Bound by Trust (11 page)

*
* * *

“So,
what time is Meredith supposed to be back?” Julia asked Madi, as she secured
another streamer from a dining chair to the wall.

“I
told her to be back by seven, the girls are supposed to start showing up around
six thirty.” Madi pushed the wrinkles out of the tangerine tablecloth she’d
mananged to find just for Meredith’s bridal shower.

“I
hope by the time we have the baby shower, there will be reason for us to
celebrate twice.”

“Don’t
get your hopes up, Mama. I am beginning to wonder if I can get pregnant.” Madi
set a basket of paper goods on the end of the table and began to arrange
plates, cup, and plastic utensils along one end.

“Madi,
don’t talk like that. You’ve only been trying a few weeks.”

“I
know that, but with Shannon it only took the one time not being careful, and
Rafe and I have been trying like rabbits.” She started back into the kitchen
with Julia on her heels.

“Well,
you are older now, and maybe you are trying too hard, maybe you’re putting too
much pressure on yourself and the stress of dwelling on it has something to do
with it,” Julia offered. “Maybe you should quit trying and let things take
their due course.”

“Maybe
you’re right; I just want to keep him happy. And I think a baby would make him
happy.”

“Madi,
you have to quit comparing him to Gage and your father.” Julia took her
daughter’s chin with her forefinger and pulled her head up to look her in the
eyes. “He’s neither of them and he’s a good man. I don’t think you being
pregnant has any bearing on his happiness, just having you seems to have done
the trick. If I learned anything in all those years with your father, marriage
is a fifty-fifty highway and your happiness matters just as much as his.
Granted I never got my fifty percent’s worth, but I know that’s how it’s supposed
to work.”

Madi
smiled at her mother. She was right of course. She dwelled constantly on what
would keep Rafe happy, trying to keep the waters still. Not wanting to have a
repeat of her first marriage, she was forever devising ways to please her new
husband and keep his attention. She cooked all his favorite foods, kept a
spotless house, and checked with him before she did anything or made any
decisions. She even went so far as to ask before spending a cent of their money
in spite of the fact that he’d given her control of the bank accounts.
Subconsciously she’d been placating him the way she had Gage for ten years.
Maybe in the back of her mind she still didn’t completely trust him and was
afraid the least little mistake would cause him to start ignoring her and going
out with his friends, instead of staying home to coddle her.

“So,
is that how it works between you and Duncan? All fifty-fifty?” Madi smiled,
knowing her mother was smitten with Rafe’s master gunnery sergeant. They were another
happily-ever-after in the making.

“No,
it does not,” Julia mused. “It’s more seventy-thirty…in my favor of course.”

Madi
laughed and kept pouring mixed nuts into a delicate crystal bowl. “Good, you
deserve to be spoiled, Mama. I think he’s good for you.”

“So
do I.”

*
* * *

“Well,
Rafe, how are you finding married life?” Aiden teased his friend as they drove
west from Hopkinsville, trying make up for the time they’d lost changing a tire
on the horse trailer.

“Why,
are you getting cold feet already?” Rafe accused back. “You need a few reasons
to go through with it?”

“Hell
no. I love Meredith and I can’t wait to see her waddling around in a few months
all round and sassy.”

“Yeah,
Rafe, when are you going to finally get Madi pregnant?” Jared prodded.

Rafe
fell silent and pushed his cap back. He didn’t know what the problem was, but
he did know that for the last two months, he’d hated for that time of the month
to come and see the look of dismay on his wife’s face. It was killing him that
he couldn’t manage what should be a simple task to make her happy. He glanced
around to see both Jared and Aiden staring at him, waiting for an answer.

“Rafe,
is something wrong? You two have been trying, right?” Aiden asked in a more
serious tone. “Does it have something to do with what happened with Shannon?”

“Yeah,
we’re trying; we just haven’t managed to get it done yet. I don’t think it has
anything to do with what happened the first time. She saw her doctor and he
said everything should be fine. Maybe I’m too old and waited too long to start
having kids.”

“What
a crock,” Aiden protested. “You’re probably trying too hard. Meredith and I weren’t
trying at all and looked what happened.”

“Maybe
you’re right. I’m thinking of taking her home to meet my family in August.
Maybe getting away would take our minds off of it and take the stress off her.
She gets so upset when she finds out we failed again.”

*
* * *

Madi
and her three closest confidants were all sitting under the expansive oak tree
in the front yard, facing the road. Lined up around Nev’s pool, their feet hung
over the sides, soaking in the lukewarm water. Nev lay on her back in the middle,
trying to combat the stifling heat.

“Dear
God, I hope it cools off before we start cooking,” Madi complained. “This is
miserable.”

