Blue Lines: The Assassins Series: A Loveswept Contemporary Romance (31 page)

She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand before she continued: “You are a
good man. A man that came from the love of Cooper and Alla, your
real
parents. Stop letting Jasha and Katria ruin your life, because if you don’t, you’ll
end up just like them.”

She slammed the door and it felt like she had slapped him across the face. She might
be mad, and he might not know how to fix it, but he’d be damned if that was the end
of their argument. Jumping up, he followed her into the house, slamming the front
door to let her know
that he was right behind her. She turned around, wiping her face as she pinned him
with a look.

“You don’t know anything about my parents, or me, for that matter, so stop putting
me on a pedestal. It’ll do nothing but hurt you in the long run.”

“I believe in you. I believe in the person that your parents raised. Jasha and Katria
are not your parents; they don’t deserve that title,” she spat back at him, making
his blood boil.

“You don’t know what you are talking about,” he said, his heart pounding against his
chest. Why didn’t he walk away? Why was he pursuing this argument?

“I know that your dad beat you, that he killed your mom and then himself.”

It was like the world stopped. Rage filled him and he soon found himself backing her
into the wall. “How the hell do you know that?”

“Alla told me,” she said, and he could see that she was nervous. He took a step back.
How dare Alla tell his business, especially to the one person he didn’t want to know?

Shaking his head, he said, “That was none of your business.”

“Well, I know and I don’t believe you are that man.”

“I may not be now but I could become him.”

“You won’t.”

“Really?” he asked, his hands coming up to hold her in place. He wanted her to look
right into his eyes. He wanted to make sure she heard what he said next. “You don’t
know what it is like to be beaten by a man just because you can play hockey and he
can’t. To be beaten to a bloody pulp because your brother got a scholarship to play
hockey in America, or to have someone break your arm because your mother left him
all of the time. You grew up with good people, people who loved you. I bet they hardly
ever spanked you.”

Piper shook her head, her mouth in a straight line as she took in deep breaths. Her
eyes were wide. He didn’t want to make her cry, and it killed him to see those tears
roll down her face, but he wasn’t done. Taking a step back, he lowered his voice.
“You don’t know what it is like to have a gun held to your head and to have the trigger
pulled. To hear the click on the gun go off, but not die. To watch your so-called
mother get shot in the throat when she tries to stop the beatings; her blood splattering
all over you. Hearing the cries and rage come from a man that beat you for so many
years, before he turned the gun around and blew his own brains all over the wall.
You don’t know what that feels like, or what that does to a person. I know.”

Tears started to rush down her cheeks, but her eyes never left his. He felt like crying
himself, which was weird, because he hadn’t cried about what had happened since he
was a teenager. He could see the sympathy in her eyes and he hated that she felt sorry
for him. He had never told anyone because he didn’t want that look. Especially from
Piper; he didn’t want to seem weak in front of her. Taking another step back, he let
out a long, frustrated breath before softy saying, “Is this the man you want to be
there for? A potential monster? A man so fucked-up that there is no fixing him?”

Piper wiped away her tears, her chest rising and falling in time with his heart. “Erik,
you are no monster, not even a potential one. You are a good man, and I believe that.
I want to be there for you, and I’m not going anywhere until you walk out that door
and tell me you don’t want me. You need someone to love you and you need to know that
you deserve that love, and I want you to let me be that someone.”

Erik scoffed as he shook his head. Had she even been listening to him?

“You are delusional.”

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “You are just terrified, and until the moment
you are ready to take what I’m offering, you’ll never feel complete.”

With that, she turned and walked away. Erik watched until she shut the bedroom door
and then he collapsed against the wall. He wasn’t used to someone fighting for him
like that and believing in him. Cooper had been the only person to ever do that, and
he didn’t understand why Piper was. He was worthless, not the man she needed. So why
did she care so much?

And why did he want to believe everything she said?

