Blue Persuasion (28 page)

“No. I’m confused. Give me a minute with Red?”

“Of course. I’m going to grab some water and head out back.”
What the fuck is going on? And why did she ask for me and not Red?
I took a glass down from the cabinet and filled it with chilled water from the fridge.

Outside, I sat next to Jacqs on the glider loveseat and placed the water down on the ground beside the couch.

“Have you met Rory?” she asked, looking down at her feet. Her eyes looked red.

“Yes, I have, but probably not like you think. I was at the club one night and she was there.”

She glanced up, her eyes wide. “What’s she like?”

“Can I ask you something first?” I said, bringing my legs up on the cushion, wrapping my arms around my knees, mirroring Jacqs’s body posture.

“Okay?” She said it like a question.

“What did you tell Bond?”

“I said I wasn’t ready for us to be over.” She bent her head back and squeezed her eyes shut. “I haven’t told anyone about this.”

“About Bond.”

“No. About ... oh fuck, Blue. I might be pregnant and I’m not sure—”

I hit my forehead and shook my head. “Holy fuck! Holy hell. Jacqs, you have to tell them.”

“I’m not ready, and not until I know for sure.”

Stunned, I couldn’t even process what she had shared.
Why, oh why, did she tell me? Me of all people?

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“Fuck, Jacqs. Is that why you told Bond you’re not ready?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I was hoping it would be him to pull away, but when he told me about Rory ... I hated it. Plus, I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” Inside the house, a movement caught my eye and I saw that Tate had arrived. I held up my pointer finger like a one.

“He says he hasn’t known her for very long and isn’t even sure where it will go. Over the last month or so, I felt like he was falling for someone else, but he said he hasn’t known her long.”

Whoosh, her words flung right over my head, circled around, and crashed right into me.

“It’s you, isn’t it?”

“Whoa! Can we please slow down here?” My heart thundered against my ribs, and I didn’t know what the hell to say to her.

“I’ve seen how he’s reacted to Tate. I saw him question him and how he watches you when you’re with Tate.”

“Jacqs, I—” I forgot how to breathe.

“I thought so. I guess I’m confused. Where do things stand now?”

My body flushed with the heat of her revelation. “I’m just dating Tate.”

“Is this recent?”

I knew she meant the ending with Bond. “Yes.”

“You’re toothbrush girl.”

I nodded.

“Fuck, girl.”

“Yeah.”

We stared at each other as apologies floated around in my head, but none landed on my lips.

“That had to be hard on you,” she said. “I’m not sure I would have dealt with knowing, but now who knows. I guess we never will. Are you sure about Tate, because I think Bond might—”

“Bond and I love each other, Jacqs, and we’ve grown comfortable in our relationship, but it’s not a love affair.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”
Holy fucking hell and motherfucking shit
.
I must still be in my bed in my apartment dreaming all of this in some macabre version of my world. My aunt is still alive and not a butterfly on the beach. I’ve never met Tate and his brand of crazy, and Bond most certainly isn’t in love with me. Someone fucking wake me up and fast. I don’t think I can take anymore.

Jacqs jostled my shoulder. “Blue.”

“Yeah, sorry. I zoned out for a second. So what are you going to do? You should tell Lainie. She can hold your hand while you take the test.”

“I don’t want anyone to know. I didn’t even mean to tell you. I’ll get a blood test in another week or so. Please don’t say anything.”

“Frankly, if we can pretend this conversation never took place, I might be able to screw my head back onto my shoulders. I think it’s rolling around by the pool.”

She chuckled quietly.

“Are you mad at Bond and me?”

“I just wish we all had handled it differently. I told Bond I didn’t want to know and I was mean to you the night you slept with him. That wasn’t the first time though, was it?”

“No, but I never ever slept with him while you guys were officially dating. I wouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t know about you, but this is a lot to digest.”

I felt so overwhelmed with a chorus of conflicting emotions. “No kidding. Let me know if you want me to come with you to get the test.”

“You would do that?”

“I’m certain Lainie will lynch me when she finds out but yeah, of course.”

She surprised me when she hugged me close.

