Read Bloody Acquisitions (Fred Book 3) Online
Authors: Drew Hayes
Tags: #undeath and taxes, #fred the vampire, #Vampires, #paranormal, #the utterly uninteresting and unadventurous tales of fred the vampire accountant, #vampire humor, #paranormal satire, #vampire satire
It was sound, true advice, and I was about to thank Leeroy for it when he continued.
“I will say this, though: running away is almost always an option. It doesn’t vanish the moment you decide to stick around for a little while longer. There’s no shame in retreating from a bigger, stronger threat, but only you know if you’ll be okay with running from just the idea of danger.” Leeroy hefted himself off the bench then, and began to clap as he walked over to Albert and Sable. I didn’t know what he would say to them—probably encouragement, since Arch had combat advice on lockdown.
As for me, I stayed put, the sheriff’s words echoing through my head. I’d never had any issue with fleeing, as a human or a vampire. But he was right; there was a big difference in running away from a real, tangible threat, and just bolting from the possibility of danger. Whichever one I did, I needed to be sure about my choice, because being undead meant that I would have to live with it for a very long time.
6.
After a few hours of training, Sable headed back to the station and Leeroy led us through the underground tunnels to another set of stairs, this one emerging inside the Bristle Inn. By then, the others were awake, and we began touring the various shops accessible through the interwoven tunnel system. I had no idea how Leeroy, or the occasional other parahumans we encountered below the surface, navigated such a winding structure. Evidently they did, though, as we would take turn after turn, seemingly doubling back on ourselves, yet always arriving at the exact destination we’d set out for. The tunnels were nearly deserted, as going above ground was far more convenient unless one suffered a sunlight allergy, but the shops were always filled with at least a few patrons. Given the wares they had, I could hardly blame them, as each store was fascinating just to window-shop through.
Neil purchased a few crystals and a bag of powder from a one-eyed woman in a store full of books, scales, and bowls of ingredients that I couldn’t identify. They were labeled, but it was a language I wasn’t familiar with. In fact, Neil seemed to be the only one among us who could tell what was what, which led me to suspect that perhaps the signs were more magical than linguistic.
At a store with homemade flasks and barrels, I picked up a bottle of Boarback Merlot, along with a six-pack of local mead for Bubba. Krystal also bought some beers, though we’d barely made it out of the store before she cracked one open and guzzled it halfway down. I wasn’t sure what the law was as far as open containers went, but seeing as we were walking with the sheriff, it seemed to be okay. Along with the wine and beer, I’d also picked up a new faux-silver flask, this one boasting exceptional thermal insulation and an equally exceptional storage capacity. The clerk made a lot of claims, at least some of which I hoped were true. There were few things worse than room-temperature blood.
Albert picked up a pair of wrist guards at Arch’s suggestion—one of the more harmless purchases possible at a store full of armor and weaponry. It was disconcerting to walk into, actually, nestled as it was amidst the small-town craft stores. This one looked like it would be more at home in a renaissance fair, except that the weaponry there is dull and not suited for real battle. And before you wonder, no, I do not want to go into why I happen to have that knowledge.
No one else seemed bothered by the existence of an armory in the middle of town, so I just chalked it up to “one of those parahuman things” and busied myself examining shields while Albert found a set of wrist guards that fit his arms properly. Thankfully, they didn’t take too long, or else I might have ended up buying one of the bucklers to hang over my mantle. Purely for the aesthetic, of course.
We spent the rest of the day browsing the shops, picking up knick-knacks and gifts for those back home. As we made our way through town, I kept my word to Krystal, surveying everything with a critical eye. If we made the move, these would be my only shopping options, and as much fun as they were to visit, I had to try and wrap my mind around not being able to buy anything from outside them. I also kept an eye on the stores we saw through the enchanted windows, making note of the services Boarback offered. There were plenty to be found, but no matter how much I looked, I didn’t see so much as even a flyer for any accounting practices in the area. Whether that was good or bad, I still hadn’t quite yet determined.