“I
agree.” Liz splashed some more water up her legs. “Maybe we could just eat ice
cream and forget it.”

“I’m
all for that,” Meredith added with enthusiasm. “A big bowl of cherry vanilla
with chocolate sauce…and nuts…and whipped cream.”

“You
might as well eat a bag of sugar,” Madi scolded. “Do you want the baby to come
out hyperactive?”

“What
would you know about it?” Meredith looked as shocked that she’d said it as Madi
was at hearing her.

“I
suppose nothing. I wasn’t afforded the luxury of knowing what too much sugar
causes.” Madi removed her feet and plodded off to the house.

Meredith
started to get up and follow, but Julia stopped her.

“Don’t,
Meredith. She needs some space. Nothing about Shannon, or trying to get
pregnant now is easy for her. Just give her some time, and then let her know
you’re sorry.”

“I
am sorry, Mama, I need to learn to think before I speak.”

“Yes,
you do, but it’s too late this time.” Julia adjusted in her chair and took a
drink of her tea. “Like I said, let her cool off, then talk to her.”

As
the sun started descending a bit, sending the shade a few degrees in the wrong
direction, they all got up and were moving the pool and their chairs when Liz
noticed a plume of dust rising above the trees down the road.

“Well,
I think they’ve finally returned,” she said, pointing to the horizon.

They
all watched as Rafe started backing down the driveway across the road and
around the house to the barn.

“Well,
this should brighten her day,” Meredith said, starting across the road seeing
Aiden coming around the corner of the house.

While
they were busy hugging and kissing in the crunchy brown grass, Rafe came across
the road leading Cass.

“Where’s
Madi?” he questioned Julia, tethering the horse to a low limb on the tree.

“In
the house, she and Meredith had a couple of cross words, but she’ll be fine I’m
sure. Especially now that her horse is home.” Julia walked over and stroked
Cass’ nose.

Rafe
marched up the steps, quite pleased with his accomplishment. At least he’d been
able to do one thing right for her this month and he hoped it made her as happy
to see Cass as it had made him to retrieve the stallion for her.

“Hey,
honey,” he said, walking into their room and finding her on her back on the bed
with her hand over her forehead. “You doing okay?”

“Sure,
peachy,” she spouted, regretting it immediately. Wishing she could bite her
tongue in two, she sat up. “I’m sorry. It’s this insufferable heat, I think.
How did it go? Were they happy to get their horse?”

“I
don’t know yet, I still have him, want to come out and take a look?”

Madi
got up and followed Rafe through the house and across the porch. She needed to
watch her tongue if she wanted to keep her husband happy. No one wanted to live
with a depressed smart ass. Trotting beside him down the steps, she looked up
and saw the horse tethered to the oak tree.

“Cass?
Rafe, how did you manage to get Cass?” She hurried across the yard and let the
horse nudge under her neck, nickering in recognition.

Rafe
watched her and wondered if he would have to keep buying horses to fill the
absence of a child.

Chapter 10

“So,
do you and Rafe have plans for the weekend?” Meredith asked, tucking Nev’s
music books in her backpack.

Nev
had become a fixture at Madi’s house practically every day since school had let
out for the summer and Madi had become pleasantly used to her presence. She
wished she would hurry up and get pregnant and was beginning to have serious
doubts that she could, despite what her doctor had told her or the
encouragement of Liz, Julia, and Meredith. It had only taken one time to conceive
Shannon and she and Rafe had been trying for weeks now with no luck.

“Not
really.” Madi closed the piano cover and straightened the sheet music sitting
atop it. “He has duty tonight and won’t be home until tomorrow morning
sometime, and then he’ll probably sleep most of the day.”

“Madi,
are you feeling alright?”

“Yes,
I’m fine why?”

“You
don’t look well.” Meredith stared at Madi’s face intently. “Sweetie, are you
pregnant?”

“No,
I’m not pregnant.” Madi sighed and sat on the piano bench.

“Are
you positive?”

“Yes,”
she spat out defensively. “I’m positive, Mother Nature confirmed it this
morning.”

“Oh,
honey, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m
sorry, Meredith, it isn’t your fault,” she said her voice catching.

“Oh,
Madi, it’s okay. Would you like me to stay with you tonight, so you can sleep?
I know I can’t when Aiden pulls duty, now that I’m used to him being there.”

“No,
that’s okay. There’s no need in both our men suffering our absence tonight.”
She feigned a smile and walked her sister to the door.