Once we broke apart, I said, “Tate’s here and I need to get going, and you need to reassure Red.”

“Blue?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry about your aunt. I know you loved her like no other.”

“Thanks, Jacqs.” I stood, pulled down the legs of my shorts, and straightened my top. I blew out a sigh and turned to go inside. “Should I send Red out?”

“Yeah.”

As soon as I walked inside, I said, “Red, she’s ready for you.” I turned to Tate. “Can you give me a couple of minutes with Bond?”

He nodded.

“I’ll be quick.” I grabbed Bond’s wrist and pulled him into Red’s game room. Sitting on the edge of one of the pool tables, I said, “She knows about us. I didn’t tell her, but she figured it out for herself. I feel like we need to have a long conversation, but that can’t happen now with Tate waiting for me. I just wanted you to know that she knows.”

“Is she mad about it?”

I stood up straight and rolled my neck. “No, she doesn’t seem to be.”

“This is a mess.”

“Fuck, yeah, it is.”

“Come,” he said, waving me to him. Once I stepped into his embrace, he sighed against my cheek.

I didn’t know what to feel, but life just got seriously complicated, and I was right in the middle of the storm.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Can’t Pretend

by Tom Odell (at Dean Street Studios)

W
hen Bond and I walked out of the game room, I grabbed my stuff and said to Tate, “Let me use the bathroom and then we can take off.” I quickly peed and brushed my teeth. Once I came out, he led me to his Jeep, holding my hand.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked as we climbed into the car. “The energy at Red’s was all kinds of weird.”

“You don’t even know the half of it.” I rested my forehead in my palm.

“Then tell me.”

“I ... I can’t share everything.”

He started the engine. “Can’t or won’t?”

“To some extent both. I promised not to disclose part of it to anyone, and my word means everything to me. The other stuff is opinion and conjecture, and I’m not sure where I stand on it.”

He drove onto the street out front of Red’s. “Tell me what you can.”

Phew
, I thought. “Thank you for understanding. Bond told Jacqs about Rory and Jacqs isn’t ready to let Bond go. I’m curious as hell what she’s saying to Red right now. Here’s the real shocker—”

“She figured it out about you and Bond.”

“Yes. How did you know?” I swiveled in my seat to face him.

“If I figured it out...”

“Right.”

He made a left turn. “How did she take it?”

“Far better than I imagined.”

“That’s good. So the stuff you aren’t sharing, is it about Jacqs?”

I searched around in my skull, or at least it felt like that, trying to find the right words.

“Just say it, Blue.”

“Yes, the major portion has nothing at all to do with me.”

“And the minor portion?”

“It really isn’t about me either, but it involves me.”

“I think I see.”

I prayed he did not. As he maneuvered the Jeep through the streets, I spun in a whirlpool of confusion. Could Bond really be in love with me or was he just dealing with the loss of our intimacy? I didn’t have faith that Bond knew the difference. Besides, the loss of two relationships at once would be tough on anyone.

The most bizarre part was that I didn’t know how I wanted to feel about Bond being in love with me. I also couldn’t get next to how I really felt. Katness, from my novel, jumped to my mind. She forever chases the man who will not love her back. Was I doing the same thing? On some level, I knew I deserved love, I just wasn’t sure I believed it.

“You sure are deep in thought,” Tate said when he parked the Jeep on the side of his house. “What do you want to do?”

“Since the sky has cleared, how about a swim and then some food?”

He smiled. “Perfect. Let’s change into our suits, and I’ll grab a couple of towels and our robes.”

I dropped my bags in his bedroom and rummaged for my bikini. After changing, I watched Tate strip and don a pair of red bathing trunks.
Damn, he looks hot!

In turn, his eyes combed my body, leaving behind the heat of his gaze as he leisurely swept from my eyes, to my parted lips, and then my chest, rising and falling with the excitement he stirred in me. They continued their sojourn down my belly to my most concentrated desire, trapped behind nylon and spandex. He glanced up and said, “I see you sizing me up, too.” He ushered me against the back of his bedroom door, capturing my wrists in one hand and holding them above my head. With his knee, he forced my stance wider. “There we go.” He pushed his erection against my bikini-clad pussy, his mouth hovering over mine. “Did you like the photo?”

