Blue Moon II ~ This is Reality (16 page)

He walked over to Fox’s bed and lowered the side bedrail. He placed both hands on Fox’s face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips before pulling back slightly so he could look his man in those soulful eyes. Fox didn’t speak or question what he was doing. He just waited for Shot to get his bearings and say what he needed to say.

“When you were stabbed, and I heard your pained voice come across my earpiece, I thought I’d lose my mind if I didn’t get to you right then. I forgot all the training, all sensibility. All I could think of was getting to you. The thought of you being hurt… getting hurt, was too much for me to handle. Because… because.” Shot paused. The words were right there, ready to seal the deal, but he hesitated.
No. No more hiding
. “Because I love you. I love you so damn much. But… but I’m s-s-scared.”

Fox’s eyes were glassy as he listened to Shot struggle to express his feelings.

“I never spend the night because I don’t want to hurt you. I have PTSD. I have bad dreams. No, I have nightmares. Graphic ones, where I’m in the brush, or I’m behind enemy lines, or fuck, in the middle of a damn ambush and I wake up confused, not always knowing where I am or even who I’m with.”

Shot swallowed hard before continuing. “I hurt a lover in the past. We weren’t in a relationship but we’d hook up every now and then. He was a decent-sized man, but not a soldier.”

Shot felt Fox put his hand over his, and it gave him enough strength to finish what he needed to say.

“The one time I spent the night with him. He tried to wake me up by kissing me, but I ended up being startled awake, and I… I… I choked him. With my bare hands. He couldn’t even yell out to me. I’d overpowered him and no matter what, I was convinced he was the enemy, trying to kill me. If it wasn’t for Hawk’s vision, and him calling me at that precise moment, I may have killed him. I don’t fuckin’ know. The ringing of my phone snapped me out of it. Ever since then I promised myself I wouldn't fuck up like that again.”

Shot rubbed Fox’s cheek.
Damn, he’s so beautiful
. “I can’t fathom hurting you. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.” Shot rested his forehead on Fox’s shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut at the overwhelming sense of vulnerability he was feeling. He’d splayed himself out there, now he didn’t want to see Fox’s face. Didn’t want to see a look of pity for the poor traumatized soldier, or worse, see rejection.

He felt Fox’s large palm stroking the back of his head. He’d turned his face towards him, nudging him out of hiding. “Hey,” he whispered. “Look at me.”

Shot raised his head and looked Fox in his eyes. There was no pity or shame, and most surprisingly of all, not an ounce of rejection. His voice was raspy when he spoke, “You love me?”

“Yes,” Shot said softly against the side of Fox’s face. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“The right thing is to be with me. You telling me I wasn’t worth the effort hurt worse than any physical damage you could do to me. Don’t be afraid of hurting me. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. I’m not afraid of you, Isadore. Don’t end us because there’s an off chance that you’ll attack me like you attacked some other guy.” Fox kissed Shot’s forehead and a small smile crept up on his face. “Besides. I know how to get out of a chokehold.”

Shot chuckled humorlessly. “This isn’t funny.”

“No. It’s not funny. But, let me be there for you. Some soldiers that have PTSD have families too, and it’s critical that the family be there to help them through it. No one was there for my dad. He’s in a mental institution now. My mom died from her grief. I’m not going to let you give up on life. See a doctor, get therapy. Don’t be a stubborn fool and say you don’t need anyone’s help.” Fox cupped Shot’s face. “Or love.”

“I started taking the meds the night I left your house.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. It’s taking some getting used. I’ve never liked putting drugs into my body to alter my state of mind. But you’re worth it.”

Fox’s hand traveled around to the back of Shot’s neck and began to massage the kinks out. It took a lot for him to say what he did, and his lover recognized it. Shot moaned at the firm touch. Fox was strong. The strongest man he’d ever dated. The only one he’d trusted in many years to top him in bed. He needed to trust Fox with his heart too. After a couple minutes of rubbing his neck, Fox pulled Shot to his mouth and kissed him slowly, passionately. Sensually dipping his tongue inside his lips, stealing a taste of him. Shot’s cock was becoming painfully hard against his jeans, and he leaned in for more, still careful not to put any weight on Fox. Shot took his hand and pressed down on his erection, groaning at the delicious feeling. Fox mimicked his sounds and opened wider to command the kiss. God he’d missed this.

Fox tried to raise his head and ended up breaking the kiss with his hiss of pain. “Ahh. Fuck.”

“Easy.” Shot pulled back and lifted the rail of the bed. He could easily see Fox’s cock slightly tenting his thin sheet that was pulled up to his stomach. It looked inviting, but all that manhood would have to wait. “Can’t overdo it, Agent.”

Fox growled, “I hate this.”

“I know. But we’ve all been there. Just focus on healing. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

Fox settled back down. “There will?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Chapter Seventeen

PIERCE

Pierce woke from a deep sleep, peeking around the room at the unfamiliar surroundings. Tall plants sat in the corners of the room. Heavy ferns hung over the fireplace mantle. Everything was made of oak or another type of wood. All the smooth surfaces gleamed as if freshly polished. Even the floor, with its deep mahogany finish. Pierce sat up and stretched. His body still ached slightly and he could use a hearty meal. Hawk had woken him every couple of hours to give him his choice of either water or Gatorade, but every time he finished dinking, he went right back to sleep. His fatigue had diminished drastically, but he didn’t want to get out of the bed. It was so comfortable and the smell of it… it smelled like Hawk. There were only three walls to the room, the missing wall was wide open and Pierce could see the ceiling was mostly made up of sunroofs to allow the brightness of the daylight inside. The railing was about waist high and Pierce got up to take a peek over it. The clock on the table beside him said 3:24. Wow. He’d slept a really long time. But nature was calling.

