Blue Lines: The Assassins Series: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance (26 page)

“What is it? Is that the baby’s leg or something?”

Piper rolled her eyes as she squeezed his hand.

“It’s our boy’s penis.”

* * *

A boy?

Taking in shuddering breaths, Erik looked at the screen and then at Piper’s belly
before glancing back at the screen where his son sat with his legs apart. He started
to get that itchy feeling in his eyes and he refused to identify it; he just kept
staring at his son. Looking back at Piper, seeing her beautiful flushed face as her
eyes dripped with tears, he felt like his chest was opening and everything was falling
out.

A boy, their boy.

“A boy.”

“A boy!” Rachel repeated, “A big boy, too. He’s got some girth to him. How far along
are you?”

“Twenty-eight weeks, tomorrow,” Piper answered as Erik’s chest shook with the pounding
of his head.

“He’s a tad bit bigger than that, but he is healthy and beautiful; look at those cheeks.”

Erik did and smiled when he realized that they were Piper’s cheeks. “He has your cheeks.”

“And your nose,” she pointed out with a grin, “He’s perfect. God, that sounds awesome
to call him a
he
. I’ve been calling him an
it
for, like, ever!”

Him. He. Boy.

Erik was having a son.

* * *

The whole way back to Sweetbriar, Piper was on the phone calling and texting everyone
while Erik drove in silence. He couldn’t believe it. He was having a boy. A little
guy that would be rough and tough, who would want to play hockey and grow up to be
just like Erik. For some reason, Erik had convinced himself that the baby would be
a girl, but it wasn’t. He was a boy, his boy. He was just so damn happy, and worried,
too, that he might turn out like his father.

Jasha was a horrible father, the meanest asshole in the world, and he left Erik with
deep scars, physically and mentally. How was he supposed to be there and show his
son how to be a good man when he didn’t know how to be one? It didn’t matter what
anyone else thought he was, because he knew. Erik knew what he was, and no matter
how much he wanted to believe Piper, he couldn’t. He was going to fuck up, just like
Jasha had.

When his phone rang, Erik dug it out of his pocket to see that it was Cooper. Jakob
must have called him, and guilt filled Erik when he thought that he should have been
the one to call him once they left the clinic. Hitting the answer button, Erik said,
“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, buddy! A boy!”

Erik smiled and repeated, “A boy.”

“This is great; we’ll teach him to play once he’s old enough to skate, and don’t worry
I’ll go with Piper to the hockey games so that the baby is taught how to play by someone
that knows the game. No offense to Piper, she is beautiful but I doubt she knows a
lick about hockey. Man, this is great, Erik, really great. You know we have a special
place in our hearts for boys.”

Erik felt like his chest was closing in. This man loved two kids that weren’t even
his and Erik was scared he could never love a child that was his. With a heavy heart,
Erik muttered, “Yeah.”

Cooper paused and then cleared his throat. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Erik lied, but he knew Cooper didn’t believe him.

“Don’t lie to me, son. I’m here, remember? Is it because Piper is there?”

“Sure,” Erik muttered. “I’m just freaking out a little.”

Erik listened as Cooper took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Your mom was
going to tell you this, but I’m going to save you the conversation with her and just
tell you that we’ll be in Nashville tomorrow. We want to come stay with you guys for
two days and then with Jakob. I think you need me, Erik, so I am going to be there.”

Erik didn’t say anything as his eyes started to do that stupid itching thing again.
It was
starting to get on his nerves and he blamed Piper for it. It was her fault he was
turning into a pansy. His dad was right, though, he did need him. Clearing his throat,
he said, “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Awesome. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Erik agreed to text them Piper’s address and then said bye before hanging up the phone.
Piper was playing on her phone as she grinned from ear to ear. She was so happy, and
if he allowed himself to be, he could be, too, but he was so scared. How does someone
love someone when he didn’t grow up with love? A child needed those core values and
Erik didn’t know those until later in life. Man, he was so fucked.

“Did I hear that your parents are coming in tomorrow? That’s short notice.”

Erik nodded. “Yeah, they want to see us.”