“Mmmhmm,” I murmured against his mouth.

He bit his way up my neck, across my chin, and tugged on my bottom lip. “I’ll make you forget him,” he growled, grinding his hips into me as he consumed my mouth and my breath. “My cock’s been aching for you all day.” He shucked off his shorts and shifted my bathing suit bottom to the side, plunging two fingers into my wetness.

“Oh god,” I groaned.

“I’m going to take you now, because I can’t wait another second.” He lifted me up with one arm, his weight pinning me to the door, my wrists still held high above me.

I curled my legs around his waist as he immersed the head of his cock into my pool of wetness.

He rocked up into me, repeatedly, penetrating as deeply with his stare. “Who do you belong to?”

“You!” I cried.

He shifted me slightly and I felt his fingers scoop up some of my juices and then douse into my ass.

“Oh fuck, oh hell!” I called out, shaking from the fierce stimulation.

“Oh yeah, there you go, ride me.”

“Let me ... have ... my arms.” I tugged to free them.

He released his grip on my wrists.

I clasped my hands onto his shoulders and bounced up and down on his cock and fingers.

“Kiss me,” he growled.

Our lips sparked together, igniting a need so deep and vast, I didn’t think it could ever be sated. He bent his knees and thrust upright again, banging against my cervix.

I welcomed the blend of pleasure and pain as his masculine scent filled my senses. His manly aggression turned me on as his fingers and cock stretched my openings.

“Oh, Tate, your cock feels so good. Fill me ... take me ... so good.”

As if my words affected him, his girth and length expanded as he raced toward climax.

In his arms, his cock filling me, I felt no confusion at all. I wanted this man to open his heart to me and risk it all, just like I was doing for him. All the while, we continued to kiss and slam our bodies together in ardor and passion.

Breaking away from our kiss, Tate yelled out his release, watching me watch him cum for me.

My legs lowered to the ground as he rested his forehead against mine, struggling to catch his breath. “Can you hand me a towel?” I asked.

“No,” he breathed out. He reached down between us and recovered my cum-filled pussy with the bikini bottom. “I want you to walk down to the beach with my cum between your legs.”

“I can do that,” I said, the idea totally keeping me hot and bothered.

He slipped back into his trunks. “Give me a sec.”

I followed him into the living room and waited as he ran into the kitchen and washed his hands.

“Let’s go.” Hand in hand, we raced across the deck, down the steps, and out onto the beach. He threw our stuff down and led me to the water.

We walked in several steps and then dove into the surf. We broke the surface and smiled at each other.

“I love seeing you smile,” I said. “Almost as much as I loved you fucking me against your bedroom door.”

“That was so hot.”

“Beyond.”

“Come to me.” He had me straddle him, my back to his chest, and his mouth next to my ear. His fingers snaked under the elastic of my suit bottom and found my sweet, very wet spot. “How does that feel?” he whispered.

“Incredible.”

“Look out at the people down the beach. Do you think they know what I’m doing to you?” He increased the pressure on my clit and suckled the side of my neck.

“Oh god, I don’t know.”

“And you don’t care.” He paused in the motion of his fingers, and said, “I know Bond is having second thoughts about you. Just to be clear, Blue, I’m not sharing you.”

In that moment, his possessiveness thrilled me.

“Repeat after me. I am yours.”

“I am yours,” I groaned as he continued the choreography of his fingers, reclaiming my clit.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I am yours.

I tilted my head back just as Tate bent his head forward and our lips locked in a torrid kiss.

“Great Spirit save me,” I called out against his mouth.

I saw Tate smile again just before he swallowed my cry. My orgasm racked my body, causing ripples on the surface of the ocean surrounding us.

“We’re going for two,” he rumbled into my ear, not stopping the circling and flicking of his fingers. His other hand slipped into the back of my suit and his fingers pushed into my ass. He rode the crest of my first climax, pushing me over to the next wave of release.

“Ohhh, holy Jesus Mother Murphy.” That time I swallowed my own scream.

