Blinding Trust (12 page)

Chapter 15

Savanna

The weekend went by so slow. My parents had me and the girls over for dinner Saturday and we all went to church on Sunday. Colt called as often as he could, but it seemed like Zeke was keeping them busy. I’d hoped that Noah would want to talk to me, but Colt never mentioned it, so neither did I.

When the girls would fall asleep, I cried until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. As hard as it was for me to accept, I knew that I was losing what we once shared. Our bond had been broken by something so small. It made me wonder if he ever truly loved me.

I thought back to that day when he came into our life. I could have walked away, but my heart told me to stay. I was feeling like this was so much worse than any kind of breakup with a lover. This was a deeper kind of heartbreak; the kind you never got over.

When
Monday morning came around, I was physically and mentally exhausted. It was a good thing that Colt’s mom offered to take them on a girl’s day. She picked them up at nine and the house was finally quiet.

I started straightening up when I heard my phone ringing. The number on the ca
ller ID said it was my doctor’s office. Immediately, my stomach started to hurt. I picked up the phone with shaky hands.

Hello?

Is this Savanna Mitchell?

Yes, it is.

This is Kay from Doctor Wellington’s office. He’d like you to come in to talk about the results of your mammogram. Are you available tomorrow morning at nine?

Yes.

I will pencil you in. We’ll see you tomorrow at nine.

When I hung up the phone, I kept telling myself not to panic, but I wasn’t an idiot. Doctors only called you back into the office when the news was bad. My hand went straight to my breast in question. I still felt nothing.

My body sank down on my couch and I just started bawling. A month ago I would have thought that my family could get through anything. Now, with these new developments, I wondered if that was actually possible.

I looked around at the pictures of our family. The one on the coffee table was of the five of us. The kids were all smiling and Colt was looking down at me with a grin on his face. I traced over him.

I didn’t want to think about what the doctor was going to say. I knew what it meant to have a lump in the breast. I also knew that it was a fifty-fifty chance that the results could mean cancer.

I held onto that picture while I continued to cry in the quiet, dark house. It was a good thing that Colt’s mother had the girls, because there just wasn’t anyway I would have been able to keep them occupied without losing it.

I wanted to call Colt, but he already had enough on his plate. Surely my news could wait until he got back. I still didn’t know anything.

I considered calling my mother, but I couldn’t let myself worry her
. This was something that I was just going to have to suck up and handle myself until I knew more.

With the exception of the two hours I got after I had taken a valium, I didn’t sleep at all. How could I, wh
en my life could be on the line? I prayed to God for it to be a mistake in the test. It happens all the time. Surely, I could be the one that it happened to. I was a good wife and mother, and a devoted Christian. Not that anyone deserved to have something wrong with them, but hadn’t I been dealt with enough in my young life already?

I arrived at the doctor
’s office an hour before my appointment. My palms were sweaty and I hated that I was going in all alone. Wasn’t this the type of thing you had a support group for?

The front desk lady must have sensed my eagerness. She went in the back and had the doctor come out to greet me. He opened the door for me to enter into the back. “Savanna. You’re early.”

I felt embarrassed. Didn’t anyone else feel nervous like I did? “Is that a problem?”

“Of course not. We can meet before the first appointment arrives. Come in and sit down.” He walked out of his office and came back in with my chart. Once he sat down in front of me, he opened up the large envelope that contained my mammogram results. While
he pointed to a certain area with his pen, he looked up at me. “This is the lump that I felt during your examination. I was thinking that it was going to be just a pocket of collected tissue. The mammogram shows that it is in fact a mass. It isn’t very big, but any mass can be a concern. I’d like to get you in to have it biopsied this week.”

My mouth just dropped. I got that he wa
s a professional and he did these sorts of things all day, but he did it without emotion. “So, how serious is it? Should I be worried, because I have to tell you, I am scared to death.”

He
fidgeted with his pen. Maybe it was how he separated himself from his patient’s emotional breakdowns. “I can tell you it’s nothing, but right now, we just don’t know. It’s located in a difficult area of the breast and until we get in there and can test it properly, we just don’t know what we are dealing with.”

“Is it too soon to talk about outcomes? Maybe I am jumping the gun, but if it’s…if it’s cancer, what are my options?”