It was almost one in the morning when Piper heard her door creak open. She didn’t
have to look to know that it was Stanley. The dog was louder than a freight train.
As she dangled her hand off the bed, Stanley came over and rubbed his head along it
before giving her a loving lick. Smiling down at him, she watched as he lay down on
the floor. Jeez, she loved this dog something fierce. She was about to close her own
eyes and try to sleep, but she felt her bed dip and the warmth of a body beside her.

Piper didn’t move.

After their blowup they had spoken very little all day. Every time she thought of
Erik as a scared thirteen-year-old with a gun held to his head, her heart broke and
tears fell in heaps. Why would someone do that to a child? Piper had no doubt that
his horrible upbringing had affected him. But now she was in love with someone who
was frightened and fought against what they could have together. Dimitri needed his
daddy and Piper had to reassure Erik that he could not only love someone, but also
be loved in return, and that he was deserving of this family.

He moved closer to her. She held her breath when he took her hips in his hands and
squeezed. Not saying anything, Piper waited as he held her. When she felt his forehead
on her back, she closed her eyes, begging her tears not to come. She could feel his
breath on her spine as his hands massaged her hips.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered faintly.

She didn’t say anything; she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to turn around, wrap
her arms around his neck, and just hold him but she needed to wait. She needed to
see what else he would say.

“I’m sorry that I can’t commit to you, Piper. A part of me wants to, but not all of
me is ready yet. You deserve a man who wants to fully commit to you and I don’t know
if I’m that man.”

He paused. Was he leaving now? Was this the last time she would be able to feel him
like this? Closing her eyes tight to hold back her tears, she let out a long breath.
He went on: “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t expect you to stay around and deal
with my shit, but I just want you
to know that I want to try, but I don’t know how. I’m afraid that if I fuck up I’ll
lose you.”

God, he was the most confusing man on earth.

Turning over and pulling herself out of his arms, she placed her hands under her face
and looked at him. His hair was a mess, his eyes looked bloodshot, and she could tell
he was really upset. She didn’t like seeing him this way; she wanted to make it better.
The fixer in her was begging to fix him, but how? Reaching over, she placed her hand
on his cheek, watching as he moved into her hand, closing his eyes as his hand came
to rest upon hers.

“Do you want to leave?”

He looked up at her and shook his head. “No.”

“I don’t want you to leave, either. I’m scared, too, Erik, but I want to try.”

He shook his head, taking in a deep breath before opening his eyes to look at her.
“I don’t know how.”

Piper’s lip curled into a little smile as she looked deep into his eyes. “I’m not
saying that we have to declare love and promise we will stay together forever, Erik.
I just want you to give me a chance. Let the walls down; let us see if it is worth
staying together.”

Erik swallowed loudly as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. “I
don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she said simply.

“You have so much faith in me,” he said, glancing over at her. “I don’t deserve it.”

She smiled. “I think you do.”

He reached over and, taking hold of her arm, pulled her to him. He kissed her temple
and left his nose there as he took a deep breath. “I want to try, but I can’t guarantee
you anything.”

Piper nodded. A part of her warned her that this might blow up in her face and break
her heart, while the other part of her said there was no other way. She had to try
because she loved him and she wasn’t ready to give up on him yet.

She nodded and said, “So we’re gonna try.”

Erik nodded against her temple. “Under two conditions.”

Conditions?

“And they are?” she asked.

Piper felt his lips turn up in a smile as he said, “I get to sleep in this bed.”

A smiled pulled at her lips as she nodded. “We can work that out.”

“Good,” he said, placing a kiss right beside her eye, “and I want to take you out
tomorrow, like a date.”

“A date, huh?”

He moved his hand across her belly to her hip and pulled her close before resting
his hand on her belly. “Yes, let’s go shopping for the little man, just the two of
us, and then we’ll go to lunch.”

She smiled as she nodded, leaning up to look at him. “I’ll be there.”

Happy with her answer, Erik leaned down to her, stopping only inches from her mouth.
“Or you’ll be square.”

