Blood and Redemption (Cassandra Myles Witch Series) (3 page)

He tilted my head up and his lips came down on mine.
Being in someone’s arms felt so good, I lost myself in the comfort it brought. I had been keeping my distance from everyone so I could concentrate on what I had to do to get back to the wolf compound. His strong hands gripped the back of my neck, bringing me in closer. Then Declan flashed across my mind and I pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not ready.”

The glow coming from his eyes was blinding and his fangs glinted in the firelight. His voice was dry and husky. He took a step back before he spoke, like he didn’t trust himself to be that close.

“I understand. Can I ask if you have any feelings in that way towards me? I don’t want to push you, but I thought telling you would make it easier to be around you. It has been the exact opposite.”

“I’m confused, Quintus. I love you, but I also felt like somehow I was betraying Declan. He loved me, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and then he sacrificed that life so I could live.”

“I noticed two things in what you said. You never said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him and he sacrificed so you could live, not so you could wallow in guilt.”

“Don’t you see that is exactly why I feel so guilty? I agreed to be his mate even though I had feelings for you and Lucius. I didn’t want to stay in the wolf compound another second and a tiny part of me feels relieved that I don’t have to.” Fuck me! Where did that come from? I flew my hand over my mouth, like shutting the barn door after the horse has escaped.

I wanted to run from the room so I didn’t have to face him. He was going to hate me now that he knew what kind of person I was. He had his strong hands on my upper arms. It was only thing keeping me in place.

“Look at me, Cassandra.” I did. “I don’t believe for one minute that you wished for Declan’s death and no one would blame you for not wanting to stay in that wolf pack. They were horrid to you. You loved Declan for who you thought he was. You weren’t given enough time to make peace with the lies. You made a quick decision to save Lucius’ life. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I know, but I close my eyes and I see his face and all I feel is guilt.”

“Declan was a lot of things and some of those I truly hated, but he did love you. He would want you to be happy.”

“I know.” I was crying too hard to talk. I left and, to my relief, Quintus didn’t try to stop me. I needed to be alone. 

Chapter
Three

During the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, Killian disappeared. Quintus was beside himself. He used all the contacts he had and couldn’t find him. He went from being worried about his young protégé to being enraged that he would leave at such a critical time. I had a secret fear that it was Mab that somehow got to Killian, but that didn’t make sense. Killian was the least likely of us to be of interest to Mab.

It made our magic lessons a little tense. Quintus was mad at Killian and I was mad at myself. I still couldn’t perform any magic. I couldn’t even stir up a puff of air. When I had the
geis
on, I had felt nothing, but this was different. I could feel it; I just couldn’t get it to budge. It was like a giant pool I could jump into, swim around in, touch, but when I crawled out, I was always dry. I tried dipping a bucket in and taking what I needed, but whatever was there, stayed there. So here I was, waiting outside Quintus’ door for yet another lesson in futility and thinking of any reason I could to walk away.

“Pacing outside my door isn’t going to help you do magic, Cassandra.” Damn his super hearing! I opened the door and he looked relaxed for the first time in forever. He was leaning back in his desk chair with a big grin on his handsome face.

“You look happy.”

“Well, I’ve made contact with Killian. He had some trouble with his son and had to leave quite quickly, but he’s back and ready to continue your training.”

“You don’t think it’s odd he didn’t tell you what was going on before he left?”

“At first.
But I think he was scared that I would forbid him leaving. I may have, but I know what it’s like to think you may lose your son, so I am finding it hard to be mad at him.” He was grinning like a fool. “At another time, I would have punished him for what he did and I think he expected it, but we need everyone we can get when we go into battle.”

“Still, it seems fishy somehow.”

“I grilled him for quite some time and I’m as confident as I can be that he is telling the truth. I will keep an extra eye on him, though. It never hurts to be careful.”

“I’m glad it’s settled and he’s back. I was worried Mab had done something to him.”

“No need to ever be worried about Killian. He will see the sunrise some day. You can just tell some vampires are going to live for a very long time.” He rubbed his hands together like he was a cartoon character plotting an evil scheme. “Now I have a surprise for you.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“Come in, Janine.”

A very tall, slender blond came into the room, carrying a massage table and a very large
tote bag. She quickly went to work setting everything up. Huge, soft towels and pretty bottles were quickly whipped from her bag and organized. Her hands were a blur as she set everything up to make Quintus’ office look like a spa.

“Cass, this is Janine and I have hired her to give you a massage.”

“Nice to meet you, Janine.”

She gave me a very small smile. I hoped her hands were warmer than her personality. Quintus caught my sour look and gave me one of his be-nice looks back.

“I’ll let you get to it. I have a nice fluffy robe on the door to my bathroom. You can change there. I’ll be back when she’s done.”

I was about to protest, but hell, it was a
massage, and I was willing to try anything if it helped me relax and do some magic.

“Thank you
.”

“Janine, don’t be gentle. She has knots on knots. Cassandra is a stress ball. I want a limp noodle when I come back.”

She giggled and batted her eyelashes at him. I had an overpowering urge to smack her, but I figured that might hurt our masseuse-client relationship.

After changing into the robe and returning, I slipped
in naked among the warm towels lying on the table. The room was dark except for some candles. A CD of rainforest sounds was playing at a level that made it the perfect background noise. It really did feel like a spa.

“Now, do you prefer silence or would you like me to leave on the music?” she asked brusquely.

“Music, please.” Apparently, being friendly isn’t required to be a masseuse.

