Bound Temptations: Stories of Temptation and Submission (31 page)

He spent much of the night
sleepless and he’d come to a harsh, ugly fact.

He loved Tania Sinclair so
much he was stupid with it, and last night, he’d done something he
hated himself for.

It didn’t
matter so much to him that she’d needed it, because
he
hadn’t wanted it—not
then. He felt too raw after going through those pictures, after
what he’d found in Kent’s little perverted hideaway. Too battered,
after he’d realized the brutal, ugly knowledge—if only Gail had
said something to him, just once, he could have saved Tania from
that. If only…

He wasn’t so certain he
could do this.

Hell, if she needed him to
play her fuck-toy teddy bear, he’d do that, but trying to build
some sort of relationship, hoping she’d fall in love with him? He
didn’t know if he could set himself up for any more
heartache.

Sighing, he stood. He
dressed in silence, his heart heavy with what he was going to
do.

He needed space,
though—needed to come to grips with what he’d done, needed space to
decide what he was going to do. He’d give it a few days before he
told her, yeah. She was fragile still, and he needed to accept
that, help her through it…

He heard a car. Looking out
his window, he glimpsed a gray Volvo.

Snarling, he tore down the
steps.

Tania heard his feet beating
a rhythm on the stairs from the kitchen. Frowning, she glanced up
from the bacon and flipped it, then turned the heat down a little
before slipping out of the kitchen. She heard the front door open,
then close.

Passing by the window, she
glimpsed the driveway and saw Gail’s car.

Narrowing her eyes, she
stormed to the front of the house. But just before she would have
jerked the door open, she paused. Instead, she opened it carefully,
slowly, listening through the narrow slit.

“—
you’re here. Just leave,”
Drake demanded.

“
I only need a minute,” Gail
said, her voice flat and cool. “I just wanted to tell you, I’m
leaving. As in, leaving town.”

“
Should I cheer?” he drawled
sardonically.

She shot
him a sidelong look. “Be quiet, Drake, and let me finish. This
isn’t easy. I
don’t
believe my son ever wanted to hurt her. I won’t believe it.
But…I realize perhaps there was something unhealthy there. If I’d
said something…”

“
Perhaps?
” Drake mocked, his voice
thick with disbelief. “Hell, lady. What more did you need? A sign
saying,
Mom, I need help
. But because nobody saw it, Tania was all but
broken.”

“
She’s not broken,” Gail
said quietly. “She’s too strong for that.”

Drake was quiet. Then he
nodded. “You’re right. She is. But she was hurt—too badly hurt, and
I won’t, can’t forgive you.”

“
Of course not. You love
her. As I love my son.” Gail went to turn away.

Tania opened the door and
slid outside.

Gail turned her head. When
she looked at Tania, she swallowed, jerking her gaze
away.

“
You loved your son. Maybe
you should have gotten him help,” Tania said levelly.

“
Yes. And
I’ll live with that the rest of my life. That’s the
only reason
I’m willing to
let this go, and I hope you understand that. If…” She swallowed and
looked away. “Drake, you said something about how if I’d mentioned
this, he might be alive. And you’re right. It’s an ugly little
truth I have to live with, one I’ve known for a long, long
time—I
don’t
believe Kent wanted to hurt Tania, but I do think things got
out of hand and maybe if I had said something sooner…” She stopped,
shook her head. “I just don’t know.”

Drake
growled, “You don’t
know
—”

“
Drake.” Tania reached out,
laid a hand on his arm. “Enough.”

“
It’s
not
enough,” he snapped, his head whipping around, his blue eyes
hot and bright as he stared at her.

“
It is,
because it has to be.” Tania shook her head. “I’m not going to let
this haunt me all my life and part of moving on involves letting go
of it—and
her
.” She
shot Gail a look. “She won’t ever accept the truth
anyway.”

Gail stared at her. In the
depths of the older woman’s eyes, Tania saw something—knowledge.
Gail knew the truth. She just wouldn’t acknowledge that.

Gail blinked and looked
away. “I won’t ask your forgiveness, because I honestly can’t say
I’d react any differently. But you won’t see me again, won’t hear
from me again. Maybe that will help you move on.”

Tania slid her hand into
Drake’s. “I was doing just fine with that already. But I’m glad I
won’t be getting any more early-morning phone calls in
January.”

Gail nodded. “You
won’t.”

As she turned and walked
away, Tania blew out a breath. “Well. That was
pleasant.”

She licked her lips and then
glanced up at Drake. “I’ve got breakfast going—it’s going to burn
if we stay out here.”

He followed her silently
into the kitchen, his blue eyes unreadable, his face a closed mask.
She winced when she got a good look at his mouth. His lower lip was
a little swollen. She’d done that, she realized. She’d slammed her
head back against his. She hadn’t just hurt his heart, she’d left
physical marks on him.

“
I busted your mouth open,”
she said. “I’m sorry.”

Drake shrugged. “No big
deal. It isn’t bothering me.” His voice was…off. It sounded too
normal. Too polite. The way it sounded when he talked with a total
stranger—not at all the way it sounded when he talked to
her.

“
You’re angry with me,” she
said quietly as she turned the bacon.

“
No.” He poured himself a
cup of coffee.

“
You’re angry about
something.”

“
I’m just
having a hard time dealing with the shit from yesterday,” he said.
“And that—shit, how can you call it
enough
?”

“
Because no matter what we
do, it won’t change anything. And you and I both saw her—she knows
what really happened. She just can’t let herself admit it.” She
looked back at him.