In the evening, Sable and Albert went down for more sparring, with Neil tagging along behind Arch this time. Krystal and I borrowed Leeroy’s truck to take a drive into the nearby hills, eventually switching to foot and hiking our way up to a large lake that rested at the top of a steep path. There were no signs or boats to be seen; only a lone gazebo with a golden bell that Krystal informed me I was not to ring under any circumstances. Her promise of the lake’s reflectivity had been spot on, as I could see the quarter moon hanging in the sky just by glancing at the smooth surface.
“I wouldn’t have expected a place like this when we landed,” I said, transfixed by how undisturbed this natural body of water was. It was unsettling somehow. All the more because I realized the reflectivity meant I couldn’t see what dwelled below the surface. Beautiful and still wasn’t the same as peaceful; I’d learned that lesson long ago.
“There are plenty more like it.” Krystal leaned over, pressing her head to my shoulder like a cat trying to scratch its ear. “Boarback is bigger than just the town central. Lots of places and parahumans you’d never get a chance to see in the outside world. Most of them friendly, too, or at least not outright hostile. Pretty much the same thing.”
“You love this town quite a bit. If I can ask, why didn’t you settle here? It’s obvious that you get to pick where you call home between missions, and seeing how fond you are of Boarback, I’m shocked you didn’t build a life here.” Perhaps it was overstepping my bounds somewhat to ask such a question, but given what Krystal had asked of me, I felt the question was warranted. Something had kept her from this town before, and if we were considering making the move, then I wanted to know what it was, and why it was no longer an issue.
If
it was no longer an issue.
“Lots of reasons,” she said, not even flinching at the query. “Travel, for one. I don’t hate that plane as much as you, but I don’t want to fly on it that often, and it’s the fastest way in and out of here. Timing was also a factor. The missions I was getting back then were almost all time sensitive, so being somewhere central made it easier to respond. But the sad truth of the matter is that those were just things I used to convince myself that it was the right call. The real reason I didn’t come back was my fiancé, Tem. When training ended, we’d already become an item, so I decided to settle down where he was and see how things played out.”
As we were currently cuddling in front of a romantic lake, I knew quite well how that relationship had turned out, though I was fuzzy on the details of how and why. Krystal rarely talked about her ex-fiancé; in fact, this very well might have been the first time I’d ever heard his name. It certainly seemed like one that would have stuck in my memory. The experience had been a painful one for her, so I didn’t press the issue. What had come before didn’t matter to me; I only cared for our future.
“Once that went to shit, I threw myself into my work. There were stretches where I didn’t see my apartment for months on end. I just stopped caring where I hung my hat, and even after I eased off the gas at the Agency, where I lived didn’t matter much. Not until I had people worth coming back to, anyway.”
I’d always wondered why it was so easy for her to move to Winslow from wherever she’d been before, but the reasoning made sense. Even aside from our budding relationship, she’d had Albert to watch over, and then her old friend Bubba to visit with. Since then, the number of reasons to come home had only grown. And if we moved to Boarback, we’d lose almost all of them.
“Krystal, this town is beautiful, and I’m still struck with wonder at the idea of getting to live openly as a vampire instead of worrying every day about being discovered. We could be content here, I think.” Her head rose from my shoulder, affection evident in her eyes; however, I leaned back before she could make contact. I needed to finish this, while I still had the courage to do so.
“But I’m not okay with content. I would have been, a few years ago. If you’d promised me a town where I could be safe and have a reliable income stream, I’d have jumped at it, no questions asked. Things have changed, though. As appealing as contentment is, the price is simply too high. Being with you, having all our friends, it makes me happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be. That’s not something I’m inclined to give up easily. Maybe if this threat becomes real, if we learn the new vampires definitely want me out of the picture, then it will be a different story. I just can’t run yet. Winslow, and more importantly the people in it, are my home. I don’t want to lose that unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
“This from the guy who ran away from a few werewolves at a high school reunion,” Krystal said.