“One more question and we can begin. Do you want a spicy or a flowery scent?” I heard bottles clinking together as she rummaged through her bag. I thought of how Lucius had smelled
the night I got my magic back.

“Spicy.”

“Now just try to relax as much as you can and we’ll get started.” She lit some candles and turned off the light.

I
’d had massages before, but this woman had magic fingers and the oil smelled like cinnamon. Her thumbs dug into the twisted muscles of my neck, untying weeks of stress. The palm of her hand smoothed out every tight knot of tension that had popped up all over my back. When she started on my legs and feet, I almost kissed her, but I thought it might be inappropriate. This was what I needed. I felt the tension fall away. All the aching muscles from Killian beating the crap out of me were being soothed under her expert touch.

“Can you turn over, please?”

She waited for me to get comfortable. A hot moist towel was placed over my eyes and then she started on my neck, trailing down my shoulders and then onto my arms. I was a very limp noodle. I don’t think I could have moved if the house was on fire.

“I’ll be right back. I just have to step out for a second.”

I heard the door open and shut, but I didn’t even stir. I didn’t want to lose the feeling I had. When the door opened again, I think I had actually drifted off. Her hands returned to my shoulders. I was enjoying her touch once again until I realized they were not female hands. I shot up and my eyes flew open.

Lucius
’ big hand clamped over my mouth. He then did the strangest thing. He leaned and touched his forehead to mine, with his eyes closed and his body completely still. Terror seeped from my body. He looked so calm and peaceful. I relaxed under his grip and he allowed his hand to drop from my mouth.

“Please don’t scream
, Cass. I’m… I won’t hurt you, I promise.” He was so quiet I could barely hear him.

“I believe you.” I did. I held back tears of relief. I didn’t know how, but he must have been cured.

“Can I hold you…please?” He looked so sad and lost I wanted to hold him. I nodded and he scooped me up and carried me over to the sofa. I laid my head against his silent chest and we sat in quiet. In that brief, moment, I knew what it felt like to love someone heart and soul. It wasn’t like the love I had for Quintus, which was wrapped up in gratitude and a little hero worship. It wasn’t like what I felt for Declan, which was a crush that had been tainted by lies. Here in his arms, it felt right.

“Cass
, we don’t have much time. I glamoured your masseuse on her way into the house. I told her to leave halfway through. She was to just walk out quickly and quietly and not come back, but her car will be gone so someone could notice it any minute.”

“
Why did you do that? How did you get cured?” He put a finger to my lips to shut me up.

“Let me tell you what I need to
, Goldilocks, and I promise to answer anything you want after I’m done.” I nodded against his chest. “Quintus compelled me to stay away from you. That’s why I haven’t come before. A sire has absolute power over his children, but the bites have weakened that hold. I need you to know that I’ve wanted to reach out to you every time I’ve had one of these lucid moments.” I hugged him tighter.

“I’
m dangerous, Cass. Most of the time, I’m filled with so much need, it kills me. I drink blood around the clock and it feels like I’ve only had a sip. When I’m near you, my desire to be with you is so strong sometimes I’ve been glad he has compelled me to stay away, but I know he hasn’t told you what he’s done and I know your safety isn’t the only reason he’s done it either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have times like this when I feel almost normal and it’s those times it kills me to see you and not be able to go to you. I love you, Goldilocks, and I know you want me too. Until now, I haven’t been totally free to tell you exactly how I feel. Please don’t let him make you feel you owe him, Cass. He is my maker and we have been together for a very long time, but he’s not the gentle man you have come to love. He’s one of the most powerful creatures on this earth and he is a vampire. He’s lived for over 2000 years; he gets what he wants. He’s being patient with you right now. He won’t be patient for long. It won’t be long before he won’t give you a choice.”

“I want to believe you
, Lucius, but how do I know this isn’t part of the bites? Quintus has done so much for me. He deserves my loyalty.”

“He has helped you, but you don’t owe him anything. It
’s always been for his own reasons. Please just promise me you’ll take what I say and think about it.”

“Of course, it just feels wrong.
He’s always been there for me.”

“He’s always been there to control you.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Sorry, I
don’t think I have long before I slip back. Just go along as if you know nothing and use that big beautiful brain of yours to find out for yourself. This may be the last time I get to talk to you like this.”

“Don’t say that
; we are going to get you help, I promise.”

“I know, but I need to talk
worst case here. If you think I am going to hurt you, then I need you to scream for Quintus or if you can, if it comes down to me or you, then you have to do it. I want you to start carrying a silver stake. I want you to use it if you have to.”

I knew I couldn’t kill him. I knew that for a fact, but telling him n
ow would only lead to arguing.

“Quintus will lock me up if he knows his compulsion doesn’t work
, so I need you to tell him if you feel I might hurt you. Cass, you have to know that I would never hurt you if I could help it and maybe I should just confess and let him confine me, but right now I still have enough control that I think Quintus is the bigger danger.”

“Why are you telling me this now? Why not when you were at my house or a thousand other times?
If he is such a terrible man, why not tell way before now?”

“It
’s hard to say anything against your maker. It’s hard to explain, but betraying your sire in any way is almost impossible. I love my father, Cass, but I know him far better than you do. I know how he is when he wants something. I can’t believe he’s been as patient as he has been.” He took my head in his hands and tilted it so I was looking at him. “I just hope that when this new Lucius comes back, you’ll have it in you to forgive me and, more than that, I pray that I will deserve that forgiveness. Please remember that I’m in here and I love you.”