Borrowing Trouble (15 page)

“Jay… Just…” He shook his head, trying to wake up. “Fuck. Come in.”

Jay grabbed Landon. “I don’t want you to move. I told the kids everything. It’s all crazy and everything is tossed up in the air, but I don’t want you gone.”

Landon blinked.

“Landon, I realized long enough ago I should be ashamed for being so wishy-washy, that you’re so right. Just… you’re right. And you made all the lights in my head come on. Then I realized, you make me feel so comfortable with myself and I’m alive all of a sudden.”

“Jay, are you high?”

Jay scowled. “I’m trying to tell you I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, more in love than I’ve ever been, and you think I’m high?” Jay threw his hands up. “I’m fucking this all to hell.”

Landon frowned. Jay only used words like that when they were having sex, so the man was frustrated but—wait.

Landon put his hands on Jay’s face and held his head still. “Did you just tell me you came out to your kids and that you think you love me?”

Jay suddenly went all bashful, cheeks getting pink, eyes casting down. And then he met Landon’s gaze straight on. “I’m saying I know I am. I love you, Landon.”

Landon felt his eyes go wide.

“I kind of thought, especially when I realized for weeks now, you just fit. In my life, in my bed. But I was so caught up in all these new things happening in my head and trying to figure it all out. I wasn’t listening to my heart.. But yeah. When your daddy said you resigned, I realized I thought you were hurt because you thought Beth was moving in with me because Clint told me Millie told him and I’ve never run that fast in my life. I’ve never want to stop from hurting someone so much, except my kids—but that’s a given, they’re my—”

Landon shut Jay up with a huge, smiling, laughing kiss. Even his hangover couldn’t stop him from wanting to sing like the Hillbilly Sound of Music or something.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No,” Jay said, seriously. Landon ran a thumb over Jay’s furrowed brows, smoothing the lines there. “I hate how much Beth is hurting over this, and it feels wrong because I don’t want to disregard our marriage. I
care
for her. I always have and always will. But Landon, I absolutely fucking love you. And I know it’s gonna be hard to deal with and hell, we may not last, but… Hell, I wanna try. I wanna make promises and spend time with you and I don’t want you hurt because you’re waiting for me to get my shit together.”

Jay stopped. “Although, I may just be assuming you want the same thing.” He winced.

“Are you crazy?” Jay closed his eyes and Landon pressed forward. “I was scared I’d fallen that weekend we spent together just working on the deck and drinking beer. I knew I probably had the moment you started humming your song to me the other night. I’d never been in for real love, but that moment… I thought it had to be love. But last night, after Millie told me Bethany said she was coming home, I did worry, I had a moment of panic.”

He held Jay’s face, stroking his thumbs over Jay’s cheekbones. Jay’s beautiful, soulful brown eyes roamed Landon’s face. “But the moment I absolutely knew I could trust you, that you’d be here today, if not tomorrow or the next day, I knew you were mine. I knew then I loved you.” And Landon meant every word. He’d realized after he’d talked to his folks and decided to take the job, that he’d been patient, waiting for the right opportunity to finally strike out on his own to come. Jay would come too, with just a bit more patience. He had such faith in the man.

“I thought I’d lost you.”

“Nope. I told you I’d wait it out, and I meant it. I believe in you, Jay. You’ve always been up front with me. So don’t doubt me, either.”

“I won’t.” Jay dropped his forehead to Landon’s and one, two, three breaths later, the man fucking
sobbed
. And Landon held him as Jay wept. Jay mumbled tearful words of sorrow for hurting people, and guilt for not feeling guilty that he’d wanted Landon. He said words of love and hope in that laughter-through-tears way that made Landon smile and hug the man closer.

Finally, Jay pulled back and looked at Landon with a wet smile. “So, what’s this job? Do you have to move?”

“No. It’s at that little private school in Starkville. It’ll be a bit of a drive, but my friend is the assistant headmaster. She knows about me and while, like us living here, teaching there and being out wouldn’t be totally wise, they do have other quietly gay staff, otherwise she’d never have offered.”

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m not leaving you, Jay. We have time. I start in the winter semester, but I’ll still be living right here.” Landon paused. “What about your kids? How… how’s that?”

Jay sighed and explained a bit about how the night went. Landon wasn’t surprised Clint had figured it out, not based on the looks the boy’d given him.

“Oh, Ms. Lynne is a pain in my ass, I tell you,” Landon snapped. “But daddy had warned me.”

Jay’s eyes grew wide. “So he does know.”

“I think so, why?”

“Nothing, he’s just the one who told me you were here this morning, if I wanted to talk.”

Landon chuckled. “I feel like there should be a country song about this.”

Jay huffed. “I have the feeling we’re not quite there yet.”