He leaned against the railing and looked down to the bottom floor. Oh my god. This was Hawk’s home. His real, personal home. Pierce got a funny feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger. The SEALS that he’d come to know over the last few months working side-by-side with them didn’t trust very many people. Even he didn’t know where most of them lived. They had safe houses, temporary residences provided by the government, but very few knew the locations which many of the SEALS called home.

Hawk’s home had a very cozy feeling. So much greenery and wood. Floor to ceiling windows were wide open and it was almost like living outdoors. You could sit in the living room and watch the wildlife moving around and trees swaying in the breeze, feel it caressing your face. The furniture was absolutely gorgeous. Light brown oak with thick leather cushions on top. Various styles of art were hanging around the spacious room. Some of wildlife, some landscapes and seascapes. A huge stone fireplace took up a lot of space on one wall. From where he was standing he couldn’t see the kitchen, it was probably underneath the bedroom.

Pierce looked out onto the balcony and was stunned at the image he saw there. His eyes widened at the breathtaking site. Hawk standing outside with both hands braced on the rails of the huge deck looking up at the sky. He was standing there barefoot with low riding sweat pants and no shirt. The massive tattooed wings on his back were colored with dark browns, honey gold and black. The design was so detailed and beautifully done that Pierce wanted to drag his tongue along every line.
Jesus Christ
. Hawk’s hand casually stroked the chest of a large bird that was perched beside him.
Is that his bird?
But it wasn’t just a bird. A parakeet is a bird. This was a beautiful bird of prey. Pierce smiled slightly, wanting a closer look.

He slung a warm fleece throw over his shoulders and descended the steep wooden stairs carefully. He was still slightly disoriented, he had yet to eat any real food. He walked through the living room, casually looking around. When he got to the threshold of the balcony, the large hawk spread its impressive wings and took off into the sky, quickly disappearing into the woods.
Damn
.

“It takes time for him to warm up to people,” Hawk said without turning around.

Damn that sexy voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare him away. I just wanted a closer look,” Pierce said quietly.

Hawk turned around and smiled sweetly at him. “You didn’t scare him away.” Hawk walked over to him and rubbed his arms.

“Can you understand it?” Pierce stared up at Hawk.

He threw his head back laughing loudly and Pierce felt the warmth flood his face. “I’m not Dr. Doolittle, babe. No. I can’t understand animals. He’s wild. I’m careful even when I touch him.”

“I knew that. I was just joking,” Pierce mumbled, tucking his head in embarrassment.

“Don’t feel bad. Lucky swears me and that bird are kindred spirits.” Hawk lifted his face. “How are you feeling?”

Pierce closed his eyes and released a long sigh. “Famished.”

Hawk draped his muscular arms over Pierce’s shoulders and pulled him into his chest. He let his chin rest on top of his head, while he ran his fingers through his short blond hair. Hawk was so damn warm. Pierce rubbed his cheek over the soft hair on Hawk’s hard chest, wrapping his arms around his protector, bringing him into the blanket with him. It was brisk outside, but Pierce couldn’t feel it. “You feel good,” Pierce mumbled against Hawk’s pec.

Hawk hummed. “You do too. Your color is just about back, but you need to eat a little something and drink some more. Come on. I’ll fix you something light.” Hawk let go of him and took Pierce’s hand, leading him inside his home, to his kitchen.

Pierce wanted food but there was something he needed to say way more than he needed food. Hawk wasn’t touching him like he wanted him to. Just little comforting gestures. Like any nursemaid would behave with a patient. Maybe Hawk had decided that they were better off as teammates and nothing more. The thought upset Pierce. He wanted Hawk, he always had. But he needed to know he’d be safe with him. Not only his heart but his body too.

“Sit down. I’ll reheat the soup.”

“Do I have time to shower?” Pierce asked standing by the stools pushed up to the breakfast bar. “I’m pretty rank.”

“Sure. The master bath is upstairs, third door on the left. I have some comfortable clothes laid out for you in there too,” Hawk said while placing a large pot back on the range.

“Sure. Thanks.”
Damnit
. Hawk was being so nonchalant. Pierce needed to know if the sexy man was feeling the same way he was. Did Hawk still care for him? Maybe he’d pushed him away one too many times. He was sure they had made some significant progress before he was taken by Omega. Pierce’s head was racing with questions as he turned and trekked back up the stairs.

Hawk

Hawk heard the shower turn off and he was hoping he could get his dick to calm down before Pierce made it back to the kitchen. He’d managed to get a few touches in to see how Pierce would react, but he wanted to give the timid man some time before he made a serious move on him. He’d just been kidnapped by a crazy assassin and had almost starved to death. Last thing Hawk wanted to do was make him uncomfortable.

Pierce walked back into the kitchen looking a lot more refreshed and smelling absolutely heavenly. He had on Hawk’s boxers and a white tank top, which was the only thing he could think to give him that wouldn’t fall off of Pierce’s petite frame. His hair was still damp and sticking up in different directions.
Perfect, and just enough length on the top to pull while I thrust in deep and ground against his
–
Fuck
. Hawk had to clear his throat before any words would finally come out. “Hey. You look better. Did the shower help?”