He held both hands up and lifted his brows. “We don’t want to jump the gun here, Savanna. This could be just a growth that won’t put you in any danger. Talking about options before we know anything will only make you worry more. Thousands of women get biopsies and half of them turn out to be nothing.”

I stared down at my shaking hands. “So how do we find out?” My eyes were starting to water
. I got that his job was to be informative and he was used to giving people bad news, but it didn’t make it any easier for me. I was going through this without my husband and dealing with a step-son that may or may not even care if I lived or died.

“I can see if I can get you in to see the oncologist this week. He may just go ahead and do the biopsy without a first appointment. Did you want me to go ahead with that?”

I was too shaken up to answer, so I just nodded and put my head down.

The doctor got up and walked out of the office for a second. I pulled my knees into my chest and the tears started to fall down my face. I thought about my family, in fact, it was all I could think about.

What would happen if I died?

How hard would it be for them to get by without me?

How long would I have to live?

Would they be scared if I lost my hair?

I thought about my girls growing up without a mother.

I was overwhelmed with
hopeless fear.

The doctor
came back into the office to find me an emotional wreck. He sat down and cleared his throat. “Savanna, I realize this is scary. You aren’t alone. Take it day by day until we figure out what’s going on.” He wrote something down in his laptop. “They are going to squeeze you in on Thursday. Can you be there at seven in the morning?”

It was early, but nothing that I wasn’t used to. “Yes.”

“When you walk out stop by the front desk. Kay will give you paperwork that their office faxed over to us. Just take that with you. They’re located in the building behind this one. He knows that I want a rush on the labs. I can’t guarantee that we will have them before the weekend. It usually takes seven days, so I imagine four is a rushed order. If you don’t hear anything before Wednesday next week, just give us a call.”

“Sounds good,” I sniffled through my words.

“Try to not get yourself too upset until we have the next results. This could still be nothing to worry about.”

We said our goodbyes and I grabbed the paperwork, while still crying.

Once I got to the car is when my bawling became uncontrolled. I was petrified. Everyone thinks that it can’t happen to them. The truth is, it could happen to any of us.

I needed to call Colt, but he was with Noah, who would never forgive me if I ruined their trip. Colt would want to come home and be with me through all of this.

I had to do it alone.

I don’t remember dialing the number, but Miranda’s name filled my screen.

The voice on the other line was not the person I wanted to talk to.

Cocksucker’s Anonymous, how may I direct your call?

Ty, can I talk to Miranda?

Are you crying?

No!

Stop lying. I can hear it in your voice.

Is she there or not?

She left her phone home. Stop changing the subject. Did Colt hook up with a groupie? He did, didn’t he?”

No! I have to go.

I hung up the phone before he could say anything else. The last thing I needed was Ty’s two cents.

The phone rang again, but I hit the silent button. By the time I got a mile down the road, he’d rang my phone constantly.

What?

Do you really think that I’m just going to be okay with you hanging up on me when clearly you need to talk to someone?

You
are the last person on the earth that I can talk to this about.

You got warts?

I hung up on him again.

He called my phone non-stop the entire ride home. The worst part was that once I got driving, my Bluetooth connected to my SUV and it rang louder than a regular phone. At least I could hit ignore from my steering wheel.

When I pulled down our long dirt driveway, he was still calling. I’d realized that his shenanigans had actually forced me to stop crying, since I was so annoyed.

I picked up the phone one last time to tell him where he could stic
k it.

If you don’t stop calling me..

How long have we known each other?

Since we were kids, why?

Talk to me, Van. I’ll listen, I promise.

I can’t talk about this, Ty. It’s personal.

I know you. What gives? What could be that bad that you don’t want anyone to know? Are you having an affair?

No! Oh my God, you would think that!

Are you pregnant?

I wish it was something like that
, Ty.

Is it your health?

I shouldn’t have even called Miranda. I don’t want the family knowing this. Please just forget I called. Don’t tell your wife, Ty. It’s best if I keep this to myself.

If you hang up on me, I’m driving out there.
You’re making me worry, now. Please, Van, just tell me you’re going to be alright?

Don’t come here, Ty. I’m going to be fine.

Except, I wasn’t going to be fine.