Landon smiled and pressed a kiss to Jay’s mouth. “No, but we’re closer every day. Your kids are proof, even if it takes Millie time. Times are a changin’.”

“So he says to the former heterosexual.”

Landon didn’t know why that made him laugh so hard, but it did. They both did, for a long while. Laughed and kissed and just were light and free in the little house in the country.

“Former, eh? Prove it,” Landon growled, nuzzling Jay’s jaw, grinding their cocks together.

“I think I can handle that.” Jay let out a quiet moan, one that rolled right through Landon. Then Jay stunned Landon into stillness by whispering, “I want you to do me.”

Landon met Jay’s unguarded gaze, all the feeling there almost undoing him. “What do you—” Before he finished his question, Jay’s quirked eyebrow told him he’d been asking a silly question, but he hadn’t wanted to assume. “Jay, babe, you don’t have to…”

“I
want
to, though. I love how it felt when it was us, together like that. I just… I want you to know I mean all of this, that I’m here in this one hundred percent.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to let me fuck you, Jay.”

Jay grimaced, but still smiled. “Good because I was hoping you’d be gentler than that since it’s my first time and all.” Jay suddenly looked nervous, but his open, vulnerable expression was steadfast. “I don’t wanna just seal it with a kiss. This is important. I want you to make love to me.”

“Yeah?” Landon’s voice faltered, the gravity of what Jay offered hitting him right in the chest, making butterflies burst in his stomach. The moment felt heavy, important. Perfect. Jay nodded once, then kissed the corner of Landon’s mouth and whispered, “Yeah.”

Landon took Jay’s hand, took a deep breath, and led him up the stairs and to the bedroom.

Chapter 19

Once upon a time, Jay thought maybe he’d feel less manly, or perhaps more
gay
, if he lay with a man like this. Yes, now that he thought back on it honestly, he could recognize those moments in which he’d thought he might like being taken care of in bed. Those moments had been pushed back, chalked up to being random, fleeting thoughts every man gets in life where he thinks about some sexual taboo to get his dick twitching.

Now though, with Landon having already stripped him slowly and having kissed him over every inch, Jay’s body buzzed, and it was singing with a need he didn’t know he’d had. To be touched, to let go, was a scary-as-hell thing for a split second, but since he surrendered to Landon’s hands and lips and tongue, Jay almost wept at how deeply he
felt
. His heart pounded and his stomach clenched in pleasure as he gasped for breath. Jay felt like he’d come apart and Landon was slowly pulling him open.

Then Landon looked up at him with a gentle, loving grin and kissed Jay’s bare chest while he continued stroking Jay’s cock with one hand, and asked “You’re sure?”

Part of Jay wanted to say
no, fuck no
. A million moments in their relationship had changed and rearranged Jay’s life. Even if he never did this particular act again, he felt it’d be as life changing as the first time Landon had blown him, or the first time he’d taken Landon in his mouth, or the first time he’d fucked Landon.

A twinge of guilt had Jay placing a shaking hand on Landon’s face, palm to cheek. “Landon, I don’t think less of you because I’ve done this to you. The topping bit.”

Landon’s confused expression had Jay pulling him up for a heady kiss, then he finished his thought. “Sorry, me and my talking again. I guess, I just feel like this is big. You know?” Landon’s smirk made Jay roll his eyes in a way that’d make his kids proud.
Not the time to think about them.
“I just mean this, us doing this for the first time… I feel like it’s going to make me different.”

Landon’s brow furrowed in concern. “Jay, we don’t have to do this.”

“No!” Jay shout out, louder than he’d intended. He placed both hands on Landon’s face, opened his legs wider, and wrapped his calves around Landon’s thighs. And surpisingly, it felt right holding Landon like that, having him there.

“I didn’t mean that, Landon. I just meant… I’ll be different, but not in a bad way. But, for a while maybe, I did worry it would make me less. And I want to apologize because I didn’t really think of you as less. It just made you more…” Jay felt like a jerk. He was fucking this up and he really didn’t mean it how the words may have sounded.

But Landon, bless him, smiled and chuckled lightly before pecking a kiss to Jay’s lips. “I get it. You thought it made sense because I’m gay. And it made you
more
gay.”

Jay shrugged and felt his cheeks heat up. Landon hugged him tightly. “Jay, being with a man and wanting a relationship with a man made you not-so-straight. This is just another way to be together. It’s not important that we do this. But I do love you so much for wanting to do it, to give me this.”

“Thank you. And I do. I do want so much to give you this. That’s why I even started with all this crazy talk.”

Landon’s expression grew naughty, but his gaze still held so much love, Jay’s heart felt full to bursting. Landon ground his hard, naked cock into Jay’s. Jay hissed in pleasure. “Anyone ever tell you you think too much?”

