somehow not close enough.

Julia felt herself blush. “Panties and a toothbrush. You know, all of the third date essentials. What floor is this?”

“The twenty-sixth.”

“I bet you have a great view.”

He stood close to her, their elbows touching. “This room overlooks the river.”

He started to describe the scenery below and the color of the leaves on the trees and the flow of the traffic, but she stopped him with a kiss. She didn’t need to know what was going on outside. There was enough going on inside her head that needed to be processed. She was falling in love with Gabe and he was leaving town tomorrow night.

She took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. She had ideas of seducing him, but the way they came together so equally and so longingly, there wasn’t anything left to convince him of. He came to her willingly and wholly and she sighed when she felt him move above her on the crisp white sheets.

She lifted her hand to his face and traced his features. Forehead, the ridge of his brows, the bridge of his nose, temples, the curve of his ear, collarbones, upper arms, elbows, wrist, hands, fingers, ridged fingernails. She trailed her fingers across his jaw, down his neck and over his shoulders.

She waited for his touch and when he cupped her face in his palm, she sighed with pleasure.

Gabe thought he’d be nervous, hindered by the fact that she could only navigate by touch, but touch was all they needed when they were alone in the dark. Touch, smell and taste. The sensations crashed around them and pushed them toward pleasure.

He tasted her innocence, her need, her passion matched only by his own. Fingertips glided over smooth, taut skin and explored, eliciting moans of pleasure, groans of release.

Senses heightened, Julia absorbed everything. The sound of her name on Gabe’s lips, the beat of his heart beneath her ear, the whoosh of his breath, in and out of his lips as he kissed her into oblivion. Breathy sighs, guttural moans…

The taste of his tongue as it plunged into her mouth, teasing her with the taste of desire. The smell of his skin and hair, clean and fresh, unique only to him.

Julia memorized his face and body through her fingertips, tracing every curve, every slope. Her mouth traveled over his body, teasing him with hot, moist breath.

Even when she was forced to only feel, she trusted him. Completely. She trusted him with her body, her feelings. And her heart.

When she touched him, tracing his body with her fingertips, he clutched tight to his control and vowed not to lose himself too early. Her hands fluttered over his skin, teasing, testing, tempting every last drop of control. His teeth ground together, desperate to ward off an early climax. She deserved more from him. He had waited months for this moment and wouldn’t squander it away in a mindless rush. He took time to savor every inch of her soft, fragrant skin. She deserved to be worshipped and pleasured and loved. She deserved everything.

He couldn’t wait any longer and yet he wanted it to last forever. If he could somehow stretch this moment out over the next fifty years he’d be happy and would never ask for anything ever again.

Down her shoulders, to her arms, and up her waist and over her breasts. Over and over he stroked her until she was straining against him, arched and ready to receive him completely.

Lingering at her breasts, he drew out her nipples until they were tight buds, begging to be suckled and plucked with teasing fingertips. He traveled back up to her face and kissed the throaty moans from her lips.

He had wondered if something would feel amiss when she couldn’t gaze into his eyes, into the windows of his heart while he moved within her. But tonight he didn’t need her to look into his eyes to know what was inside of his heart. The message was conveyed loud and clear with the gentleness of his touch and the urgency of his kiss.

In the dark there were no distractions. Nothing to do but feel and taste. Give and take, take and give. The equal exchange created even more need, building up their desire until they gasped for oxygen, swallowing each other’s breath, swallowing it down and savoring the fullness.

Gabe let instinct guide him and in no time he had her arching off the bed, ravaged with pleasure.

She couldn’t wait any longer. She begged him
please
. For what, she didn’t really know. For he’d already given her everything. And she’d greedily taken it, gobbling up every last kiss and caress. He seemed to know what she was begging for because when he slid into her, long and hard, the begging ceased and she was made speechless by the feel of him filling her so completely and so deliciously.

When he began to move inside her, slow and deliberate, she moaned with every new and delicious sensation. It was so wonderful that she felt weightless and heavy at the same time, thinking she must be floating over the bed and freefalling in an elevator at the same time.

He took his time and drew out every kiss until she was gasping for air. Even though he anchored her to the bed with his body, she still felt like she was hovering midair somewhere between heaven and paradise. She clutched at the sheets, at his arms, his shoulders, desperately searching for purchase, not knowing where to grab to hold on for sweet, dear life.

When he couldn’t hold back any longer, Gabe let himself fly and met her up in the clouds where they both soared until falling back down to earth and collapsing into each other’s arms.

* * *

Gabe looked out the hotel window and at the river down below. Julia was still asleep in the bed behind him and he enjoyed the soft sound of her breathing.

She was incredible. Even more amazing than he thought he already knew.

Julia Kapowski was more beautiful than any woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Her skin was dewy and flushed from where his stubble had scraped her the night before. Her short hair was tousled, lips pink and slightly parted as she slept…

He had the urge to tell her how beautiful she looked lying there in the morning light, still sleepy from their night of limited sleep, but he didn’t. She lived in a world without outer beauty and he needn’t compliment her on the superficial. He only needed to make her
feel
the beauty of it. To make her feel that she was indeed as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.

His week in Red Valley had made a lot of things clear in his life and had made others murky. The clarity he had gained about the woman in the bed behind him was expected and welcomed. The past year they’d spent talking over the phone had been the jumping off point for a beautiful relationship and now he knew he hadn’t imagined the chemistry between them. It was clear to him that she played an even bigger role in his life than he had realized before. And the thought of
leaving her
caused every molecule in his body to vehemently protest.

And then came the murky part. Returning to The Windy City alone didn’t appeal to him in the slightest. But he couldn’t ask her come with him. To uproot her entire life to move to an unfamiliar place where she had no friends and no family was out of the question. He
wanted
to ask her just so he didn’t have to endure a single night without her, but he wouldn’t. She had everything she needed here in Red Valley and no matter how much he loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to give that up. It wouldn’t be fair for her to sacrifice so much.

Gabe had a job to do in Chicago. To create something that would help people like her. And he would continue to do it and hope it was enough to fill the void that leaving her and being without her would create.

* * *

Julia emerged from sleep with the remnants of the most incredible dream tugging at her memory. She’d been with Gabe, their bodies melding together as one, fingers clasped together, tongues dancing. It had been a beautiful symphony of all five senses.

While she waited for the remnants of the dream to fizzle away, she became aware of her surroundings. She wasn’t in her own bed, but a giant king-sized one with sheets that had a much higher thread count than hers at home did. The pillow was firmer than she was used to, as was the mattress. Shamus’s steady, familiar breathing came from the floor next to her.