Drake
snorted. “Doesn’t matter if
changes
anything or not. Just letting it go that easily,
after what she did?”

“
What she
did, what he did—nothing I do or say will undo the past. I just
need to focus on my future. I feel like I can do that now.”
Because of you
… She wanted
to tell him that, wanted to tell him that she wanted to try to have
that future with him. But he was so distant.

Oh, he looked the same. But
there was a distance in his voice, on his face. Even in his eyes.
Like he was trying to pull back.

“
So you’re just off about
all this shit. Not angry, just off. Then I push you to do something
you weren’t up to doing,” she said, her voice neutral.

“
We already talked this
through. You needed it. I gave it to you. End of story.”

Tania smiled, shaking her
head. She flipped the bacon out of the pan and reached for the
eggs. A nice, cholesterol-heavy, fattening breakfast. “Yes. I did
need it—I needed to control something, something that you didn’t
necessarily even want—and maybe I even needed it that way. I know
that wasn’t fair. But I did need it. Maybe it will help if I tell
you that it did help.”

Behind her, he was quiet. He
wouldn’t ask, she suspected. So she continued. “It helped me. I
woke up this morning feeling like I’d broken through some last link
of chain or something. I’m sorry it took hurting you,
though.”

“
You didn’t—”

“
Stop it.”
She cracked the eggs into the skillet, watched as they sizzled.
“Don’t tell me it didn’t hurt you, that you’re not angry. I know
you, Drake, I know how much you keep trapped inside. And I
am
sorry I hurt
you.”

More silence.

She finished the eggs, slid
them onto a plate for each of them, added the bacon.

Then she turned to him. He
sat there, still wearing that unreadable expression, his blue eyes
blank. So much distance between them, so much. She forced a smile.
“And you want me to believe you’re not angry,” she murmured,
setting the plates down and settling onto a stool.

Drake closed his eyes. His
hand came down, covered hers. “I’m not. Tawny, I’m not angry. I
just…”

Something
about his expression warned her. Even before he said it. Even
before he
didn’t
say it. Because he didn’t say what she knew he wanted to—he
didn’t say the words she could see all but trapped inside him. He
gave her a tight, tired smile. “I’m not angry,” he said again. “I’m
always here for when you need me. For…hell. Whatever you need. I’ll
give it to you.”

Then he pushed back and
stood up.

Tears burned her throat. She
listened to his quiet footfalls. She should just let him go, she
thought—she’d taken too much, she realized. She needed to let him
go, maybe do what Gail had done and just leave. Move on. Let him do
the same.

But she couldn’t, because
she needed him. She loved him.

Curling her hand into a
fist, she whispered, “And what if I want your heart,
Superman?”

Her voice was so faint, he
almost didn’t hear her.

In the doorway of the
kitchen, he stopped and paused, looking back. She still sat there,
her slender back to him, wearing a shirt of his, one she must have
tugged out of his closet when she woke up that morning. Her long
hair hung in a tangle down her back, and her shoulders were
slumped, her head bowed.

As he stared at her, she
lifted her head and turned to look at him.

“
Well?”

He swallowed. His voice
rusty, he said, “Well, what?” He hadn’t heard what he thought he
heard. He knew he hadn’t.

Tania crossed her legs and
smoothed his shirt down over them, staring nervously at him. “What
if I want your heart? Then what do I do?”

He stared at her.

“
You’re
pulling away from me. I see it.” She slid off the stool, her hands
fisted at her sides. Tears glinted in her eyes as she stared at
him. “And I know it is because of last night—I’m sorry if it hurt
you that bad, but damn it, after what had happened, I
needed
something I could
control, and fuck it, Drake, but you… I knew you wouldn’t hurt me,
I knew you’d let me. You’re the
only
safe thing in my life. What else could I control
but you?”

“
Tania—”

“
I’m sorry. Maybe I should
have tried to cope a different way. I get that. But I still can’t
think of anything else. I just…” Tears spilled out of her eyes and
she swore, reached up to swipe them away. “I don’t like knowing I
hurt you. I don’t like knowing I’ve pushed you away.”

“
That’s not what it is, not
what this is,” he said, his heart hollow.

“
No?” She gave him a tight
smile. “I’m not an idiot, Drake. I know when a man’s brushing me
aside.” She glanced back at the island, shook her head. “Fuck it.
You know, I was going to tell you something this morning. I guess
it’s better off that I didn’t.”

She went to brush past him,
but he caught her arm.

“
Tell me what?”

She pulled
away from him. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re pulling away and I’ll
be damned if I strip myself bare like that
now
.” She went to dodge around
him.

“
I’m
not—
fuck
.” He
pinned her in against the wall. “Be still, damn it. You’re right. I
am—
was
pulling
away. I’m too lost inside you and I feel like I’m losing myself
more every day. And last night…fuck, I couldn’t even say no, even
when I wanted to, needed to. I just—shit.”

“
I already know that. I get
the point. Leave me alone.” She shoved at his chest.

“
You don’t get the point.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and she stomped on his foot.
“Damn it, you mean little brat, would you stop it?”

“
Let me go,” she
snarled.

“
I…shit. I can’t. Even when
I know I should, even when I know you’re going to break my heart, I
can’t.” He buried his face in her hair.

She stiffened. “I don’t want
to break your heart, you idiot. I was going to tell you that I love
you this morning, but you’re trying to find a way to give me the
brush-off.” With a delicate sniff, she muttered, “Fine, I’ll make
it easy. We’re done.”