“Never,” Jay replied seriously.

“Fair point. Well, it’s not such a bad thing for me that you do that now. But
right now
, let’s turn off that brain of yours.” Landon sucked in Jay’s bottom lip, nibbling on it, using one of his strong, calloused hands to rub down Jay’s flank to his ass cheek, which he kneaded firmly.

Jay’s heart thumped harder and his cock tingled as Landon’s slid next to it. Landon gave one last lingering kiss before sitting back on his haunches and pushing Jay’s legs up, directing Jay to hold them open wide, gripping under the knees. Landon grabbed one of the extra pillows beside Jay’s head and maneuvered it under Jay’s hips.

“I’ll admit, I’ve never been with a virgin,” Landon started, seemingly unsure. “I want this to be good for us. My first time was with someone who knew what they were doing and it still had its awkward moments, so I can’t promise it won’t hurt or be strange. But I’m going to do some stuff to try to make it less… all of that.”

Jay could only nod as he looked down at Landon, whose hand was running up and down one of Jay’s inner thighs while the other stroked Jay’s cock. Even the tips of Jay’s ears burned, feeling a bit embarrassed as Landon flicked his gaze from Jay’s face, down to his hard cock, and further to his exposed hole. Jay could definitely say this was new, and not wholly comfortable, but the naked yearning in Landon’s eyes had Jay’s cock hard as steel.

Without preamble, Landon bent and sucked Jay’s throbbing cock into his mouth. Jay grunted, canting his hips up a bit, getting a dirty laugh from Landon as he started bobbing his head up and down, sucking Jay’s cock like a master. Jay’s head lolled as he gave over to the feeling.

Landon started playing with Jay’s balls, every once in a while stroking Jay’s spit-slicked shaft. He pulled off, breathing loudly. “Damn, Jay, you always taste so good.”

Jay couldn’t quite form words, but his cock jerked in Landon’s hand, so he figured that was response enough. Landon stroked Jay’s wet cock, leaning up to kiss and nibble on each of Jay’s nipples, which had Jay bucking in Landon’s hands. “Landon, damn. You’re gonna make me lose it.”

Landon stopped and pulled back a bit, eyes roaming over his lover. “You’re so beautiful.”

Jay flushed, this time with pride because the gleam in Landon’s eyes, the way his licked his lips wantonly, said even with Jay’s forming lovehandles and his softer tummy, the man really did want him. The confidence that zapped through Jay, the capital-L love, made him preen.

Landon spit on his hand, which made Jay laugh because it was crude as hell, but sexy in the strangest way, knowing what the man could do with that spit.

Landon rubbed the spit down Jay’s perineum, then the tip of his finger found Jay’s sensitive opening and started rubbing circles around his hole. Jay instinctively pulled his legs wider, eyes bulging as he let out a moan.

“You like?” Landon’s voice was husky and eager.

“It’s different.” Jay answered, but pushed against the finger that played on his rim. Different but good, he wanted to say, but his voice failed him again as Landon spit and lubed his hole once more. Then, as open as Jay’d felt earlier, the way he felt metaphorically undone by Landon, now became a physical openness as Landon slid the tip of a finger in.

“Breathe out,” Landon encouraged. Jay complied and Landon’s thick finger slid in deep. Landon had been right earlier when he said it’d hurt and feel awkward. Jay’s erection flagged, but he couldn’t stop the strange need to push down rather than retreat when Landon slowly started fingering him. Jay cried out when Landon inserted a second finger and crooked them, pressing something deep inside that made Jay shudder from head to heaven-pointed toes.

“Goddamn,” Jay growled through gritted teeth. His cock gave a happy jerk as Landon did it again, chuckling at Jay’s reaction.

“I love how dirty your mouth gets in bed.”

Jay only grunted in response. Landon pushed in a third finger after adding more spit. Jay watched Landon, who stared heatedly at where his fingers entered Jay. He’d never been looked at like that by another person, like he was what they needed rather than just wanted.

Landon stroked Jay’s cock, which had hardened again, even if it was not quite as hard as it had been before. Which was strange, because Jay felt like he had the most raging hard-on he’d ever had. He really got what it meant to be completely turned on.

Landon pulled his fingers out. “Okay.” Landon fitted himself between Jay’s legs, kissing Jay fully on the lips, then diving his tongue into Jay’s mouth. Landon’s tongue was cool from his having been breathing heavily through his mouth. Jay didn’t understand why something so simple sent a thrill through him, but he’d learned at this point, everything about Landon, everything the man did, was erotic to him.