“That’s nice. We’ll need to get the house ready.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re being quiet,” she suddenly said as she glanced over at him. He looked away,
out at the road as he drove faster down the interstate. “Are you not happy that our
baby is a boy?”

He shook his head. “I just want him to be healthy. Him being a boy is just a bonus.”

He could sense her grinning but he didn’t look over as he let out the breath he was
holding.

“You’ll be a great dad, Erik.”

Erik blinked that itching feeling out of his eyes. “How do you know that?”

“Because like I said earlier, you are a good man.”

“I come from shit, Piper. You don’t know the half of it.”

“No, you come from two people who taught you how to love after all the hate you went
through. Erik, pull over,” she said quickly.

He shook his head. “No.”

“You can’t drive when you’re crying; that is not safe.”

He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, causing her to jump. “I do not cry, Piper.”

He closed his eyes for a just a moment and then opened them again, his vision clear
enough to keep driving. He was only ten minutes from Sweetbriar. He’d drop her off
and then go somewhere. She was hitting too many sore spots; she was breaking through
his walls and he couldn’t handle it. He needed them to stay up; he had too much to
deal with as it was and the
walls made him strong; they kept in his emotions and helped him survive. He’d built
those walls the first time his dad beat the shit out of him; he was either three or
five, whatever, and those walls helped him stay strong. He would never understand
why his dad hated him but he didn’t need to understand to survive. Everyone he loved
either didn’t love him back or left him. Hell, if your family is supposed to love
you unconditionally and they don’t, then why the hell would someone who is not your
family want to stay with you, let alone love you? Nope, he couldn’t deal with the
thought of loving Piper and her leaving him.

“Erik, listen to me, I wouldn’t stick around and deal with your shit if I didn’t believe
you were a good man. When I look at you, I see Cooper. I may not know Jasha, but I
know Cooper and you are him made over, and our son will be like you and Cooper. I
wouldn’t want to have a baby with anyone but you, and I am thankful that you were
raised by such a great man. Everything is going to be okay.”

Erik shook his head, hating that she was so kind and had all the right words. He didn’t
understand why she had to be so nice. Why wouldn’t she just leave him be, let him
stew in his anger and hate himself? He wanted to be the man she spoke of but he wasn’t
sure he had it in him to do it. He didn’t want to disappoint her; she had these expectations
of him and he did not want to let her down.

He had pulled into their driveway, and instead of going in he said, “Why do you care,
Piper? I’m still leaving.”

“That may very well happen, but I believe you’ll still be the best father, Erik. I
think that when you care for someone, you are there for them like I’m here for you.
I will always be here, even when you leave.”

“Why?” he asked, looking over at her. “Why don’t you hate me? Why don’t you see who
I really am?”

Piper shrugged as she smiled. “I do see who you are, Erik, and believe me, I could
never hate you. I’ve tried and only fell harder for you.”

“Don’t fall, Piper. I’m not the guy for you,” he whispered.

“I don’t agree,” she whispered back.

“I’m only going to hurt you.”

Piper shook her head. “When I care for someone, they get all of me. I can’t hold back.”
She gave him one last smile and then threw the door open, struggling to get her bulk
out
of the car. Without even a second thought, Erik hopped out of the car and rushed out
to help her. When she reached for his hand, she said, “Would someone who isn’t a good
man help his wife get out of the car? Think about that, Mr. Titov.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and just held him. Her scent was intoxicating
and he could feel her heart beat on his stomach as she moved her nose along the middle
of his chest. Not able to fight it anymore, he wrapped his arms around her, holding
her close to him as he rested his head on hers. He could feel her stomach moving and
he wanted to drop to his knees to hold his son in his hands but instead he held her.

“I’m here for you,” she whispered before moving out of his arms and walking past him
to the house. Piper terrified him, and he really had no clue what he was going to
do with her. All he did know was that his feelings for her were growing with each
passing day. He enjoyed her spunkiness and her banter. He enjoyed her smiles and man,
did he love her laugh. And as shitty as he’d been to her, she was still there—that
in itself meant a lot.