No
sooner had Meredith pulled out of the driveway, than the UPS man pulled in. He
waved and parked right in front of the porch. Wondering what in the world he
could be bringing, Madi went down to meet him. She hadn’t ordered anything and
couldn’t imagine anyone would be sending her something that required the UPS
man to deliver it. After struggling for quite some time, he managed to drag an
enormous drab olive green box to the back of his truck and shove it off on a
dolly. She began to panic seeing him push the monstrosity toward her. It could
only be one thing, but she couldn’t understand why the government had sent it
this way. Gage’s personal effects had been lost according to the Army and
hadn’t been seen or located for the last several months. If that container did
indeed hold his things, an Army representative should have delivered it
personally.

“Are
you Mrs. Madison Melbourne?” The driver consulted his clipboard as he struggled
to get the box up the steps.

“Yes,
I am. Well, I used to be, I’m now Madison McCarthy.” Madi was filled with dread
as he continued, tugging his load closer and closer to her. “Can you tell me
what that is?”

“Nope.”
He stopped at the top of the stairs and huffed for air. “It’s from Afghanistan,
where do you want it?”

Madi
froze and couldn’t find her voice.

“Ma’am,
I have other deliveries, where do you want it?” he snapped.

He
was the most rude delivery person Madi had ever encountered, yet she couldn’t
muster the words to tell him so. This was one of those times Rafe would have
wanted her to hand him his ass properly, but she couldn’t find it in herself to
do it.

“Can
you bring it in for me?” She led him around to the French doors where she
figured it would be easier to get in.

“Sure,
sure.” He looked more annoyed. “Why the hell didn’t he just have the Army send
it home like they usually do, instead of sending it UPS?”

“Because
he’s dead. This is the Army’s way of getting it home.” Tears welled up in
Madi’s eyes and she just wanted this latest nightmare to go away.

Quietly,
and a little more carefully, the man finished pushing the box in and gingerly
set it down in her living room.

“I’m
very sorry, Mrs. Melbourne, McCarthy, sometimes I forget that others have
problems bigger than mine.” With that he was gone.

Five
months of grieving and hating him for what he left her with, and three months
of happiness, and now this. She realized she should have had him drag it on
into the spare room where she kept the rest of Gage’s stuff. Rafe had never
begrudged her his presence in the house, and never questioned how she dealt
with it all, but what would he think when he came home in the morning and saw a
trunk full of another man sitting in the middle of the floor? She wasn’t even
sure how she felt about it. Every emotion she thought it was possible to feel
swept over her as she tried to figure out if she wanted to look inside or not.
She imagined what was there—her letters to him, photos, his diary. Would his
diary give her any insight as to why he’d secretly run her into financial ruin?
Taking a seat on the couch, she stared at the box, running her hands across the
nape of her neck and wondering what to do. Was she ready to know what he’d been
thinking?

As
if sensing something was wrong with her, Gretchen jumped up on the couch and
nudged her.

“I
know, girl, I’m not quite normal right now.” She patted the dog on the head.
“But we’ll get through it somehow.”

As
the sun came up dispersing the shadows in the room the next morning, Madi still
sat on the couch with Gretchen’s head in her lap. Figuring Rafe would be along
in a couple of hours, she went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee,
wishing she could go back twelve hours and begin again. Before it finished
brewing, she heard someone on the porch. She knew it couldn’t be Rafe, he
wasn’t allowed to leave until colors had been posted and the next duty officer
had checked in. Feeling like her eyes were full of sand from crying and being
awake all night, she went to the door to find Liz standing there, looking as
haggard as she felt.

“Liz?”
Madi swung the door open and let her in. “What’s wrong?”

“Jared
and I had an enormous fight,” she said, moving toward the living room. “I
needed to get away from him for a while and here was the only place I could
think of to come.”

“Well,
that’s okay, I’m glad you consider me a good enough friend to come to.” Madi
followed her in the living room and noticed the curious look in Liz’s eyes.

“Madi,
what is that?”

“Well,
my dear protégé, the Army saw fit to send Gage’s personal effects by UPS
yesterday evening.” A fresh round of tears developed. “Isn’t that just peachy?
His stuff was lost for months and this is the best they could do.”

“Why
is it here, in the middle of the living room?”

“Because
the man who brought it was an ass, and this is as far as it got.” Madi took
another tissue from the box on the table and blew her nose. “I haven’t opened
it yet.”

“Do
you want to open it?” Liz took her friend’s hand and pulled her to sit on the
couch with her. “I’ll help you.”

Madi
nodded her head. She needed to know and now that she had someone with her, it
didn’t seem as scary as it had when she was alone.

“Okay.”
Liz rose and brought Madi with her holding her hand all the way to the giant
green box. “Do you want me to open it for you? I will if you want.”

“No,
that’s okay, just being here with me is enough. I’ll open it.”

Madi
released the latches on either side of the lid and pushed it back. A whooshing
sound escaped, carrying with it a cloud of the sulfuric odor that always
lingered on their things when they returned from the Middle East. It turned her
stomach and Liz covered her mouth and nose.