“Okay,” Landon repeated. “As much as I’d love to look in your eyes and be all cheesy and romantic this time, being as it’s your first time bottoming, it’ll be easier this way.” Landon removed the pillow from under Jay and positioned him on his side, one leg up slightly, then Landon spooned him from behind. The snick of a bottle behind Jay made his pulse quicken. He shivered as Landon’s fingers trailed cold, slippery lube between his legs and fingered some in. After removing them, the squishy sound of Landon stroking lube over his cock could be heard.

“Remember, breathe out,” Landon whispered in Jay’s ear.

Jay closed his eyes and did as he was told, the blunt head of Landon’s lubed cock prodding his hole. He wasn’t freaking out, just overwhelmed by his feelings. This was it. He’d realized when he and Landon were together what being one could really feel like, even if that was “cheesy”—as Landon put it. But this…

“Breathe,” Landon whispered. Jay did. And holy shit. He gritted his teeth as Landon’s long, thick cock slid inside him. Definitely bigger than two or three fingers, Jay felt split open.

“Keep breathing.”

Jay realized at that point, he’d been holding his breath, so he let it out and started breathing deeply. That definitely helped. Landon pushed all the way inside, then reached for Jay’s cock, stroking him firmly, keeping him hard with rough, dry, circular strokes over the head. Jay’s body quaked, loosening up. He tested the newfound muscles and willed them to open more. He didn’t let his brain take over. This was about feeling. This was about him and Landon.

This was about being new.

Landon’s mouth teased over Jay’s shoulders and neck; he nibbled behind Jay’s ear. Jay pushed back against Landon’s invading cock.

“Oh yeah,” Landon purred, his tone silly. “That means you’re ready for the big show, baby.”

Jay laughed on a moan as Landon slid out and then slowly back in. “Mother fucker,” Jay groaned.

“Yeah? You like that?”

Boy, howdy, he sure as hell did. Landon used his own knee to push Jay’s up some more, then he wrapped his arm around Jay’s chest and set up a steady fucking. Jay eventually found himself fucking himself on Landon’s cock. Landon stilled him though, placing a hand on Jay’s lower belly, pushing slowly in to the root.

“Let me love you,” Landon panted.

Jay couldn’t even bring himself to laugh at the word. Now he kinda got why people said things like that. He felt like a teenager who’d just realized you could love with your body as much as you could get off with it. And as Landon filled him, retreated, and filled him again, Jay felt so perfect, so cherished, and so damned happy he’d run over here this morning, so glad he’d offered his body like this, because he did feel every bit of their bond at this moment. In Landon’s arms, Jay’s eyes started to leak, some from sadness for the man who’d been locked away all these years in his head, some from the happiness he’d found this when he’d not even known he’d needed it.

“Jay?” Landon stilled. “Babe, are you crying?”

“I’m fine,” Jay stuttered, a bit choked up. “Please. Keep going.”

Landon stayed still another moment before kissing Jay’s temple softly, then reaching a hand down to fondle Jay’s balls as he started thrusting in and out again.

Eventually, the need won over, and they were slamming into one another, Jay practically shouting every time Landon hit that spot inside.

“Oh, fuck. Landon… I’m gonna cum.”

“Do it!” Landon ground out into Jay’s ear, and both of them wrapped their hands around Jay’s cock. Jay’s vision blurred as he tipped over into the most intense orgasm he’d ever had. “Oh, son of a bitch,” Landon barked out. Suddenly, he was rolling Jay onto his stomach. Jay yelped happily as his sensitive cock thrust against the sheets and spurted more cum, his whole body convulsing. Landon hit that spot inside again and again as he flexed against Jay’s ass, face buried in Jay’s hair.

Then Landon pushed in deep, where it felt like he had tried to crawl inside Jay as he shot his cum in Jay’s ass and whimpered. Jay’s heart pounded and he gripped Landon’s hand that had wrapped around his chest, holding Landon as Landon emptied inside him. Jay wondered how he’d gone so long without this, never wanting to be without it again.

Being filled with Landon’s cock, filled with his cum, Jay’d never felt so fucking close to someone before.

Landon pulled out, both of them letting out disappointed grunts as Jay’s body released Landon’s. Landon fell on the pillow next to Jay. “Jesus.”

Jay rolled onto his back and caught his breath, reaching out a hand to lay on Landon’s stomach. Landon grabbed it with one of his own and they lay in happy, sated silence for a while.

“That. Was. Awesome,” Jay managed to say around gasping breaths.

Landon snorted. “Glad to be of service. So. Regular part of our repertoire?”

“Maybe not so much.” Jay twisted his hips, feeling the strange sensation, still full and aching in good and awkward ways. “How do you deal with all that… going on afterwards.”

“It was your first time. It gets a little…. Okay, I am not gonna lie. It’s more intense your first couple times, but yeah. I know bottoming isn’t for everyone.”