But the fear he had that he would end up like his father was strong. Just like Jasha,
Erik knew he’d give everything he had to Piper, and more than likely she’d see his
worthlessness and leave, taking it all with her. Erik would put money on the fact
that Jasha believed that Katria was there for him, too, and she left. Whenever his
mom broke his father’s heart, Erik would take the brunt of his father’s anger and
end up going to school with a part of him broken or beaten. That was the life he lived;
that was the love he knew.

He couldn’t subject their child to that; he had to stay away from Piper.

He just had to.

Piper had her arm around Erik’s waist and a grin on her face as they stood on the
porch waving at Cooper and Alla. Erik’s arm hung loosely around her shoulders, and
he had to fight everything inside of him not to hold her even tighter. After their
tender moment yesterday, he found himself craving that feeling again. The whole night
he lay, tossing and turning on the couch, wanting to run in there and tell her she
was right, that he was an idiot and to please hold him.

He felt safe in her arms. And that bothered him because this was not real. He had
to leave after the baby was born, but she was making it so damn difficult.

“Hey, guys!” Alla yelled as she jumped out of the car, waving widely at them. Erik
smiled at the sight of her. His love ran deep for Alla—she was there for him even
when he was fucking things up, just like someone else he knew, Erik thought, as he
looked at the girl standing beside him.

When his dad stepped out of the car, he smiled and Erik actually felt a sense of calmness
come over him. Cooper was a smart man and would help him sort through all the feelings
he didn’t understand, feelings for his wife and baby boy.

“Hey!” Piper called out to his parents as they approached the steps to their porch.

“I’ve missed you so much!” Alla embraced Erik, giving him a smacking kiss and a tight
hug.

“Jesus, Mom,” Erik said with a laugh, kissing her again. “I’ve missed you, too, but
it hasn’t been that long since I saw you last.”

Cooper laughed, too, as he pulled Erik into his arms. “Any time away is too long in
our opinion.” Erik closed his eyes as he hugged the man he loved and respected most
in this world. Pulling back, Cooper asked, “Good?”

Erik shrugged as he smiled. “Eh, okay.”

“You’ll be good by the time we leave.”

Piper stood with her hair blowing in the wind and a bright smile on her face. The
dress she wore was long, and she was gorgeous; Erik never got tired of looking at
her. Piper giggled as Alla pulled her into her arms, too.

“My goodness, I think our grandson wants out!” Cooper laughed, embracing Piper.

“I have popped out a bit more since the last time you saw me. Wait till you see the
ultrasound video! He’s beautiful. Oh my, he has my cheeks, Erik’s nose, he is just
perfect!”

“We can’t wait. Come on, let’s get inside. It’s hot as
Hades
out here,” Alla gushed, hooking arms with Piper as they walked in the house. Cooper
wrapped his arms around Erik’s shoulders and they followed behind the two women. Having
the two people who knew him best with the person who was breaking down his walls was
scary as hell.

* * *

“Oh my God, I just can’t wait to squeeze him and love him to pieces! Oh, Cooper, I
want to go shopping!” Alla exclaimed as she held Piper in one arm and Erik in the
other. Erik wanted to die of embarrassment from the way his mother was acting while
watching the ultrasound video, but it felt good to be in her arms.

“Sure, Alla, we aren’t busy trying to move or anything.” Cooper laughed as he held
some of the ultrasound photos in his hands.

“Oh, poo, you are ruining all of my fun,” Alla teased as she turned to Piper. “Don’t
worry, we’ll go shopping together.”

Piper nodded. “I would love that, Alla.”

“Well, you are family, darling.”

Erik’s heart hurt when he saw the tears gathering in Piper’s eyes. She took in a deep
breath and nodded again.

Erik had to look away. This was all becoming too real, too painful, and he was frightened.

You would have thought this was her first grandchild. His mom talked their ears off
about baby stuff and her excitement about moving to Nashville to be close to all of
her children.

With a shake of his head, Erik pulled out his phone to mess with as he listened to
their background chatter, but soon stopped when Alla asked, “So, have you thought
of a name?”

Erik looked over to see Piper with a small smile on her face. “We haven’t really discussed
it, but I’d like his middle name to be Blake, after my dad.”