“Is
it always that bad?” she asked from behind her fingers.

“Yes,
I’m afraid so.”

Madi
took a steadying breath and fingered the few items on top, then shoved them
aside looking for the things she knew she needed to see. Halfway down the stack
she located what she was digging for. She pulled the bound stack of letters out
first and began to thumb through them. In shock at what she saw, she determined
she had received some other soldier’s things. The return addresses were all
wrong. Some other wife was still waiting because her husband’s foot locker was
in her living room. Then a few envelopes down the stack, she found one
addressed to him from her. She flipped back and re-examined the letters.
Picking one up she opened it and read it.

Dear Gage—

I
miss you so much. I am counting the days until you come back, and I can’t wait
until you are finished with Madi and we can have our own homecoming…

She
scanned through the rest and discovered it was signed ‘Pamela.’ Hastily, she
turned the envelope back over—Pamela Dearing, her neighbor from base housing at
Fort Campbell. She pulled out another one; it was from a Corporal Charlene
Edwins, also waiting to give him a homecoming welcome. Angrily, she began to
put the pieces together. Throwing the letters down, she dug through the box
again and found an envelope of pictures and ripped that open.

“Madi?
What’s wrong?” Liz asked, alarm filling her voice.

“Plenty.
Maybe you should go, Liz. I’m afraid I’m going to be very poor company here
very shortly.”

All
the pictures were of him with other women and looked to have been taken on
various vacations and R&R trips to Dubai. Some were on the pontoon at
Cumberland Lake. Trying not to scream, she threw the photos all over the room
and went back to the box. Where was his diary? She located it and thumbed through
the pages.

July 7th

Hot
as hell today. Went into the valley, everyone came back. It was a good day…

September 6th

Talked
to Madi today. Get tired of hearing how hard it is waiting for me to come back.
How does she think I feel? Isn’t her precious piano and that damn horse enough
for her…

September 15th

Got
email from Jared today…

She
reread that.

…
from
Jared today—he claims if I don’t tell Madi what is going on he will…he’s such
an ass, what are friends for if not to cover for their buddies?

Stunned,
she sank to the floor and the diary fell to the hardwood with a dull thump.

He knew. Why hadn’t he
told her? He knew.

“Madi,
talk to me.” Liz squatted beside her and pushed her hair back.

“Jared
knew,” she said lifelessly. “He knew and didn’t tell me.”

“Knew
what?”

“Look
around, Liz, tell me what you see.” Madi swept her hand across the mess in the
floor.

The
photo and letters lay scattered, a collage of a life Liz knew nothing of, but
what appeared to contain something Madi hadn’t been aware of until this moment.

“Sweet,
Jesus.”

Liz
jumped up, grabbed her purse, and within minutes was talking to Jared.

“You
get your ass up and get over here,
now
.”
With her hand on her forehead, she mustered that authoritative Army wife voice
she’d heard the other women use.

“First
of all, where are you?” he asked groggily.

“I’m
over at Madi’s and she needs more than I know what to do. In fact, I’m not so
sure of what she might do. And just what do you know about Gage that would
upset her this bad?”

“Shit!
I’m on my way.”

Several
minutes later Jared walked in, unshaven, wearing a pair of PT shorts, a
t-shirt, and a pair of shower shoes. He obviously had recognized the dire panic
in Liz’s voice and was in a hurry to get there.

“Where
is she?” He took one look at Liz and saw she was shaking. “What happened?”

“In
there.” She pointed to the living room. “I’m not sure what brought it on.
Gage’s box came yesterday and we were going through it, and the next thing I
knew, she’s throwing pictures and letters everywhere, and she says you knew.”

“Oh,
no.” Jared pulled both hands down his face. “I never thought he’d actually be
stupid enough to leave behind evidence.”

“Evidence
of what?” Liz demanded.

“Of
his affairs.”

He
went into the now-overturned living room and watched as Madi continued to throw
Gage’s things across the room, ranting and cussing the whole while. Gretchen
sat beside her whining.

“Madi?”
Cautiously he walked toward her. “Hey, honey, why don’t you quit throwing
things and we can talk about this?”

Madi
whirled around and glared at him.

“You
knew, didn’t you? How long, Jared? How long had it been going on?” Her chest
heaved and tears streamed down her face. “How long?” she screamed.

“From
the beginning.” He was ashamed that he hadn’t had the balls to tell her.

“For
ten years. That’s why he had the vasectomy, wasn’t it? So he wouldn’t get them
pregnant.” She pointed at the melee of photos strewn all over the rug. “It had
nothing to do with us. It had nothing to do with Shannon. Well, I guess I
should feel so much better that it wasn’t just me he didn’t want children
with.”