“To be fair, they were also total assholes,” I replied. “Werewolves or no.”
“That they were.” She leaned in closer to me, and I didn’t pull back this time. My piece was said. How she chose to respond was up to her. “I had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy of a sell. You’re more willful than you think you are. We can go back and see where things lead, as long as you’re willing to promise me one thing. If it comes time to run, you
run
.”
“I can assure you that will not be a problem in the slightest,” I told her.
“Yeah, you say that, but sometimes . . . never mind. Let’s just enjoy the vacation while we can.”
The gap between our faces disappeared as she leaned in, kissing me with more fury and need than her usual playful affection. It is neither possible nor prudent to say how long we stayed like that; I will simply say that when we parted, we turned our eyes skyward to the true moon and stars rather than their watery reflections.
“Fred,” Krystal whispered, possibly in the softest tone I’d ever heard from her.
“Yes?”
“If you die on me, I’m going to kick the shit out of you. Fair warning.”
I pulled her closer and ran my pale hand through her golden hair. “I am suitably intimidated, and will do my best to avoid the ass-kicking.”
“See, that’s why I like the smart ones. They know how to take a good threat.”
We lay under the stars for several more hours before finally making our way back down the trail and driving to town. It was the most serene evening we’d had in a long time, even if unknown danger did lurk beneath the surface.
7.
After another day of shopping, delectable food from the diner, and training for Albert, Neil, and Sable, the time had come to head back out to the field and catch our plane home. Packing our bags was a quick affair, and after a brief hike from the Bristle Inn to the police station, we piled back into the sheriff’s truck to head out. This time, however, Nax and Sable were coming along to see us off, so that put two of us riding in the truck’s bed. I was almost entirely certain that such an act was technically illegal, but given everyone’s respective hardiness, it didn’t make sense to fret about being thrown from the rear.
To no one’s surprise, Arch immediately volunteered to take a position in the bed, hand already on the cigarettes in his pocket. But before he could move, Sheriff Leeroy had grabbed me by the shoulder and started moving us both to the back.
“None of that, Arch. You’ve only got a little time left with my deputy. I want you imparting every bit of knowledge that you can before the plane arrives. Fred and I will ride in the bed.” Leeroy caught the annoyed, frustrated look on Arch’s face and met it with a wide grin. “Unless you’d like to tussle for it. I’ve told you before, I’m always up for a rematch.”
There was a long moment where I genuinely thought Arch and Leeroy were going to have a sparring match over who had to ride on the hard, bouncy surface of a beat-up truck bed. After a lengthy stare, however, Arch slowly made his way back to the front of the vehicle, pausing before entering to throw one last line Leeroy’s way.
“The next time we fight, it will be when I
know
I am going to beat you.”
“Looking forward to it!” There was so much enthusiasm in Leeroy’s voice that what was almost certainly a taunt came off sounding sincere. I still didn’t know what Leeroy was—or Arch, for that matter—but I did know Arch’s reputation according to Krystal, and he was considered one of the Agency’s top people. For Leeroy to have beaten him, well, let’s just say that the sheriff of Boarback was apparently packing more than just an aura of power.
I leapt into the back—literally, in my case—while Leeroy pulled himself up through the tailgate. His large hands smacked the side of the truck twice, and Nax started it up, pulling out of the driveway and onto Sunshine Lane.
Due to the speed with which everything had happened, and the interaction with Arch, it wasn’t until we were driving away from town that I realized Leeroy had purposely pulled me away from the group so that it was just the two of us. Otherwise, he’d have just let Arch take the other side of the truck bed. Sure enough, Leeroy was watching me, his cheerful eyes peering out from under his beige hat. I waited for him to say something, to start the conversation, but the seconds ticked by into minutes and there was only silence. Finally, my own nerves got the best of me and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.