Piper giggled as his lips came down on hers, and as she kissed Erik, she couldn’t
help but feel like she was flying. Nothing was certain but they were going to try,
and that was good enough for her.

* * *

“I like the black sleigh one.”

Erik looked from the white crib that had a really nice backboard that would be the
headboard once Dimitri got old enough for a twin bed, to the black sleigh crib that
Piper was standing next to. He hadn’t realized that choosing baby furniture was so
difficult.

“Okay, I don’t like that crib. How about this crib but in black?”

“It looks girlie to me,” she said, coming over to him and running her hand along the
backboard. “See? Romantic detail,” she informed him while pointing to the sign. “It’s
a girl bed.”

“Okay, but that one is so plain.”

Piper nodded. “But we’ll get awesome bedding to dress it up.”

Erik looked around the store and shrugged his shoulders.

“Where’s the bedding?”

“Over here,” she said, pulling him across the store. “I’ll even let you pick it out
since I’m getting my crib.”

She grinned up at him as her fingers laced with his. He shook his head as he looked
away. She was so damn cute that if he kept looking at her, he’d end up ravishing her
in public and he
knew there were laws against that. Looking up at the wall of bedding, Erik didn’t
see anything he liked until he saw a cute little whale.

He loved whales.

“I like the whale set,” he said, pointing to the display.

“Whales? I was thinking hockey something.”

He pinned her with a look. “I thought I was picking.”

She nodded as she said, “But how am I supposed to make a whale play hockey?”

“The same way you made an owl drink tea and eat cupcakes; it’s doable. I like whales.”

“You like whales?” she asked as she glanced up at him, skeptically.

“Yes, I used to have a whale when I was little because the team I played for in Russia
was the Wild Whales. Jakob and I were the best on the team. Those were some of my
favorite childhood memories.”

Piper smiled. “Then whales it is. I’ll think of something.”

“Awesome.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they walked around the store, picking out
other things. It had been a nice morning, an expensive one, but Dimitri was worth
it and so was Piper. She really was one of a kind, and he was glad that he stayed.
After their talk, they had spent the whole night cuddling and holding each other.
It was so weird to sleep with a woman without having sex first, but it wasn’t awkward
with Piper. He enjoyed it and he definitely enjoyed her.

“I can’t decide if I want to paint his name over the bed, or get the really pretty
wooden letters,” she said as they stood in front of a wood letters display. “What
do you think?”

Erik shrugged his shoulders. A part of him wanted to say he didn’t care, that it was
her choice, but the other part wanted to do this, to help with the process. “I like
the wooden letters.”

“Me, too. I think it’ll add more dimension.”

“Yeah.”

He helped pick out the letters they needed and put them in the shopping basket he
held in one hand, while his other hand held hers. They had a lot of stuff and Erik
dreaded carrying it through the mall. He knew Piper wasn’t done. Shea told him all
the pregnant women go to Carter’s for baby clothes. Erik was pretty sure he wasn’t
looking forward to that. But he knew it would make Piper happy, and after the way
he had acted the day before, he intended to make her
happy.

Laying the wood letters on the counter, Piper glanced up at him. “If I pay for the
crib can you get everything else?”

Erik raised an eyebrow at her as the cashier started ringing up their merchandise.
“I’m buying everything.”

She shook her head as she said, “No, I’ll buy the crib. I would buy everything but
my check hasn’t come in yet, so can you pay and I’ll pay you back?”

“No,” he said, looking at the cash register, watching it total up their purchases.

“Erik.”

“Piper,” he said, turning to look at her. “You are not paying, so just put your card
back in your purse and hush.”

“Do you want me to beat you with this stuffed whale?”

Erik glanced over and smiled. “Not really. How about we get that for Dimitri instead.”

She glared as he added it to the order and waited for the total. Thousands of dollars
later, they were walking out with ten bags and a slip with the date the crib would
be delivered. Piper looked mad, but he didn’t care. He might not be the greatest guy
but if he learned one thing, it was that a woman never paid for anything.