Once I got back in the house, I crawled into bed and had a sob fest. It wasn’t unusual for me to get emotional about things. It was how I was wired, I guess. The unusual part was this was legitimately a good reason to be breaking down.

A little while later my mother in-law called and asked if she could take my mother and the girls to some doll convention that was a few towns over. Since she was footing the bill and already had them excited, I knew I had to say yes.

I lied and told her I wasn’t home, so that they could come and pack some clothes. Without even putting shoes on, I grabbed my keys and moved my SUV into the garage so they wouldn’t see my car. Like a little kid, I hid in the office with the door locked, so they wouldn’t find me.

I knew that if I saw my two beautiful little girls and my two mothers, I would lose it and the cat would be out of the bag.

They took forever getting their things together for the overnight trip. I could hear the excitement in their voices and I wished that I hadn’t been so selfish so that I could kiss them each goodbye. I love my little princesses so much. Family was always the most important thing in my life.

When the house got quiet, I knew I was in the clear. They had turned on every single light, even though it was daytime. While walking through the house, turning them all back out, I stopped and looked at the pictures on the wall. They were all such happy times that we’d shared together. I imagined them all getting on without me and it crushed my heart even more.

Without considering the time of the day, I put on one of Colt’s t-shirts and climbed into my bed, alone.

After being overwhelmed with anxiety, sleep came fast and I didn’t fight it. I woke to knocking on the front door and looked over at the clock. It said that it was after ten. I’d been asleep for a good eight hours. Just to be proper, I threw on a pair of shorts before walking downstairs.

When I opened up the
door and saw who was standing there, I couldn’t believe it was real. I had to be dreaming.

Chapter 16

Colt

I missed my wife and girls, but I had to admit that I was having a pretty darn good time. Noah was in heaven. After we’d spent the weekend sightseeing and visiting all of Zeke’s favorite places, we spent the next two days lounging around the house.

Zeke and Noah were getting to know each other and it wasn’t half as bad as Savanna and I had imagined.

He and his wife really did live pretty normal lives. Sure, they were filthy rich and surrounded by an entourage of very emo folk, but when we were all alone they were as normal as you could get.

Zeke had told me ahead of time that they were having a get together to celebrate the end of his tour. His other band mate’s wives were taking all the kids to an amusement park and Piper had offered to take Noah. This was another thing that Savanna would have frowned upon, but the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with a bunch of women and kids all day. I just figured I could have the night off from being a guard dog to my son. I’d planned on relaxing for the night, possibly catching a game on television or having a beer by the pool. I never expected to be thrown into a party that could possibly cause me to be a divorced man.

The people didn’t start showing up until after dinner. By that time, the caterers had already set up everything on the first floor and out in the pool area. Alcoholic beverages could be found every ten feet and I appreciated that Zeke and Piper had the
decency to make sure my son wasn’t in the house.

After at least fifty people had showed up, I was sta
rting to realize that the party list didn’t just include band members. Another dead ringer was the fact that slews of half dressed females were pouring in by the minute.

I grabbed a six pack of beer and several mini-sandwiches
and found my way through the crowds, up to my room. The last thing I wanted to do was party with these people. I didn’t even understand how Zeke was doing it, considering he was a recovering addict himself. No wonder it was so difficult for celebrities to kick the habit for good.

Once I got up to my room, I
took my shirt off and got comfortable on the bed, knowing I was going to fall asleep there for the night. I flipped through the channels until I came across the basketball championship game. The series was tied and this game would determine the winner.

I’d watched the whole game, while listening to the crowd of people and music coming from the lower level, but when there was only two minutes left, two giggling broads came barging into my room. I sat up in the bed, looking at them paying me no mind at all. “Hey, this room is taken!”

They looked at each other and giggled. “The more the merrier, right?” They approached me from either side of the bed. I looked down and remembered that I wasn’t wearing a shirt. This was not an invitation like they thought it was. “Seriously, I’m a married man.” I backed myself as far as I could on the bed. They climbed on either side.

“Every man in this house is married. That means nothing, honey.”
In one instant the girl was whipping off her top and kneeling in front of me shirtless.

I wasn’t sure what her friend was doing since I closed my eyes. “You got the wrong idea. I ain’t interested in this type of thing.”