Tate burst out in laughter, shaking us in the water, while I crumpled, liquefied by our sex and ever-growing love. “You say the weirdest stuff. You’re a funny girl,” he said, still chuckling into my neck.

I twisted around until I faced him and hugged him to me. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“Always my pleasure. Look at me.” His warm eyes melted me even more. “Was I right about Bond?”

“Do we have to talk about that? I’m floating in bliss and so enjoying our time together.” I lay back, drifting on the water, spreading my arms out wide, my legs still hooked around Tate’s waist.

He scooped up my back and brought me upright.

“Okay, okay,” I said, giving in. “Bond doesn’t know what he’s feeling. He’s grieving me and the idea of letting go of Jacqs as well.”

“What did you do while I was at work?” he asked in a calm voice. He lulled me into lying on my back again and held me in the water, staring down at me.

“I talked with Bond for a bit, called my mom, texted with my lover, and mostly napped.”

“Where did you nap?” he asked his voice no longer sedate.

My evil twin wanted to say,
with Bond
, but fortunately, she kept her mouth shut. “On the couch, by myself.”

“What did Bond do?”

“I have no clue. I was asleep.”

“How’s your mom?”

I hoped his latest question meant he had finished with the interrogation. “She’s as good as can be expected.”

“How are you doing?”

“Honestly, I feel like I’m in some parallel universe that I have yet to sort out, where all the rules are different.”

“Interesting simile.”

Score two points to Tate for getting it right. Why was I keeping score? Bond wasn’t in the running anymore.

“Blue?”

“Yep,” I said, running my hands through the surface of the water.

“I could be good for you.”

“Doubtful.”

He dunked me under the water and stepped away.

“Why the fuck did you do that?” I stood and wiped the water out of my eyes. “You’re the one that doesn’t want the dirty word:
Relationship
,” I whispered sarcastically. “Stop playing with me.” I watched the features of his face close off one by one: the warmth in his eyes a cold memory, the tension in his jaw back, and the crevice between his eyes once again deep.

He stood and crossed his arms. “I’m not playing, Blue.”

“But you’re not open to loving me, either. Explain to me why you would be a better choice than Bond if he truly loves me?”

“I wouldn’t be.”

“Fuck you!” I screamed, smacking the surface of the water. I turned away from him and trudged toward the shore.

He grabbed my upper arm and brought me face to face with him. “You push my buttons, woman.”

Woman?
“How is it my fault if you won’t tell me what they are?”

“It’s not.”

I lowered my shoulders in defeat. “I’m not good at this. I don’t mean to hurt you, but you hurt me all the time with your bullshit that you won’t ever love again, while you’re doing everything in your power to cause me to fall in love with you. How fair is that?”

“It’s not.” He squeezed the water out of his hair, while his hard stare scrutinized mine.

“Can I please take the Jeep? I need some time alone.”

“I’d prefer to talk this out.” He walked out of the water, and I followed him to the beach.

“What is there to talk out?” I asked, taking the towel he offered me.

“I care about you,” he said as he dried off.

“Groovy, and?”

“The more time we spend together, the more I care.” He spread out his robe and we both sat down on it.

Watching the shoreline waves recede into the ocean, I asked, “Are we replacing the word love with care?”

“They aren’t the same.”

“Right, so nothing has changed.”

“Everything has changed. That’s the problem. Each second I trust you more, the more I’m convinced it’ll kill me in the end.”

Holy hell!
His confession should’ve scared the bejesus out of me but instead, it made me love him more. “There’s another option.”

“What’s that?”

“We fall madly in love and stay together forever.”

“I don’t believe in forever anymore.”

“Right.” I fell back on my hands and looked at the sky. “Well, hopefully you’ll stop punishing yourself at some point. And hopefully for your sake, I’ll still be around when you do.”

“You don’t know anything about it.”

“Like you, I can put two and two together. Why you feel at fault for other people’s betrayal makes no sense to me. So, in that regard, you’re right. Trusting and loyal people can be fooled. It’s the plight of anyone with an open heart. I also believe we’re the ones who can love the deepest with the most passion. That’s what Stay tells me anyway.”