When I felt one of them grabbing my arm, I pushed her away and jumped off the bed. The half naked one just sat there with her hands on her thighs. “Are you gay? The hot ones always are.”

“No! What the hell? I ain’t interested in you because I got a family back home and I don’t think my wife would appreciate me shackin’ up with other women.”

They looked at each other and smiled.

I shook my head and walked out of the room. There was no way I was going to be caught in that type of predicament.

It took a while to find Zeke. He was laying under a canopy with three topless girls around him. “Colt! Did you decide to join the party?”

The naked girls were groping each other, paying me no mind.

“No! I didn’t decide to join in on this nonsense. I was tryin’ to relax in my room when two crazy women busted in. Who has a million dollar home with no locks on the bedroom doors?”

Zeke laughed at me. “Look around you, Colt. This is the high life, man. For once why don’t you sit back and enjoy yourself. Nobody will know!”

I was obviously not getting anywhere with this guy. Apparently, his wife was fine was him being around naked women. I guess that was why he was in those magazines with other women.

“
When are the kids gettin’ back? I don’t want my son seein’ this!”

He ran his hands through one of the blonde girl’s hair. “In the morning. Piper knows to stay away until everyone is gone.”

“You didn’t ask to keep him overnight. Savanna ain’t goin’ to like this.”

“She’s not here, Colt. Come on, dude. Just let yourself unwind. You don’t have
to cheat to have a good time with these ladies.”

“Just give me Piper’s number so I can call my son.” I waited for him to write it down, before walking away from Zeke so I didn’t
put my fist into his face. I couldn’t call Savanna and tell her any of this. She was going to kill me. This was what she’d warned me about.

I got to the far side of the pool area and sat down on a large lounge chair. The party was completely out of hand. Topless women were running all around the pool area and jumping in the water. Guys were getting loud, like they’d had way too much to drink. There was some kind of platform in the center of the pool that some girl was dancing around on. Of course she was topless.
Male and females in the pool were cheering her on to remove her shorts. I shook my head when I watched her shimmy out of them.

I wasn’t a pussy. I’d been to strip clubs and had exotic dancers all over me before. This was different. Once I met Savanna, those days were over for me. I had no interest in being turned on by another woman. She gave me everything I needed.

Knowing that every corner of the house was filled with these types of women, I figured there was no way around it. I grabbed a beer and sat back down in the far corner lounge chair. The dancer danced and the other women ran around naked and fondled each other. It was like every teenage boys wet dream.

I thought about my cousins Ty and Conner and what they would be doing if they were sitting where I was. Without thinking about what I was doing, I pulled out my phone and took a picture of the madness. I sent them both the photo
, with the caption of ‘wish you were here’.

While I was hating it, they’d be so jealous.

The party lasted until five in the morning. The crazy females that had been dancing around and giving the shows, were all passed out around the house. They still weren’t covered up. All I wanted to do was get to my bed and go to sleep. When I got to my room I found the two girls, completely naked, asleep.

“What the fuck?”

It only took me a second to turn back around and look for another place to lay my head. Seemingly, though, everywhere I turned, there were people. Trashy women were sprawled all over the place. I’d even found a couple having sex in the garage.

This was not the kind of thing that I ever wanted my son to know about. If I would have found out that Noah came to visit and was exposed to this kind of nonsense, someone would have been put in a grave.

After exhausting all other sleeping options, I headed back to my room to kick the girls out.

I looked around the large bedroom
. Then I thought about what these women had been doing for all this time. Suddenly, the urge to kick them out of my room was gone. My bed had been soiled by some freaky sex-fest. Back in college, I would have loved to see what had happened.

After walking over and covering up the girls, I grabbed a throw and two pillows and went to sleep
on a fancy rug in the bathroom. It was extra plush and felt like it may have been real fur. Another thing I liked was that this particular room did have a lock on the door.

I didn’t want any naked girls thinking they could cree
p on my shit while I was trying to sleep. I also didn’t want anyone walking in the room and assuming that I’d been involved with them. All I needed was to go home and be kicked out of my own house. Living with my mother was never going to be an option. I had to do my best to make it out of this damn trip with my dignity and marriage intact.